Betrayal

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saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
675
387
63
#1
I've been betrayed by several Christians who I had thought were friends. Our pastor completely stopped talking to me because we had to stop attending church due to severe injuries I sustained. It made me really see what is what. Then another Christian did something truly devilish. Then a Christian I had been friends with for years showed me that her friendship was shallow. When I was injured she never visited and I saw that she treated her church friends well but looked upon me as "if I get the time I'll answer" - she actually said that. So I stopped contacting her and she kept emailing me so I did to her what she did to me and she didn't like it and completely cut me off. It showed what she truly is

David in the bible talked about "mine own familiar friend" - and I wondered how many other believers experienced betrayal from other Christians? I think that somehow I missed the boat in finding friends who wouldn't backstab but I listened to one of Charles Stanley's sermons and he said that most people don't have a lot of friends. I guess he's in the position to see things in an entire congregation. I heard another pastor who said "some Christians you can't turn your back on" and that has been my experience. When things are going good people want to be around but when you fall is when you see what people really have in them. Have others experienced this?
 

JaumeJ

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2011
19,021
5,037
113
#2
I've been betrayed by several Christians who I had thought were friends. Our pastor completely stopped talking to me because we had to stop attending church due to severe injuries I sustained. It made me really see what is what. Then another Christian did something truly devilish. Then a Christian I had been friends with for years showed me that her friendship was shallow. When I was injured she never visited and I saw that she treated her church friends well but looked upon me as "if I get the time I'll answer" - she actually said that. So I stopped contacting her and she kept emailing me so I did to her what she did to me and she didn't like it and completely cut me off. It showed what she truly is

David in the bible talked about "mine own familiar friend" - and I wondered how many other believers experienced betrayal from other Christians? I think that somehow I missed the boat in finding friends who wouldn't backstab but I listened to one of Charles Stanley's sermons and he said that most people don't have a lot of friends. I guess he's in the position to see things in an entire congregation. I heard another pastor who said "some Christians you can't turn your back on" and that has been my experience. When things are going good people want to be around but when you fall is when you see what people really have in them. Have others experienced this?
We may only pray for these folks.

Praise God for you are as Jesus-Yeshua. If they called Him Beelzebub, think not they will do this and worse to you.

I have experienced this also. Not to worry. Our Savior is here for each of us and that is eternal. This stint in this age is not long. You know this. God bless you and rejoice.
 
Jun 11, 2020
1,371
421
83
70
#3
I've been betrayed by several Christians who I had thought were friends. Our pastor completely stopped talking to me because we had to stop attending church due to severe injuries I sustained. It made me really see what is what. Then another Christian did something truly devilish. Then a Christian I had been friends with for years showed me that her friendship was shallow. When I was injured she never visited and I saw that she treated her church friends well but looked upon me as "if I get the time I'll answer" - she actually said that. So I stopped contacting her and she kept emailing me so I did to her what she did to me and she didn't like it and completely cut me off. It showed what she truly is

David in the bible talked about "mine own familiar friend" - and I wondered how many other believers experienced betrayal from other Christians? I think that somehow I missed the boat in finding friends who wouldn't backstab but I listened to one of Charles Stanley's sermons and he said that most people don't have a lot of friends. I guess he's in the position to see things in an entire congregation. I heard another pastor who said "some Christians you can't turn your back on" and that has been my experience. When things are going good people want to be around but when you fall is when you see what people really have in them. Have others experienced this?
Betrayal is one of the worst rejections. I feel for you. Maybe we can get something out of this pain.

First, in John 2:23-25 we find our Lord taking a distance - a seemingly strange move because it says "they believed in His name".

23 "Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.
24 But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men,
25 And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man."


You cannot change the betrayal, or the loss of friends. That wound will not heal, even if you forgive them. But you will be wiser and better equipped for some job the lord will give you in later years. It will make you strong and capable. When the next so called "friend" cosies up to you, you will keep a reserve. It could be that that "friend" will demand your loyalty over an above your loyalty to the Lord. But you will be prepared.

Next, look around you, especially at the other Christians. And then look at yourself. And then loo at 1st Corinthians 1:26-29 and see who God chose as Christians;

26 "For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:
27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:
29 That no flesh should glory in his presence."


You will not be caught unawares next time with Christians. You will know who God has chosen so as to show His glory. But then you will bow to Him humbly and admit - that you are one of them. I surely did not like those verses when they wee shown to me all those years ago. But, oh boy, did they turn out to be true. I was proven to be "base" - along with my fellow Christians. How true, but how humbling. But it is only when we admit our situation that God begins to do a work on us to make us "noble".

