Daughter is going down a very bad path... advice and prayers please

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jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
1,432
32
48
#1
My daughter is 25 she has being going out and drinking heavy for a long time. I have been growing more and more concerned for her lately. I know 25 is young and I did they same thing until I was about 26 or so. I am praying she will out grow this soon but I am not so sure she does not show any signs of slowing down really. She has about a 80 percent chance of becoming an alcoholic as it ran majorly in her fathers side of the family. It also runs in my side of the family. She has also been doing some other drugs as well. She grew up in a very controlled place so I know most of this is her feeling freedom. She was brought up going to church and now has just fallen to the way side with everything almost in life. I know the life situation has a lot to do with her rebelling now. I just pray that God helps restore her some how. I pray every night for her I just do not know what to do as I am her mother she does not want to her me lecture her on her behaviors. Any advice would be great and prayers as well.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,550
2,030
113
63
Florida
#2
My older brother is an alcoholic but I still pray for him. The reason that I quit drinking in 1992 was to set a good example for him. About the only thing that you can do is pray. One day she may hit rock bottom and at that time positive change will take place because she will have no where else to go but up. God will take her hand and lead to her to the place that she needs to go and belong.
 

Miri

Senior Member
Jul 22, 2012
8,054
906
113
UK age 50
#3
Tourist is right, alcohol addiction has a very tight grip on people. They have
to really want to give up for themselves. My brother was an alcoholic.

One other thing came to mind people often turn to “things” to forget or to cover up
hurts and emotions. It starts out as an an emotional crutch, then becomes habit, then
addiction.

I remember ages ago hearing a speaker talking about forgiveness. He said there are
three parties we overlook. We need to forgive God - how many times as Christians
have we ever said “why God”. We need to forgive our parents, “no parents are
perfect. We need to forgive ourselves - most people are too hard on themselves.

Maybe you can have a chat with you daughter and see if there is anything bugging her. She’s
a bit old at 25 to be going through a teenage rebellion stage. Maybe there is a little more to
it. Maybe as a parent it would help to apologise if you think you might have been a bit strict.

Is there room left for discussion between you both, for acknowledging of any faults and
starting afresh? If the drinking has gone too far it might also take something like AA.
 

Miri

Senior Member
Jul 22, 2012
8,054
906
113
UK age 50
#4
Oh and by the way, being brought up in a church environment then
going you own way, can actually turn out to be a good thing.

First generation Christians when an adult comes to Christ, have their own
personal testimony. Second generation Christians don’t, they go to church
because their parent took them but it doesn’t always mean they know God
for themselves.

Children need to discover God for themselves. Going alone for a time gives
them a taste of what it’s like to live without Christ. Sometimes it’s necessary
for them to be born again in their own right and discover God for themselves.
Its far better to do that than for someone to think they are a Christian
just because they were brought up in a Christian family.

I’ve seen and heard several instances where people think they are Christians
just because they were raised Christian. I’ve even seen people on here
claim to be Christian from birth. But that’s living under your parents
grace and faith, not your own.
 

jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
1,432
32
48
#5
Tourist is right, alcohol addiction has a very tight grip on people. They have
to really want to give up for themselves. My brother was an alcoholic.

One other thing came to mind people often turn to “things” to forget or to cover up
hurts and emotions. It starts out as an an emotional crutch, then becomes habit, then
addiction.

I remember ages ago hearing a speaker talking about forgiveness. He said there are
three parties we overlook. We need to forgive God - how many times as Christians
have we ever said “why God”. We need to forgive our parents, “no parents are
perfect. We need to forgive ourselves - most people are too hard on themselves.

Maybe you can have a chat with you daughter and see if there is anything bugging her. She’s
a bit old at 25 to be going through a teenage rebellion stage. Maybe there is a little more to
it. Maybe as a parent it would help to apologise if you think you might have been a bit strict.

Is there room left for discussion between you both, for acknowledging of any faults and
starting afresh? If the drinking has gone too far it might also take something like AA.
I have had talks with her about everything asked her if she was holding on to anger about something. Said my sorry's for not being there for her like I wanted to be. I know she holds alot of anger and resentment with her aunt and uncle because they are the ones that took care of her for many years not by my choice of course (long Story) most people already know, I have tried so much I am at a loss I am hoping I can find a way to move her away from this area and get her out of the company of her drinking companions.
 

