Does God choose your spouse or do you with God's guidance?

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Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
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#1
We often hear single Christians say I'm waiting on the spouse God is preparing for me. What does this imply? A prearranged marriage by Christian elders? A spouse that seems to supernaturally fall into your life? Does this eliminate dating as in God will send that individual within His timing?

I personally believe it is a mix of God's sovereignty, free will of the human, and relationship between God and human.

Basically, date with God's guidance.
 

Runningman

Well-known member
Mar 4, 2020
3,522
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#2
I mean, it's possible to marry just about anyone these days whether that's right or wrong. I think we can choose to follow God's wisdom and pick the most suitable spouse, but there are options; we can choose to not get married too.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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Tennessee
#3
I mean, it's possible to marry just about anyone these days whether that's right or wrong. I think we can choose to follow God's wisdom and pick the most suitable spouse, but there are options; we can choose to not get married too.
Exactly, choosing a suitable spouse requires wisdom and discernment provided by the grace of God.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,988
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#4
Imo, No, God is not in the match making business. He may give us the wisdom to make the right decision, but ultimately, its our choice.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
7,306
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#5
Imo, No, God is not in the match making business. He may give us the wisdom to make the right decision, but ultimately, its our choice.
Yes I agree. He may have been for Adam but for others He had warnings and laws against who to marry like mixing with pagans. Solomon found out that mistake.
 

JStates

Active member
Jan 5, 2022
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"A higher plane," hehe
www.youtube.com
#6
Imo, No, God is not in the match making business. He may give us the wisdom to make the right decision, but ultimately, its our choice.
Agreed. I have heard the Biblical account of Isaac and Rebekah being ripped out of context and misapplied... but the reality is that God working out a wife for Isaac was implicitly REQUIRED by God's promise to Abraham to make a great nation out of him. Hard to do that with a celibate heir, eh?

God doesn't promise to provide a spouse. Human choice and consequence are at play.

As such, it astounds me that so many Christians outright reject the clear Biblical principles on how to choose a spouse. Like not dating unbelievers.
 

soberxp

Senior Member
May 3, 2018
1,322
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#7
Your question is actually an unspeakable secret.

but I agree with He may give us the wisdom to make the right decision, but ultimately, its our choice
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
13,649
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#8
I think its just something some single people say to stop busy bodies asking why arent they married yet.

I mean it gets tiring dating all the time and expensive.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
13,649
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#9
The other strange thing is they dont ever say 'God is preparing me' its always the other person (who they dont even know yet) being prepared.

?!
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
17,744
1,982
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#10
We often hear single Christians say I'm waiting on the spouse God is preparing for me. What does this imply? A prearranged marriage by Christian elders? A spouse that seems to supernaturally fall into your life? Does this eliminate dating as in God will send that individual within His timing?

I personally believe it is a mix of God's sovereignty, free will of the human, and relationship between God and human.

Basically, date with God's guidance.
They say there is someone out there for everyone this would imply that there is a spuse out there already chosen to be with you it's just a matter of finding them. I think God being all knowing and known for his plans for our good does have a spouse chosen for us if we are to have one and sometimes he guides us to them other times we wait on the Lord

I wish I could know love again to feel warm inside thinking of them to imagine sitting together watching movies laughing and crying together to imagine her face when I am feeling down and my heart skips a beat however personally I don't think I will find her and I have learned to be content with it. Where I live in this facility I am in almost every women here has asked me out several times one admitted she had a crush on me but I turned down every offer because I felt nolove for them and if I am to be with someone it has to be the real thing not simply to not be alone.

I am e tender soul and women seem to find that attractive but no one in my life really knows me they don't know my heart just my personality so since I found love once by waiting that is what I do, if there is someone out there that I can lavish with my love and affection he will bring her to me because far to many times I have seen people seek them out only to find it doesn't last.

But I won't lie to find a women who clicks with my personality who I can daydream about and feel warm who when I actually do marry her I am like a seahorse they are my mate for life even if they should die. Seahorses have us humans beat on that matter when they find a mate they are for life even if the other mate dies they will never be with any other sea horse
 

Genipher

Well-known member
Jan 6, 2019
1,326
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#11
The other strange thing is they dont ever say 'God is preparing me' its always the other person (who they dont even know yet) being prepared.

?!
Hm. That's interesting because I've told my kids God is preparing them, whether for marriage or another aspect of service to Him, so that's not an absolute.
 

Genipher

Well-known member
Jan 6, 2019
1,326
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#12
Yes I agree. He may have been for Adam but for others He had warnings and laws against who to marry like mixing with pagans. Solomon found out that mistake.
Wouldn't forbidding marriage and creating laws about who not to marry be an aspect of matchmaking? In this instance He would be preventing a match. I mean, a matchmaker looks at a myriad of people and determines who is the best for so-and-so, weeding out the undesirables. In your example, God is doing that soooooo....??
 

JStates

Active member
Jan 5, 2022
573
234
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"A higher plane," hehe
www.youtube.com
#13
They say there is someone out there for everyone this would imply that there is a spuse out there already chosen to be with you it's just a matter of finding them. I think God being all knowing and known for his plans for our good does have a spouse chosen for us if we are to have one and sometimes he guides us to them other times we wait on the Lord

I wish I could know love again to feel warm inside thinking of them to imagine sitting together watching movies laughing and crying together to imagine her face when I am feeling down and my heart skips a beat however personally I don't think I will find her and I have learned to be content with it. Where I live in this facility I am in almost every women here has asked me out several times one admitted she had a crush on me but I turned down every offer because I felt nolove for them and if I am to be with someone it has to be the real thing not simply to not be alone.

