She is half your age!

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presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
8,143
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#1
I have noticed this on television in particular where a reporter commentator or someone else speaks of a man dating or married to a younger woman, "She is half his age," as if an age difference makes the relationship inherently immoral.

What is really bad is when a couple are married and judgy strangers make these comments. If a girl brings home a man she is dating and the parents point that out to her in a private conversation, fine. There are practical issues of a man marrying a younger woman or vice versa. If he is much older than her he is more likely statistically to die before she is. But we are not God and we cannot determine either of their lifespans. If the woman is old enough and he wants children then it is less likely to she will have kids, but the Lord could bless them with children also. If a bachelor (man) in his 40s )wanted to marry and have children and asked my advice I would suggest marry a woman in her 20s or 30s.

Isaac may have been 20 years older than Rebecca or more. Wasn't their relationship from the Lord? Boaz was older than Ruth.

Some moderns think age imbalances put a woman at a power imbalance in the relationship, but if we believe a wife should submit to her husband is this an argument against an age gap?

Shouldn't our ethics on marriage have more to do with biblical criteria like the two being believers, sexual morality, not violating the Lord's commands on divorce and remarriage, whether a potential partner will be loving and if he is a man like Christ loves the church, and whether if a wife she will submit to her husband? Aren't these better concerns?

Lest you think I am writing this because I am old and my wife is young, my wife is about three years younger than I am. My parents were nearly ten years apart
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
19,101
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#2
maybe they are just saying that so people dont confuse them and think they are father and daughter.

They could also say the reverse and state he is twice her age.

Many journalists, when reporting or writing about someone, put the age in brackets for some strange reason. I dont know if this is a journalistic convention, or just a hag mag standard. if what passes for news is that someone is dating someone. What kind of news are you paying attention to or is it just gossip.
 
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7seasrekeyed

Guest
#3
I'm honestly not sure what your objective is here...or perhaps you are just thinking out loud?

you bring up television 'in particular' as if some sort of education is to be had that we might refer to in case we do not have our own compass already, gained in the Bible in particular

you state you keep hearing the woman is 'half his age' with reference to relationships

first of all, I don't know why most of them even get married. divorce is usually the end result and then a younger woman and in some cases man, so I'm thinking there is nothing to be gained by any of it

Shouldn't our ethics on marriage have more to do with biblical criteria like the two being believers, sexual morality, not violating the Lord's commands on divorce and remarriage, whether a potential partner will be loving and if he is a man

like Christ loves the church, and whether if a wife she will submit to her husband? Aren't these better concerns?
well yeah. probably.

you do understand that married people should submit to one another though, right? too many men seem to understand the word submit as 'boss'

no I am not an advocate of women's rights as seen on TV, but we do have God given rights

and I don't know what your belief is, so don't see the above as some sort of condemnation against you personally, but I am not understanding why the comparison between tv and biblical understanding of relationships

just sayin
 
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7seasrekeyed

Guest
#4
come to think of it,

I am also not sure why this is in the BDF rather than the Family forum :unsure:

no scripture reference at all in your post but prob most of us are familiar with the references you made to a few biblical people
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,872
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Germany
#5
Age is mostly just a number. Of course when being together with someone older or younger you need to consider pros and cons. Especially healthwise. Nothing is impossible though if its from God
Imo
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
8,143
1,386
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#6
come to think of it,

I am also not sure why this is in the BDF rather than the Family forum :unsure:

no scripture reference at all in your post but prob most of us are familiar with the references you made to a few biblical people
I actually thought I had posted this in the family forum.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
8,143
1,386
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#8
I'm honestly not sure what your objective is here...or perhaps you are just thinking out loud?

you bring up television 'in particular' as if some sort of education is to be had that we might refer to in case we do not have our own compass already, gained in the Bible in particular

you state you keep hearing the woman is 'half his age' with reference to relationships

first of all, I don't know why most of them even get married. divorce is usually the end result and then a younger woman and in some cases man, so I'm thinking there is nothing to be gained by any of it
The Bible says what God has joined together, let not man put asunder. I don't like to hear people speak ill of a couple because there is an age gap. I would probably feel the same about mixed race married coupled.

But I have heard judgy sounding comments toward older men considering marriage to younger women on TV. I've heard people make the comment. It seems to be a part of the culture. As the culture drifts away from Biblical standards, it sets up its own moral standards. I do not like to see Christians drawing from cultural standards that cause them to judge marriages that are Biblical.
I did not know i large age gaps corresponded with a higher divorce rate, but if that is the case, that doesn't mean we should judge people who marry who have a large age gap. Higher stats don't doom their marriage. I live in the US, and if I were to give advice to American men based on statistics only, I would say do not marry a woman in the United States or the Anglo world or much of Europe or Latin America. I'd say go to certain parts of Asia or Africa and stay in her country if divorce statistics were the only consideration.

