Jealousy

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umzza

Senior Member
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#1
There's someone I am jealous of. They get attention and love from people I want attention from and to talk to. They are beautiful and everything and I am not and I think the people of a church I want to go to and be a part of love this person more than they would ever love me. I feel jealous and angry. I think if I make myself better looking they might love me more like they seem to love this person. I want the love of these people so badly but idk how to get it.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,787
5,459
113
#2
Hey ummmz, listen sweetie, I understand. I have had moments when the green eyed monster had a hold of me, and I too have yearned for love and acceptance myself, especially when I was younger. Listen dear, the kind of love you need and should want is not based on superficial stuff.

Listen, you want to know how to make good friends? Take an interest in their lives, show up and invest in them. Sincerely, care for them. I am not talking about becoming a stalker or becoming needy, just start with one person that you think you might share common interests with. I am telling you a small circle of friends, one that you can REALLY trust is far better than a bunch of them who are just acquaintances. So start investing yourself in one relationship at a time.

Remember, God is Your Father and Jesus is Your Saviour, but both of them separate and together as One, want an intimate connection with you, a true friendship unlike all other. That is the best relationship you could ever invest in.

Oh and remember to quit focusing on what anyone else is getting and think about what you could be giving. I feel pretty sure your life will be so blessed by it. And know that I am telling myself the same stuff when I have weak moments and we all have weak moments.

I am praying for you, dear beautiful and precious child of His.
 

umzza

Senior Member
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#5
Hey ummmz, listen sweetie, I understand. I have had moments when the green eyed monster had a hold of me, and I too have yearned for love and acceptance myself, especially when I was younger. Listen dear, the kind of love you need and should want is not based on superficial stuff.

Listen, you want to know how to make good friends? Take an interest in their lives, show up and invest in them. Sincerely, care for them. I am not talking about becoming a stalker or becoming needy, just start with one person that you think you might share common interests with. I am telling you a small circle of friends, one that you can REALLY trust is far better than a bunch of them who are just acquaintances. So start investing yourself in one relationship at a time.

Remember, God is Your Father and Jesus is Your Saviour, but both of them separate and together as One, want an intimate connection with you, a true friendship unlike all other. That is the best relationship you could ever invest in.

Oh and remember to quit focusing on what anyone else is getting and think about what you could be giving. I feel pretty sure your life will be so blessed by it. And know that I am telling myself the same stuff when I have weak moments and we all have weak moments.

I am praying for you, dear beautiful and precious child of His.
I tried to sincerely care about someone but just ended up being creepy and ending up looking like a stalker because I am so desparate for their love. I saw them as a mentor and so I thought they were wiser and stronger than me so I clung to them and followed them but they thought I was annoying idk. It was really difficult. It is depressing and hard to get up from that dissapointment. Okay it was more like my heart ripped out of my body and let go of me so I fell off a cliff but it was difficult and idk how to get motivation back from that. The motivation is gone.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,787
5,459
113
#6
I tried to sincerely care about someone but just ended up being creepy and ending up looking like a stalker because I am so desparate for their love. I saw them as a mentor and so I thought they were wiser and stronger than me so I clung to them and followed them but they thought I was annoying idk. It was really difficult. It is depressing and hard to get up from that dissapointment. Okay it was more like my heart ripped out of my body and let go of me so I fell off a cliff but it was difficult and idk how to get motivation back from that. The motivation is gone.
Oh sweet Sis, don't apologize for having so much love to give, just feel sorry for those who don't want it. Move on, take it slowly. I will pray that the Lord helps open a door or two in the area of friendship. Just keep your heart soft and forgive them for hurting you and for not being able to return it. I pray that you stay strong and know you are precious.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
9,627
3,265
113
#7
I feel jealous and angry. I think if I make myself better looking they might love me more like they seem to love this person.
Are you just trolling or are you serious? Why do you think you should be comparing yourself to anyone? If you are a Christian, your standard of comparison should be Christ. If not then you have to address that issue first, and jealously will become a thing of the past.
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
8,432
3,618
113
#8
ummm

