Deuteronomy 22:28–29 Why don't Church singles group encourage singles to get married?

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JohnB

JohnB

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In Deuteronomy 22:28–29 GOD said if a couple has been found to having sex, they are to get married and the man must pay the father a brides price. Paul encouraged singles who lack self control to get married. In the church singles groups I've been around they keep pushing self-control, no one on one dating only group dating, even no touching until after you're married. It seems GOD and Paul gave practical advice.
 
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Gideon300

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JohnB said:
In Deuteronomy 22:28–29 GOD said if a couple has been found to having sex, they are to get married and the man must pay the father a brides price. Paul encouraged singles who lack self control to get married. In the church singles groups I've been around they keep pushing self-control, no one on one dating only group dating, even no touching until after you're married. It seems GOD and Paul gave practical advice.
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I suppose it varies. I went to a singles group that folded after most people paired off and married. The couple who led it were delighted. Marriage is the norm for most people. The church should be preparing people, especially young men, for marriage.
 
Lafftur

Lafftur

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This is great info! I was just thinking today about starting a young adults small group at my church.

I’m 57 years old but, I think the young adults could use a wise older adult to lead them instead of a peer…:unsure::love:(y)

I have young adult children and feel it is time to mentor the young adults, not the preschoolers… :giggle:
 
JohnB

JohnB

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Gideon300 said:
I suppose it varies. I went to a singles group that folded after most people paired off and married. The couple who led it were delighted. Marriage is the norm for most people. The church should be preparing people, especially young men, for marriage.
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I agree, it's good to see a church that helps singles to date and marry. I went to one large church and was told the Pastor disbanded the singles group, he didn't want to deal with them anymore. Another church I went to stopped all dating in the group. They didn't want anyone to date.
 
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Gideon300

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JohnB said:
I agree, it's good to see a church that helps singles to date and marry. I went to one large church and was told the Pastor disbanded the singles group, he didn't want to deal with them anymore. Another church I went to stopped all dating in the group. They didn't want anyone to date.
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Strange. The churches I attended as young man went out of their way to get people married. They were less trouble than singles!
 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

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I can appreciate everyone's responses.
Churches of like faith are probably the best places to find a mate.
One of the biggest challenges that I noticed is that the majority of parents and pastors are leaving that for the world, or sending every marriage age child off to a Bible or christian college, in the case of baptists and evangelicals. The remaining singles are either divorced, single with few or no options. Many times the options are not much different from the world. There are all kinds of obstacles that parents could prevent with that ounce of prevention to prepare and protect their own.
 
MsMediator

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There are a lot of singles of various ages (though more women) at my church, and at one point the young adults had a group/outings, but marriage/dating isn't encouraged. Like, we don't have events to foster dating like speed-dating or anything, etc. A few couples have met/married in the church though. I wouldn't mind if my church had events, or banded together with other churches, but the pool of eligible singles at my church is very small if you want someone around your age range, etc.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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Gideon300 said:
Strange. The churches I attended as young man went out of their way to get people married. They were less trouble than singles!
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I just checked my old church. The singles group is both married and singles together. They are still not a dating group. The group is also for 50+. There are no singles groups for 30+.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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In 1997 the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" came out and my church fell head over heels with it. The book said Christian singles should be holy and pure before marriage. No one on one dating, no kissing, no holding hands, no physical contact before dating. I railed against the book at church. I hated it, but many in the church looked at the book as GOD's way of to a Godly marriage. Years later the author apologized for the book, said he was wrong. He divorced his wife and renounced Christianity. Sadly Christians still buy and follow his book even today. To this day, the church is still against dating.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

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JohnB said:
In Deuteronomy 22:28–29 GOD said if a couple has been found to having sex, they are to get married and the man must pay the father a brides price. Paul encouraged singles who lack self control to get married. In the church singles groups I've been around they keep pushing self-control, no one on one dating only group dating, even no touching until after you're married. It seems GOD and Paul gave practical advice.
Click to expand...
An ironic question since the prevalent view on this site, for many years, is that churches push marriage too much and that singles are either overlooked or devalued. And the consensus is churches need to stop focusing so heavily on marriage and families and pushing marriage and do more to help singles.

Marriage is not a requirement nor a promise. Nor should it be pushed or emphasized in churches. And Paul actually pushed remaining single above marriage and only encouraged marriage for those whose sexual desires were too strong to deal with.

