What would love do?

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zaoman32

Guest
#1
#1
I think there is a seriously mixed up notion running around about how situations should be handled when your in love with someone. The same idea I keep hearing about and coming across is that, if you're in love with someone, even if they're with someone else, then you need to tell them. I couldn't disagree with this more. If you really love someone don't you want them to be happy? Wouldn't you want what is best for them? If you're in love with someone who is already in a serious relationship how could expressing your feelings possibly create happiness? If they never thought of you that way wouldn't that distance them from you? If they had, but had suppressed their feelings and moved on, can they possibly be happy by being confused about what they should do?

I don't know, that's just my two cents. Take it for what's it worth, hopefully it blesses someone.
 
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Jordache

Guest
#2
#2
Love is looking out for the best in the other person regardless of how it affects you. Telling the other person who is already involved that you are in love with them is not in their best interest. It stirs up confusion. I causes fear. Trust me, I've been on the wrong side of this scenario. If you love that person, trust God to open the door for you. Don't kick it open yourself.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#3
#3
Couldn't have said it better myself.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#4
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#4
I'd have to say that love and in love are two different ideas entirely. To tell someone you love them is of great importance. How many times did God, or example, tell us He loves us; even when His people were wandering and 'with' someone else.

In love is more about attraction, of which there really is no reason to tell someone unless you're about to ask them out. So if you go around asking out girls who are already in relationships then maybe it's fine, but I wouldn't imagine God would be sending His children to rip apart relationships unless there was a REALLY good reason.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#5
#5
I realized the whole thing of being "in love" and actually loving someone while posting this. My thing is if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, and if they're already in a happy and serious relationship, why would you want to ruin that for them?

I posted about this because from the time my ex-wife and I were dating all the way through the time we got married and up until we got divorced (a total of 7 years), she had an old friend that was constantly hounding her and confessing his love for her, and doing and saying everything he could to try to get her to leave me. This did him very little good as she had absolutely no interest in him like that, but she still wanted to be friends, and of course I just wanted him to have nothing to do with her. Ever.

Conversely if I'm attracted to someone who is already in a relationship, going through a divorce situation and knowing the pain it causes, not to mention being in the past mentioned situation, I would never tell her how I feel, because as much as it would suck not to tell her, I know she would feel twenty times worse if I did.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#6
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#6
zaoman32 said:
I realized the whole thing of being "in love" and actually loving someone while posting this. My thing is if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, and if they're already in a happy and serious relationship, why would you want to ruin that for them?

I posted about this because from the time my ex-wife and I were dating all the way through the time we got married and up until we got divorced (a total of 7 years), she had an old friend that was constantly hounding her and confessing his love for her, and doing and saying everything he could to try to get her to leave me. This did him very little good as she had absolutely no interest in him like that, but she still wanted to be friends, and of course I just wanted him to have nothing to do with her. Ever.

Conversely if I'm attracted to someone who is already in a relationship, going through a divorce situation and knowing the pain it causes, not to mention being in the past mentioned situation, I would never tell her how I feel, because as much as it would suck not to tell her, I know she would feel twenty times worse if I did.
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I would, and have told women going through tough times (ie divorce) that I love them. If there was any attraction, I shoved it far away, and hopefully made that clear by my actions far before I said 'love'. In the times I have been dumped (as close as I come to divorce), I always appreciated having people who showed and told me they would support me through it. There is no greater show of support than love.

Anyways, my experiences don't compare to yours, it sure sounds like you've been through some rough stuff. In the end I agree that love, true love, must be selfless. The 'professed love' and the 'in love' sorts of things are far from it and seem like they would just cause rifts in true love. They actually are pretty opposite ideas in this context. :(
 
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John51

Guest
#7
#7
If they are married...leave them be...your too late.
If that are just dating....introduce yourself and let the chip fall.
 
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Powemm

Guest
#8
#8
You know , I thought at one point I knew. I didn't have a clue.. How arrogant of me to think I knew anything about it at all.. The only thing I knew was the live I had for me.. What vain thinking I had... My mom just had total knee replacement .. in caring for her through this time, I find it a great privilege.. I've handed her care to God and have asked Him to use me to do his great work in caring for her the way Jesus has cared for me.. In all my " serve me" years Jesus did exactly that.. He loves me through my selfishness even when I'm not deserving .. He smiles at me instead of grimaces at me in my hours of need, he speaks kind and living words instead of " oh just do it yourself !". This time is so interesting with
My mother .. i am noe watching her take a first step, helping her to the bathroom.. bringing her a fresh glass of water, changing her sheets.. reaching and giving her something she can not reach , taking care of a wound... there is a transference of loving care she gave to me... I'm sure she had to do all that I'm now doing with God too.
I thanked God for bringing Tjis time with her to me... how I would have missed all this without a relationship with God..
What does Love do?

Love going up is worship
Love going out is affection
Love bending down is grace

This is exactly what Jesus is doing for me... :). Unselfish, unhindered, unwavering.. Loves mercies are new every day..
 
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Powemm

Guest
#9
#9
I often ask myself to check my motives when wanting something , " would it please Jesus to do this? Is this something jesus would ask or hope for? would Jesus make this type of decision? Answering these few questions keeps my heart in check with God.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#10
#10
there's definitely a difference between truly loving someone and being "in love". and unfortunately a lot of people can't tell the difference anymore
 
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