Forgiveness - Why do we find it so hard?

[PeterJens]

Forgiveness

I remember someone saying we are commanded to forgive, and I said we are not.
He then said I cannot be a christian as a result.

Jesus says if you do not learn how to forgive, why will the Father forgive your sins.

In all forgiveness situations we are right to be hurt, because damage has been done. But the flip side of this is we are guilty of hurting others.

I once heard of a christian who claimed you only needed to forgive christians, non-christians did not count.

The other side of the discussion is justice on a social scale cannot forgive, and needs to be fair to all.

"Forgive us as we forgive those who sin against us" Matt 6:12

How do you deal with someone who says because you hold a particular theological position you are not saved but have a religious demon?

Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.
Luke 23:34

I have to confess certain contributors are not really there, but want to make everything personal.
Nothing should be personal, but in love and the Lord. It is often a tactic of people who cannot win a discussion to attack someone in the hope they will retaliate. Well just Praise the Lord, because He is able to conquer and fill with love where there is something missing, Amen.

How good are you at forgiving and forgetting?

 

[Budman]

Many people have some wacky theological views (usually young, mentally lazy, spiritually immature, etc.) but are still blood-bought Christians. We all make mistakes and go off the rails sometimes, but the more we discipline and yield ourselves to the teaching of the Holy Spirit via the Scriptures, the less wackadoodle we become.

 

[Willie-T]

Well, forgiveness actually goes against everything we hope for in the Scriptures..... and everything the Jews expected of Jesus. Both of us dearly want revenge for non-believers. We want Got to "get even" for us. I think we feel we deserve that because we earned it through our "believing."

 

[Ultimatum77]

For me, it is hard but a work in progress, I am learning to let go and unburden my spirit. I must say I feel better when I even just say I forgive so and so even if I still am holding a little bit of a grudge eventually it slowly will roll off like a boulder from off the shoulders....the key is the TIME for complete forgiveness may take a while but always make progress even if slowly....

 

[PeterJens]

Well, forgiveness actually goes against everything we hope for in the Scriptures..... and everything the Jews expected of Jesus. Both of us dearly want revenge for non-believers. We want Got to "get even" for us. I think we feel we deserve that because we earned it through our "believing."

I love C S Lewis description in the great divorce of how bitterness takes over peoples souls, moaning and complaining how things should have been better and how unfair it becomes. It is so subtle how the root of bitterness grows to destroy the soul. We had a woman in our road who destroyed her life like this. Every conversation was full of unforgiveness and bitterness. At her funeral, all the people said she was an example of how we hope we never end up.

I often find I think I have forgiven someone until I realise I actually haven't and hold it against them when we next meet. I now try to actively forgive people as much as I can, to not cloud how I behave, because I find myself justifying bad behaviour as a result, which is on the road to hurting others, where I honestly do not want to go.

 

[4enlightment]

Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 9:5 Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’?

Mark 2:7 “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”




In those times, they had thought that only God can forgive sins, and thought that it is not in our nature to forgive. The only reason why the laws of Moses allowed them to divorce from their wives because of some offense that their wives had committed, it is because their hearts at the time were hardened, and they did not have the spirit of grace in them; and so they were unable to show any mercy.

 

[Willie-T]

For me, it is hard but a work in progress, I am learning to let go and unburden my spirit. I must say I feel better when I even just say I forgive so and so even if I still am holding a little bit of a grudge eventually it slowly will roll off like a boulder from off the shoulders....the key is the TIME for complete forgiveness may take a while but always make progress even if slowly....

I think you have a very basic principle nailed down. Some here insist that Christianity is an instantaneous "Zap", and you are now 100% Christian. I see the Bible consistently talking about a walk, not an 'arrival'. Progressively moving in the right direction.

 

[HeRoseFromTheDead]

Well, forgiveness actually goes against everything we hope for in the Scriptures..... and everything the Jews expected of Jesus. Both of us dearly want revenge for non-believers. We want Got to "get even" for us. I think we feel we deserve that because we earned it through our "believing."

