“Covenant Marriage” trend

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Jul 8, 2017
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#1
I have heard a few opinions in the church from people that a second marriage is not valid in the eyes of God if your first husband is still alive (“covenant marriage” believers do not consider anything besides death valid to break up a marriage, and even reject adultery, or an unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse, as a reason for divorce). I often look around me and realize that if it were true that a second marriage after divorce is not valid in the eyes of God, about 2/3rds of the believers I know would be “living in sin”. Some would have been “living in sin” for more than 45 years!

Also, according to what I have read in scripture, if your spouse divorced you and remarries someone else, but you are still pining after them in hopes of a restored marriage, that is also adultery because they are another person’s spouse, whether you recognize it or not. (Jeremiah 3:1)

So I’m going to have to say that I reject the view of believers in the “only death can break your first covenant marriage” and “God doesn’t recognize second marriages” folks based on my understanding of scripture.

Disclaimer: I do believe marriage should be fought for, and everything possible (as far as it depends on you) should be done to preserve and save it! I believe divorce is allowed (not encouraged, but allowed) in scripture for adultery, and unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse. And I believe the church needs to teach that divorce is not the unpardonable sin, and Jesus forgives us too.
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
1,697
1,157
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#2
I have heard a few opinions in the church from people that a second marriage is not valid in the eyes of God if your first husband is still alive (“covenant marriage” believers do not consider anything besides death valid to break up a marriage, and even reject adultery, or an unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse, as a reason for divorce). I often look around me and realize that if it were true that a second marriage after divorce is not valid in the eyes of God, about 2/3rds of the believers I know would be “living in sin”. Some would have been “living in sin” for more than 45 years!

Also, according to what I have read in scripture, if your spouse divorced you and remarries someone else, but you are still pining after them in hopes of a restored marriage, that is also adultery because they are another person’s spouse, whether you recognize it or not. (Jeremiah 3:1)

So I’m going to have to say that I reject the view of believers in the “only death can break your first covenant marriage” and “God doesn’t recognize second marriages” folks based on my understanding of scripture.

Disclaimer: I do believe marriage should be fought for, and everything possible (as far as it depends on you) should be done to preserve and save it! I believe divorce is allowed (not encouraged, but allowed) in scripture for adultery, and unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse. And I believe the church needs to teach that divorce is not the unpardonable sin, and Jesus forgives us too.
As a divorced man, I agree. I've not remarried, but I have no objection in principle. God is not in the business of punishing an individual for someone else's sin. That's what is done if an innocent person is prevented from remarrying. God forgives sin and then forgets. Does that not apply to divorce? If not, why only divorce?

Divorce is messy, expensive, traumatic and yes, should be avoided if at all possible. But God can work all things together for the good of those who love Him. Even divorce.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
6,813
1,043
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#3
I have heard a few opinions in the church from people that a second marriage is not valid in the eyes of God if your first husband is still alive (“covenant marriage” believers do not consider anything besides death valid to break up a marriage, and even reject adultery, or an unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse, as a reason for divorce). I often look around me and realize that if it were true that a second marriage after divorce is not valid in the eyes of God, about 2/3rds of the believers I know would be “living in sin”. Some would have been “living in sin” for more than 45 years!

Also, according to what I have read in scripture, if your spouse divorced you and remarries someone else, but you are still pining after them in hopes of a restored marriage, that is also adultery because they are another person’s spouse, whether you recognize it or not. (Jeremiah 3:1)

So I’m going to have to say that I reject the view of believers in the “only death can break your first covenant marriage” and “God doesn’t recognize second marriages” folks based on my understanding of scripture.

Disclaimer: I do believe marriage should be fought for, and everything possible (as far as it depends on you) should be done to preserve and save it! I believe divorce is allowed (not encouraged, but allowed) in scripture for adultery, and unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse. And I believe the church needs to teach that divorce is not the unpardonable sin, and Jesus forgives us too.
What you are describing is pretty close to the 'traditional view' on marriage and divorce. Many Christians throughout the centuries have held to a similar view, also throughout the middle ages.

There are a lot of Christians who flat out ignore Jesus' teachings on marriage. Many church leaders do not teach it, and there is a great lack of church discipline on the matter. Widespread disobedience to the commands of Jesus do not change the commands.

The big issue when it comes to remarriage is what to do with people who have disregarded Jesus' commands and want to make it right. If their divorce and remarriage was adulterous, and they want to repent, what is the right course of action-- stay in the current marriage, divorce and go back to spouse number 1 (a 'Torah related' problem arises if the wife was the one who remarried), or live celibate.
 

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
May 13, 2021
871
491
63
#4
From the stress caused, i can see the next generation not considering marriage as a necessity.
Gone are the days of 'The Waltons'
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,679
13,835
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#6
I have heard a few opinions in the church from people that a second marriage is not valid in the eyes of God if your first husband is still alive (“covenant marriage” believers do not consider anything besides death valid to break up a marriage, and even reject adultery, or an unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse, as a reason for divorce). I often look around me and realize that if it were true that a second marriage after divorce is not valid in the eyes of God, about 2/3rds of the believers I know would be “living in sin”. Some would have been “living in sin” for more than 45 years!