I even read a post on Facebook from a man who called himself a missionary who said a man in the audience started a fight with him when he preached that it was prostitution for old white men to marry Filippina girls and pay to support her parents. Then bragged about winning a fight with an old man who hit him. Sounds like the missionary brought it on himself.

you do understand that married people should submit to one another though, right? too many men seem to understand the word submit as 'boss'
I would not advise anyone to be domineering, but Peter implies that a wife's submission includes obedience when he tells wives to submit to their own husbands even as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him lord.

and I don't know what your belief is, so don't see the above as some sort of condemnation against you personally, but I am not understanding why the comparison between tv and biblical understanding of relationships

just sayin
Saying I hear this on TV is pointing out that this seems to be an idea floating around in contemporary thinking, and I believe we should think Biblically on the subject. A young wife or husband in one of these large age-gap marriages who hears believers making negative comments about marriages with large age gaps could be discouraged from being faithful and obedient to the word in regard to marriage.
 
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7seasrekeyed

Guest
#9
"presidente, post: 4169828, member: 164050"]The Bible says what God has joined together, let not man put asunder. I don't like to hear people speak ill of a couple because there is an age gap. I would probably feel the same about mixed race married coupled.
well ok but you cannot hold the world to Christian thinking or standards but now it sounds like you think we all have a God approved marriage, this is questionable to say the least

But I have heard judgy sounding comments toward older men considering marriage to younger women on TV. I've heard people make the comment. It seems to be a part of the culture. As the culture drifts away from Biblical standards, it sets up its own moral standards. I do not like to see Christians drawing from cultural standards that cause them to judge marriages that are Biblical.
I did not know i large age gaps corresponded with a higher divorce rate, but if that is the case, that doesn't mean we should judge people who marry who have a large age gap. Higher stats don't doom their marriage. I live in the US, and if I were to give advice to American men based on statistics only, I would say do not marry a woman in the United States or the Anglo world or much of Europe or Latin America. I'd say go to certain parts of Asia or Africa and stay in her country if divorce statistics were the only consideration.
well I would just repeat what I already said about using biblical or Christian responses to the world. I don't know what Christians are drawing from but I do know they are way too judgemental. period. seems like gossip is a hobby for some. I live in the US too...but I am Canadian married to an American.
I think what you say about giving advice to American men absurd


I even read a post on Facebook from a man who called himself a missionary who said a man in the audience started a fight with him when he preached that it was prostitution for old white men to marry Filippina girls and pay to support her parents. Then bragged about winning a fight with an old man who hit him. Sounds like the missionary brought it on himself.
sounds like he needed to find some quiet time with God and go over what he thinks a missionary should be doing

and of course we should all consult fb or youtube for our truth


I would not advise anyone to be domineering, but Peter implies that a wife's submission includes obedience when he tells wives to submit to their own husbands even as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him lord.
please do a study without searching only for those who agree with your thoughts. that would include looking for, reading and considering other viewpoints. one of the reasons for alarming statistics with regards to divorce among Christians is how so called Christian men treat their wives. look that up too

Saying I hear this on TV is pointing out that this seems to be an idea floating around in contemporary thinking, and I believe we should think Biblically on the subject. A young wife or husband in one of these large age-gap marriages who hears believers making negative comments about marriages with large age gaps could be discouraged from being faithful and obedient to the word in regard to marriage.
actually it sounds like the world without God and what else would you expect? a homily on the attributes of a godly marriage?

personally, I would be more afraid unbelievers would read the comments by some (not you in particular)in this forum and have the impression we are all like that

but I doubt a young wife or husband is going to give 2 shakes of a rodent's tail ... have you also these concerns for the sexually confused as well? that is a bigger threat IMO if you are looking for things that threaten what people believe
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
19,156
9,950
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#10
Shouldn't our ethics on marriage have more to do with biblical criteria...
Ideally yes. But you are talking about the world's standards and ideas. Generally it is more appropriate for both husband and wife to be approximately the same age, since Adam and Eve were the same age. So when there is a discrepancy of 10-20 years one has to wonder.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
21,645
11,788
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#11
Generally it is more appropriate for both husband and wife to be approximately the same age, since Adam and Eve were the same age.
Scripture says absolutely nothing whatsoever about their ages with regard to their marriage. You're making policy from thin air.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
8,143
1,386
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#12
Ideally yes. But you are talking about the world's standards and ideas. Generally it is more appropriate for both husband and wife to be approximately the same age, since Adam and Eve were the same age. So when there is a discrepancy of 10-20 years one has to wonder.
Adam was likely well over twice Eve's age when she became his wife.