I'm thinking you might try checking out a person's profile before you hit them over the head with the really big family edition of the Bible

some people are just reaching out

that is an issue you might...no should...consider
 

JohnRH

Junior Member
Mar 5, 2018
255
96
28
#9
There's someone I am jealous of. They get attention and love from people I want attention from and to talk to. They are beautiful and everything and I am not and I think the people of a church I want to go to and be a part of love this person more than they would ever love me. I feel jealous and angry. I think if I make myself better looking they might love me more like they seem to love this person. I want the love of these people so badly but idk how to get it.
This reminds me of a movie that's currently on YouTube, "A Friend to Die For (1994)" aka "Death of a Cheerleader". Maybe you can identify with it. Don't do what the lead character did.
I would suggest that you get this person you're jealous of and the people of the church off of your pedestal. They likely don't want to be on it, so do them that favor. Focus on the One who fearfully and wonderfully made you just the way He wanted you.
 

umzza

Senior Member
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#10
I just feel that if I was more attractive people at churches would be a lot nicer and want to talk to me.
 

Hamilton

Active member
Nov 26, 2018
142
44
28
#11
There's someone I am jealous of. They get attention and love from people I want attention from and to talk to. They are beautiful and everything and I am not and I think the people of a church I want to go to and be a part of love this person more than they would ever love me. I feel jealous and angry. I think if I make myself better looking they might love me more like they seem to love this person. I want the love of these people so badly but idk how to get it.
Howdy Umzza. We do not have the whole context of the situation, so we may miss critical variables that can be controlled by you, or that cannot.

I would say welcome to the club. And how do you think Jesus felt when religious leaders preferred anything but Him, the creator of it all?

But guess what, there was other people that truly cherished Him, the Gentile Bride, that Bride really believed Him, really enjoyed Him and His message, to the point that will become the official wife some day.

Counselor June Hunt in one of her books clarifies for us the difference between envy and jealousy. Maybe you should explore such terms, because maybe none of them apply to your situation.

jealousy vs envy png.png

Maybe what really is deep inside you is the need for affiliation and a change in self concept:

Affiliation: you need to find a good Christian group that accepts you because God accepts you, and not because you fulfill their ideal member profile.

Self-concept: We tend to try to be in charge of our destiny, trying to approach and win the trust and approval of who we think is good for us. I learned long time, that in significant relations, is better to consult God.

Make a lot of friends, join associations about things you are really good at, also volunteer associations that do good in a way that is not too burdensome for you.

Once you meet a lot of persons, you can then ask God if there are certain person in particular which He approves for close friendship, for building discipleship together, for doing outreach work together, and even if there is one for gaining advice and counseling.

Ask God to remove from your circles of influence those persons that even you may consider awesome, they are really not good for you, and to bring closer to you those that positively can aid in you particular journey and life mission.

You may be surprised by the incredible people God can get into your life, and even learn something of value from them.

Just some ideas, trying to help.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
25,203
2,711
113
#13
There's someone I am jealous of. They get attention and love from people I want attention from and to talk to. They are beautiful and everything and I am not and I think the people of a church I want to go to and be a part of love this person more than they would ever love me. I feel jealous and angry. I think if I make myself better looking they might love me more like they seem to love this person. I want the love of these people so badly but idk how to get it.
Why not just seek the LOVE OF GOD? That is really all that counts............

Have you ever received the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit? (just asking, because this comment is soooo carnal)
 

umzza

Senior Member
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#14
So get a face replacement and use deoderant.
Okay first of all, I wear deoderant. That is one area I make sure of. I make sure I smell good. I can dress like crap and not care about anything but I sure as heck am going to smell good lol.
 

umzza

Senior Member
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#15
Why not just seek the LOVE OF GOD? That is really all that counts............

Have you ever received the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit? (just asking, because this comment is soooo carnal)
I don't know. People say salvation is by faith but I have seen Bible verses that say that specific works are required so I believe that certain works are required to be saved so then people would probably say I wasn't so idk.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
25,203
2,711
113
#16
ALL THAT IS REQUIRED FOR SALVATION IS FOUND IN JOHN 3:16!

There IS NO WORK that will save anyone, NONE!

Salvation comes from believing in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, repenting and asking Him to come into your life/heart and be Lord of your life.