Have mercy on your Judas friends ... and ask God for mercy on you.
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
675
387
63
#4
We may only pray for these folks.

Praise God for you are as Jesus-Yeshua. If they called Him Beelzebub, think not they will do this and worse to you.

I have experienced this also. Not to worry. Our Savior is here for each of us and that is eternal. This stint in this age is not long. You know this. God bless you and rejoice.
A servant is not above His master. Thanks - that helps to explain things.
 

JaumeJ

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2011
19,021
5,037
113
#5
A servant is not above His master. Thanks - that helps to explain things.
In hopes of mutual edification. You have edified me and reminded me of why things have transpired in my walk too.

Thank you for edifying and putting me back on track. You are a blessing.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
17,366
1,809
113
#6
I've been betrayed by several Christians who I had thought were friends. Our pastor completely stopped talking to me because we had to stop attending church due to severe injuries I sustained. It made me really see what is what. Then another Christian did something truly devilish. Then a Christian I had been friends with for years showed me that her friendship was shallow. When I was injured she never visited and I saw that she treated her church friends well but looked upon me as "if I get the time I'll answer" - she actually said that. So I stopped contacting her and she kept emailing me so I did to her what she did to me and she didn't like it and completely cut me off. It showed what she truly is

David in the bible talked about "mine own familiar friend" - and I wondered how many other believers experienced betrayal from other Christians? I think that somehow I missed the boat in finding friends who wouldn't backstab but I listened to one of Charles Stanley's sermons and he said that most people don't have a lot of friends. I guess he's in the position to see things in an entire congregation. I heard another pastor who said "some Christians you can't turn your back on" and that has been my experience. When things are going good people want to be around but when you fall is when you see what people really have in them. Have others experienced this?
Sadly yes I like many have experienced this all to often in fact out of all the friends I ever made in this life Christian or non Christian none of them stayed I have not had any actual friends in many years and people act friendly and seem to enjoy my company but they always leave me out of the circle if you will and only want to hang out when it benefits them

People always take advantage of my kindness and generosity even other Christians I have met if I could only have one true friend especially one who I can openly talk to learn from study the bible together then I would be so grateful but it seems that such a thing isn't for me
 
Mar 25, 2020
218
124
43
#7
I think everyone in life experiences their fair share of betrayal from everyone in life. Human beings break promises. They betray each other. Stab each other in the back so that they could get ahead in their jobs and in life. I've seen all this happen to me at work and long time friendships in life. It happens of course. I think happens to us because God wants to be close to us.

With friends, as long as you're going to be useful, they're going to be friends with you. Sadly, when you're down, most of them just stand by and watch you get up. Very few will give you a hand. But they give you a hand because you will be useful to them long term. That's how friendships work. I'm not being cold. I'm just sharing how it happened to me.

I just avoid fair weather friends these days. Friends can be very brutal. Sometimes, they will be there when you have no one. Every single friend of mine has used me in some way or the other. Mostly for monetary reasons or for my possessions or my skills. My innocence in friendship has been betrayed too many times. Especially by the ones I trusted. Those are the people you have to look out for.

If you have family, hold close to them. They're the only ones who will care more than an outside person. You will love your family better always more than you could love your friends. Because your family will put up with your bad side along with the good. So they're worth more than your friends any day.

By family, I mean own brother or sister, mother or father, grandparents. Besides these, I don't know if others will help you. Unless they are kindhearted. If you find someone like that, cherish them.

I see Christians as plain human beings. Not much difference these days. Sure, there have been some kindhearted people I've met at Church. But I wouldn't be surprised if they did something to break my trust in them. It's how it is.

Although, God gives us friends for us to keep and sometimes, some of them will help us. Not all, some of them. Most of them will just use us. Even the ones who help us. Never let any man, woman or child take you or your friendship for granted. They don't give you what is due to you or give you lesser than you deserve, just slowly move away from them and disconnect yourself from them. Trust me, you're better off without them.

The right kind of friends will come to you and will journey long with you. All good beginnings sadly have an end. Even friendship. Nothing is permanent in this world. Only God's love will always be there. Jesus is the best friend you could ever have. Hold on to Him.

Friends are God's blessing to us. It doesn't matter what kind of friends we have. All that matters is what kind of a friend we were to others. So that we can sleep peacefully at night. As long as we got that part right, we need not worry about the other side.

