However, if I were to place my trust in someone and be let down (seemingly though it may be) the last thing I would do is willingly put my full confidence in them. Rather I would take all they say and do with a grain of salt.
Mulehide, I so, so much hear you. That is EXACTLY what I said after all that junk happened to me. Why would I turn to God and trust Him when he didn't help me through my trials? And so I pretty much ran from Him after that. Having finally come out the other side (10 years later), I can only submit these truths to you and maybe you can glean something from them:
1. I had an unreasonable expectation of how trials and tribulations work. I thought you hit a bump and then God just lifts you back up. At worst, I thought a trial would last a few months and then everything would just be worked out by God. Not true. Some trials last years, some last a decade, some last a lifetime.
2. If I had been given everything up front, I would have taken all His blessings, and been joyous for a while....and then slowly slipped away from Him. That's just our nature, to ebb and flow in our love for God while we're still in these earthly bodies. I could never have seen that or acknowledged that though when I was in the middle of my trials - I just kept thinking "if only God had done this or that"
3. I never would have learned these lessons on my own, and I especially would have never learned them if I hadn't gone through what I did.
4. It's hard to see the forest for the trees. My life seemed shambles, I gave up even trying to get close to God because I was so angry at Him. And you know what? He knew all of that was going to happen before it actually did.....and so He ended up using all of that to eventually bring me back to Him.
I just want to show you a little light at the end of the tunnel, if at all possible. You will eventually come out the other side of your tribulations and be able to see that God really was there, and all the time, He was using what was going on with you to change you. Maybe not to give you all that you want or to make life easier for you, but to change you. No matter how you react to all that is happening to you, He knows how to use it in the end. Disobedience prolongs the trials, but sometimes we know no other way to react to a situation.
Not many Christians have sunk as low as I did while I was disobedient and yet God brought me back around. And I guarantee you it wasn't because of anything that was in me that it was able to be done - it was all Him.
If you want to PM me at all to talk, feel free to. I pray just for a peace of mind for you.
~ Lauren