Miri

Senior Member
Jul 22, 2012
8,054
906
113
UK age 50
#6
I have had talks with her about everything asked her if she was holding on to anger about something. Said my sorry's for not being there for her like I wanted to be. I know she holds alot of anger and resentment with her aunt and uncle because they are the ones that took care of her for many years not by my choice of course (long Story) most people already know, I have tried so much I am at a loss I am hoping I can find a way to move her away from this area and get her out of the company of her drinking companions.

Difficulties during your up bringing, take a long time to resolve you can’t just
put them away.

I was brought up in foster care, even years later after I thought I was okay with
everything, things would pop up unexpectedly and I had to deal with them all
over again. I’m fine now but it’s taken lots of years of trying to work things out.

I thought everything was good, then in 2014 I found out that my real mum (who was
schizophrenic) had died. It brought so many unresolved issues back and I was
heart broken for a while, but it meant things got dealt with.

There is a difference in dealing with stuff and pretending it’s ok. The hurt always surfaces
at some point. At the moment she is running away from things to a bottle, rather than
facing up to it.

How about if you both go to counselling together?
 

jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
1,432
32
48
#7
I can ask her she is not to keen on counsling . Because my aunt made a huge ordeal in front of her at one of her sessions when she was 9 and now she feels they are not trustworthy or even worth seeing.
 

jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
1,432
32
48
#8
I wish someone who has been through things could talk to her.. but I don't know anyone that is good to reach out to her. All my family is pretty much poison and she gets very angry when confronted about things.
 

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
1,133
308
83
57
#9
Hi Jen...How about writing your daughter a heartfelt letter...Take a good few days on writing it , maybe add a few Scriptures in there , it could be something she could keep and go back to and re-read...xox...

I have 4 daughters , 3 of them our relationship is good ( sadly they are not saved ) but my eldest daughter relationship is broken with me...The only way i could deal with the pain as her mother was give her to God , I literally surrendered her to God , the pain was breaking my heart...She to has been with alcohol , plus drugs , in a relationship with a man for 19 yrs , he is a narcissist , ( hate putting tags on people but he is ) , now very slowly her heart is softening to me , i just recieved a lovely get well card from her , i pray to God often for her , He is the only one who can keep me sane from a mothers heart that can break over and over and over , may God give you peace and carry you also...xox...
 
L

loyaldisciple

Guest
#10
I wish someone who has been through things could talk to her.. but I don't know anyone that is good to reach out to her. All my family is pretty much poison and she gets very angry when confronted about things.
It is extremely frustrating and difficult to try and help someone who wants no help. I have seen this several times. First, she must begin to "want" something better for herself. If you click my name to left and send me a message, then I will give you my e-mail. If she wants to talk with me she can. I cannot guarantee anything other than I will try to be her friend and give her the best advice that I can. She will have to be in a frame of mind to at least listen to someone, or no one is going to be able to help her, but the LORD Himself. If she is open to truth, then I can give that to her. I wish you the best.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#11
My daughter is 25 she has being going out and drinking heavy for a long time. I have been growing more and more concerned for her lately. I know 25 is young and I did they same thing until I was about 26 or so. I am praying she will out grow this soon but I am not so sure she does not show any signs of slowing down really. She has about a 80 percent chance of becoming an alcoholic as it ran majorly in her fathers side of the family. It also runs in my side of the family. She has also been doing some other drugs as well. She grew up in a very controlled place so I know most of this is her feeling freedom. She was brought up going to church and now has just fallen to the way side with everything almost in life. I know the life situation has a lot to do with her rebelling now. I just pray that God helps restore her some how. I pray every night for her I just do not know what to do as I am her mother she does not want to her me lecture her on her behaviors. Any advice would be great and prayers as well.
Have you asked her the obvious thing: "What do you want to do in life?"

And, if need be, there is the second question: "When do you plan to start doing that?"
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
12,136
767
113
#12
If the proper foundation has been laid then there is hope.