God bless you
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
675
387
63
#8
Betrayal is one of the worst rejections. I feel for you. Maybe we can get something out of this pain.

First, in John 2:23-25 we find our Lord taking a distance - a seemingly strange move because it says "they believed in His name".

23 "Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.
24 But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men,
25 And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man."


You cannot change the betrayal, or the loss of friends. That wound will not heal, even if you forgive them. But you will be wiser and better equipped for some job the lord will give you in later years. It will make you strong and capable. When the next so called "friend" cosies up to you, you will keep a reserve. It could be that that "friend" will demand your loyalty over an above your loyalty to the Lord. But you will be prepared.

Next, look around you, especially at the other Christians. And then look at yourself. And then loo at 1st Corinthians 1:26-29 and see who God chose as Christians;

26 "For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:
27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:
29 That no flesh should glory in his presence."


You will not be caught unawares next time with Christians. You will know who God has chosen so as to show His glory. But then you will bow to Him humbly and admit - that you are one of them. I surely did not like those verses when they wee shown to me all those years ago. But, oh boy, did they turn out to be true. I was proven to be "base" - along with my fellow Christians. How true, but how humbling. But it is only when we admit our situation that God begins to do a work on us to make us "noble".

Have mercy on your Judas friends ... and ask God for mercy on you.
Wow! That's uncanny: that same verse has been coming to me lately: Jesus did not commit Himself to them...because He knew what was in man.

I've been pondering that verse lately as God has allowed me to really see into the hearts of people and I really am able to see the sin. The Christians who I thought were good did turn out to be Judas's. I had to then look at myself and I know that I did not betray any of them. It was I who was betrayed. God did allow me to experience the Judas's for some reason I suppose.
I don't know why God has brought me to this point. I had to cut off one Christian who was really evil. There was nothing else I could do. But then I had to cut off people who associated with her. That's when I saw how people compromised. As long as you do evil to HER and not to ME I'm good with you.

My pastor was a shock as we had been friends for several years. It was as if he had his duties and because I no longer supported the church then he didn't have time for me. That hurts. My husband invested hours into the church as he's a skilled tradesman. But I see how it goes now. When you stop being an asset and turn into a liability then you're on the chopping block.

A friend was there for me insomuch as she would email me during long hours of recuperating but my husband remarked "she's a friend from a distance." It reminded me of the verse about faith without works "go and be warmed..." And then I really looked at it and how she put herself above me. She and her husband seemed to like to think they were better. They taught bible at church and were involved and did things with people from their church. I saw that she's a phony Christian. She knew I really was in bad shape and said hurtful things like "I'll email you back...if I get the time." Then I wouldn't hear from her for months. I would email her and she would wait weeks then answer and act like it was a bother. So I stopped emailing her and she emailed me back again and again and I did to her what she did to me. She got upset because I ignored her emails...as she had done to me...and cut me off.

I told my husband it shows more about who she is than anything about me.

So I'm tired of pulling knives out of my back by those good "Christians." I don't understand it. I'm a loyal friend but others have not been loyal to me. I do set high standards because I'm loyal. I have cut friends off who were disloyal and they got angry. But I don't put up with people playing both sides of the fence or backstabbing. It just seems like it's hard to find quality friends.

I just seem to have had these Judas's and I wondered if I was the only one experiencing this. I don't know why God has me at this time but Scripture does speak to me when I read about betrayals. It's just getting to the point where you can't trust anyone. Maybe it's the times we're living in.
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
675
387
63
#9
Sadly yes I like many have experienced this all to often in fact out of all the friends I ever made in this life Christian or non Christian none of them stayed I have not had any actual friends in many years and people act friendly and seem to enjoy my company but they always leave me out of the circle if you will and only want to hang out when it benefits them

People always take advantage of my kindness and generosity even other Christians I have met if I could only have one true friend especially one who I can openly talk to learn from study the bible together then I would be so grateful but it seems that such a thing isn't for me
I've had the same thing - people take advantage of you when you're good to them and then abuse it. My sister never had her own children so I gave her my children's numbers. She then got sneaky and called and got together with them when she knew we were out of the state. I didn't know what she was up to but I didn't like it. She would text my kids about everything she was doing and leave me out of the text circle. Then she invited them all out to a dinner and one of them sent a photo of her sitting in the midst of MY family like the matriarch. It just didn't sit right with me. I have good instincts and I smelled a rat. Then she overrode me and invited my children to be around the evil sibling who did something really wicked. I told her to never contact my kids again and she said she contacts whoever she wants. Thank God she tried trashing me to one of my children who put her in her place. To get me back she then tried keeping money from my share of my father's estate. She ended up making a fool of herself.

