What should I do?

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Crazylove

Guest
#1
#1
I always get in huge arguments with this person in my family. I really don't know what I should do? I've prayed for help in controlling my outbursts toward this family member and have also prayed multiple times for them. No matter what mood I'm in this person makes things harder for me and worse. So much so sometimes, that I feel I can't continue my Christian walk or life. I don't act this way to anyone else and I don't understand why its only with them? It's not that I have anything against this person and I really love this family member dearly.

I really can't understand this awful situation and am really unsure what's best for both of us. I've moved away the person gets mad, I stay the person gets mad. I say something mad, I say nothing mad. This family member is an elder to me and I as of right now live with them.

I don't know maybe I need to find a wall like Hezekiah? (Isa 38) Or even take a few days to fast away from this person, for toleration of them?

I want to know what steps I must take to prevent these horrible moments from happening? Any and all advice is welcomed...
 
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brokenclay

Guest
#2
#2
Hi sister. Your post is very general. What's your relationship with this person? It takes two to argue but only one to say I'm sorry. Your first love as a Christian woman is your Lord. If whatever you do does not make this family member happy and you can't move out, then what is this person angry about? No one is just angry on the based of whether you come or go. There are two sides to every arguement. What are you constantly arguing over? What does this person want from you? Your profile describes your personality but we are called to be like Jesus. Ackowledging the Father in all our ways that he may direct our paths. God bless you with guidance through others on here as well. __ Brokenclay.
 
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Crazylove

Guest
#3
#3
brokenclay said:
Hi sister. Your post is very general. What's your relationship with this person? It takes two to argue but only one to say I'm sorry. Your first love as a Christian woman is your Lord. If whatever you do does not make this family member happy and you can't move out, then what is this person angry about? No one is just angry on the based of whether you come or go. There are two sides to every arguement. What are you constantly arguing over? What does this person want from you? Your profile describes your personality but we are called to be like Jesus. Ackowledging the Father in all our ways that he may direct our paths. God bless you with guidance through others on here as well. __ Brokenclay.
Click to expand...
She's my grandmother. I think she's always mad because she is constantly stressed and lashes out because of it. The arguments are random and unexpected, you never know what mood she's in and if simply being around is a bad idea. I have no idea what she wants from me but to listen and I do that, but I'm just too young to help and that makes her upset.

I really do strive to be more like Jesus and is why I made this post because I really want to stop this, because the worse she gets I get and I know the way I act no matter how she is acting isn't right. I know that the Lord is truly my only love and friend. And am thankful that His grace is greater than my disgrace.

Thanks for your advice
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#4
#4
stop and ask if she minds if you pray together because you want a more loving relationship with her and don't intentionally want to make her mad. its just seems like a big miscommunication. I'll keep you both in my prayers. may God give you wisdom and love and patience.
 
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overcomer2

Guest
#5
#5
Don't you hate this? I to have a thorn in my side. This person brings out my flesh. Afterwards I'm like, and I'm supposed to be the Christian. Let me know if you find a miracle cure, I need it to. Reminding my self that this person is really very miserable helps me alot to change my tone once I recognize the spiral. Praying for you.
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#6
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#6
Just an idea. Does your grandma like those arguments.
There are people who like to fight and they like the drama. :)

Could it be that you are doing the right thing, by providing your grandma, with someone, who fights back.
If it does not change the underling love between you two, then there is nothing wrong with wordfights, as long as nobody is hurt.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#7
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#7
Praying for you...some people know how to push our buttons and it's usually family members. The main thing is to learn how not to react; sounds like you know that :). But the big thing is controlling your own reactions. Just leave the room if necessary...but try to be respectful about it....say you need to go do something.

Some very negative people have learned how to control others through anger and hostility. This makes the whole household miserable and there is NO harmony in the home. Someone really needs to talk to her but it will have to be someone who has authority in the house. How about your parents? This can be done in a loving way...like, "mom, you seem very upset lately, is there anything wrong? Can we do anything to make you more comfortable?" (within reason of course). If that doesn't get anywhere, if she just goes off on more tirades, maybe the home-owner can talk to her seriously about how her attitude is affecting everyone else. If she is the home-owner, then you may want to find another place to live.

This is a very good opportunity for you to work on patience, forgiveness, and looking at things from someone else's perspective. The neat thing about the Christian life is possessing the ability to get goodness out of EVERY trial. God promises that if we follow Him, He will give us this power to turn evil to good. It's a win-win situation :)...
[h=3]Romans 8:28
[/h]
[SUP]28 [/SUP]And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[SUP][a][/SUP] have been called according to his purpose.

This verse is the key for you on how to handle this trial. All Scripture helps us, so stay in the Word and keep a humble heart. You will be amazed at the change in YOU, as you learn what the Spirit teaches. Nothing is wasted, even the hard stuff :).
 
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nevvman

Guest
#8
#8
Be grateful to God, for your grandmother.

We can't change people, it's God work.
 
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Nancyer

Guest
#9
#9
I understand your distress, but it does take two to argue. As another poster stated, we don't know what your arguing about or what's making grandma mad. I know what it feels like to be walking on egg shells all the time. It's no fun and not easy. Prayers for you both, that God heals whatever is going on and gives you both peace.
 