Also, according to what I have read in scripture, if your spouse divorced you and remarries someone else, but you are still pining after them in hopes of a restored marriage, that is also adultery because they are another person’s spouse, whether you recognize it or not. (Jeremiah 3:1)

So I’m going to have to say that I reject the view of believers in the “only death can break your first covenant marriage” and “God doesn’t recognize second marriages” folks based on my understanding of scripture.

Disclaimer: I do believe marriage should be fought for, and everything possible (as far as it depends on you) should be done to preserve and save it! I believe divorce is allowed (not encouraged, but allowed) in scripture for adultery, and unbelieving spouse leaving a believing spouse. And I believe the church needs to teach that divorce is not the unpardonable sin, and Jesus forgives us too.
I fully concur with your estimation.
 
Jul 8, 2017
85
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#7
From the stress caused, i can see the next generation not considering marriage as a necessity.
Gone are the days of 'The Waltons'
Actually, the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians says marriage is not a necessity either as long as you strive to please God in singlehood and remain sexually pure.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
17,391
4,815
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#8
Actually, the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians says marriage is not a necessity either as long as you strive to please God in singlehood and remain sexually pure.
My husband was married before he became a Christian at a very young age. He caught her in the act of cheating and really should have had the marriage annulled. He stayed single for many years until we met.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,679
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#9
My husband was married before he became a Christian at a very young age. He caught her in the act of cheating and really should have had the marriage annulled. He stayed single for many years until we met.
I had a similar experience during my first marriage many years ago.
 
Aug 4, 2021
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#10
Sorry to tell you, but until death do you part. It is in the vows too. You made a promise to God, after you went with your hearts desire. Can only be done once. People can still marry former married people, it should have no bearing on you.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,755
805
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#12
It's pretty simple. Marriage is a temporal social institution. If you're single on earth, you're not somehow considered married in Heaven. That would be an odd sort of legalism.

Us Christians can be so silly.
 
Jul 8, 2017
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#13
I wish I could.
Im damaged goods. But trying to keep hope alive.
It’s NEVER too late to start over and ask forgiveness, as long as we are trying hard to resist temptation. Sometimes we fall, but that’s what God’s grace is for. We’re ALL damaged goods, that’s why grace is so amazing.
 
Jul 8, 2017
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#14
Sorry to tell you, but until death do you part. It is in the vows too. You made a promise to God, after you went with your hearts desire. Can only be done once. People can still marry former married people, it should have no bearing on you.
Then why are there exceptions given for when divorce IS permissible in the bible? Did God make a mistake when writing His Word?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,679
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#15
It’s NEVER too late to start over and ask forgiveness, as long as we are trying hard to resist temptation. Sometimes we fall, but that’s what God’s grace is for. We’re ALL damaged goods, that’s why grace is so amazing.
I'm damaged goods too. Better than being damaged bads though.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#16
Sorry to tell you, but until death do you part. It is in the vows too. You made a promise to God, after you went with your hearts desire. Can only be done once. People can still marry former married people, it should have no bearing on you.
Can only be done once? I'm on my third (and last) marriage.
 
Jul 8, 2017
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#17
Can only be done once? I'm on my third (and last) marriage.
See, people who believe in the “covenant marriage only broken through death” and “second or third marriages are not valid” thing can’t back it up with scripture, so what they say on the topic is invalid. Only God’s word matters.
 

SomeDisciple

Active member
Jul 4, 2021
334
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#18
In accordance with the law, adulterers are put to death. So, it makes sense why divorce is allowed in the case of adultery.

People just get dumb ideas in their head and go with them instead of seeing what the scripture says. Everybody thinks they are smarter than God, but it turns out, he's actually pretty smart.
 
Aug 4, 2021
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#19
Then why are there exceptions given for when divorce IS permissible in the bible? Did God make a mistake when writing His Word?
God did not write the bible, multiple authors did, humans, sometimes humans makes mistakes. Some divorces are permissible, not arguing against that. More specific to the active part. And doing it wrong. If you get divorced, you can marry again. If the vows are broken you can marry again. Just the basic fact that it is a contract between you, your spouse and God, and I cannot ignore God in this contract. You are three. God is above me, I just assumed it was the same for you.

Judgement is his, not ours. If it was a harlot, since I cannot use bad words, who was married to hypothetical man, and she was married but never believed in God, and later went to God, it would not matter. The purity of her heart is all that matters after that. I do not think we should judge either way, not ours to make. I may be wrong, but I believe that I will meet some atheist people with pure hearts in heaven, if I am allowed to get in. I became christian through learning from atheist sinners who rejected God.

ps. Why do mine or others judgement of you, matter to you? You do the best for you and God, let us not interfere in that. Just take the help, if my comment was not what you wanted, just disregard it. I do not know you, I do not judge you, in no position to do it. Sorry if it seemed personal, really was not. Was general
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,679
13,835
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#20
See, people who believe in the “covenant marriage only broken through death” and “second or third marriages are not valid” thing can’t back it up with scripture, so what they say on the topic is invalid. Only God’s word matters.
First marriage - divorce (6 years, 6 months), wife cheated on me, actually was the one that filed. - Second marriage - death of spouse (11 years 2 months. - Third marriage (and last) currently at 6 years 10 months.

I believe that I'm good here. I'm certainly not going to lose any sleep over this.

I find your insights and perception to be refreshing.