So she abused my kindness of inviting her into my family. She thought she was going to take over so I had to cut her off. I think it was Satan behind it.

So I know what you mean about people taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. It seems really hard to find friends who are loyal. God has allowed this time and season for a reason. I will pray for you as well as I know how much it hurts to want that friendship and to have people turn around and use you.

We're between churches now so I feel disconnected. I can't go back to our old church as the pastor knows what he did. We went back one time and he seemed really uncomfortable around me, probably because he knows he cut me off. So now I have to look for a new church.
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
675
387
63
#10
I think everyone in life experiences their fair share of betrayal from everyone in life. Human beings break promises. They betray each other. Stab each other in the back so that they could get ahead in their jobs and in life. I've seen all this happen to me at work and long time friendships in life. It happens of course. I think happens to us because God wants to be close to us.

With friends, as long as you're going to be useful, they're going to be friends with you. Sadly, when you're down, most of them just stand by and watch you get up. Very few will give you a hand. But they give you a hand because you will be useful to them long term. That's how friendships work. I'm not being cold. I'm just sharing how it happened to me.

I just avoid fair weather friends these days. Friends can be very brutal. Sometimes, they will be there when you have no one. Every single friend of mine has used me in some way or the other. Mostly for monetary reasons or for my possessions or my skills. My innocence in friendship has been betrayed too many times. Especially by the ones I trusted. Those are the people you have to look out for.

If you have family, hold close to them. They're the only ones who will care more than an outside person. You will love your family better always more than you could love your friends. Because your family will put up with your bad side along with the good. So they're worth more than your friends any day.

By family, I mean own brother or sister, mother or father, grandparents. Besides these, I don't know if others will help you. Unless they are kindhearted. If you find someone like that, cherish them.

I see Christians as plain human beings. Not much difference these days. Sure, there have been some kindhearted people I've met at Church. But I wouldn't be surprised if they did something to break my trust in them. It's how it is.

Although, God gives us friends for us to keep and sometimes, some of them will help us. Not all, some of them. Most of them will just use us. Even the ones who help us. Never let any man, woman or child take you or your friendship for granted. They don't give you what is due to you or give you lesser than you deserve, just slowly move away from them and disconnect yourself from them. Trust me, you're better off without them.

The right kind of friends will come to you and will journey long with you. All good beginnings sadly have an end. Even friendship. Nothing is permanent in this world. Only God's love will always be there. Jesus is the best friend you could ever have. Hold on to Him.

Friends are God's blessing to us. It doesn't matter what kind of friends we have. All that matters is what kind of a friend we were to others. So that we can sleep peacefully at night. As long as we got that part right, we need not worry about the other side.

God bless you
Yes I've had the same in work too. I had a manager over me blame me for her mistake. I refused to let her do it and she tried to get me fired. She did fire me but the manager above her reversed it and the manager was fired. But I guess I'm tired of dealing with it.

And you've said it: as long as you're useful you're wanted, but when you're down people stand back and watch. That's what I saw this friend do. She did nothing to help me. She just stood back. I hate to say it but she deserves the same when she falls.

At least I don't feel like I'm the only one with friends who disappear when you're in need.

I was backstabbed by my extended family in terrible ways so they're out of the picture. My mother told me to move out at 17 because the two older "gems" as she called them (I was the black sheep) moved back and there was overcrowding. I should have never reconnected with that bunch - a sibling did something extremely evil. I had to cut the entire family out. I never want to see her or any of them in heaven or anywhere else.

But I have my own family which I'm grateful for. My husband has done so much for me so I am lucky in that regard. But I'm just seeing that not many people are loyal. I guess I'm dealing with the death of the friendships I had but God must have a purpose for it, although it doesn't feel good.

It did make me think of the verse that Christ knew what was in man. It makes me want to move into the wilderness. I just don't have the stomach for it anymore.
 