Rather than encouraging dating and marriage the church should instead be focusing on teaching people to be content and joyful, single or married. Because there are Many miserable and failed Christian marriages that end in divorce or a lifetime of hurt, anger and bitterness.
 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

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JohnB said:
In 1997 the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" came out and my church fell head over heels with it. The book said Christian singles should be holy and pure before marriage. No one on one dating, no kissing, no holding hands, no physical contact before dating. I railed against the book at church. I hated it, but many in the church looked at the book as GOD's way of to a Godly marriage. Years later the author apologized for the book, said he was wrong. He divorced his wife and renounced Christianity. Sadly Christians still buy and follow his book even today. To this day, the church is still against dating.
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I bought and read that too! Lol!
Saw his interview before and after that decision.
I remember that he made a big distinction between dating and courting.
When I dated my girlfriend I called it courting.

Looking back, there really wasn't much wise advice from married couples, parents or pastors at my church.
The books I read, the author's turned out with ruined marriages. I learned from experience, study the Bible and ask good parents for advise.
 
MsMediator

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My pastor likes to support singles sometimes by reminding Jesus was single.
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

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JohnB said:
I've been around they keep pushing self-control, no one on one dating only group dating...
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They are all running scared and ignoring God's advice. Singles are supposed to be the rare exception, not the rule.
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

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MsMediator said:
My pastor likes to support singles sometimes by reminding Jesus was single.
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Well Jesus is God, so that is not even reasonable. Why did he avoid the apostles? Because they were all married. And Paul may simply have been a widower.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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Nehemiah6 said:
Well Jesus is God, so that is not even reasonable. Why did he avoid the apostles? Because they were all married. And Paul may simply have been a widower.
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I always hated when they used people from the bible. I would tell them, Paul had his head chopped off, should we do the same? Some people give answers without thinking.
 
JaumeJ

JaumeJ

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JohnB said:
I always hated when they used people from the bible. I would tell them, Paul had his head chopped off, should we do the same? Some people give answers without thinking.
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It will be necessary for the glory of our Father one day, perhaps sooner than all realize.
 
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Gideon300

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MsMediator said:
My pastor likes to support singles sometimes by reminding Jesus was single.
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Most people should marry. Paul's advice not to marry was in the context of persecution when a Christian wife could well end up a widow. God created male and female and instituted marriage before the fall. He also said that false teachers forbid marriage. Paul gets a bad rap on attitude to marriage, undeservedly I reckon.
 
TheNarrowPath

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JohnB said:
In Deuteronomy 22:28–29 GOD said if a couple has been found to having sex, they are to get married and the man must pay the father a brides price. Paul encouraged singles who lack self control to get married. In the church singles groups I've been around they keep pushing self-control, no one on one dating only group dating, even no touching until after you're married. It seems GOD and Paul gave practical advice.
Click to expand...
I was thinking about your message from the Sex in Heaven thread. I recall years ago when my brother was discussing this and said the churches have it wrong. They should be teaching young singles that the goalpost should be moved from hey kids dont have sex unless youre married to hey kids this is one of the reasons why marriage should be a goal. Because then you will have young people looking at what marriage goals are and trying to meet that standard instead of seeing sex as taboo and sinful and they will see that sex is beautiful and fulfilling within a marriage. Hopefully.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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Subhumanoidal said:
An ironic question since the prevalent view on this site, for many years, is that churches push marriage too much and that singles are either overlooked or devalued. And the consensus is churches need to stop focusing so heavily on marriage and families and pushing marriage and do more to help singles.

Marriage is not a requirement nor a promise. Nor should it be pushed or emphasized in churches. And Paul actually pushed remaining single above marriage and only encouraged marriage for those whose sexual desires were too strong to deal with.

Rather than encouraging dating and marriage the church should instead be focusing on teaching people to be content and joyful, single or married. Because there are Many miserable and failed Christian marriages that end in divorce or a lifetime of hurt, anger and bitterness.
Click to expand...
I think the church can do a better job of helping single Christians make better choices. Telling them no kissing, no physical touching, only group dating makes it much harder on the single Christian who does seek a mate.

"This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within their father’s tribal clan." Numbers 36:6 ...GOD tells them to decide who they will marry. Help them to make a good choice.
 
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Bluesproverb

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JohnB said:
In Deuteronomy 22:28–29 GOD said if a couple has been found to having sex, they are to get married and the man must pay the father a brides price. Paul encouraged singles who lack self control to get married. In the church singles groups I've been around they keep pushing self-control, no one on one dating only group dating, even no touching until after you're married. It seems GOD and Paul gave practical advice.
Click to expand...
Maybe they don't encourage it because they've witnessed the relationships of married friends. 😄
 
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