Coffee with married coworker?

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TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,116
783
113
#1
Would you accept an invite to get coffee with a married coworker, strictly work related? Usually this is done to informally chat about progress of work. It would involve walking to Starbucks across the street. I have said yes a couple of times to older seasoned guys but this one is around my age. That he is around my age makes me question.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,636
9,311
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#2
Why does it make you question? If you don't feel comfortable going for coffee with him, then don't do it.
 

Aerials1978

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2019
1,184
711
113
#3
Would you accept an invite to get coffee with a married coworker, strictly work related? Usually this is done to informally chat about progress of work. It would involve walking to Starbucks across the street. I have said yes a couple of times to older seasoned guys but this one is around my age. That he is around my age makes me question.
If you have questions about it, I would recommend to abstain from doing so. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
 
E

EliBeth

Guest
#4
Would you accept an invite to get coffee with a married coworker, strictly work related? Usually this is done to informally chat about progress of work. It would involve walking to Starbucks across the street. I have said yes a couple of times to older seasoned guys but this one is around my age. That he is around my age makes me question.
Hello, TheIndianGirl. I hope you are doing well. I think it's good for us to ask advice from our brothers and sisters in Christ. Iron sharpens iron. 🙂 "Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety." Proverbs 11:14

First of all my question to you for your own consideration is, "Does your conscience object to this prospect of meeting this coworker?" Because if it does, I caution you for that reason alone. "So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man." Acts 24:16

Secondly, I think we always have to bear in mind in our interactions with others, as believers in Christ, that we do have an enemy prowling around seeking whom he may devour. This shouldn't instill fear in us. But we should, I believe, have a healthy awareness of this fact. Therefore I think of this Scripture in this scenario you have presented: “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16 The devil can be veeery subtle in his tactics. I think it is perceptive of you to consider that this could be an unwise meeting.

Another thought might be to put yourself in his wife's shoes. Would you be totally fine with your husband meeting with an unmarried, young, female coworker outside of work?

I hope you come to a conclusion in which you believe you can best honor God and His Word. 🙂 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Have a good weekend! 🌷
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,734
3,895
113
#5
Just ask for the starbucks to be delivered to the workplace. No big deal. Or ask him to go fetch the two coffees and have them in the staffroom.
 

Aerials1978

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2019
1,184
711
113
#6
Hello, TheIndianGirl. I hope you are doing well. I think it's good for us to ask advice from our brothers and sisters in Christ. Iron sharpens iron. 🙂 "Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety." Proverbs 11:14

First of all my question to you for your own consideration is, "Does your conscience object to this prospect of meeting this coworker?" Because if it does, I caution you for that reason alone. "So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man." Acts 24:16

Secondly, I think we always have to bear in mind in our interactions with others, as believers in Christ, that we do have an enemy prowling around seeking whom he may devour. This shouldn't instill fear in us. But we should, I believe, have a healthy awareness of this fact. Therefore I think of this Scripture in this scenario you have presented: “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16 The devil can be veeery subtle in his tactics. I think it is perceptive of you to consider that this could be an unwise meeting.

Another thought might be to put yourself in his wife's shoes. Would you be totally fine with your husband meeting with an unmarried, young, female coworker outside of work?

I hope you come to a conclusion in which you believe you can best honor God and His Word. 🙂 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Have a good weekend! 🌷
If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it."
Genesis 4:7
 
Oct 31, 2019
46
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#7
I would keep away from married men outside of work to avoid any trouble. I do keep away from married men and men in a relationship either inside of work or in private. However, I think it's OK to just talk about work over a cup of coffee with a married co-worker.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
2,670
847
113
#8
Long ago I worked with a lady who was married, as was/am I. We laughed a lot while working. I had some vehicle trouble and she offered to drop me off after work until my car was back from mechanic because I lived on her way home. I finished at about midnight so asking for someone to get me would be an imposition. Sure enough, away from work she got very flirty and by the last ride, she offered me sexual favours. I didn’t accept if anyone was left wondering. The point is, at work things more often stay professional. Once outside, especially in a social setting, people feel more uninhibited.

I think just not to hurt anyone’s feelings, all work could be done at work. For a similar reason I didn’t let my kids do sleepovers. That way I didn’t have to make excuses if I didn’t trust the parents. One rule; no sleepovers, simple.
 

MegMarch

Well-known member
Nov 11, 2019
429
410
63
#9
I have a great working relationship with the married men at work, but we have personal and professional boundaries. We don't have boundaries because we are attracted to each other, but moreso out of respect for everyone involved. We do not text or do things outside of work. I would not go to coffee with a male colleague who is married. That is my personal conviction. I'm not saying you must apply this same "rule" to your life, but maybe it is helpful to get another perspective.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,159
2,351
113
#10
Personally, I wouldn’t do it. We can have coffee and talk about the work at the office.

