What if your pastor is going through divorce?

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K

KJ22

Junior Member
#1
Apr 14, 2013
19
2
0
#1
I attend a large church and discovered that the First Lady has filed for divorce against the pastor. The case is still pending and unresolved. I'm a lawyer myself and saw the case docket. Otherwise, I wouldn't know about the case. I don't want to gossip about my pastor or past judgment. However, I question whether he should continue to serve as pastor at this time. Doesn't the bible require that he step down while he "gets his house in order"? If he doesn't step down, would I be wrong to leave the church for this reason?

Thanks for your thoughts.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#2
Apr 18, 2013
9,367
2,444
113
#2
There are a lot of different opinions, but in general, I think the "why" is really a big issue.

Was he a victim of immorality, or a perpetrator?
It's a pretty big issue.

The pastor is the moral leader and teacher -
serious discussion of something catastrophic in his life is not a matter of gossip,
it's a matter of genuine, personal relevance to each member of the congregation,
as well as to the future of the church.

Whatever the outcome, it definitely needs to be addressed and discussed at your church.
 
B

BananaPie

Guest
#3
#3
I'm sorry to hear about the situation you and the saints there are dealing with at the moment. :hugs: We surely need to daily pick-up one's cross and follow Jesus Christ for dear life!

KJ22 said:
...Doesn't the bible require that he step down while he "gets his house in order"?
Click to expand...
Yes, the Bible requires those "managing" God's household be in good standing managing their own household (1 Timothy 3).

KJ22 said:
If he doesn't step down, would I be wrong to leave the church for this reason?

Thanks for your thoughts.
Click to expand...
You would not be in any wrong leaving a congregation where its leadership is struggling. Frankly, twice in the past, I did leave both congregations due to inappropriate behavior among the leadership.

At the end of the day, these preachers are just that: guys greatly needing the grace of God just as much as I need Jesus! Just remember not to volunteer a reason why you left that one congregation when you are welcomed in the new one. It's really not anybody's business what preachers' shortcoming are, right? Forgive and stay forgiven is how it works best! :D
 
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S

SeekingJC

Guest
#4
#4
I'm not trying to be rude but how did you come across the docket are you involved in the proceedings? I'm no lawyer but I would think that there's a fiduciary responsibility being beached there. Unless of course one of the parties asked you to look over the files for opinion?

Pastors/Preachers et al are human too. If you read the docket you'd know the grounds for requesting the divorce. But yeah I think a candid discussion with church leadership would be in order. Maybe he's already done that. Divorce is a hard and making it public before its worked out could lead to even more complications. If you want to leave that is your right but if it were me I would stay and pray for them to get through this tough time and have the strength to follow the Lords will to wherever it leads. I just don't see how abandoning a brother and sister in need of love and support is what God would want me to do. Preacher or no, Pastor or no they are still siblings in Christ and deserve our love and compassion don't you think?

In Christ,
SeekingJC
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#5
#5
The bible does allow divorce
All humans sin
We are all called to be fishers, shepherds, priests (you, me, everyone on this site)
 
K

KJ22

Junior Member
#6
Apr 14, 2013
19
2
0
#6
The docket is public. All cases being heard on any given day are listed. So, a lawyer in court on a particular day scans the list to see what number his or her case is in the queue. There's no confidentiality. In fact, all court records are public information.

SeekingJC said:
I'm not trying to be rude but how did you come across the docket are you involved in the proceedings? I'm no lawyer but I would think that there's a fiduciary responsibility being beached there. Unless of course one of the parties asked you to look over the files for opinion?

Pastors/Preachers et al are human too. If you read the docket you'd know the grounds for requesting the divorce. But yeah I think a candid discussion with church leadership would be in order. Maybe he's already done that. Divorce is a hard and making it public before its worked out could lead to even more complications. If you want to leave that is your right but if it were me I would stay and pray for them to get through this tough time and have the strength to follow the Lords will to wherever it leads. I just don't see how abandoning a brother and sister in need of love and support is what God would want me to do. Preacher or no, Pastor or no they are still siblings in Christ and deserve our love and compassion don't you think?

In Christ,
SeekingJC
Click to expand...
 
K

KJ22

Junior Member
#7
Apr 14, 2013
19
2
0
#7
The docket is public. All cases being heard on any given day are listed. So, a lawyer in court on a particular day scans the list to see what number his or her case is in the queue. There's no confidentiality. In fact, all court records are public information.


The docket does not contain any specific info. It simply lists the case. I did not pull the actual file because I don't think it's my place. Also, the actual filing won't provide info on why the divorce was filed. I'd guess the grounds are no-fault, so that means little from a spiritual perspective.


I don't think the church will tell the congregation. The first lady's absence from church was explained as her needing to care for her elderly mother. That simply does not appear to be true. I love my church and don't want to leave, but I'm really struggling with what appears to deception. I don't know how to approach this. Do I ask a deacon about this? Or would that be gossiping? Do I approach the pastor directly? What do I say? I am praying for him. They could reconcile and he may be a testimony to other struggling couples.
 
M

MaggieMye

Guest
#8
#8
Yes, the question is "Why?"
IF there is infidelity, on whose part is it? If his, he should be removed from his position until he can be restored AND that restoration made obvious to others. If hers, then he can remain in his position. He has not committed adultery.

