I've read it. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, I applaud that you are willing to reach out and realize that you are needing help. Unfortunately, an online forum can only do so much. People will pray for you, though. But I would suggest to try getting help offsite and if the feelings are strong enough then get immediate help. The sooner it is treated, the better and you will start to feel better.
I'm sorry with what ever is going on in your life that makes you feel that way. Many of us have also been there. I would advise to stay since there are people here who understand.