Sadly, people watching can draw conclusions that are completely false, and to avoid this from happening and having people gossip, I wouldn’t give them an opportunity.

As a wife, I wouldn’t be comfortable for my husband to do this. “Don’t you trust your husband?” Of course I do! But boundaries are good.
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#11
I think you have your answer and the fact you asked the question seems to indicate you do not think you should go ahead with the coffee outside of work
 

3angelsmsg

Junior Member
Mar 1, 2018
484
561
93
#12
Hello TheIndianGirl,

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with the suggestion. Is your colleague christian? But if you have self control over yourself, there shouldn't be problem.

And if you gonna be more comfortable invite another colleague to join.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,734
3,895
113
#13
yea sometimes the staffroom is too small or maybe theres no coffee available. But usually there should be coffee and tea provided. If your workplace cares about its workers.

I dont know if its during worktime or after work, I wouldnt go with someone after work. During lunch break fine.

Now if you actually work IN STARBUCKS, well thats different.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
6,436
905
113
#14
I wouldn't say it is a sin to drink coffee with someone. If you did, you could keep a brief case on the table to make it business-looking for him and everyone else to see. The thing is, if you were doing a lot of business meetings with clients, you might find yourself in a job where you want to do that. Married men and women having some social rules against doing this sort of thing is reasonable, but if companies went along with that they would face criticism or lawsuits from radical feminists who would argue that keeping women from meeting like this limits them in their careers-- like the outrage against the US VP not meeting alone with men, a sensible precaution probably coming from a desire to live a holy life and to stay above reproach.

I can think of a simple solution if there is someone-- ask a co-worker to come along and pay for your co-workers coffee if necessary. If you had an assistant, that would work out well. Most people probably don't have an assistant. :) Ordering the coffee and booking a meeting room has been suggested, and that is also a good idea.

If you are uncomfortable with it, just tell him you may seem old fashioned, but as a married woman, you are not comfortable having coffee with just you and a single man in that situation. You aren't implying anything about him, but such things could feed the rumor mill. If he thinks that is weird, so what? Then suggest an alternative for the meeting.

Keep a clean conscience. Also, ask your husband. My advice is above, but you aren't obligated to follow my advice. What your husband says is a lot more important given the situation. If he says no to the coffee shop idea, then definitely respect that.
 

Billyd

Senior Member
May 8, 2014
4,004
773
113
#15
Would you accept an invite to get coffee with a married coworker, strictly work related? Usually this is done to informally chat about progress of work. It would involve walking to Starbucks across the street. I have said yes a couple of times to older seasoned guys but this one is around my age. That he is around my age makes me question.
Older men or young men, it makes no difference. Never place yourself in a situation that you can't safely walk away from.

If you think that you must accept the invite, take a trusted coworker or friend with you.
 
Jun 27, 2019
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#16
If you trust yourself to keep it professional, it should be fine.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,734
3,895
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#18
I think the OP isnt married and her co worker is not the other way round, so she cant ask her husband to come with her. But she could ask his wife to join them I suppose.

I think either that or ask another colleague to come with..

Ive had married elder church members want to take me out, but then try to bludge off me so, its kinda weird that way too. I said why not ask some others along too and this elder guys was like why? I said cos its more fun. I would only go out if someone else was coming too. I dont care how old they are. if they married they need to be doing stuff alone with their spouse not me.

its not that you cant just grab a coffee but its more on THEM having this strange idea that any time alone with you is a 'date' and an opportunity. for me it doesnt count but some guys are weird.
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,116
783
113
#19
Thanks all for replying. Wow, I got a mix of responses. What we needed to discuss happened to be a bit more urgent so we ended up discussing at work.

I guess when I go with a supervisor/more experienced type, I think having coffee is a bit more professional/on point. So, When I go with a peer (I grab coffee with other females), it is more informal/casual/fun. That was why I was a bit hesitant with this co-worker, if that makes sense.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,159
2,351
113
#20
Thanks all for replying. Wow, I got a mix of responses. What we needed to discuss happened to be a bit more urgent so we ended up discussing at work.

I guess when I go with a supervisor/more experienced type, I think having coffee is a bit more professional/on point. So, When I go with a peer (I grab coffee with other females), it is more informal/casual/fun. That was why I was a bit hesitant with this co-worker, if that makes sense.
I was talking with my husband about this thread, and he asked “does this coworker do this with everybody in the office?” And I said “hmm! That’s a good question!” Because if this coworker does this with everyone to talk about progress, then I would be more ok to go. But if it could be done at the office, that would be my preference.