I think you qualified to speak for yourself.

 

[Grace777x70]

The more we know that we are already forgiven by our Lord - the more we will be forgiving. When we see Him - we see ourselves as in a mirror. We see who we are because of being a new creation in Christ. In the New Covenant we are forgiven first by God. Jesus did change the covenants after He died and rose again.

The more we meditate on our complete forgiveness - His life will flow out of us to forgive others.

Ephesians 4:32 (NASB)
[SUP]32 [/SUP] Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Colossians 2:13 (NASB)
[SUP]13 [/SUP] When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions,


Ephesians 1:7-8 (NASB)
[SUP]7 [/SUP] In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace
[SUP]8 [/SUP] which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight


Colossians 1:14 (NASB)
[SUP]14 [/SUP] in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Anger is medicine but it has an expiration date. It will corrupt your heart and soul if you are angry too long. Dissolve anger through forgiveness. It's hard to forgive because of our pride, our selfish nature and the lack of understanding that holding on to a grudge rob us of our joy. It feels heavy on the heart and yet we keep holding on to it. When we refuse to forgive we are playing God or even greater than God because God Himself forgives.

 

[Willie-T]

I love C S Lewis description in the great divorce of how bitterness takes over peoples souls, moaning and complaining how things should have been better and how unfair it becomes. It is so subtle how the root of bitterness grows to destroy the soul. We had a woman in our road who destroyed her life like this. Every conversation was full of unforgiveness and bitterness. At her funeral, all the people said she was an example of how we hope we never end up.

I often find I think I have forgiven someone until I realise I actually haven't and hold it against them when we next meet. I now try to actively forgive people as much as I can, to not cloud how I behave, because I find myself justifying bad behaviour as a result, which is on the road to hurting others, where I honestly do not want to go.

Lewis' Mere Christianity, which I am rereading at the present time, is comprised of four books in one volume. The third "book" is about Christian Behavior, and it contains a heap of great stuff on just what we are talking about.

 

[John146]

It's funny this thread comes up because with this thought, you guys all of a sudden want to become dispensationists. The Bible says in Matthew 6 in the sermon on the mount, that a pre-requisite to being forgiven by God is forgiving others. So the question arises: If we don't forgive others, are our sins forgiven? This is either truth to us, the body of Christ, or to those who will be part of Christ's kingdom on earth.

 

[blue_ladybug]

​I think it's easier to forgive some things, than others. Personally, I've forgiven my ex for abusing me, and my mom and sister for being such nasty people. But with things like murder, I think it would be much harder to forgive that. HOW DO you forgive someone who has killed your child?

 

[4enlightment]

​I think it's easier to forgive some things, than others. Personally, I've forgiven my ex for abusing me, and my mom and sister for being such nasty people. But with things like murder, I think it would be much harder to forgive that. HOW DO you forgive someone who has killed your child?

I wouldn't know how, but we should ask this person that is lord (mastered) of forgiveness.

[video]https://youtu.be/W_30gHLbvlY[/video]

 

[Willie-T]

​I think it's easier to forgive some things, than others. Personally, I've forgiven my ex for abusing me, and my mom and sister for being such nasty people. But with things like murder, I think it would be much harder to forgive that. HOW DO you forgive someone who has killed your child?

I'm trying not to post too much of his book, but it is just SO GOOD that I can't help it. As I said some time ago, I think this is one book all Christians should read (and it is free online... ask me if you cannot find it)

Here's small part on forgiveness.....

Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive, as we had during the war. And then, to mention the subject at all, is to be greeted with howls of anger. It is not that people think this too high and difficult a virtue: it is that they think it hateful and contemptible. "That sort of talk makes them sick," they say. And half of you already want to ask me, "I wonder how you'd feel about forgiving the Gestapo if you were a Pole or a Jew?"

So do I. I wonder very much. Just as when Christianity tells me that I must not deny my religion even to save myself from death by torture, I wonder very much what I should do when it came to that point. I am not trying to tell you in this book what I could do—I can do precious little—I am telling you what Christianity is. I did not invent it. And there, right in the middle of it, I find "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us." There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it. What are we to do?

