What Sex Did To Me.

[SamaireSaya]

Before I start talking about this I want to warn you there is sexual information in here and say: Ultimately God is the only one who can judge me.

When I was younger I had to hear my Mom and her boyfriend having sex and that upon a bunch of other things caused me to fall into Depression. I left school and when I returned I met a guy who I really liked. I started going around to his house and playing guitar, studying and playing Halo. One night he cuddled into me and I realised he liked me too. The only thing was he liked two other people more than me. One night some things happened at home and I ran away and ended up at his house. He got his Mom and she let me stay the night (in a different room) and told me she didn't want me involving her son in my stuff. After that night things got really weird between the two of us. In November of that I got baptised.
Eventually we became friends again and he got me to join the local TaeKwonDoe Club.
I never stopped liking him and he didnt stop liking meand in April this year we got a lot closer and found out we still liked each other.

***graphic parts removed***
He is also a baptised christian. He brought up the subject of sex one day and i told him i don't know if I could handle it and explained why it make me sick. I had also been sexuall abused (only touched sexually in an unwanted way) so to me sex was out of the question. I didnt dislike the idea though so i went on the pill and got condoms. I then decided I was ready and we had sex. Afterwards he wouldn't talked to me because he realised what he had done. He then talked to me and made me realise that we had just Defied God. A couple of weeks later we broke up and I became really depressed. He doesn't talk to me and is discusted by me. Not only did I have sex because i thought it was right in my mind but i thought it would stop me from being so discusted about it and it would help me get over hearing my mom do it. The only good thing that came out of it was that i dont think about my mom and her boyfriend and how it made me feel hearing them.

For the record I talked to my church's minister and he helped me pray for confession.

Since then I was stood down from leadership in my church and now I am completely out of leadership in my church because it sets a bad example. My depression is back very strong and I struggle with school. The guy I had sex with doesnt want to know me and neither does the majority of my friends. The whole point in this story is to show you fellow christians that sex before marriage is a mistake. It ruined my life and has left me depressed. Yes God has forgiven me but I can not forgive myself.

 

[portert100]

You know I'm always ur friend...

 

[seas]

Dont listen to satan's lies,get more involved in the church activities and you could share your testimony in your youth group,the book of revelation's says that They overcame satan by the word of their testimony and by the Blood of Jesus,though satan is trying to take you away from Jesus,just cling on to Jesus and He would help you to find favour in the sight of man too.Jesus has plans for you as per Jeremiah 29:11 so go ahead and live a victorious life.Your sorrows will turn into joy.

 

[sportygirl]

Don't beat yourself up over the choices you have made. You realize what you did was a mistake and you have confessed it and as long as you move forward from there, theres no reason you shouldnt be a leader a still. God still loves you!!! I myself was tempted in my last relationship and in the end did go farther than I ever should have, and had a similar result with the guy involved and I felt broken and used when it was all over. Since than though I've learned so much and it has brought me closer to God and only God can heal those wounds cause both by family and by the guy in this situation. And about the people who are judging you they have committed sin to.

If you need anyone to talk to I'm here. And I love to listen, I may not give the best advice but I always try my best

 

[worldlover]

Just move on and apply what you've learned. You have my prayers and always remember God loves you!

 

[kittyua]

My dear sister in Christ, i want to cheer u. please do not blame yourself. yes, that was a sin, that u commited, and God hates such things. but He is so merciful that he has already forgiven you. please stop blaming yourself and read these verses:
'Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus' (Romans 8:1)
'Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come' (2 Corinthians 5:17).

 

[godisdaman]

'Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come' (2 Corinthians 5:17).




I Love that verse! It just spoke to me when I read it! Thank you for posting that.

 

[edge]

Yes God has forgiven me but I can not forgive myself.

you have to forgive yourself if you dont, its going to eat you up inside for along time. As Christ shows

grace and mercy towards you, show grace and mercy toward yourself also...but learn from mistakes.

Dont let your mistakes bring you to condemnation and depression, God doesnt do that but Satan does.

Revelation 12:9-10

So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.
10 Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down

As Christ forgives, there is no condemnation and dont let the accuser bring the things that you once did
to condemn for you are forgiven and you have been given grace and mercy.

Romans 8:1-2

1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.

 

[AliceOfLegend]

I will admit, yes i have had sex, and no it did not ruin me. if this "man" is disgusted by you, then that's his problem. didn't you say that he initiated it? If you BOTH felt like sex before marriage is wrong, then he was in the wrong just as much as you were. I don't see why neither him or your friends are not talking to you, that's just not right. Are they Christians? If so, they should realize that everyone makes mistakes and that no one is perfect. Its not there place to judge you, so just ignore them, if they are going to ditch you over a mistake, then they are not friends worth having.

 

[BeauBLESSED]

God loves you, no matter what! And one day you're going to forget this sadness: all it takes is to find something that will let you forget.

 

[marsena]

As you can see you have people here backing and encouraging you. Don't give up on yourself God did not and he loves you. You made a mistake you learned from it know move on (its hard, yes) but remember with The almighty Jesus Christ every thing is possible.

Psalm 32

 

[FollowingHIM16]

I understand where you're coming from. I've done some things I'm not proud of. I prayed today and asked God to forgive me. But I can't forgive myself. My purity ring rusted and I want another chance. I'm still a virgin, but I feel so dirty, wrong, and stupid.. help?

