THE CONSEQUENCES OF GOSSIP
What are some of the consequences? For one thing, gossip destroys a reputation.
The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor, But through knowledge the righteous will be delivered (Pro 11:9) NKJV.
The Hypocrite obviously is not giving correct information. That’s the point of the Proverb, and he has hypocrisy in his heart because he falling into the gossip trap. He doesn’t want to help. He’s destroying, the Bibles says, and he does it with his mouth. You can destroy a person’s reputation and character by the things that you say. Did you know that our Lord Jesus warned us about this? He did. It’s going to happen. People are going to slander you, misrepresent you, falsely judge your motives, criticize you about things that are not true, and Jesus said that you will be blessed and your reward will be great in heaven. You talk about destroying a person reputation and life.
Do not go hastily to court; For what will you do in the end, When your neighbor has put you to shame? Debate your case with your neighbor, And do not disclose the secret to another; Lest he who hears it expose your shame, And your reputation be ruined. (Pro 25:8-10) NKJV.
What is the consequence of gossip? You destroy a person reputation. If you have suffered some hurt in this regard, let me give you a little statement I learned in college that stuck with me and it means a lot. Your character is what God knows you to be.
A second consequence that we’ve already seen in a few verses, is that Gossip separates friends from each other. Have you ever sensed something wrong in a relationship, and there is not an obvious reason? After reading the Proverbs on this, I believe this problem of gossip is a major reason why friends are separated from each other. Somebody believed a rumour, and it ruined somebody’s life.
A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends. (Pro 16:28) NKJV
If you start spreading rumours and slander, you’ll separate the best of friends.
He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends. (Pro 17:9 cf. 16:28) NKJV.
A third Characteristic is that gossip causes anger.
The north wind brings forth rain, And a backbiting tongue an angry countenance (Pro 25:23) NKJV.
Often people, who cause it say, well, don’t get mad.” Wait a minute. You caused it. What did you expect? All of us better be careful, because we’re causing problem by telling what we shouldn’t tell and produces anger. The fourth consequence of gossip is that it will not go unpunished. You will not escape.
Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, Him I will destroy; The one who has a haughty look and a proud heart, Him I will not endure. (Psalm 101:5) NKJV.
God says he will destroy the person who gossip.
A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who speaks lies will not escape. (Pro 19:5) A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who speaks lies shall perish. (Pro 19:9)
Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, And he who rolls a stone will have it roll back on him (Pro 26:27) NKJV
Do not malign a servant to his master, Lest he curse you, and you be found guilty (Pro 30:10) NKJV
God makes it very clear—if you spend your time gossiping, tearing down, spreading rumours, criticizing others verbally, you’re going to suffer the consequences for it.
THE CONTROL OF GOSSIP
Let’s get to the hope. How do we control the problem? If someone says, “have you heard…?, we need to stop them. “Am I supposed to hear this?” Does this involve me? There are lot of things being said, especially among Christians that ought not to have been said. They don’t do anybody any good. They don’t help anybody at all. How do you control gossip? I want to use the word “desire”, and I want you to think about your own heart.
Do you have a desire to protect? If you have a desire to protect, you’ll start controlling your gossip.
Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins. (Pro 10:12) NKJV.
A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter. (Pro 10: 13) NKJV.
A prudent man conceals knowledge, But the heart of fools proclaims foolishness (Pro 12:23) NKJV.
He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends. (Proverbs 17:9) NKJV
An interesting verse in the “Love Chapter” (1Co.13:7) says Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things.” When it says,”bears all things”, that’s the Greek word that is used in Modern Greek for the roof of a house. Love “covers” all things. That right from the Proverbs! That’s what God’s love is about. When it controls your life, there is a desire to protect people, not to hurt them – not to spread rumours.
The second way of controlling gossip is to have a desire to forgive. If you have tasted deeply of the Lord’s grace in your life, then the desire to forgive will be evident. That will be your immediate responses, no matter what somebody has done. Is your first response to jump all over a person, to point out how terrible they are and that they don’t deserve anything that God’s giving them, or is there in your heart a desire to forgive? This doesn’t exclude confrontation and accountability, but what goes on in our hearts is often very critical.