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sam2014

Guest
#10
#10
Hello sister, I am sort of going through a similar situation & what I try to do is pray to the Lord about it. And what He has revealed to me is that sometimes others are unaware of how distasteful they are being. In the sense that when Jesus said " forgive them for they don't know what they are doing". I would suggest to keep dying to self( trust me sister I KNOW it's very difficult) because the Lord is aware of the situation and He sees your heart and He will never give us what we cannot handle. In addition, He will pay us back 2x for what we may have lost in the situation, as he did Job. The Lord is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. For me it's my sister and I have prayed for her and still am but the way she treats me is very inhuman and hurtful. Sometimes I think I'm crazy and maybe overly sensitive but I'm not and I know the Lord sees my heart about the situation and counts my tears, and just remember sister he feels our hurt, so ultimately we aren't alone, which makes Our God so much more beautiful, you know. I think sometimes we just pray to God and want him to fix the problem like tomorrow but he puts us through these situations for reasons that we be revealed later on in life. Had he never put us through this difficult situation which keep us praying and in a relationship with Him, where would Our relationship stand with Christ See is Our Lord is brilliant beyond our understanding. Press on sister and count it all Joy :)
 
IDEAtor

IDEAtor

Senior Member
#11
Aug 15, 2012
827
19
18
#11
Crazylove said:
She's my grandmother. I think she's always mad because she is constantly stressed and lashes out because of it. The arguments are random and unexpected, you never know what mood she's in and if simply being around is a bad idea. I have no idea what she wants from me but to listen and I do that, but I'm just too young to help and that makes her upset.

I really do strive to be more like Jesus and is why I made this post because I really want to stop this, because the worse she gets I get and I know the way I act no matter how she is acting isn't right. I know that the Lord is truly my only love and friend. And am thankful that His grace is greater than my disgrace.

Thanks for your advice
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Crazylove,

Write down in a journal what the common situations are between you and your grandmother. Once you locate the non-personalized stressor(s), avoid the topics that frustrate her and limit interaction in the space that is closely associated with the tension. Pray for God's leading, before you get out of bed, as you walk, and before you enter conversation or the same space as your grandmother. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." What do the two of you agree on the most?
What does she want that you can give with a smile, that does not go against God? Surprise her. Or, if she does not like surprises, suggest 3 things that she likes for you to do within the next 2 weeks. This allows her choice, but limits the stress of too many options; plus, it allows you to mention only the things you are willing to do or discuss. But, at the end of the day, relationships are not robotic, they are mysterious.

(Quasi-related to previous paragraph...)

Some teachers practice a jig-saw approach to manipulate dynamics. Abraham is rambunctious and aggravates Lydia daily (they originally were assigned to sit together); at the same time, Marco and Polo always distract each other (they also sit beside each other, opposite from Abraham and Lydia). A jig-saw-believing teacher, then, looking to decrease the stress and increase the learning, may look to swap seats with either Abraham or Lydia and Marco or Polo. The result varies, but it certainly changes how students interact. I share this to suggest a change in geographic location with/to your grandmother. Do you to respond better when walking outside, or sitting on a bench, or eating out-- as opposed to in? Change up where you normally sit, stand, meet-up. A small change from the norm could prevent or limit the stress between you two.
 
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Cemy

Guest
#12
#12
Maybe u need to ask what Jesus would do...?
 
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Crazylove

Guest
#13
#13
sam2014 said:
Hello sister, I am sort of going through a similar situation & what I try to do is pray to the Lord about it. And what He has revealed to me is that sometimes others are unaware of how distasteful they are being. In the sense that when Jesus said " forgive them for they don't know what they are doing". I would suggest to keep dying to self( trust me sister I KNOW it's very difficult) because the Lord is aware of the situation and He sees your heart and He will never give us what we cannot handle. In addition, He will pay us back 2x for what we may have lost in the situation, as he did Job. The Lord is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. For me it's my sister and I have prayed for her and still am but the way she treats me is very inhuman and hurtful. Sometimes I think I'm crazy and maybe overly sensitive but I'm not and I know the Lord sees my heart about the situation and counts my tears, and just remember sister he feels our hurt, so ultimately we aren't alone, which makes Our God so much more beautiful, you know. I think sometimes we just pray to God and want him to fix the problem like tomorrow but he puts us through these situations for reasons that we be revealed later on in life. Had he never put us through this difficult situation which keep us praying and in a relationship with Him, where would Our relationship stand with Christ See is Our Lord is brilliant beyond our understanding. Press on sister and count it all Joy :)
Click to expand...
Nice to know i'm not alone in this situation! Thank you so much :)
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#14
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#14
There is an interesting book called "Prayer can Change Your Life" that addresses this problem. The sort of formula for handling this is to act out only love toward the thorns in our sides, even if we don't feel the love, and bypass your negative reactions. The author says that feelings and actions are so intertwined that actions can result in the spirit. Your reaction of arguing is not expressing love.

So just watch for ways of expressing love. Might just be uncritically listening to her, or find a way to make her more comfortable as she rests with a comforter, or-------?

I have found that summing up what a person is saying to you, best way we can, and listening to any corrections of your understanding is a good way to show you are truly listening. To do that, you don't have to say you agree with what they say, just show them you are listening.
 
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deepthought

Banned
#15
Jan 18, 2014
193
2
0
#15
I have to ask if there is a more medical reason for her behaviour. People do become more irritable as they get older. This is mainly due to the brain finding it hard or impossible to create new neural pathways. This difficult can make people afraid which can result, as i'm sure you can imagine, in lashing out against people who represent change, i.e. the younger generations. Secondly, there may be medical reasons such as UTI, or mental degradation from illness such as Alzheimers or Dementia.

This woman may just need the help and support of her family to create a stable and familiar environment.

I hope this may offer another perspective. Good luck miss.
 
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