At what age do you kick your children out of the house?

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Hungry

Banned
#1
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
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#1
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. Right now I have a girl 23 yrs old, full time nurse, a 20 yr old girl student, an almost 18 yr old graduate and current plumbing Apprenctice, and another guy in high school. The house was never big enough for 6 ppl. Now that they (the ones done school) are making good money, when is it time to help them pack? It’s not that we don’t enjoy them. There just isn’t enough space. The houses in our city just escalated 250%. Am I supposed to let them stay here until they can buy a house of their own?
 
cv5

cv5

Well-known member
#2
Nov 20, 2018
18,370
7,247
113
#2
Hungry said:
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. Right now I have a girl 23 yrs old, full time nurse, a 20 yr old girl student, an almost 18 yr old graduate and current plumbing Apprenctice, and another guy in high school. The house was never big enough for 6 ppl. Now that they (the ones done school) are making good money, when is it time to help them pack? It’s not that we don’t enjoy them. There just isn’t enough space. The houses in our city just escalated 250%. Am I supposed to let them stay here until they can buy a house of their own?
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Do like the Vietnamese do....the whole family pools their resources, buys a large house, and everyone lives comfortably.
 
A

arthurfleminger

Well-known member
#3
Aug 18, 2021
1,405
770
113
#3
Hungry said:
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. Right now I have a girl 23 yrs old, full time nurse, a 20 yr old girl student, an almost 18 yr old graduate and current plumbing Apprenctice, and another guy in high school. The house was never big enough for 6 ppl. Now that they (the ones done school) are making good money, when is it time to help them pack? It’s not that we don’t enjoy them. There just isn’t enough space. The houses in our city just escalated 250%. Am I supposed to let them stay here until they can buy a house of their own?
Click to expand...
 
A

arthurfleminger

Well-known member
#4
Aug 18, 2021
1,405
770
113
#4
You gotta kick them out sooner or later, they won't leave on their own as long as mommy and daddy are footing the bills. They will take advantage of you as long as they can. My brother has a 40 year old son who has impregnated a woman out of wedlock with a couple of children and he is up to his ears in child support. This same brother has a 30 year old son freeloading at home. Parents are doing their children no favors by coddling them as beloved children well into their adulthood. Loafers/freeloaders, do what's best for them and toss them out, tough love.
 
G

Gideon300

Well-known member
#5
Mar 18, 2021
4,922
2,848
113
#5
Hungry said:
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. Right now I have a girl 23 yrs old, full time nurse, a 20 yr old girl student, an almost 18 yr old graduate and current plumbing Apprenctice, and another guy in high school. The house was never big enough for 6 ppl. Now that they (the ones done school) are making good money, when is it time to help them pack? It’s not that we don’t enjoy them. There just isn’t enough space. The houses in our city just escalated 250%. Am I supposed to let them stay here until they can buy a house of their own?
Click to expand...
As long as they are aware of the responsibilities of living independently, any time from 18 is good. Most of my generation could not wait to get away from parental control. Since parents are now controlled by their children, I suppose it's different.

Kids need to know that it costs more than rent and food. Bills keep coming in. Do they know how to budget? At least you need to have the conversation. Some call this the "boomerang" generation. Kids find out just how good it was at home and they want to come back. You need wisdom. Some kids are more mature than others. My son is amazingly sensible. His older sister.........*sigh*.

I know someone whose father packed his suitcase, gave him some money and put his bags outside. "Bye son, keep in touch" was about it. I'm not suggesting you be quite that blunt. But yeah, it's time for you to have some space of your own.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#6
#6
Don't kick out any of them, as this may burn bridges and breed ill feelings. It is good for kids to know they always have a home no matter what. Three of them are still students, and the nurse is 23 years old which means she has probably been working for one year only. They will move when they are ready. At some point, they would want to leave. Many people want to leave at 18 into the dorms, but some may decide to leave later.
 
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Hungry

Banned
#7
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
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#7
cv5 said:
Do like the Vietnamese do....the whole family pools their resources, buys a large house, and everyone lives comfortably.
Click to expand...
Nice idea in theory. I’m looking forward to them living away from me. They can cook for themselves, clean for themselves and then we can enjoy our visits.
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#9
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
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#9
arthurfleminger said:
You gotta kick them out sooner or later, they won't leave on their own as long as mommy and daddy are footing the bills. They will take advantage of you as long as they can. My brother has a 40 year old son who has impregnated a woman out of wedlock with a couple of children and he is up to his ears in child support. This same brother has a 30 year old son freeloading at home. Parents are doing their children no favors by coddling them as beloved children well into their adulthood. Loafers/freeloaders, do what's best for them and toss them out, tough love.
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I’m totally on board with that. We probably would have helped the oldest find a place this year but the housing market in my city blew up. Even dumps are going for hundreds of thousands of dollars more that just two years ago. The market should go back down in a couple years we hope. My wife wants to let them live at home until they can afford to buy instead of rent. I’m thinking if that’s the case, I’ll go and they can stay.
 