B

Blackpowderduelist

Guest
#11
A person may be blessed enough to have as many as 3 real friends.
When we look to friends as validation or justification we will always be dropped flat. God will let you see all your idols for what they are, and painfully so.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
17,366
1,809
113
#12
I've had the same thing - people take advantage of you when you're good to them and then abuse it. My sister never had her own children so I gave her my children's numbers. She then got sneaky and called and got together with them when she knew we were out of the state. I didn't know what she was up to but I didn't like it. She would text my kids about everything she was doing and leave me out of the text circle. Then she invited them all out to a dinner and one of them sent a photo of her sitting in the midst of MY family like the matriarch. It just didn't sit right with me. I have good instincts and I smelled a rat. Then she overrode me and invited my children to be around the evil sibling who did something really wicked. I told her to never contact my kids again and she said she contacts whoever she wants. Thank God she tried trashing me to one of my children who put her in her place. To get me back she then tried keeping money from my share of my father's estate. She ended up making a fool of herself.

So she abused my kindness of inviting her into my family. She thought she was going to take over so I had to cut her off. I think it was Satan behind it.

So I know what you mean about people taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. It seems really hard to find friends who are loyal. God has allowed this time and season for a reason. I will pray for you as well as I know how much it hurts to want that friendship and to have people turn around and use you.

We're between churches now so I feel disconnected. I can't go back to our old church as the pastor knows what he did. We went back one time and he seemed really uncomfortable around me, probably because he knows he cut me off. So now I have to look for a new church.
Oh wow your sister did all of that? My mom sort of did the same thing to me I am disabled so I get a disability check every month and even though it was my money my mom never let me have any of it and she would constantly go the casino she also held me under control I literally had no say in anything even though I was 21 and she and my family convinced me I was so brain damaged and incapable that I believed I was so dumb I couldn't even cook and egg, my mom had total control over my money and would constantly use it leaving me and my sisters alone night after night

I am a tender soul and as such if I am left alone with people who have no issue taking advantage of people and are only for their selves then I cannot fight them on my own but eventually I decided enough was enough and I went to live with my high school teacher that I was very close to my family went on a rampage even going so far as to call the cops lyign to them saying my mom was my legal guardian luckily this cop was not dumb and caught them in the lie but even though I was finally free of them and did things they never would have dreamed I could do on my own even going so far as to travel to the Cayman islands seeing the ocean first hand for the first time in my life but they held a very deep grudge towards and I had to love them from afar

I havennever known the real love of a family in this life or friends but I found my true family and friends here on cc and the thing is online people tend to show what is truly in the hearts I can alsmot instinctively know the kind of person they are from reading their words in this manner because people even subconsciously feel safety behind a screen we are able to see into peoples hearts much easier.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,509
4,480
113
#13
yes many times.
Though Jesus has never failed me.

I think wisdom is something you dont really have when you are young....

family members can be tricky. They can borrow money and take years to pay back, or withold affection, or just assume what is yours is also theirs, and criticise you relentlessly and then say its for your own good. They might be polite to outsiders but inside can wound you deeply.

Joseph went through this and also Jesus with his brothers and sisters, Moses, had Miriam who spoke badly of him. I think its quite common actually.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
17,366
1,809
113
#14
yes many times.
Though Jesus has never failed me.

I think wisdom is something you dont really have when you are young....

family members can be tricky. They can borrow money and take years to pay back, or withold affection, or just assume what is yours is also theirs, and criticise you relentlessly and then say its for your own good. They might be polite to outsiders but inside can wound you deeply.

Joseph went through this and also Jesus with his brothers and sisters, Moses, had Miriam who spoke badly of him. I think its quite common actually.
It;s like you have been spyimg on my life especially with everything you said about family:LOL:
It's so hard sometimes to deal with family I was always the black sheep of the family the rest of my family are pretty much clones in their ways they always think they are right you cannot convince them of anything they hear what you say but there is a difference in hearing and listening to what someone says they always borrow money saying they will pay you back but you know they won't they like you say criticize you relentlessly without understanding the inner damage it causes.

People and especially my family will tell you to toughen up or stop acting like a baby or mock you you but this is a real issue in people and does real damage whether people understand that or not, but in a way people like us are blessed after all if we never knew the pain of such things would understand the importance if these things?
In a pretty ironic way way everything I value is because I saw what not to do from my family
 
Mar 25, 2020
218
124
43
#15
Yes I've had the same in work too. I had a manager over me blame me for her mistake. I refused to let her do it and she tried to get me fired. She did fire me but the manager above her reversed it and the manager was fired. But I guess I'm tired of dealing with it.

And you've said it: as long as you're useful you're wanted, but when you're down people stand back and watch. That's what I saw this friend do. She did nothing to help me. She just stood back. I hate to say it but she deserves the same when she falls.

