I'm sure you all get a lot of questions about this, so I figure you all could help. Just a little back ground on me. I was saved (or so I believed so) when I was young. I've been through some rough times recently (namely pornography and sickness in the family), and I looked to the Bible for comfort. Then I came across the verse mentioning the unpardonable sin. Since I have been into pornography I have been trying to get out to no avail. I ask so many times for a way out no matter what. I liked to place verses about forgiveness as wallpaper on my phone. I searched for one on the internet to find the unpardonable sin. I was concerned that I had done so due to curses against God that had crossed my mind. I later found out that what had crossed my mind was not the unpardonable sin. Fast forward about 2 weeks (my time may be off). I decided to look at the passage again for reasons I can't remember. I read the passage, and in my stupidity did not take the warning seriously. Curses once again swarmed my mind (I honestly do not remember what all they were, but I'm scared it could have been thoughts similar to what the Pharisees said). I remember having an absolute feeling of despair come across be, and I became upset once again. After this I can remember feeling this sudden strange feeling that I can't describe. Was that the Holy Spirit leaving me? I want to be forgiven more than anything, but can I? I'm afraid it was me that thought those thoughts because I wasn't thinking strait for a bit. I fear that I'm my stupidity I though the unpardonable sin. This sparked a dark spiral of thoughts in my head. I met with the youth minister at the church, and we discussed it. He said that the unpardonable sin was attributing the work of Jesus to Satan. I agree with this definition of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. I remember I felt relieved by his words, and went on; however, the worry was not all gone. Again with the dark spiral of evil thoughts. One thing that particularly crossed my mind was (I do not want to state the first thought it because the phrase alone scares me) "Insert phrase that says the glory of God was actually the glory of.......you can guess" then I thought "maybe it was" then "oh gosh no no no that's not true". Then despair came across me. Again the dark spiral of bad thoughts. To this day I have not found genuine lasting peace. I don't remember the vast majority of my thought, but I'm almost certain that one of those evil thoughts was me commuting the unpardonable sin. I still despise myself to this day for my stupidity in that moment following my reading of the unpardonable sin chapter a 2nd time. How could I have been so stupid as to loose reverence for the word of God, and not take it seriously. I am almost certain that because of this I have committed the unpardonable sin. For the past 6 months or so I have been living in a constant state of fear that I committed the unpardonable sin. I can't believe I thought those things, and I hate myself for it. I'm afraid what I did was kinda intentional (but without meaning). Let me say I do not agree with those thoughts, but I'm afraid I allowed them to enter my mind because I was just plain stupid (or done in the heat of the moment). Honestly I'm not sure if I knew 100% what I was actually doing. I just kinda happened. I didn't think about it. I've been researching this topic a lot, and I have come across so many interpretations. I do agree with the idea that the unpardonable sin is giving Satan credit for God's work. I am terrified, and scared out of my mind. Not a day has gone that I haven't worried about it. I've lost 21 pounds, been depressed, and most importantly I'm afraid of my spiritual condition. To this day I'm having crazy thoughts, and I'm scared I'm entertaining them. I also don't feel convicted like I use to (if at all). Or is my fear of committing it conviction? I don't agree with my sin by an means, so don't get me wrong their. I'm also having a hard (if not impossible) time feeling God's presence. I have spoken with the head pastor of our church, and he believes that if such a sin could be committed today that I have not committed it simply because I'm worried. He is also convinced that God has a big plan for me, but I'm afraid God has given up on me. Can I ever get out of this worry? Could this sin unsave me? Does it mean I wasn't saved to begin with? I want to come to Jesus more than anything, but I'm afraid he won't accept me. I'm afraid the desire to come to Christ is from me, and not the Holy Spirit. Have I committed the unpardonable sin? Do I have hope, or am I hopelessly condemned? Is the Lord going to reject me? Also, as I know this will likely come up, I don't think OCD has to do with the one thought I mentioned. I don't think what happened was OCD (at least not the thought that scares me). I think I willingly thought one of those thoughts half hazardedly. I know you can call me a moron. I agree with you. I may have thought the thought, and now I'm afraid. Honestly I don't remember the exact thought. It could be something diffrent, but I'm afraid it was the unpardonable sin. I can't remember anything anymore and I'm only 17. What I'm saying is I don't think this thought was OCD related at all. I thought it not really meaning it. Just thinking it to think it. I didn't do it to slander God at all. That was not my intent. It was a dumb thought that I had, and instantly regretted and have regretted ever since. Please help me!