Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

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Jul 4, 2017
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#1
Where is it? How long should you fight for your marriage? How long before you're just a clinger who can't accept the marriage is over?

It's been a month. I feel great about the direction my life is going. The changes I've made and am still making. I love my new church and the true fellowship that it offers. I'm keeping busy but I'm not ready to give up on my marriage.

I haven't spoken to her too much. I try my best to give her space. I told her that IF she did really want a divorce that we have to take care of things for that to happen but she won't address it. Am I wrong to see hope in that? Sometimes I feel like I'm clinging to a chance I don't have. I pray and pray and I feel like God wants me to fight. Is that God or my own desires? I ask for signs but feel like I'm looking too hard.

As I said in the other thread, I've been attending this church for a month and they seem to be a great fit for me. They are coincidentally having their annual plunge night (baptism) on weds. I'm ecstatic about that. I just know Its something I'll always remember and I would love for her to be there.

As I also mentioned in the other thread; I went in last weds for baptism class and accidentally ended up in the next step program. I feel like my accident was God's purpose. I'm starting to meet good people (which I really need in my construction world). Couples that would be good for us to be friends with. But I'm there alone. She would absolutely love this church and lifestyle if I only got the chance to show her.

So since I rambled, how long? How long do I hold on to this marriage? I don't want to give up. I don't want to be "that clingy ex that won't let go" either. Advice please.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,045
1,577
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Florida
#2
Where is it? How long should you fight for your marriage? How long before you're just a clinger who can't accept the marriage is over?

It's been a month. I feel great about the direction my life is going. The changes I've made and am still making. I love my new church and the true fellowship that it offers. I'm keeping busy but I'm not ready to give up on my marriage.

I haven't spoken to her too much. I try my best to give her space. I told her that IF she did really want a divorce that we have to take care of things for that to happen but she won't address it. Am I wrong to see hope in that? Sometimes I feel like I'm clinging to a chance I don't have. I pray and pray and I feel like God wants me to fight. Is that God or my own desires? I ask for signs but feel like I'm looking too hard.

As I said in the other thread, I've been attending this church for a month and they seem to be a great fit for me. They are coincidentally having their annual plunge night (baptism) on weds. I'm ecstatic about that. I just know Its something I'll always remember and I would love for her to be there.

As I also mentioned in the other thread; I went in last weds for baptism class and accidentally ended up in the next step program. I feel like my accident was God's purpose. I'm starting to meet good people (which I really need in my construction world). Couples that would be good for us to be friends with. But I'm there alone. She would absolutely love this church and lifestyle if I only got the chance to show her.

So since I rambled, how long? How long do I hold on to this marriage? I don't want to give up. I don't want to be "that clingy ex that won't let go" either. Advice please.
I'm not sure what to say. How long did your wife hold on to the marriage? Seems to me that she has moved forward with her life. You could wait a few months or a year or two providing she doesn't remarry. If that happens then it's definitely over.
 
Jul 4, 2017
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#3
Yeah I mean if she starts seeing someone in general I'd move on. She's not. She's not going out. She's just staying with family. Other than that idk too much.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,045
1,577
113
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Florida
#4
Yeah I mean if she starts seeing someone in general I'd move on. She's not. She's not going out. She's just staying with family. Other than that idk too much.
It's good that she is just staying with her family. Give her a month or two and maybe she will be receptive about going at least once to church with you. Above all else, be patient. I also believe that you have some anger issues that needs to be addressed too. Don't put a lot of pressure on her to respond, just allow it to be a natural process for her.
 
Jul 4, 2017
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#5
Thanks for your response. I am not pressuring her. I honestly haven't been stressed really other than some sadness about her but I quickly lean on prayer. It's helped a lot. Patience is here and there. I'm trying to be patient. Like I said, I just lean on prayer a lot when I feel like I'm overwhelmed with t all. It's the most peace I've had despite my marriage being on the fritz.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
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#6
true Peace can only be given by Jesus Christ, and just because you have found some people
to comfort yourself, maybe you should make her your priority and submit in your 'love'
for her and her needs...and above all else, be 'honest' in your 'part' of where your situation
is at this time..
 
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Jul 4, 2017
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#7
Yeah that's what I meant. God have given me peace. As a converted catholic I've never experienced a relationship with Jesus. Before it was just reciting prayers to him. That's my peace. That I can talk to him about anything.

The people I'm meeting are not my source of peace. It's just refreshing to meet people who are equally yoked. I've addressed the anger. Read about it, started a management course. Ultimately nothing has helped me like me surrendering to God.

I've seen a difference at work already as far as dealing with stress and other people attitudes.
 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
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#8
Hi RB,

I admire you for wanting your marriage to work out. Don't give up! Part of our new character is the fruit of perseverance. As oldthennew says, we can have peace in the midst of the storm.

Without pressure, you can ask your wife for a date :). I would take hope in that she's not ready to discuss divorce.

Are you a new believer? Is she?

My husband won me back through loving me, not pressuring me. Because I wanted a divorce, this led to God saving our marriage.
 
Jul 4, 2017
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#9
I'm not necessarily a new believer. As mentioned I was catholic and she started showing me different churches with praise and worship. I didn't care for it at first. Then I started reading the Bible and it was leaning more towards "just Christianity".

She is a longtime Christian. A good one. She admittedly told me she regretfully abandoned God and was angry at him after her husband died. But I think that's natural for people and she has been back on track since.

I don't think I'm at a point where she'll accept a date offer but I'll look to that in the future. As long as she's faithful to the marriage I can forget all of this. I just want her to be a part of this new journey.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
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#10
we Both, also admire such an 'humble and contrite spirit', a miracle, right before our eyes...
:):)
 

Huckleberry

Senior Member
Aug 25, 2013
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#11
All I got was "baptism class".
Obviously I'm way out of the loop.
 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
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#12
The line is marital unfaithfulness. If your spouse did not cheat on you, you stay married no matter what.
 
Jul 4, 2017
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#15
Either way, adultry is my line...
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
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#17
He never required a divorce for adultry.
God didn't leave when we are unfaithful, he sent Jesus.
It isn't that it was required, but not a sin to divorce on the grounds of infidelity.