The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression. (Pro 19:11) NKJV.
The desire to forgive is the mark of a godly person who does not want to be dominated by spreading gossip, or listening to it.
When you want to control gossip, there is a desire to know the truth. When you’re walking with the Lord, you want to know the truth-it doesn’t matter what was shared. Sometimes it is difficult to find out.
The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so. (Pro 15:7) NKJV.
The person who walks with the Lord-who has the wisdom of God, always wants to know the truth.
The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, But the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness. (Pro 15:14) NKJV
If you have a heart of understanding, you’re going to seek knowledge; You want to know the truth.
The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge, And the ear of the wise seeks knowledge (Proverbs 18:15) NKJV.
Over and over again in Proverbs, it is shown that people who walk with the lord and are godly and wise, are always ones who want to know the truth. They do not accept hear say, rumour and gossip, and they do not want to spread it.
There is a desire to heal in the heart of a person who wants to control gossip. Gossip hurts.
There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health. (Proverbs 12:18) NKJV.
When you speak about something in a delicate matter, is there a desire to know the truth and a desire to heal and restore the situation? If we walk with the Lord, we’re going to find out what the true. We’re going after that truth, and protect everybody until we find out what the truth is. Our whole goal is to heal the relationship--to restore the relationship and not let the rumour keep going.
If you’re going to control gossip, there is a desire to know all sides of an issue. This is a very delicate matter.
The first one to plead his cause seems right, Until his neighbor comes and examines him. (Pro 18:17) NKJV.
The first person to tell you something always seems right, until you hear the other side. We need to be wise. Not that we’re questioning and doubting what somebody says, but that we are careful with a desire to protect, to love, to forgive and to heal. We want to know all sides of an issue; however, sometimes we need to ask ourselves why we even feel the need to know. Are we really involved?
In order to control gossip, we need a desire to be careful.
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, But the mouth of the wicked what is perverse. (Pro 10:32) NKJV.
The words “appropriate”, “proper”, or “acceptable” are very important words. Some people don’t like them because they-they think you should”tell it like it is!” However we’re not always to tell it like it is. We’re always to tell the truth, but the way we are something is important. A righteous man knows what is acceptable, what is appropriate, what is proper, and what is fitting. That’s very important to understand. Be careful what you say about someone else. People can change by grace of God and the Holy Spirit, so don’t judge them by something that happened in the past. It is possible that they have changed by the power of God. We can all change—at any age.
The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil. (Pro 15:28) NKJV.
The righteous person thinks about it before he speaks.
Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles (Pro 21:23) NKJV.
That is really true. Troubles come because you didn’t put a guard over your mouth, and you told somebody something that you shouldn’t have, and then your later learn that it wasn’t the truth. That is an embarrassment. When something like that happens, you should go back and confess what you did to everyone you told and ask for forgiveness.
If we are going to control gossip we need a desire to love others. Sometimes I have to ask myself if I really love other people. It’s not something we boast or brag about, is it? Do you really love other people? In God’s law, this business of loving other people is associated with gossip.
‘You shall do no injustice in judgment. You shall not be partial to the poor, nor honor the person of the mighty. In righteousness you shall judge your neighbor. You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I am the Lord. You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. (Lev 19:15-18) NKJV
If you want to control gossip, it is obvious that we need to love other people. Jesus took this teaching and said to His disciples the night before he went to the cross, A new commandment I give unto you…” It wasn’t new from the standpoint of time; it has been given way back in Leviticus 19. The Greek word is not “new” meaning new in time. It’s a word “new” meaning fresh. Here is the key. He said, I’m giving you a “fresh” commandment about this-that you love one another [here come the freshness] as I loved [past tense] you. This phrase is repeated in the epistles, repeated in the gospels, repeated in the writings of John many times—al rooted in the cross. Jesus was saying, “Whenever you want to love somebody, just think of what I have done for you. Whenever you want to spread a rumour thinks of the day I died on the cross because of what wrong with you.” When you think of a wrong that’s has been done to you-a transgression, a hurt, something said to you, a criticism—Jesus said to remember that He died on the cross for you. “You forgive them like I have forgave you. A new [fresh] commandment I give you that you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)
What are some of the consequences? For one thing, gossip destroys a reputation.
