advice needed from men and women

[never-ending]

Ok, I made a huge mistake a few months back and hooked up with a guy I hardly knew at all, I know better than to do things like that but i did any way. I'm a Christian and a Youth leader in my church. Heres my problem I hooked up with him and thought it was a one night kind of thing. He in the military so i haven't seen him since but we talk and we had an understanding that it was no strings attached now he's talking about relationships and marrage and stuff like that. I don't even want to like him he is nothing like what i want in a guy he isn't even a Christian yet I'm very much attracted to him. Why I don't understand any of it why does he want a relationship, why is he still holding on? Why am I?

 

[OreoSoleil]

You had an emotional attachment -- and you are stil having communication with him. You mind and heart will hold on to wonderful hopeful thoughts. The key -- if you really want yourself to detach is -- stop communication. But if you want to pursue him -- which I will say from my experience is not a good idea --- looking back on the first guy I dated who wasn't a Christian -- I should of listened to God's word and turned away. 6 months of no communication and blocking thoughts of him -- you will know what the answer should be.

the answer to this question is -- which master are you going to serve -- no one can serve 2 masters. I have been in your shoes -- I see now -- I was trying to serve my flesh and I wasn't trusting God to bring the right person at the right time. I was trying to make my will happen -- which never ends right.

 

[QuestionTime]

Ok, I made a huge mistake a few months back and hooked up with a guy I hardly knew at all, I know better than to do things like that but i did any way. I'm a Christian and a Youth leader in my church. Heres my problem I hooked up with him and thought it was a one night kind of thing. He in the military so i haven't seen him since but we talk and we had an understanding that it was no strings attached now he's talking about relationships and marrage and stuff like that. I don't even want to like him he is nothing like what i want in a guy he isn't even a Christian yet I'm very much attracted to him. Why I don't understand any of it why does he want a relationship, why is he still holding on? Why am I?

God doesn't do "no strings attached." God says when you have a one night stand you become "one flesh." Any decent Church would require for the two of you to marry. Churches aren't like that anymore, but in the past you would be required to marry this man.

My best recommendation is to start learning about salvation from all sin. Entire Sanctification and the like. You need to be aware that Churches used to preach a salvation - by faith alone - that saved from all sinful desire. Google: Christian Perfection or Entire Sanctification, and check out my thread here: http://christianchat.com/showthread.php?p=258645

You are in a ministerial position and therefore you need to have your life in line with scripture, because God promises that people in Church authority will get a harsher judgment. As well, if this information were to get out it to the wrong people it could ruin your life.

In conclusion, what you choose to do now with this man is up to you. I'm not going to tell you to marry him, but that's what the hell-fire preachers of old would require.

We are a generation of people that flee consequences, and as a result we never learn from our mistakes.

Quest

 

[imoss]

Grow in Him. Christ Jesus. Pray & repent & turn away from this. You've learned your lesson, I can tell from your post. Now its time to focus on the Lord for awhile and all these things that you desire he will give unto you if you seek ye first. Do you think its a coincidence that this is an unbeliever who caused you to sin? (not saying that it couldnt happen with 2 christians, it does all the time) I think you are under incredible attack because you are one who is held in regard to mold the minds of your youth church. I think you need to pursue effective tools to deal with these attacks as they will not stop until you figure out how to deal with this. It is not about this single encounter it is about more than that. Pray to God to lead you to someone who can give you good council and I would recommend a commitement to abstinance that you can press in to the Lord without Grieving the Holy Spirit within you. I have issues that i'm dealing with too and am looking to the Lord for answers in how to overcome these stumbling blocks that grieve the Holy spirit so. Bless your heart you need to strengthen your relationship with the Lord and he will see you through this. God Bless you.

 

[QuestionTime]

Ah...

He's not Christian. Ooops!

Yep, if he's not a Christian then you obviously can't marry him. Sorry too, if I came across to strongly in my prior message. I doubt that any Church would ever require a believer to marry an unbeliever, as that would betray other scriptures in the Bible. In this case you must definitely sever ties with this man or he will be your ruin.

I would advise you to read Proverbs chapter 7. While that scripture is addressed to a man, I do believe that you can still apply that portion of scripture to your particular situation. Just change the "he's and she's" to fit accordingly.

Quest

 

[QuestionTime]

Never-Ending,

I just want to apologize again, because I feel my initial response to your question was worded far too strongly.

Quest

 

[imoss]

There are times when like it or not we need to be shaken a little, take this and Grow in the Lord.