The ONLY WORKS a Christian need be aware of are the GOOD WORKS that FOLLOW salvation. God has a purpose for ALL those He calls to Him, and Christians need to know what that purpose is and do it. These good works do not save anyone, they are the FRUIT of a persons salvation!

As for the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit........a new believer desiring to receive His indwelling presence only need to ask one or more Sanctified Believers to gather around him, lay hands on him, and pray over him that he receive the Holy Spirit. They can anoint him if he/they desire to..........but, as Paul taught in Acts, it is critical that they gather around, lay hands on, and pray over.........

SOMETIMES this can occur at the same time as Salvation, and, other times it occurs at a later date.

Please DO NOT listen to anyone who tells you YOU MUST DO THIS OR THAT to be saved..............WORKS WILL NOT SAVE ANYONE!

God bless, and I hope you find one or more Sanctified believers (mature believers that have the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, and have grown in the understanding of Scripture, and are feasting on the meat of the Word of God) somewhere around you that you can turn to, lean on, and grow with.
 

Hamilton

Active member
Nov 26, 2018
142
44
28
#17
ALL THAT IS REQUIRED FOR SALVATION IS FOUND IN JOHN 3:16!

There IS NO WORK that will save anyone, NONE!

Salvation comes from believing in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, repenting and asking Him to come into your life/heart and be Lord of your life.

The ONLY WORKS a Christian need be aware of are the GOOD WORKS that FOLLOW salvation. God has a purpose for ALL those He calls to Him, and Christians need to know what that purpose is and do it. These good works do not save anyone, they are the FRUIT of a persons salvation!

As for the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit........a new believer desiring to receive His indwelling presence only need to ask one or more Sanctified Believers to gather around him, lay hands on him, and pray over him that he receive the Holy Spirit. They can anoint him if he/they desire to..........but, as Paul taught in Acts, it is critical that they gather around, lay hands on, and pray over.........

SOMETIMES this can occur at the same time as Salvation, and, other times it occurs at a later date.

Please DO NOT listen to anyone who tells you YOU MUST DO THIS OR THAT to be saved..............WORKS WILL NOT SAVE ANYONE!

God bless, and I hope you find one or more Sanctified believers (mature believers that have the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, and have grown in the understanding of Scripture, and are feasting on the meat of the Word of God) somewhere around you that you can turn to, lean on, and grow with.
We understand that all our works are but like unclean rags to God. They are ineffectual and useless to save.

But God is God, and we are not. God works using a covenant structure.

Covenants in ANE were like so: Some great king, had done something great for a group of people. The deed done was out of his grace and unmerited. So in thankfulness for such gracious gift, people were expected to do 2 things;

1 faithful allegiance to that king
2 do what the king ordered out of thankfulness for the unmerited gift.

So God decides to start a New Covenant with humans:

He offers a free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ and His sacrifice. All good.

But wait, we are expected to do the requisites for the entrance in the New Covenant in thankful attitude for a free gift:

Listen / read, understand, repent, confess sins to God, metanoia (turn away from sins), accept Christ as Lord and Savior, baptize, receive the Holy Spirit, walk humbly with God obeying to walk in the good deeds He prepared for us to walk in before the foundation of the world, that most likely involve helping with saving the elected within the lost.

Bad secular analogy follows:

Suppose someone is in death row. nothing they do or say can save them from the death penalty. But wait a high Officer of a Royal family grants a pardon (in this case with the Sacrifice of the Son for the penalty of the inmates).

The only thing that is going to get the persons out of death row is the pardon.

Now suppose that the high Officer says: yes I grant you pardon, and I want you to wash, change clothes, put deodorant, trim and shine, and go to the front door because someone is going to pick you up to start a new life.

The reason for all the process of washing, changing the rags for nice clothes, etc. is not to offend the pardoning messenger, you can do all that process, and without the royal pardon you would not be spared.

Question is: what happens if you do not do the prescribed things in the New Covenant? you do not wash, do not change clothes? etc. will you lose the salvation? probably not, but you will offend the person looking for you.

Not only that, in the wedding of the Lamb, there was a person that did not have the wedding clothes, he was thrown out... did he lose salvation? most likely not, but probably has to go through the tribulation to wash the cloth.