At least I don't feel like I'm the only one with friends who disappear when you're in need.

I was backstabbed by my extended family in terrible ways so they're out of the picture. My mother told me to move out at 17 because the two older "gems" as she called them (I was the black sheep) moved back and there was overcrowding. I should have never reconnected with that bunch - a sibling did something extremely evil. I had to cut the entire family out. I never want to see her or any of them in heaven or anywhere else.

But I have my own family which I'm grateful for. My husband has done so much for me so I am lucky in that regard. But I'm just seeing that not many people are loyal. I guess I'm dealing with the death of the friendships I had but God must have a purpose for it, although it doesn't feel good.

It did make me think of the verse that Christ knew what was in man. It makes me want to move into the wilderness. I just don't have the stomach for it anymore.
I too have people who have done much to me and against me over the years. Even when I wanted nothing but the best for them and wanted them to do well in their lives. And I've done a lot for them and gave my best for them in that relationship. For years. That includes family too.

When we love someone as a friend or a family member we don't tend to judge them. We never usually judge the people we love and that's how God created us to love. Unconditionally and without judgement or holding grudges. I think this part of who we are as Christians should not change. Although some people will take that part of us as being naive or mistake it for weakness. Also we must be aware of when we are taken advantage of and let the people who take us for granted to know that it is not okay. Ultimately no relationship is perfect. There will be ups and downs. We must take all that into account also.

Well. The friends and family who hurt me, I still love them. I can only love. I won't hold bitterness even though that is a very human thing to do. And yes, I feel that way about people. But first and foremost for my own goodness sake and for Jesus, I forgive. And when I love, I can only feel love for the person. I still love the people who have done me wrong after all my years of loyalty and friendship to them. Although I will not give the friends and family who wronged me a second opportunity to hurt me again. I won't trust them once the trust is broken. Trust is very brittle. It is hard earned and it must be maintained for any successful relationship.

And yes, I get the part about not wanting to meet someone for the rest of my life and even in the after life. Some people do hurt us like that in a way where we may never feel comfortable again in their presence.

Jesus also was betrayed by His closest disciples. All of them left Him when they captured Him in Gethsemane. God won't leave us alone in times of persecution. He will always send someone to stay with us in our times of trouble. Although God Himself is with us. At Jesus' final hour before His death on the cross, He had his disciple John and his mother Mary by his side. Before He died on the cross, Jesus forgave all. And as Jesus leads us by example, I also try to forgive and forget. And move forward with my life. Even the most hate worthy people in my life, I've forgiven. Not for their sake, but for my well being. And also so that I could share in God's happiness in the life after this.

Sometimes I feel, forgiveness is an ongoing process. It could take it's time. It depends how bad the mental.psychological wound is for the time it takes for us to heal from that and go on with our life. Although, eventually it's something that I believe that has to be done.

Forgiveness is the hardest of all virtues. We like Christ, bear those who are there to hurt us in this world. Not to say that I am perfect, far from it. But this is how I was taught and it's how I believe. And as God says in Deuteronomy chapter 32, verse 35, vengeance is His to take. He will bring my wrong doers to justice. God expects me to forgive. So, that is how I see it.

You will get over this. God bless
 
Jun 11, 2020
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#16
Wow! That's uncanny: that same verse has been coming to me lately: Jesus did not commit Himself to them...because He knew what was in man.

I've been pondering that verse lately as God has allowed me to really see into the hearts of people and I really am able to see the sin. The Christians who I thought were good did turn out to be Judas's. I had to then look at myself and I know that I did not betray any of them. It was I who was betrayed. God did allow me to experience the Judas's for some reason I suppose.
I don't know why God has brought me to this point. I had to cut off one Christian who was really evil. There was nothing else I could do. But then I had to cut off people who associated with her. That's when I saw how people compromised. As long as you do evil to HER and not to ME I'm good with you.

My pastor was a shock as we had been friends for several years. It was as if he had his duties and because I no longer supported the church then he didn't have time for me. That hurts. My husband invested hours into the church as he's a skilled tradesman. But I see how it goes now. When you stop being an asset and turn into a liability then you're on the chopping block.

