Confused and need advice

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Kmdavis

Senior Member
Nov 7, 2014
111
6
18
#1
Hello, all.

I’ve recently been in a courtship for 6 months. The guy I’m dating works in ministry with inner city youth and serves sometimes as an elder. Recently I have found out some things about him that really disturb me. 4 years ago he vulunteered his time with some urban city youth. Well, they turned him on to this really dirty trill rap music. He told me when we met that he was struggling with it and knew he had to stop. So he told me that he was going to. Well the other day I asked when was the last time he listened to it an he said the other day. What should I do? He professes Christ on the outside but he listens to music I wouldn’t even have listened to when I was in the world.
 
Mar 23, 2016
2,421
364
83
#2
Have you asked him if the stuff he listens to makes him feel closer to God or distant from God?

You could also ask him what music he would have in his house if Jesus Christ came to visit? If he would not have Jesus Christ listen to the rap music that he listens to, he shouldn't be listening to it.

I'm not a rap music aficionado so can't recommend any christian rap musicians, but I know there are some rappers who are christian. Trade the stuff he shouldn't be listening to for the stuff he should be listening to.


Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
17,102
560
113
#3
Has he tried Christian rap?
 

DiscipleDave

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2012
3,066
64
48
#4
Hello, all.

I’ve recently been in a courtship for 6 months. The guy I’m dating works in ministry with inner city youth and serves sometimes as an elder. Recently I have found out some things about him that really disturb me. 4 years ago he vulunteered his time with some urban city youth. Well, they turned him on to this really dirty trill rap music. He told me when we met that he was struggling with it and knew he had to stop. So he told me that he was going to. Well the other day I asked when was the last time he listened to it an he said the other day. What should I do? He professes Christ on the outside but he listens to music I wouldn’t even have listened to when I was in the world.
What should you do?

Heb 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,


Unless your living a life with no sin in it, then maybe you should get rid of your own sins first:

Mat_7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?


So instead of being concerned with his sinning, would it be wise to be concerned about your own first? But if your living in sin (not saying you are, but only if your living in sin) then why are you concerned about him living in sin, when you are living in sin also. First walk in the light like Jesus did, then you shall be able to see more clearly what to do with others who continue to live in sins.

^i^

††† In His Holy and Precious Name, Jesus Christ †††

DiscipleDave
 

GOP

Senior Member
Jul 12, 2015
1,668
84
48
#5
Simply pray for him and for yourself also. Ask GOD to take away anything that will keep the guy from HIM. Pray this prayer also to yourself. Do it in the NAME OF JESUS. It's well with you all.
 
Mar 23, 2016
2,421
364
83
#7
Nice beat or not, we've got to be careful what words we put in our heads. those words trickle down to our hearts ...
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
17,102
560
113
#9
I don't believe music in itself is evil but how you respond to the music.

If you hear about people smoking illegal drugs and having casual sex...,are you horrified and moved to prayer or do you wish you could get away with doing those activities without being punished?
 

Kmdavis

Senior Member
Nov 7, 2014
111
6
18
#10
Have you asked him if the stuff he listens to makes him feel closer to God or distant from God?

You could also ask him what music he would have in his house if Jesus Christ came to visit? If he would not have Jesus Christ listen to the rap music that he listens to, he shouldn't be listening to it.

I'm not a rap music aficionado so can't recommend any christian rap musicians, but I know there are some rappers who are christian. Trade the stuff he shouldn't be listening to for the stuff he should be listening to.


Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
He definitely feels bad about it and knows he shouldn’t listen to it. He told me when we first met that he was feeling convicted about listening to the music. He said since he has met me he has listened to less and less of it.
 

Kmdavis

Senior Member
Nov 7, 2014
111
6
18
#11
I don't believe music in itself is evil but how you respond to the music.

If you hear about people smoking illegal drugs and having casual sex...,are you horrified and moved to prayer or do you wish you could get away with doing those activities without being punished?

I think that he was listening to the music trying to understand the violence in the inner city and got pulled into it a couple years ago.
 

Kmdavis

Senior Member
Nov 7, 2014
111
6
18
#12
What should you do?

Heb 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Unless your living a life with no sin in it, then maybe you should get rid of your own sins first:

Mat_7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

So instead of being concerned with his sinning, would it be wise to be concerned about your own first? But if your living in sin (not saying you are, but only if your living in sin) then why are you concerned about him living in sin, when you are living in sin also. First walk in the light like Jesus did, then you shall be able to see more clearly what to do with others who continue to live in sins.