How about you go to the side door instead of the front door as instructed?

You see where we are getting. God wants to deal with us in Covenantal ways. He stipulated New Covenant requirements through HIs appointed official spokespersons (Peter being one), if He is God and He wants it that way, who are we to not follow His rules?

Maybe that is part of the plan, to see if we are going to be obedient to Him, or will follow deception like in the garden listening to a stranger.

Just a thought in different angle for further research, reflection and comment.
 

Hevosmies

Well-known member
Sep 8, 2018
3,255
2,405
113
#18
Hey there. I am sorry to hear about your situation, im sure we can all relate.

Before I say what im about to say i would like to pad it with: This is just MY opinion and MY experience, not necessarily applicable to everyone:

What I learned during my life on this earth is that you can NEVER please people. And if you go on living your life trying to please other people, you will NEVER be happy and people will always critique everything you do. This obviously doesn't mean that you shouldn't respect your parents and your boss at work etc.
What I mean is that if you are trying to impress other people by acting different, or looking different, you are creating a fake image of yourself, and the people are attracted to the fake image that you created, not the real you. This means you have to keep up the role constantly, and you cant be yourself.

I come from the mean streets and im still struggling with a BUNCH of physical and mental stuff. But one thing I learned is: Dont let other people have that power over you, where they can make you feel sad because they dont like you, or show more love to someone else.
I would like to tell you that eventually you will meet someone that loves you the way you are, in a genuine way. This hasn't happened to me yet, but I haven't given up hope completely, I will keep going and battling away till my final breath, and if God so has decreed, I will be alone doing it.

I dont know if you are describing a relationship or friendship, but if its relationship, remember that Paul was a lonely man as well, as was the Lord Jesus Christ. Daniel too. Many people in the Bible were great men of God and were lonely. Its part of the pilgrimage here on earth.

I will never let a man/woman in a pair of leather shoes to disrespect me or put me down or tell me how to live my life just so I could please him/her, ive come too far in my life to do that.
I hope you dont let anyone do that to you either. Stay strong, stay grounded in the faith, dig your heels deep, be immovable, be steady.

Loneliness creates tough people. Its like in prison: Its tough making it in the general population, but if you make it in the hole (one room, no company, just a bucket/toilet and a matress and no TV) you are tough as nails.
 

garee

Senior Member
Mar 28, 2016
11,779
1,051
113
#19
There's someone I am jealous of. They get attention and love from people I want attention from and to talk to. They are beautiful and everything and I am not and I think the people of a church I want to go to and be a part of love this person more than they would ever love me. I feel jealous and angry. I think if I make myself better looking they might love me more like they seem to love this person. I want the love of these people so badly but idk how to get it.
I think it is one of those entertaining strangers as messengers of God. God can bring all kind of tests to build us up, seeing he causes the increase. If we begin looking for fault because of jealousy it could be we are angry with God. God's name is jealous .He owns all things Put his love is not jealous it is first foremost long suffering or patient and then it can be l kind as through the different attributes of love that last in 1 Corinthians 13. But the first seems the hardest .Especially if our fleshly desires awaken us . Easier said then done but work the first work of suffering long... praise God for being generous with others .The suffering can be lessened for doing what is right, never ending to those can be blinded by jealousy.
 
#20
There's someone I am jealous of. They get attention and love from people I want attention from and to talk to. They are beautiful and everything and I am not and I think the people of a church I want to go to and be a part of love this person more than they would ever love me. I feel jealous and angry. I think if I make myself better looking they might love me more like they seem to love this person. I want the love of these people so badly but idk how to get it.
Sounds like you are coveting that which "that someone" has. Which isn't good. Mixing this with anger, vexates your heart, and leads to bitterness. That ain't good either.

Question: "Who told you, you were not beautiful?" You are beautiful in God's eye! Fact is? You are the apple of God's eye!

If God wanted you to be that "someone else?" He would have made you that "someone else!" But, He didn't! He made you? To BE YOU!

Take comfort, and faith, in this! Because? It's TRUE!

Peer pressure, is a "terrible" contrivance of vanity! Which in the "largest sense?" Means NOTHING! ;)