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Hungry

Banned
#10
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
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#10
Gideon300 said:
As long as they are aware of the responsibilities of living independently, any time from 18 is good. Most of my generation could not wait to get away from parental control. Since parents are now controlled by their children, I suppose it's different.

Kids need to know that it costs more than rent and food. Bills keep coming in. Do they know how to budget? At least you need to have the conversation. Some call this the "boomerang" generation. Kids find out just how good it was at home and they want to come back. You need wisdom. Some kids are more mature than others. My son is amazingly sensible. His older sister.........*sigh*.

I know someone whose father packed his suitcase, gave him some money and put his bags outside. "Bye son, keep in touch" was about it. I'm not suggesting you be quite that blunt. But yeah, it's time for you to have some space of your own.
Click to expand...
I’m not worried about the oldest three. The youngest will have a rude awakening one day. His high school peers voted him “Most likely to win the lottery and then lose ticket,” two years in a row. Funny thing, he’s got a real knack for picking stocks. His grandpa got him interested in the stock market. My wife set up an account where he can invest some of his savings. He’s making money!
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#12
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
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#12
TheIndianGirl said:
Don't kick out any of them, as this may burn bridges and breed ill feelings. It is good for kids to know they always have a home no matter what. Three of them are still students, and the nurse is 23 years old which means she has probably been working for one year only. They will move when they are ready. At some point, they would want to leave. Many people want to leave at 18 into the dorms, but some may decide to leave later.
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My oldest boy, still 17, managed to save a good chunk of money. He seemed a little surprised when I told him in a couple of years he can buy a house and rent a couple rooms to some friends and they can help him pay his mortgage. He said, “Dad, I was planning on buying a house and renting all the rooms out. They can pay the whole mortgage and I can live in your basement.” Because my daughter is five years older and still here he thinks he’s going to get to to stay as long even though he didn’t have 4 years of university. That kind of inspired the thread.
 
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Hungry

Banned
#13
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
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#13
MatthewWestfieldUK said:
I stopped sleeping at home at 16. Messed me up
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Yeah I couldn’t wait to leave my house. I had more of an escape plan than an exit strategy. It took about ten years before I could say I was financially stable. It will be nice to know my kids aren’t going to have that struggle. If only they could be a little more helpful around the house.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#14
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#14
You just going to have to live together unfortunately unless you give them a migrant visa to a land where the housing is cheaper somewhere else and then build a bigger one. sorry.

Father never kicks people out of His House that He has saved...Jesus said In my Fathers house there are many mansions. I go and prepare a place for you.

He doesnt say...well you on your own buddy. Thats actually the deal when you become a parent.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#15
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
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#15
If your children love you they wont want to leave...
I can think of so many homeless people who wish for a home with their family but they can never go back. Even if they were sharing a one room yurt. Theyd rather be with family than not.
 
M

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
#16
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#16
Hungry said:
Yeah I couldn’t wait to leave my house. I had more of an escape plan than an exit strategy. It took about ten years before I could say I was financially stable. It will be nice to know my kids aren’t going to have that struggle. If only they could be a little more helpful around the house.
Click to expand...
I was a mess. Just couldn't get my head straight. Young people need time with sound minded adults to lead. The work until late evening mantra removes so of the best people from community volunteering roles.
 
Seeker47

Seeker47

Well-known member
#17
Aug 7, 2018
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838
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#17
Hungry said:
Nice idea in theory. I’m looking forward to them living away from me. They can cook for themselves, clean for themselves and then we can enjoy our visits.
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So, they are not only living free but someone else is doing all the cooking and cleaning? I fear there may be a schism in your family over this issue. If so, your issues are much more complicated. If not quit doing it all.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#18
Mar 13, 2014
41,311
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Tennessee
#18
Hungry said:
. There just isn’t enough space. The houses in our city just escalated 250%. Am I supposed to let them stay here until they can buy a house of their own?
Click to expand...
Probably depends on the wife. Her 41 year old daughter is currently living with us and going on 2 1/2 years.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#20
Mar 13, 2014
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Tennessee
#20
arthurfleminger said:
You gotta kick them out sooner or later, they won't leave on their own as long as mommy and daddy are footing the bills. They will take advantage of you as long as they can. My brother has a 40 year old son who has impregnated a woman out of wedlock with a couple of children and he is up to his ears in child support. This same brother has a 30 year old son freeloading at home. Parents are doing their children no favors by coddling them as beloved children well into their adulthood. Loafers/freeloaders, do what's best for them and toss them out, tough love.
Click to expand...
We are called 'enablers'.
 
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