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Water them in prayer and trust God to write the chapter in your child's heart that only He can write.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Oct 19, 2016
613
65
28
#13
I’m sorry to hear that, Jennifer. There is no love quite like that of a parent for a child. I know how difficult and painful it must be for you to see your daughter making bad choices. Please know that I’ll continue to pray for your daughter, asking the Lord to intervene in her life, draw her closer to Himself, and direct her steps in the days ahead. May He be your source of wisdom, comfort, and strength. Stay strong. Love & hugs to you!
 
Apr 7, 2018
49
0
0
#14
hey i can understand your pain as a parent even though am not one yet...reason is ,i can tottaly and completely relate to your situation....i used to be like your daughter,began when i was in campus,i started to experiment with drugs,marijuana and alcohol...it escalated,dropped out,got a job...and drunk even more,my parents are christians ,went to church as a child,but stopped attending service all together,my parents rarely knew about it because i was very much discreet and they are always busy so rarely home,altogether,i moved out...drinking copiously,totally reckless...chasing "the life" until i moved to another country...prayers are very strong,am sure my parents really pray for their children,when my brother commited suicide,it shattered me,and for a long time i was looking for answers,to life ,death,the meaninmg of life,at that time life started seeming very usless to me,but deep down i was convinced it has to mean more..well that if God is real.i looked and looked ,and looked,and one day i downloaded the Bible because i didnt have one,and started to go through it,and i came to the book of eclesstiaces,lo and behold my questionon life was answered.i yearned fro the TRUTH whatever it may be ,and so far the answers keep coming to me in one form or the other,through dreams(nightmares),sermons on youtube,reading the Bible,praying and so far i am convinced that God is REAL AND ALIVE.
Dear parent, dont be discouraged,worry not(parable of the sower),God is alive and He is working,let yourself not be burdened but take your burden to Him,He created her,shes a masterpiece and He has the ability to change her. PRAY persistently and believe...continue to do all things in love and with love,and wait.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,749
571
113
#15
we know that Jesus lover's prayers ALWAYS make a Spiritual difference in some way...
 

cherishedgal

Junior Member
Dec 21, 2017
7
0
0
#16
I am sorry you and your family is having to go through this. I know that your daughter may seem lost to you right now, but she is a child of Gods and He will not forsake her. I know that for a fact because I rebelled after getting married. My husband was not a Christian and I had just graduated from high school. I never forgot about Jesus and always thanked him for blessings and prayed for him to take care of us. But we enjoyed life with friends who liked to party-- until grandkids then I started going back to church. Then husband started going and was baptized, both sons and daughter in laws started going and baptized and granddaughter was baptized. God is good and watches over His children. Never give up, I know my mom also prayed for us daily.
 

meigemann

Junior Member
Nov 7, 2017
2
0
0
#17
Hello,
I know how hard it is to storm the gates of heaven with your prayers only to watch your child continue down the wrong path. Hang in there...Prayer works! I would pray that God would bring others (peers) into her life who can share Gods truth with her. I'd pray for God to lay on your heart how you are supposed to handle things as pray for peace while you wait on the Lord to move. Sometimes waiting is the hardest thing to do but it is in the waiting phase of life where we often learn the most valuable spiritual lessons. I'll be joining you in prayer!
 

angelheart007

Junior Member
Mar 2, 2017
11
0
0
#18
I'm so sorry to hear this about your daughter. I'm sure your heart is broken. The best thing we can do is to continue to pray the Lord's hand of protection be on her, to keep her safe and to draw her back to Him. Ask your friends and church family to also help you pray for her. One thing I tried to do when my son was going through this was to just love him anyway, even in the midst of it all. I would invite him to church or special functions or events which he would turn down, but it at least let him know I still loved him and wanted him in my life, regardless of what he was doing. I told him I may not approve, but I would always love him. He eventually came back around and thankfully got his life back on track, but it took a few years and some really hard life lessons. But the Lord was so gracious to spare his life and brought him back. I'm praying for you and your daughter. Never stop loving her or reaching out to her, love changes people. Hugs and prayers from Texas
 

cherishedgal

Junior Member
Dec 21, 2017
7
0
0
#19
God never let's go. If you know him from being raised in a Christian home, you may walk away from Him, but He never leaves you. I know I searched and searched for "What is it all about, what is the purpose". When you know there is no one else who can help you find what you are looking for, that is when you find Him.