I am e tender soul and women seem to find that attractive but no one in my life really knows me they don't know my heart just my personality so since I found love once by waiting that is what I do, if there is someone out there that I can lavish with my love and affection he will bring her to me because far to many times I have seen people seek them out only to find it doesn't last.

But I won't lie to find a women who clicks with my personality who I can daydream about and feel warm who when I actually do marry her I am like a seahorse they are my mate for life even if they should die. Seahorses have us humans beat on that matter when they find a mate they are for life even if the other mate dies they will never be with any other sea horse
The idea of a soul mate/twin flame/etc. is a pagan one, not Biblical. I'm not saying it's anti-biblical, just that you won't find it in the Bible.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
13,649
4,842
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#14
I dont think its eliminates dating as you still have to set a date on which you have a wedding and get married. (officially)


Otherwise, you would just never have any anniversaries.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
7,306
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#15
Wouldn't forbidding marriage and creating laws about who not to marry be an aspect of matchmaking? In this instance He would be preventing a match. I mean, a matchmaker looks at a myriad of people and determines who is the best for so-and-so, weeding out the undesirables. In your example, God is doing that soooooo....??
We have an example with Adam but not for others. Not sure if we can use Adam since there was technically no other female in the garden.

God did tell Hosea to marry a prostitute.

But we also have how God operated in the Old Testament and through the Israelites versus the New Testament and the gentiles. The New Testament seems to just guide people on being equally yoked.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
13,649
4,842
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#16
Paul just gives advice for marriage in corinthians.
He also talks about if an unbeliever is married to a believer. The unbeliever can leave if they want to, but the believer is advised not to for the childrens sake. (I presume hes talking about the house that they all live in together)

Paul also says that its better to remain unmarried, (especially for women) but he doesnt forbid marriage. If you cannot contain (eg control yourself...not have children) then get married you arent doing anything wrong.

If you are thinking of having children definitely you want the best parent for them someone who will stick around. There are no gurantees though some couples seem to just divorce as soon as the kids leave home if they havent run away already.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
1,798
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#17
What do you think OP?


I don't think it's possible to tell either way. I think there are some people that God may design to only be with a single person but it is similar to having a lifelong specific calling.

Does everyone get those? No.

Generally I think God's guidance is within our marital pursuits because why would they not be? Does God hate marriage? No. Does he not realize how much the enemy comes against marriage? Of course he does. I think he has a vested interest in healthy marriages and showing some people a different metaphor than others (singles).

Do I think he can work OT style in a person's life? Sure. As far as I can tell though, that is incredibly rare. I disagree with people that think it does NOT exist because I'm blessed with a long memory and I remember things pastors/missionaries have said over the years well enough to know that there is occasionally a story or two that strongly suggests this. Any time I doubt or have a strong desire to put God into a box and say he "won't" do something...I am met by past recollections. Not just in scripture but in the church historically and today.

So I guess to anyone saying that he does NOT matchmake...by what authority are you saying that? I've seen that several times on these forums and I disagree. I don't think you can state that just like I cannot state that he does. I also don't think that just because of Paul's opinion given in scripture about who should marry that we can extrapolate that this is the Holy Spirit's position unilaterally. That I find quite difficult to accept.

I will also say I've heard some people's stories where it was give or take. Not against the Lord's will but an "up to you" sort of thing. That's what they felt in their heart and I don't think that's unbiblical. Not at all.

I may try to expand this a bit tomorrow, it's late and it feels a tad more jumbled than I meant for it to, I just don't like it when people say God can't and doesn't. Finding a mate may be natural to some but it's also a timing thing...God's timing.
 

Carissa19

New member
Jul 5, 2020
4
4
3
#18
We often hear single Christians say I'm waiting on the spouse God is preparing for me. What does this imply? A prearranged marriage by Christian elders? A spouse that seems to supernaturally fall into your life? Does this eliminate dating as in God will send that individual within His timing?

I personally believe it is a mix of God's sovereignty, free will of the human, and relationship between God and human.

Basically, date with God's guidance.
#HolyBible
I agree with this as the Lord Jesus Christ is a Sovereign God of Mercy Grace Love Joy and Understanding but also places accountability upon Human Free will to live in Love and fellowship on Earth as it is in Heaven to cause the least amount of brokenness as possible. The song of Solomon paints a picture of Christ’s relationship to his bride the Lover of Souls the Prince of Peace as we are to Love our Spouse and delight in Love. I believe a partner can never complete you as a Soul mate but God of Love completes our Souls and as long as you can connect your Soul to the Love of God in relation to your partner, you will find who God wants you to be with as long as God’s Love is there, the relationship is Right and we rely on God to help us with that as with everything. #HolyBible
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
7,306
3,621
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#19
#HolyBible
I agree with this as the Lord Jesus Christ is a Sovereign God of Mercy Grace Love Joy and Understanding but also places accountability upon Human Free will to live in Love and fellowship on Earth as it is in Heaven to cause the least amount of brokenness as possible. The song of Solomon paints a picture of Christ’s relationship to his bride the Lover of Souls the Prince of Peace as we are to Love our Spouse and delight in Love. I believe a partner can never complete you as a Soul mate but God of Love completes our Souls and as long as you can connect your Soul to the Love of God in relation to your partner, you will find who God wants you to be with as long as God’s Love is there, the relationship is Right and we rely on God to help us with that as with everything. #HolyBible
Amen. So true, thank you for sharing.
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,595
1,152
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#20
I believe God will supernaturally place the right person in our path somehow; it should not take too much effort/work of our own to find the spouse. It should be a clear sign. Some people do seek actively and I do believe God can approve those relationships as well.