A
Okay... Here's the thing. I need your advice. I am 25 years old and I still live at home. Once I graduated high school, I took my parents advice and continued to go to school by going to a community college. I have had to take some semesters off due to money and having to take care of sick family members around the clock.
I want to move out, be independent and take care of myself, but I have many obstacles in the way right now. My Mom is very protective (understandably so) and sheltering of her kids and doesn't want me to move out until I get married. She is afraid that something bad will happen to me if I do.
I feel like I am stuck right now in life... I feel trapped because of my home life...
People here at my house ask me to do stuff for them all the time. I am not opposed to helping out, but when it comes to being called over and over and over and over to do stuff, it does get old. I get tired of hearing my name called. At the same time, people shouldn’t be asking me to do stuff for them when they should get off their backsides and do it themselves. It’s called laziness. This is not me being a jerk or being rude. It’s the truth.
I give so much of myself to people; perhaps even too much of myself. I do so much for others that I do nothing for myself, and I am afraid that if I continue to constantly do everything for everyone else's life, I in fact will never have lived a life of my own.
There is a certain point where you do so much for people that they expect you to automatically do it for them and they get upset when you don’t do it right away. People can be snitty, rude and hateful. Sometimes I get yelled at and sometimes I am even am cussed at. It becomes a problem when you give too much of your time and yourself. It’s called being taken advantage of, and it is wrong. I don’t believe I am wrong in that I want to have my OWN life.
I have been struggling with some depression lately. I feel like I can’t do anything. I am miserable and I feel like I am starting late in life because of my fears (fears of rejection, past fear of driving) and that I have missed out. What should I do? I need direction... This is my only way to vent...
Advice would be well appreciated... Thanks.
I want to move out, be independent and take care of myself, but I have many obstacles in the way right now. My Mom is very protective (understandably so) and sheltering of her kids and doesn't want me to move out until I get married. She is afraid that something bad will happen to me if I do.
I feel like I am stuck right now in life... I feel trapped because of my home life...
- My other two siblings in my household don’t do anything around here and do not have any responsibilities, except for their bedrooms (which are NEVER clean). They come and go as they please and only come home to sleep. The next day, they’re gone again. They both have jobs. They both have cars (their cars were bought for them).
- I am a clean freak/neat nick. My bedroom is the only bedroom that is ever clean and spotless in the house.
- I clean the WHOLE house (vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing, sweeping, etc)… It wasn’t until a few months ago that I started to get paid for cleaning it. I’ve been cleaning the house for years. I cook dinner as well from time to time (that is if they don’t get something out to eat).
- I do everyone’s laundry and put everyone’s clothes up in their rooms. My siblings have gotten mad at me before if I didn’t do their stuff or get a certain shirt in the load for their work. The house is a hotel for them, basically. They want me to do stuff for them at the house.
- I was afraid of driving for quite a while. It wasn’t until 2 years ago that I finally got my permit. I am working on getting my license. I’m not able to drive myself anywhere or do anything, and I am always stuck in the house. I never get out unless it is to go to the church to work. It is embarrassing because I have to wait on someone to take me to places. I do not have my own car either. (I beat myself up for not wanting to drive earlier in life. It has prohibited me from getting where I want to go in life).
- I don’t have a full-time job (I work part time at my church but it hardly pays anything). I do some freelance work from time to time, too. If I ever bring up a job opening that is full time, my mom discourages it (even if it is not a high paying job). I am willing to do whatever I can to provide for myself.
- My mom (who I love dearly) treats me like I am a teenager. I have a good head on my shoulders and I have been raised right, but she is afraid of letting her kids go and live their own lives. She doesn’t want me to move out until I get married one day. My dad agrees with her in person, but tells me one-on-one that I need to save up, get a car and a job and move out.
- She has this mindset of "Don't tell me no, and do whatever I say" when it comes to me.
- I dated this girl for a few months. She had a past but we cared for one another. The family didn’t like her because of this (as if she is the only person on this earth with a past… we all have one). Mom threatened to break up the relationship by telling this girl that I was still learning to drive. I told her that this was wrong and that she shouldn’t say things like that. She told me that she could do whatever she wanted and that she could end the relationship right then if she wanted to. She'd call the girl names and make comments about her. She wouldn’t even let me drive her car unless I was no longer friends with this girl (we ended up breaking up because of where we are at different stages in our lives). While I was dating this girl, my mom wanted to know everything. She wanted me to tell her if and when I kissed the girl (the exact date. I think that this is too far).
- My mom is not in the best of health and can’t do certain things for herself because she is obese. She doesn’t do much. She sits on the computer and plays games. She’ll get up to go to the bathroom or do dishes but she can’t stand for too long. She constantly calls me in the room to do stuff for her. She isn’t doing anything to help herself. Part of me would feel guilty for wanting to move out because I feel like I am leaving her behind and that she would be my responsibility. I have always been her right hand man, always helping.
- I’ve always been one who did what people asked and never gave any lip. Whenever I try to speak my mind and talk about things, I am usually interrupted by my family members. They blow me off.
- I have always been one to myself and have been an introvert.
- I am not lazy. I will work my butt off until a job is done. I am a hard worker.
- Other people outside of my family can see that I am taken advantage of by my family. My family doesn’t see what they are doing is wrong. It's the norm for them.
- Sometimes if I am talking to people at church, my family members will interrupt me and finish my sentences.
- I am a people pleaser. I am never a jerk and I am always respectable.
- Sometimes I struggle with confidence.
- I am taking on-classes for my Associates degree and I only need one more class to graduate.
- I don't really have any friends. Everyone who I knew and was good friends with left after high school.
- I have a servant’s heart. I will help anyone with anything and I tend to sacrifice myself to the point where I am always doing for others...
- I have purchased things for myself with my own money (computer desk, bookshelf, etc.) I am responsible, neat and organized. I am saving money up at the moment for a car.
People here at my house ask me to do stuff for them all the time. I am not opposed to helping out, but when it comes to being called over and over and over and over to do stuff, it does get old. I get tired of hearing my name called. At the same time, people shouldn’t be asking me to do stuff for them when they should get off their backsides and do it themselves. It’s called laziness. This is not me being a jerk or being rude. It’s the truth.
I give so much of myself to people; perhaps even too much of myself. I do so much for others that I do nothing for myself, and I am afraid that if I continue to constantly do everything for everyone else's life, I in fact will never have lived a life of my own.
There is a certain point where you do so much for people that they expect you to automatically do it for them and they get upset when you don’t do it right away. People can be snitty, rude and hateful. Sometimes I get yelled at and sometimes I am even am cussed at. It becomes a problem when you give too much of your time and yourself. It’s called being taken advantage of, and it is wrong. I don’t believe I am wrong in that I want to have my OWN life.
I have been struggling with some depression lately. I feel like I can’t do anything. I am miserable and I feel like I am starting late in life because of my fears (fears of rejection, past fear of driving) and that I have missed out. What should I do? I need direction... This is my only way to vent...
Advice would be well appreciated... Thanks.
