J
I grew up a good girl in a worldly sense of the word, but it was all I knew. At the time I didn't know I was being the good girl. I thought I was the scum of the earth. Lately my inner life has been in a struggle. Even in church, I was the good girl. I spent hours helping others out. I spent free days in the office stapling and stuffing bulletins. I volunteered for everything. I led worship 3 times a month, did childcare once a month, and did many outside worship events. I was a "good" Christian, so good in fact that I became the go to girl for everything. My worship team began calling me the coffee angel and threatening to write a country song about me because I was at church every Sunday 2 hrs early to wait on the worship team. During greeting time I would run from one side of the room the the other to greet new faces. I had a knack for recognizing lost people and would direct them to a seat and take their children to their perspective rooms. I did it because I love serving. I am a caretaker by nature. But things have crashed as through different circumstances I've realized I have some deep soul work to do. I clung to doing good because I didn't feel I was good. I strove to prove that I was worthy keeping around. I served because my purpose in life was to make others feel loved, but all the while I neglected myself... the one who needed to feel loved more than anyone else. It's been a long season trying to fathom how I turned from the good girl who loved well and did everything right into the me now that is screwing up more so than ever before. I have struggled to gain insight, but while heart-wrenching, it's been a good struggle in the God sense of the word.
My pastor has been on a series about 1 Corinthians delving into the sins of the worst NT church and how Paul, in his wisdom, wrote to address them. This last week the message was on the three types of Christians, and it put an adequate vocabulary to all that I've been pondering for so long. Christian #1 is an Incontinent Christian, one with a sense of morality and a weak will. The Incontinent Christian repeats with gusto all day long, grunts a few bursts of will power. "I'm not going to ________________ today." Then ________ happens. Christian #2 is the Continent Christian, one with a strong sense of morality and a strong will. Christian # 2 is what psychologists call the Good Girl/Boy. This type of Christian repeats the same phrases as the Incontinent Christian, but has success. No accidents, but only because of sheer human will power. Christian # 3 is the Virtuous Christian who reflects a high sense of morality and self-control grown out of a internal life that is continually being renewed and thus exhibits itself in good moral behavior in a Godly way. This person has both a strong sense of morality and good self-control, yet this person's self-control was grown from within.
As I ponder this message, I realized something about myself. In many ways, though not all, I have always been a Continent Christian. For the most part I did what was good, but I did it out of my will-power. This is not to say there has been no inner change in me since I was saved, but that the core of me was still out to prove I was good in an unGodly At this point in my life, post revelation, I would love to say I'm a Virtuous Christian. There are certainly virtuous places within my heart, but in many instances I'm not a very Incontinent Christian and it's a shameful struggle to be here. However, it is where the Lord has me, and now is the season in my life when He wants to address it. It's good that it's being addressed, but it's also hard to know that I can't put on that Good Girl mask anymore. Really I don't want to. That's not healing. Incontinent to Virtuous is the direction I want to go. I have no idea how to get there, but God isn't done with me yet.
So I encourage you to explore these three types of Christian Morality and determine where you fit. Feel free to share (or not) below.
My pastor has been on a series about 1 Corinthians delving into the sins of the worst NT church and how Paul, in his wisdom, wrote to address them. This last week the message was on the three types of Christians, and it put an adequate vocabulary to all that I've been pondering for so long. Christian #1 is an Incontinent Christian, one with a sense of morality and a weak will. The Incontinent Christian repeats with gusto all day long, grunts a few bursts of will power. "I'm not going to ________________ today." Then ________ happens. Christian #2 is the Continent Christian, one with a strong sense of morality and a strong will. Christian # 2 is what psychologists call the Good Girl/Boy. This type of Christian repeats the same phrases as the Incontinent Christian, but has success. No accidents, but only because of sheer human will power. Christian # 3 is the Virtuous Christian who reflects a high sense of morality and self-control grown out of a internal life that is continually being renewed and thus exhibits itself in good moral behavior in a Godly way. This person has both a strong sense of morality and good self-control, yet this person's self-control was grown from within.
As I ponder this message, I realized something about myself. In many ways, though not all, I have always been a Continent Christian. For the most part I did what was good, but I did it out of my will-power. This is not to say there has been no inner change in me since I was saved, but that the core of me was still out to prove I was good in an unGodly At this point in my life, post revelation, I would love to say I'm a Virtuous Christian. There are certainly virtuous places within my heart, but in many instances I'm not a very Incontinent Christian and it's a shameful struggle to be here. However, it is where the Lord has me, and now is the season in my life when He wants to address it. It's good that it's being addressed, but it's also hard to know that I can't put on that Good Girl mask anymore. Really I don't want to. That's not healing. Incontinent to Virtuous is the direction I want to go. I have no idea how to get there, but God isn't done with me yet.
So I encourage you to explore these three types of Christian Morality and determine where you fit. Feel free to share (or not) below.