Wonder what? Isaac and Rebecca may have had a 20+ age gap. Abraham was 10 years older the Sarah. Boaz was older than Ruth. There are no laws against age gaps in marriage and godly examples of it.

I would not encourage my own daughters were wanting to marry old men later on, but if there were a really impressive godly man who was 20 years older or something like that I might consider putting my blessing a relationship like that, and giving permission. (I have drilled the concept of parental permission for marriage into my kids, girls especially, and keep it up. That is also a big part of my wife's culture.)

My concern is that many believers get influenced by worldly cultural beliefs regarding marriage. If an older man marries a younger woman or vice versa and they aren't doing anything contrary to scripture, parents agree, and they do everything honorably, what right do others have to complain or criticize? A negative attitude toward such couples doesn't give them the social support they need to succeed.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
8,143
1,386
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#13
One could also say Adam married a young woman, so it is best to marry a young woman. :)

Of course, the women could say something similar.

Adam was also the richest man on earth.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
8,143
1,386
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#14
well ok but you cannot hold the world to Christian thinking or standards but now it sounds like you think we all have a God approved marriage, this is questionable to say the least
In the Old Testament, fathers have authority to give their daughters in marriage. They didn't have to get a visions from God about who to marry or who to give their daughters in marriage, though God may give something like that if He chooses.God established and ordained marriage. Humans need to follow the rules. They don't always do that, though. But age isn't part of the rules.

It might be important for a number of practical reasons, especially as the age gap increases.

I think what you say about giving advice to American men absurd
That would be my advice just based on divorce statistics. Those aren't my only concerns. Most people do not want to go live in another country for the sake of marriage.
sounds like he needed to find some quiet time with God and go over what he thinks a missionary should be doing
He thought he had a revelation of God's heart on the matter. I think he needed a little more emphasis on the authority of scripture, personally.

please do a study without searching only for those who agree with your thoughts. that would include looking for, reading and considering other viewpoints. one of the reasons for alarming statistics with regards to divorce among Christians is how so called Christian men treat their wives. look that up too
I suppose it depends on what research you are looking at and how it is framed. From what I have read, Christians who go to church regularly have a much lower divorce rate. I've also read that couples that followed more traditional gender roles in marriage had more sex, for what that's worth.

But it is interesting that paraphrases or references to passages of scripture about the wife submitting to her husband almost on a reasonably large forum such as this will almost invariably trigger a post about husbands treating their wives poorly or outright abuse. I think many westerners just do not like those verses because they do not fit well with their values.

I am pretty laid back, and my wife is not passive or a doormat by any means. She is from Asia, but her people-group tend to be outspoken. Many of them are lawyers and preacher sin her country.

but I doubt a young wife or husband is going to give 2 shakes of a rodent's tail ... have you also these concerns for the sexually confused as well? that is a bigger threat IMO if you are looking for things that threaten what people believe
The LGBT thing is a much bigger social problem, of course.
 
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7seasrekeyed

Guest
#15
I will leave you to your opinions

I think age differences are the least of something to be worried over
 
Dec 30, 2019
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#16
I have noticed this on television in particular where a reporter commentator or someone else speaks of a man dating or married to a younger woman, "She is half his age," as if an age difference makes the relationship inherently immoral.
Usually women prefer older men because the younger men like to party - drink, take drugs and chase after other women. They do not have as many of those issues with older men who are more settled down. Also older men tend to be more established in their job and they tend to make more money.
 

oyster67

Senior Member
May 24, 2014
9,247
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#18
Age is mostly just a number. Of course when being together with someone older or younger you need to consider pros and cons. Especially healthwise. Nothing is impossible though if its from God
Imo
Good girl Demi! They just don't understand the benefits of Oysterlove.:giggle:
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
8,143
1,386
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#19
I will leave you to your opinions

I think age differences are the least of something to be worried over
Would you agree it is not inherently sinful to marry someone older or younger?
 
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7seasrekeyed

Guest
#20
Usually women prefer older men because the younger men like to party - drink, take drugs and chase after other women. They do not have as many of those issues with older men who are more settled down. Also older men tend to be more established in their job and they tend to make more money.

nothing like sweeping generalizations to clear it up for the rest of us