 

[heyitsme]

Never Ending, I would probbaly say to you as I would my son who made the same mistake. The Father's Love doesn't stop because you made a bad choice, it does however seperate us when we sin. He is able to renew you and cleanse you from All Sin ( to know to do good and do it not). Just like my son came to me when he in his words really messed up. You must not be afraid to take it to Jesus and let him have it. I would like for you to read, Jeremiah 29 vs11 . You are going to do amazingly awesome things in your life through Christ. I took my son in my arms and just held him, as he cried and told me about the choice that he made. I looked him straight in his eyes and told him, I love you son and nothing you ever do will change that, but only Jesus can heal you and make you a new creation and just as you came to me ..... don't ever be afraid to go to him because he loves us far more than we can be capable of understanding.

Blessings!

Greg

 

[Lifelike]

Negative soul ties can form when we have our needs met inappropriately, and make it hard for us to give up things that comfort us. My advice would be to repent of seeking to have your needs met this way - for looking to a man and sex and natural affection for comfort instead of Christ.( God isnt off these things but they need to be sactified in marriage and in Christ otherwise the reap destruction in your life) I know its hard and at times we are weak, and God understands that, that's why we need repentance, forgiveness and restoration, and He interceeds for us, and knows our weaknesses. There can be consequences of our actions, like in this case having soemone persue you that has feelings and desires now (which are probably just earthly and self centred - due to him not not being a Christian) and you have feelings too, due to the fact that you did act on this desire and tasted of it, you can be tempted to get your next fix. I would say you need to trust God but you also need to be accountable to your leaders. This may be a one off thing and you may have learnt your lesson but if you dont feel you can deal with it on your own or if you need support from them to work through the issues, and accountablility to your leaders or someone that is able to support you is needed.

A good friend once said to me "Its not about how many times you fall but how many times you get back up again", and the quicker we get back up the better! We need to learn to get up quick and run into God. You'll probably have some stuff to work through (shame, discouragement, condemnation etc) because an act and decision like this usually messes with you emotionally and mentally not to mention spiritually, but you need to realise God still loves you, Hes there for you, He knew every mistake you would make before he chose you. But you need to walk away from this, which will probably require telling this guy your a Christian, a leader, that u made a mistake, and that ur not interested. Or you could just throw ur life away and have some fun for a season that ends in bondage and much worse consequences. I would advise in the least that if you are thinking in ANY way to pursue this relationship you need to submit everything to you leaders, in God and in honesty and then heed their advice very specifically. hope this helps. God bless you.

 

[Tisha]

Ah...

He's not Christian. Ooops!

Yep, if he's not a Christian then you obviously can't marry him. Sorry too, if I came across to strongly in my prior message. I doubt that any Church would ever require a believer to marry an unbeliever, as that would betray other scriptures in the Bible. In this case you must definitely sever ties with this man or he will be your ruin.

I would advise you to read Proverbs chapter 7. While that scripture is addressed to a man, I do believe that you can still apply that portion of scripture to your particular situation. Just change the "he's and she's" to fit accordingly.

Quest

Ok I would like to know where you get that if your a christian you can't marry a non believer. Now I understand that its not wise because they can pull u away from the Lord. The only thing I can think of in the bible that talks about marriage and a nonbeliever is that if you do marry a nonbeliever your not soupposed to divorce them because their not a christian.

 

[imoss]

2nd cor 6:14 unequally yoked, a yoke was a device used to harness working oxen... you wouldnt yolk a donkey with an oxe or you'd spin around in circles. This some have said shouldnt apply to marriage but I think in the marriages I've seen it absolutely applies. there is strife in the raising of children in the faith & in other issues sometimes the faith can be disrespected. I had a friend & an aunt who have struggled in unequally yolked marriages for years. My friends hubby cheated & that freed her, although a pain filled freedom to start that I wouldnt wish upon anyone. You can wed an unbeliever but know that you will not change them or bring them around & it wont be an easy go. how do you submit to a husband who is outside of Gods will?

 

[OreoSoleil]

Ok I would like to know where you get that if your a christian you can't marry a non believer. Now I understand that its not wise because they can pull u away from the Lord. The only thing I can think of in the bible that talks about marriage and a nonbeliever is that if you do marry a nonbeliever your not soupposed to divorce them because their not a christian.

why would u want to marry an unbeliever? Yes they are human and wonderful as a person -- but nohting like God. A Christian has a heart after God. I have dated unbelievers thinking my plan was better than God -- I can tell you -- it isn't of God -- it is us wanting to think we know better that God.

 

[Tisha]

why would u want to marry an unbeliever? Yes they are human and wonderful as a person -- but nohting like God. A Christian has a heart after God. I have dated unbelievers thinking my plan was better than God -- I can tell you -- it isn't of God -- it is us wanting to think we know better that God.