It is going to be hard enough, anyway, but I think there are two things we can do to make it easier. When you start mathematics you do not begin with the calculus; you begin with simple addition. In the same way, if we really want (but it all depends on really wanting) to learn how to forgive, perhaps we had better start with something easier than the Gestapo. One might start with forgiving one's husband or wife, or parents or children, or the nearest N.C.O., for something they have done or said in the last week. That will probably keep us busy for the moment. And secondly, we might try to understand exactly what loving your neighbor as yourself means. I have to love him as I love myself. Well, how exactly do I love myself?

Now that I come to think of it, I have not exactly got a feeling of fondness or affection for myself, and I do not even always enjoy my own society (company). So apparently "Love your neighbor" does not mean "feel fond of him" or "find him attractive." I ought to have seen that before, because, of course, you cannot feel fond of a person by trying. Do I think well of myself, think myself a nice chap? Well, I am afraid I sometimes do (and those are, no doubt, my worst moments) but that is not why I love myself. In fact, it is the other way round: my self-love makes me think myself nice, but thinking myself nice is not why I love myself. So loving my enemies does not apparently mean thinking them nice either. That is an enormous relief.

For, a good many people imagine that forgiving your enemies means making out that they are really not such bad fellows after all, when it is quite plain that they are. Go a step further. In my most clear-sighted moments, not only do I not think myself a nice man, but I know that I am a very nasty one. I can look at some of the things I have done with horror and loathing. So apparently I am allowed to loathe and hate some of the things my enemies do. Now that I come to think of it, I remember Christian teachers telling me long ago that I must hate a bad man's actions, but not hate the bad man: or, as they would say, “Hate the sin, but not the sinner.”

 

[resurrection33]

Forgiveness

I remember someone saying we are commanded to forgive, and I said we are not.
He then said I cannot be a christian as a result.

Jesus says if you do not learn how to forgive, why will the Father forgive your sins.

In all forgiveness situations we are right to be hurt, because damage has been done. But the flip side of this is we are guilty of hurting others.

I once heard of a christian who claimed you only needed to forgive christians, non-christians did not count.

The other side of the discussion is justice on a social scale cannot forgive, and needs to be fair to all.

"Forgive us as we forgive those who sin against us" Matt 6:12

How do you deal with someone who says because you hold a particular theological position you are not saved but have a religious demon?

Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.
Luke 23:34

I have to confess certain contributors are not really there, but want to make everything personal.
Nothing should be personal, but in love and the Lord. It is often a tactic of people who cannot win a discussion to attack someone in the hope they will retaliate. Well just Praise the Lord, because He is able to conquer and fill with love where there is something missing, Amen.

How good are you at forgiving and forgetting?

I don’t think people, generally, understand forgiveness. If I guy slugs me in the stomach every day, of course I’m not going to forgive him. But after he stops slugging me, it’s time to forgive.

 

[Utah]

Those who forgive receive more blessings than those who are forgiven.

Its a wonderful feeling for the forgiver to be freed from the bondage of un-forgiveness.

 

[3Scoreand10]

The flesh folks. That body of flesh we live in that is born with a sin nature.
As Paul described himself " what wretched man that I am" so say I.

 

[FreeNChrist]

In Lion and Lamb, Brennan Manning tells of a concentration camp survivor who left a note on the body of a dead child:


"O Lord, remember not only the men and women of good will, but also those of ill will. But do not remember the suffering they have inflicted upon us; remember that we have borne, thanks to this suffering - our comradeship, out loyalty, our humility, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart, which has grown out of this, and when they come to judgement, let all the fruits we have borne, be their forgiveness."

 

[Willie-T]

I don’t think people, generally, understand forgiveness. If I guy slugs me in the stomach every day, of course I’m not going to forgive him. But after he stops slugging me, it’s time to forgive.

Don't we have a problem here, since the people Jesus asked God to forgive didn't quit murdering Him before He said that?