A friend was there for me insomuch as she would email me during long hours of recuperating but my husband remarked "she's a friend from a distance." It reminded me of the verse about faith without works "go and be warmed..." And then I really looked at it and how she put herself above me. She and her husband seemed to like to think they were better. They taught bible at church and were involved and did things with people from their church. I saw that she's a phony Christian. She knew I really was in bad shape and said hurtful things like "I'll email you back...if I get the time." Then I wouldn't hear from her for months. I would email her and she would wait weeks then answer and act like it was a bother. So I stopped emailing her and she emailed me back again and again and I did to her what she did to me. She got upset because I ignored her emails...as she had done to me...and cut me off.

I told my husband it shows more about who she is than anything about me.

So I'm tired of pulling knives out of my back by those good "Christians." I don't understand it. I'm a loyal friend but others have not been loyal to me. I do set high standards because I'm loyal. I have cut friends off who were disloyal and they got angry. But I don't put up with people playing both sides of the fence or backstabbing. It just seems like it's hard to find quality friends.

I just seem to have had these Judas's and I wondered if I was the only one experiencing this. I don't know why God has me at this time but Scripture does speak to me when I read about betrayals. It's just getting to the point where you can't trust anyone. Maybe it's the times we're living in.
I can feel your pain. In the 1990's, after I had been in a Church for 14 years, some influential brothers conspired against me to put me out of the Assembly. The details are not important, and I admit failure on my side too. What followed was 24 years without a Church life. I've just recently met some nearby Christians who have been loving an accepting. But in all that, our Lord Jesus never left me. He is the only faithful One, and He never deserts one. Here I am, 26 years later, still in good condition in my relationship with the Lord, and blessed in my everyday things. People will always let us down. We will let people down. But there is One Who loves us to the end - our Friend, Companion and coming Bridegroom - Jesus.

Why not try tomorrow, to find five positive things that Jesus is and was to you in the last while. Here's the first;

Jesus never hurt anyone. He healed and drove out demons. His words were gracious. No one every could report evil from Him. In John 13 it says He loved His own to the end. But when His dark hour arrived in Gethsemane, his one friend betrayed Him for money and then committed suicide, His other friends ran away, and the chief friend betrayed Him, not once, but three times. His own people, all those who He had helped for three and a half years, chose a criminal in His place and another brutal king in His stead. Whatever my small contribution is, is not important. Just think, as Jesus hung on that cross, the whole vista of the sufferings of His people passed before His eyes. He saw you and your pain, but in His agony He thought about you, and not Himself.

Compared to Jesus, we have no value. But He put His life on us as our value in His eyes. And there will come a day, when time has healed your pain, and you can look at your betrayers, and love them too. For they were just weak people - weak like most of us.
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
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#17
A person may be blessed enough to have as many as 3 real friends.
When we look to friends as validation or justification we will always be dropped flat. God will let you see all your idols for what they are, and painfully so.
My mother said that the number of true friends you find in this life you can count on one hand. My neighbor's granddaughter's husband and best friend took off with each other. She was so overwhelmed with the betrayal that she was hospitalized. The ex-husband and ex-friend used that against her to say she was mentally unstable and took her son from her.

I don't know if you know of the Betty Broderick case. If not I recommend you read the story. She was so badly betrayed by her lawyer who she helped put through law school. He and his paralegal married and they tormented Betty and she shot them. If I had been on that jury I would not have convicted her. It was so sad.
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
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#18
Oh wow your sister did all of that? My mom sort of did the same thing to me I am disabled so I get a disability check every month and even though it was my money my mom never let me have any of it and she would constantly go the casino she also held me under control I literally had no say in anything even though I was 21 and she and my family convinced me I was so brain damaged and incapable that I believed I was so dumb I couldn't even cook and egg, my mom had total control over my money and would constantly use it leaving me and my sisters alone night after night

I am a tender soul and as such if I am left alone with people who have no issue taking advantage of people and are only for their selves then I cannot fight them on my own but eventually I decided enough was enough and I went to live with my high school teacher that I was very close to my family went on a rampage even going so far as to call the cops lyign to them saying my mom was my legal guardian luckily this cop was not dumb and caught them in the lie but even though I was finally free of them and did things they never would have dreamed I could do on my own even going so far as to travel to the Cayman islands seeing the ocean first hand for the first time in my life but they held a very deep grudge towards and I had to love them from afar

I havennever known the real love of a family in this life or friends but I found my true family and friends here on cc and the thing is online people tend to show what is truly in the hearts I can alsmot instinctively know the kind of person they are from reading their words in this manner because people even subconsciously feel safety behind a screen we are able to see into peoples hearts much easier.
Did you cut your family out of your life? I can tell you are a tender soul. All of your mother's horrid betrayals seemed to work in your favor though as you have a heart for others. That's a gift and a blessing to others. I'm glad you didn't turn hardened.
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
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#19
yes many times.
Though Jesus has never failed me.