The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor, But through knowledge the righteous will be delivered (Pro 11:9) NKJV.
The Hypocrite obviously is not giving correct information. That’s the point of the Proverb, and he has hypocrisy in his heart because he falling into the gossip trap. He doesn’t want to help. He’s destroying, the Bibles says, and he does it with his mouth. You can destroy a person’s reputation and character by the things that you say. Did you know that our Lord Jesus warned us about this? He did. It’s going to happen. People are going to slander you, misrepresent you, falsely judge your motives, criticize you about things that are not true, and Jesus said that you will be blessed and your reward will be great in heaven. You talk about destroying a person reputation and life.
Do not go hastily to court; For what will you do in the end, When your neighbor has put you to shame? Debate your case with your neighbor, And do not disclose the secret to another; Lest he who hears it expose your shame, And your reputation be ruined. (Pro 25:8-10) NKJV.
What is the consequence of gossip? You destroy a person reputation. If you have suffered some hurt in this regard, let me give you a little statement I learned in college that stuck with me and it means a lot. Your character is what God knows you to be.
A second consequence that we’ve already seen in a few verses, is that Gossip separates friends from each other. Have you ever sensed something wrong in a relationship, and there is not an obvious reason? After reading the Proverbs on this, I believe this problem of gossip is a major reason why friends are separated from each other. Somebody believed a rumour, and it ruined somebody’s life.
A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends. (Pro 16:28) NKJV
If you start spreading rumours and slander, you’ll separate the best of friends.
He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends. (Pro 17:9 cf. 16:28) NKJV.
A third Characteristic is that gossip causes anger.
The north wind brings forth rain, And a backbiting tongue an angry countenance (Pro 25:23) NKJV.
Often people, who cause it say, well, don’t get mad.” Wait a minute. You caused it. What did you expect? All of us better be careful, because we’re causing problem by telling what we shouldn’t tell and produces anger. The fourth consequence of gossip is that it will not go unpunished. You will not escape.
Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, Him I will destroy; The one who has a haughty look and a proud heart, Him I will not endure. (Psalm 101:5) NKJV.
God says he will destroy the person who gossip.
A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who speaks lies will not escape. (Pro 19:5) A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who speaks lies shall perish. (Pro 19:9)
Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, And he who rolls a stone will have it roll back on him (Pro 26:27) NKJV
Do not malign a servant to his master, Lest he curse you, and you be found guilty (Pro 30:10) NKJV
God makes it very clear—if you spend your time gossiping, tearing down, spreading rumours, criticizing others verbally, you’re going to suffer the consequences for it.
THE CONTROL OF GOSSIP
Let’s get to the hope. How do we control the problem? If someone says, “have you heard…?, we need to stop them. “Am I supposed to hear this?” Does this involve me? There are lot of things being said, especially among Christians that ought not to have been said. They don’t do anybody any good. They don’t help anybody at all. How do you control gossip? I want to use the word “desire”, and I want you to think about your own heart.
Do you have a desire to protect? If you have a desire to protect, you’ll start controlling your gossip.
Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins. (Pro 10:12) NKJV.
A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter. (Pro 10: 13) NKJV.
A prudent man conceals knowledge, But the heart of fools proclaims foolishness (Pro 12:23) NKJV.
He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends. (Proverbs 17:9) NKJV
An interesting verse in the “Love Chapter” (1Co.13:7) says Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things.” When it says,”bears all things”, that’s the Greek word that is used in Modern Greek for the roof of a house. Love “covers” all things. That right from the Proverbs! That’s what God’s love is about. When it controls your life, there is a desire to protect people, not to hurt them – not to spread rumours.
The second way of controlling gossip is to have a desire to forgive. If you have tasted deeply of the Lord’s grace in your life, then the desire to forgive will be evident. That will be your immediate responses, no matter what somebody has done. Is your first response to jump all over a person, to point out how terrible they are and that they don’t deserve anything that God’s giving them, or is there in your heart a desire to forgive? This doesn’t exclude confrontation and accountability, but what goes on in our hearts is often very critical.