^i^

††† In His Holy and Precious Name, Jesus Christ †††

DiscipleDave

Very true, my main concern is marring someone who couldnt lead me closer to Christ. Also, that he is leading youth and listening to this music disturbs me..

It is a strong hold. We both have prayed about it and have decided to spend an extra day each week to seriously pray not just for his issues but as I was really praying on this I realized I had some serious not so obvious issues too. How could I judge him when I’ve done the same or worse. But I still want to go into this with my eyes open. If there isn’t any changes in that regard to what he watches then I feel that it will hinder my walk with God as I have been saved for 3 years and he 10. So I shouldnt have to lead him as a baby Christian or especially as a wife. However, I will give him a fair chance. I know I can’t hold that back from him because of Christ mercy for me. I really reflected on Romans 14 as what I should do in this situation. But I’m grateful that he has been honest and showed me all his skeletons which is not easy to do.
 

Kmdavis

Senior Member
Nov 7, 2014
111
6
18
#13
Simply pray for him and for yourself also. Ask GOD to take away anything that will keep the guy from HIM. Pray this prayer also to yourself. Do it in the NAME OF JESUS. It's well with you all.

Yes, amen.
 

Kmdavis

Senior Member
Nov 7, 2014
111
6
18
#14
Nice beat or not, we've got to be careful what words we put in our heads. those words trickle down to our hearts ...
You’re right. He said when he was working in another ministry (homeless ministry) he was struggling with the the men there trying to fight him when he was listening to this music. He would stop listening to it before starting work and be fine throughout the day. He said he never in his life had a challenge like this job before but it pushed him to pray more. He said he has changed a lot in the past year.

I talked to him yesturday and I think he understands that that music is demonic and causing a spiritual rift between us. I felt demonically attacked recently and told him. He hinted that his approach to the homeless ministry is the same mindset he'd have to take into our relationship.
 

Kmdavis

Senior Member
Nov 7, 2014
111
6
18
#15
Maybe it has a nice beat.
I don't think its the beat that attracted him. Mostly, curiosity got the best of him..the music isn't all that good but lots of these kids he listens to have lost their lives to the violence they talk about in their videos.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
24,545
2,988
113
63
Florida
#16
Hello, all.

I’ve recently been in a courtship for 6 months. The guy I’m dating works in ministry with inner city youth and serves sometimes as an elder. Recently I have found out some things about him that really disturb me. 4 years ago he vulunteered his time with some urban city youth. Well, they turned him on to this really dirty trill rap music. He told me when we met that he was struggling with it and knew he had to stop. So he told me that he was going to. Well the other day I asked when was the last time he listened to it an he said the other day. What should I do? He professes Christ on the outside but he listens to music I wouldn’t even have listened to when I was in the world.
Maybe he is just going through a phase of some sort that will fade away sooner rather than later. The apostle Paul would at times adapt to the current way of life with those that God brought into his life but not in a sinful way. Yeah, the rap is garbage but that's the way kids are sometimes in their choice of music.
 
Mar 23, 2016
2,421
364
83
#17
He definitely feels bad about it and knows he shouldn’t listen to it. He told me when we first met that he was feeling convicted about listening to the music. He said since he has met me he has listened to less and less of it.
It's not a matter of listening to it "less and less". If the music does not bring him closer to God, it is drawing him further from God. What in this life that is more important than developing a relationship with God?
 
Mar 23, 2016
2,421
364
83
#18
Here's a song by Casting Crowns called "Slow Fade". The message is very powerful and I hope you (and your partner) listen and take the words to heart. I don't believe we really think about what we're putting in our heads and how words/music affect our relationship with Father.



 

mcubed

Senior Member
Dec 20, 2013
1,449
205
63
#19
Well, he won't stop for you if that if he wants to listen to. G-d convicts us not humans, we just cause fights and push people closer to things when we ride them. Then they have to keep secrets, tell lies... big ol' mess. Your job is to pray' it's G-d's job to change things. The trick though is to not play G-d and wait on Him.... And that part sucks... But He gets the job done when we just make a bigger job for Him to FIX if we take matters into our own hands!!!!
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
17,102
560
113
#20
I believe I maybe he needs this verse as a reminder?

I know I did Hebrews-2-1-ESV.jpg