I think wisdom is something you dont really have when you are young....

family members can be tricky. They can borrow money and take years to pay back, or withold affection, or just assume what is yours is also theirs, and criticise you relentlessly and then say its for your own good. They might be polite to outsiders but inside can wound you deeply.

Joseph went through this and also Jesus with his brothers and sisters, Moses, had Miriam who spoke badly of him. I think its quite common actually.
I'm glad others are sharing their experiences with betrayal. It really cuts deep.

Joseph had a lot to be bitter about but it improved him. It's a good example but I think betrayal just hurts really bad. I have prayed the imprecatory psalms over evil done by someone. What was worse is they lied about it and tried to act like I was the one in the wrong because I was holding unforgiveness. I remember Dear Abby said you don't turn the cheek if the first one is black and blue. That's where I think we sometimes focus too much on forgiveness and not enough on restitution. We put the onus on the wounded and not on the one who inflicts the wounds.
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
675
387
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#20
I too have people who have done much to me and against me over the years. Even when I wanted nothing but the best for them and wanted them to do well in their lives. And I've done a lot for them and gave my best for them in that relationship. For years. That includes family too.

When we love someone as a friend or a family member we don't tend to judge them. We never usually judge the people we love and that's how God created us to love. Unconditionally and without judgement or holding grudges. I think this part of who we are as Christians should not change. Although some people will take that part of us as being naive or mistake it for weakness. Also we must be aware of when we are taken advantage of and let the people who take us for granted to know that it is not okay. Ultimately no relationship is perfect. There will be ups and downs. We must take all that into account also.

Well. The friends and family who hurt me, I still love them. I can only love. I won't hold bitterness even though that is a very human thing to do. And yes, I feel that way about people. But first and foremost for my own goodness sake and for Jesus, I forgive. And when I love, I can only feel love for the person. I still love the people who have done me wrong after all my years of loyalty and friendship to them. Although I will not give the friends and family who wronged me a second opportunity to hurt me again. I won't trust them once the trust is broken. Trust is very brittle. It is hard earned and it must be maintained for any successful relationship.

And yes, I get the part about not wanting to meet someone for the rest of my life and even in the after life. Some people do hurt us like that in a way where we may never feel comfortable again in their presence.

Jesus also was betrayed by His closest disciples. All of them left Him when they captured Him in Gethsemane. God won't leave us alone in times of persecution. He will always send someone to stay with us in our times of trouble. Although God Himself is with us. At Jesus' final hour before His death on the cross, He had his disciple John and his mother Mary by his side. Before He died on the cross, Jesus forgave all. And as Jesus leads us by example, I also try to forgive and forget. And move forward with my life. Even the most hate worthy people in my life, I've forgiven. Not for their sake, but for my well being. And also so that I could share in God's happiness in the life after this.

Sometimes I feel, forgiveness is an ongoing process. It could take it's time. It depends how bad the mental.psychological wound is for the time it takes for us to heal from that and go on with our life. Although, eventually it's something that I believe that has to be done.

Forgiveness is the hardest of all virtues. We like Christ, bear those who are there to hurt us in this world. Not to say that I am perfect, far from it. But this is how I was taught and it's how I believe. And as God says in Deuteronomy chapter 32, verse 35, vengeance is His to take. He will bring my wrong doers to justice. God expects me to forgive. So, that is how I see it.

You will get over this. God bless
Same here. The sibling who did so much evil I helped. When they had problems I let her husband stay at our house. i supported her and then jealousy got the best of her and she did something very very evil. It's very hard with God then because you know the forgiveness verses but when someone does something that cuts so deep you can't. At least I could not. Her evil caused a lot of pain that will never go away. I told God the best I can do is walk away.

But I got through that and then had a friend who I had been close to just stand back and it really showed me that she's not the Christian I thought she was. She was always judgmental - her husband was one of these picky types that didn't know how to do a lot but would pick at others. I just had a sense about him that he put my husband and I down. He never made good money and had a low level job. My husband had a really good job and I think that made them jealous and they were somehow happy that we had problems. I think jealousy is the most evil that drives people to do ugly things.

I wish that sometimes God showed us that He punished evildoers because it can really hurt when someone does very wicked things and then seemingly walk away unscathed. It's one of the things I don't understand about God.