The bottom line? GO TALK TO HIM and let him know that you are concerned. Let Holy Spirit guide you....and KNOW the Biblical stance on divorce. You cannot judge a Whole situation on only one piece of evidence.
If you find out that infidelity on his part is the case and he is not, now, submitting to authority for restoration, yes, leave. He is rebellious and not of God.

Divorce is not sin. God hates divorce because it tears families apart; it becomes a curse which, far too often, is passed down to future generations.
 
S

SeekingJC

Guest
#9
#9
Well the deception is crossing a line. I mean they could of said she was taking care of personal business which would of been vague but true. Unless she really is taking care of someone we don't know for sure I guess. But I would go to the pastor directly if you are going to bring it up. You said it's a big church are they're other pastors? My thought would be to attend services of the other pastor until you feel comfortable with the one in the divorce.

I do feel that speaking to someone not directly involved will lead to gossip even though I believe your intentions are good. It's possible that the deacon won't know about it until you bring it to their attention.

I wish I could give better advice. I would leave it be and pray for them like I said before. The only time I would bring it up is if his teaching became off.

God Bless
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#10
#10
can you talk to the pastor's wife and find out WHY she filed?

if he committed adultery, its doubtful that he will admit it knowing he will lose his job because of it.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#11
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#11
I faced divorce and it´s bitter... If I were a pastor, leading a big church and had to leave (for my sin or shortcoming) who is going to win, God or the world?
I decided to follow Jesus and the Gospel is more important than all the letters of the New Testament. Perhaps that serve to give room to others TO SERVE, but I hope he does not leave the building where he serves (unless he is cheating or doing something nasty).
 
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#12
Oct 24, 2012
15,029
107
63
#12
KJ22 said:
I attend a large church and discovered that the First Lady has filed for divorce against the pastor. The case is still pending and unresolved. I'm a lawyer myself and saw the case docket. Otherwise, I wouldn't know about the case. I don't want to gossip about my pastor or past judgment. However, I question whether he should continue to serve as pastor at this time. Doesn't the bible require that he step down while he "gets his house in order"? If he doesn't step down, would I be wrong to leave the church for this reason?

Thanks for your thoughts.
Click to expand...
Which Church are you bound to? God's or mans
[h=3]Hebrews 8:1-2[/h]King James Version (KJV)

8 Now of the things which we have spoken this is the sum: We have such an high priest, who is set on the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in the heavens;
[SUP]2 [/SUP]A minister of the sanctuary, and of the true tabernacle, which the Lord pitched, and not man.
I am not saying it bad to attend buildings here on earth or places of fellowship,
Now I know you do not know the whole story behind the divorce maybe go to thew wife and ask let her know how you found out and that you are not beoing nosy nor do yuo wish to stir up negetivity. Who knows maybe she needs a friend that will not spread any rumors
 
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#13
Oct 24, 2012
15,029
107
63
#13
KJ22 said:
The docket is public. All cases being heard on any given day are listed. So, a lawyer in court on a particular day scans the list to see what number his or her case is in the queue. There's no confidentiality. In fact, all court records are public information.


The docket does not contain any specific info. It simply lists the case. I did not pull the actual file because I don't think it's my place. Also, the actual filing won't provide info on why the divorce was filed. I'd guess the grounds are no-fault, so that means little from a spiritual perspective.


I don't think the church will tell the congregation. The first lady's absence from church was explained as her needing to care for her elderly mother. That simply does not appear to be true. I love my church and don't want to leave, but I'm really struggling with what appears to deception. I don't know how to approach this. Do I ask a deacon about this? Or would that be gossiping? Do I approach the pastor directly? What do I say? I am praying for him. They could reconcile and he may be a testimony to other struggling couples.
Click to expand...
in your request to God trust God to lead in this, and what is needed to be from you to whoever will be revealed by God to you at the proper time as God needs you, the situation will come as needed, jusy be available for God to use you as God's Ambassador and then trust for God's word's thropugh youjust as Christ said to his disciples, I think this true here and now to this very day
Matt. 10:16-20
[SUP]16 [/SUP]Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.
[SUP]17 [/SUP]But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues;
[SUP]18 [/SUP]And ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles.
[SUP]19 [/SUP]But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.
[SUP]20 [/SUP]For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#14
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#14
I would go to one of the board members and ask. If he refuses to tell you, remind him you are a member in good standing and deserve to know. if you can't get to the bottom of it, something is bad. It's already bad because of the excuses. Since you are a lawyer yourself, maybe you should ask yourself why this fell into a lawyer's hands who is a member of the church. Pray about it...... ask God to show you...... you may be in this position for something important...... something to think about:)
 
B

Bookreader

Banned
#15
Jan 10, 2013
318
4
0
#15
You could talk to your pastor and his wife. They are both going through something traumatic.

They need love and caring from people that claim to be Christians, not scrutiny, judgement, and condemnation.

After all are we members of the church of Christ? Or judgmental people trying to dig to the bottom of something to decide who to be nasty to?
 
S

suzie199

Guest
#16
#16
You have a good point there. It really depends, on my opinion, on whether the divorce involved his moral character. If "he is in the wrong", so to speak, I think that there is wisdom there to step down while he straighten out his life. As authority, his actions would have utmost effect on the church, on everyone who is under his authority.
 
creationist74

creationist74

Banned
#17
Mar 26, 2013
52
0
0
#17
I firstly pray: "Lead us not into temptation". I could have a thousand thoughts about it, but they would not take me closer to God. It is grace that our pastor is not going to divorce and that is the main thing.
 
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