Polygamy?

[Ancilla]

I read this book Stolen Innocence: My Story of Growing Up in a Polygamous Sect, Becoming a Teenage Bride, and Breaking Free of Warren Jeffs by Elissa Wall. If you really want to know what it's like inside a polygamous marriage, you should read it. Now, she never was one of multiple wives, but her mother was the second of three wives. And then her mother was reassigned to another man who already had... I can't remember how many wives. She gave what I thought was a very balanced account of the complicated relationship between her mom and her father's first wife. It's like both wives thought the other was the husband's favourite and they really didn't understand each other. She was interviewed by Oprah and then on another show, Oprah visited... I think it was the same compound. The wives there insisted that they were happy and didn't get jealous and stuff, but after reading that book I wouldn't trust those people to be honest. If they were unhappy or jealous, they wouldn't admit it to anyone let alone on camera. I always knew that being a woman in the FLDS must be really tough, but the book made it sound like was bad for the men too. They're under a lot of pressure to keep their family under control. At risk was loosing everything. They believe that a man needs at least 3 wives to get into the highest level of heaven. That means that 2/3 of the men would be kicked out for not being good enough, or more likely, not being obedient enough to the leadership.

 

[imoss]

fyi... i was joking.

 

[Ancilla]

fyi... i was joking.

Yeah, I know, but when men think of polygamy, they probably think about how great it would be to... But I insist that having multiple wives would have it's downsides that most men probably don't consider.

 

[imoss]

yeah thats what i was getting at... ask my husband, one wife is sufficent lol! I couldnt even imagine what the family unit goes through & am very interested in reading that book! I have a "sorry in advance" t shirt i wear 3 days a month... could you imagine dealing with that with multiple wives? eieiei.

 

[jcspartan]

Yeah, I know, but when men think of polygamy, they probably think about how great it would be to... But I insist that having multiple wives would have it's downsides that most men probably don't consider.

Ancilla, I think your 100% right. I haven't read the book you were referring to but I personally think the situation with the FLDS groups is diabolical. Even if polygamy is acceptable under some circumstance in scripture, I don't think what is happening in many of the FLDS is scriptural at all. They are trying to earn salvation. In that context there is no choice. If God said it is not good for man to be alone, then there is a lot that is not good since the majority of men don't get a wife if they want one and a wife cannot chose who she wants. It is one thing when you have consenting adults. It is quite another when there is coercion and ostracism.

Scripture admonishes that a husband of more than one wife must care for his first wives. In some of these FLDS groups the husband is not caring for his wives at all. They get a welfare check and he takes his cut first (even though the check from the state is not meant for him) and they live as second rate citizens. I don't want to even go to the point of underage brides. News reports can be sensationalized but still some of these girls look awfully young.

In almost every case in scripture where a second wife was forced onto the rest of the family by the husband something bad came of it. The only time I know of it working is with a family (not FLDS) where the first wife and husband came to the decision together and jointly found a second wife. I don't know how all that worked. I didn't ask. For them, the family dynamics are hard sometimes and easier other in other ways.

 

[Ancilla]

Ancilla, I think your 100% right. I haven't read the book you were referring to but I personally think the situation with the FLDS groups is diabolical. Even if polygamy is acceptable under some circumstance in scripture, I don't think what is happening in many of the FLDS is scriptural at all. They are trying to earn salvation. In that context there is no choice. If God said it is not good for man to be alone, then there is a lot that is not good since the majority of men don't get a wife if they want one and a wife cannot chose who she wants. It is one thing when you have consenting adults. It is quite another when there is coercion and ostracism.

Scripture admonishes that a husband of more than one wife must care for his first wives. In some of these FLDS groups the husband is not caring for his wives at all. They get a welfare check and he takes his cut first (even though the check from the state is not meant for him) and they live as second rate citizens. I don't want to even go to the point of underage brides. News reports can be sensationalized but still some of these girls look awfully young.

In almost every case in scripture where a second wife was forced onto the rest of the family by the husband something bad came of it. The only time I know of it working is with a family (not FLDS) where the first wife and husband came to the decision together and jointly found a second wife. I don't know how all that worked. I didn't ask. For them, the family dynamics are hard sometimes and easier other in other ways.

You're totally right. For them, and every other cult, it's about earning salvation.

Yeah, Wall was 14 when she forced into marriage. And it wasn't just that she was being forced to get married young, he was her first cousin, he was 5 years older than her, and he was really mean to her. She had so many relatives and this was the one guy who she had the most trouble getting along with and he was the one who Jeffs made her marry. She and some of her siblings started to express doubt. At least one of her brothers was kicked out. He left with nothing. He had a very limited education, no money, no knowledge of the outside world, no references, I don't even know how some of these guys who leave the FLDS have the documents they need to get a job. Basically the idea is that when a guy doubts, he gets kicked out as soon as possible, and when a girl doubts, she gets married off and pregnant as soon as possilble. Because once she has a baby she's completely trapped.

I Googled Elissa Wall's name after I read the book. I found a pro-FLDS website that insisted that he was a nice guy and she wanted to get married. It's like they don't understand that the outside world doesn't find it ok for a 14 year old to marry her cousin regardless of how she feels about it.

I really recommend anyone read her book. It's pretty desturbing, but it's important to see how such a large group of people can be brainwashed like that.

 

[DinoDillinger]

As far as I know there is nothing prohibiting a person from a man having multiple wives unless he is an elder. In the U.S. it is against the law so we can't here according to scripture. It would seem to cause alot of problems though. I wouldn't reccomend it

 

[Slepsog4]

In ancient cultures where polygamy was practiced, there was not the same level of face to face interaction between a man and his wives as we see today. They had separate sleeping quarters most of the time. The women often were housed together elsewhere (harem).

His love for them was seen in practical ways of provision and protection. They provided companionship, bed privileges, and bore him children.