You don't know if God put you in that persons life to help them find the Lord. Regardless of whether you think its right to marry a believer or not people are going to do it. By the way I wasn't saying marry a non believer i was asking where in the bible it says word for word that you can't marry a non believer. There are people who have been saved at one time and slipped away from God and they know the truth they have just gotten away from the Lord. You never know if someone is a true Christian or not ppl can fool you. I kinda was asking the person to show me in the post i responded to to tell me and explain with scripture. So in a way I appreciate you responding to me but you really didn't answer my question.

 

[Tisha]

why would u want to marry an unbeliever? Yes they are human and wonderful as a person -- but nohting like God. A Christian has a heart after God. I have dated unbelievers thinking my plan was better than God -- I can tell you -- it isn't of God -- it is us wanting to think we know better that God.

My response to why would you want to marry a non believer is that that person may have been in church and saved and than after you started dating and fell in love with them changed and backslid and still haven't found their way back to the Lord. So unless your married or have dated someone for a number of years and that has happened to you, you cant really understand where I'm coming from.

But I'm not saying its right or wrong to marry a person who is not saved. Just like when the time comes for you to marry than that is your decision regardless of what others say. Like I said before I was look for that person who said that to show me where in the bible he would get that.

 

[Tisha]

2nd cor 6:14 unequally yoked, a yoke was a device used to harness working oxen... you wouldnt yolk a donkey with an oxe or you'd spin around in circles. This some have said shouldnt apply to marriage but I think in the marriages I've seen it absolutely applies. there is strife in the raising of children in the faith & in other issues sometimes the faith can be disrespected. I had a friend & an aunt who have struggled in unequally yolked marriages for years. My friends hubby cheated & that freed her, although a pain filled freedom to start that I wouldnt wish upon anyone. You can wed an unbeliever but know that you will not change them or bring them around & it wont be an easy go. how do you submit to a husband who is outside of Gods will?

I really don't know how to answer your question. Thank you for sharing that scripture with me. I can understand what your saying. But my definition of a non believer and your definiton of a non believer may be diffrent. a non believer to me is someone who has never been saved and just plainly dosen't believe in the Lord and dosen't pray at all. A non believer to you may just simply be someone who isn't in church and who has been saved before but for some reason has stepped away from God.

 

[BellaFlor]

You don't know if God put you in that persons life to help them find the Lord. Regardless of whether you think its right to marry a believer or not people are going to do it. By the way I wasn't saying marry a non believer i was asking where in the bible it says word for word that you can't marry a non believer. There are people who have been saved at one time and slipped away from God and they know the truth they have just gotten away from the Lord. You never know if someone is a true Christian or not ppl can fool you. I kinda was asking the person to show me in the post i responded to to tell me and explain with scripture. So in a way I appreciate you responding to me but you really didn't answer my question.

I thought some of the same like you. In the old testament I don't think it was written whether the man or the girl was both jews, only that he were to marry her because of taking her virginity. Also I believe that sometimes God can lead a Christian and one that doesn't knows the Lord together. It might not be what He has for most Christians, but for some, they might be stronger enough to make it, and as long as everything is after God's plan and will, He knows that this might be a way for a lost son/daughter to find salvation or to be getting back to the Lord. In the bible it is written about men getting saved because of the way their wives acts upon love and loves the Lord, they see it on them and it attracts them closer to the Lord also.

 

[BellaFlor]

Still, although he isn't a Christian. You will both be very emotionally attached to one another. Having sex together will always give away a part of you to him, and that is why God is so strict with it that we should wait till after we get married. It isn't just something you do for fun, though nowadays many people can see it like that. It is a serious bond making between you and the one you experience it with. One can sure make mistakes, but still it seems like you just thought it was fine to be doing this one time with him? Being a Youth Leader I thought you knew better then?

 

[Wootie]

Maybe he is attracted to that light of God that flilckers in you? Just be careful that a one night fling doesn't fling something on that flicker and put it out,,,,leaving you in the dark.

 

[imoss]

I really don't know how to answer your question. Thank you for sharing that scripture with me. I can understand what your saying. But my definition of a non believer and your definiton of a non believer may be diffrent. a non believer to me is someone who has never been saved and just plainly dosen't believe in the Lord and dosen't pray at all. A non believer to you may just simply be someone who isn't in church and who has been saved before but for some reason has stepped away from God.

When I refer to an unbeliever I mean just that they dont believe. If you are married to someone who's fallen away its different than a non believer. Someone who has fallen away will have their challenges as well but someone who doesnt believe you will go head to head on matters of faith & head to head on what to teach your children and head to head in matters of tithing to the church... etc. I think it can be done cause my aunt has been doing it for 57 years. It can, but its not easy.

 

[OreoSoleil]

From my experience -- I can see why God tells us not to be unequally yolked -- now am raising children with a non believer-- I had that hope of having God show himself through me. Yes -- there are great stories of people who have become saved -- my father is one. I really do not think God needs our help -- I've tried twice -- its God's way now.