 

[SamaireSaya]

Thanks for your words and verses of wisdom everyone. I have prayed and prayed about it and although i dont completely forgive myself i am getting there. The guy is moving to a different country in six weeks so it with give me space and he wont be in my life to remind me. I have rejoined our churches teenaged girls bible study so i wont be alone. I really only have one christian friend and hes constantly there which is good. So its onwards and upwards from here.

God Bless,
Chelsey

 

[godisdaman]

Chelsey (hope I spelled that right)

Don't worry about a thing. Just give it to God. I know you say you are getting there, but just get on your knees and just tell God to take it all. He will and then just be done with it. I know it is harder than it sounds, but if you just give it all to God it will go away I promise. I once dated a girl in high school, and I loved that girl, I still think about it. When we split it hurt so bad after that my brother died in a car wreck this was about five years ago I was a freshman. Anyway, it took me five years to where I am today. Finally, I told God to just take it all because after that year I don't believe I was the same ever since. Then when I gave it all to God I feel like I have become the person I use to be. Family and friends can all tell that I have become what I use to be. Fun, loving , and a good person. I was all of them during high school but I wasn't what I use to be. Just give it to God. Then don't worry about it, worrying solves nothing. Read Matthew chapter 5 I believe it is, it might be chapter 6 talks about worry.

Praying for you.

 

[Alli_son]

It's never too late to forgive yourself. You can start over completely. Just ask God for forgiveness and ask Him to help you forgive yourself. It doesn't mean you're a bad person - it just means you made a mistake. But we all make mistakes. It doesn't mean you can't still be a leader. Hope this helped and God bless you!!

 

[Grizzly_Bare]

Don't worry about people's opinions of you... They are hypocrites!!! Because NO ONE but CHRIST is sinless! I get soooo upset when people who call themselves Christians act, the way they are acting. Please don't allow them to hurt you any longer. You need to ask them this question... How can they expect God to forgive them, if they can't find it in their hearts to forgive you! Now a few things came to my mind after reading ur opening post....and it might be a lot.. but please read and be encouraged:

John 8 1-11: "But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
11"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

NOTICE THEY WEREN'T CONCERNED ABOUT THE MAN WHO SHE GOT CAUGHT WITH!!!!!Because they are hypocrites!!!!
Just like the fools that are pointing their fingers at you!

Next I want to share with you with a poem I just wrote, speaking against people like those condemning you...

Leave me alone
By: Joseph D. Aguiluz

I have fought this battle within
myself for far too long...
I don't have all the answers, &
understand that sometimes I
do things that are wrong.
I struggle immensely to keep my
balance on this narrow road I walk.
I was "ME" for 21 years before I
accepted Christ...
And in those years I picked up some
bad habits, and character flaws.
So forgive me if I occasionally relapse,
to my former self for a moment.
I'M A WORK IN PROGRESS...
Excuse me for not being perfect,
but please show me how to be...
Since you've apparently arrived at
that destination!
I am very well aware of my
shortcomings...
Thus I don't need you to constantly
bring them to my attention.
When will you stop focusing on my
imperfections, and learn to love me
in spite of them?
I'm growing increasingly weary of
trying not to offend...
I refuse to change who I am,
just to be your friend.
I know the Word of God,
& I work on my relationship
with him everyday.
I know I'm a sinful wretch...
So put down your stones,
and focus on yourself!
I'm tired of having to wear
this mask of acceptability.
It's gettin' heavier everyday,
& pulling my face down into
a frown.
So THIS is me removing it..
and excuse me if you read
rebellion in my smile,
But that sounds like a personal
problem!
I know I'm a pretty darn good guy,
so your validation is no longer needed.
I don't care for your opinion,
so I'd appreciate it if you never repeat it.
How about you learn to live up to
the expectations you have for me.
& I'll continue to focus on humility.

I know who I was before,

I know the work God has done in me.

& I also know that He is NO WHERE
near done with me!

So if you have a problem
with the creation that is me,
Take it up with the Creator.

But by all means...
Spare me the Pharisaical views
&
Leave me alone!



Please be encourage and understand Romans 8:1 "1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Mistakes are opportunities to grow... So learn from this experience and allow yourself to become a better you!

And lastly I leave you with this....Romans 8:31 "...If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Think about that The God that created everything we see and know has ur back! ... Who cares what a few hypocrites have to say about you!

Please be encouraged and focus ur eyes on Jesus!

 

[clay2009]

Hey, Have you ever felt like you could here a voice reminding you of all the bad you've done so that you continue to condeme yourself? I dont think I have to tell you who that is. He is the Deciever and his goal is only to destroy and devour. As long as you continue to condeme yourself and not recieve his mercy you will continue to feel this way. He has forgiven you the moment you asked his forgiveness because its not when we are criticizing others that god comes unto us with help, but its when we are alone and helpless and living in sin that he comes to save us. As for your friends that are no longer with you, firstly god has someone for everyone on this earth to share our lives with. And he did not put his children on this earth to be lonley, if you seek him out in someone he will suprise you. And your friends and people at church are most likely guilty of the same thing, thats my asumption why they are condeming you not realizing that they condem theirselves by doing that. God will find you new friends who wont do that, believe me ive been there. And im a guy if your wondering.

 

[YashayahSaviour]

You didn't do anything wrong. I think it wasn't the most wise decision or reason to do it but next time just use better discernment and be patient.