The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression. (Pro 19:11) NKJV.
The desire to forgive is the mark of a godly person who does not want to be dominated by spreading gossip, or listening to it.
When you want to control gossip, there is a desire to know the truth. When you’re walking with the Lord, you want to know the truth-it doesn’t matter what was shared. Sometimes it is difficult to find out.
The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so. (Pro 15:7) NKJV.
The person who walks with the Lord-who has the wisdom of God, always wants to know the truth.
The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, But the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness. (Pro 15:14) NKJV
If you have a heart of understanding, you’re going to seek knowledge; You want to know the truth.
The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge, And the ear of the wise seeks knowledge (Proverbs 18:15) NKJV.
Over and over again in Proverbs, it is shown that people who walk with the lord and are godly and wise, are always ones who want to know the truth. They do not accept hear say, rumour and gossip, and they do not want to spread it.
There is a desire to heal in the heart of a person who wants to control gossip. Gossip hurts.
There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health. (Proverbs 12:18) NKJV.
When you speak about something in a delicate matter, is there a desire to know the truth and a desire to heal and restore the situation? If we walk with the Lord, we’re going to find out what the true. We’re going after that truth, and protect everybody until we find out what the truth is. Our whole goal is to heal the relationship--to restore the relationship and not let the rumour keep going.
If you’re going to control gossip, there is a desire to know all sides of an issue. This is a very delicate matter.
The first one to plead his cause seems right, Until his neighbor comes and examines him. (Pro 18:17) NKJV.
The first person to tell you something always seems right, until you hear the other side. We need to be wise. Not that we’re questioning and doubting what somebody says, but that we are careful with a desire to protect, to love, to forgive and to heal. We want to know all sides of an issue; however, sometimes we need to ask ourselves why we even feel the need to know. Are we really involved?
In order to control gossip, we need a desire to be careful.
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, But the mouth of the wicked what is perverse. (Pro 10:32) NKJV.
The words “appropriate”, “proper”, or “acceptable” are very important words. Some people don’t like them because they-they think you should”tell it like it is!” However we’re not always to tell it like it is. We’re always to tell the truth, but the way we are something is important. A righteous man knows what is acceptable, what is appropriate, what is proper, and what is fitting. That’s very important to understand. Be careful what you say about someone else. People can change by grace of God and the Holy Spirit, so don’t judge them by something that happened in the past. It is possible that they have changed by the power of God. We can all change—at any age.
The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil. (Pro 15:28) NKJV.
The righteous person thinks about it before he speaks.
Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles (Pro 21:23) NKJV.
That is really true. Troubles come because you didn’t put a guard over your mouth, and you told somebody something that you shouldn’t have, and then your later learn that it wasn’t the truth. That is an embarrassment. When something like that happens, you should go back and confess what you did to everyone you told and ask for forgiveness.
If we are going to control gossip we need a desire to love others. Sometimes I have to ask myself if I really love other people. It’s not something we boast or brag about, is it? Do you really love other people? In God’s law, this business of loving other people is associated with gossip.
‘You shall do no injustice in judgment. You shall not be partial to the poor, nor honor the person of the mighty. In righteousness you shall judge your neighbor. You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I am the Lord. You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. (Lev 19:15-18) NKJV
If you want to control gossip, it is obvious that we need to love other people. Jesus took this teaching and said to His disciples the night before he went to the cross, A new commandment I give unto you…” It wasn’t new from the standpoint of time; it has been given way back in Leviticus 19. The Greek word is not “new” meaning new in time. It’s a word “new” meaning fresh. Here is the key. He said, I’m giving you a “fresh” commandment about this-that you love one another [here come the freshness] as I loved [past tense] you. This phrase is repeated in the epistles, repeated in the gospels, repeated in the writings of John many times—al rooted in the cross. Jesus was saying, “Whenever you want to love somebody, just think of what I have done for you. Whenever you want to spread a rumour thinks of the day I died on the cross because of what wrong with you.” When you think of a wrong that’s has been done to you-a transgression, a hurt, something said to you, a criticism—Jesus said to remember that He died on the cross for you. “You forgive them like I have forgave you. A new [fresh] commandment I give you that you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)
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