Good Christian advice needed

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Aug 1, 2017
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#1
i married an unbeliever, he started cheating on me, he left me and our children, and for the longest time i thought i was the victim and i needed to forgive him. i was cruel and cold to him during our separation, he asked to come home a couple of times and i always answered him, "my mind is set, if you want it changed, pray that God changes my mind cos i won't if it was up to me." until one day, he agreed to sign the divorce paper. after signing it, everywhere i went i got the message that "God hates divorces" and i read and reread hosea.

our divorce will be finalised in less than 2 months, one night last week, i had an epiphany, it was like the Holy Spirit was speaking to me directly, and then i saw my sins, my wickedness during our marriage, how i was demanding, and that i had no compassion for my husband, i was a fake christian, no wonder he hated me... i begged for forgiveness, and he tries to convince me that we have no other ending than a divorce.

i repented, i apologised, i tried to seek his forgiveness and asked him to come home. we started to chat and the past stirred up. he resented me, and he is now with someone else he believed could be his destiny. that was a woman he dated before i met him, she waited for him during our marriage, cheated with him and now she is waiting for him to divorce me so they can be married. i didn't know her existent until after we got married and imagine how shocked i was when i knew she was the one my husband was having an affair with. i was so mad cos she should have tried harder to keep her relationship with my husband before we were husband and wife, not to break our marriage when my husband and i were in a bad place in our marriage.

i pray to God that if He hates my divorce He shall be in control of our marriage. i know that even if i apologise i might not be forgiven. but it hurts so much that he is trying to convince me to give him up. i keep praying but i'm getting nowhere.

what should i do? i know i have grounds for divorce, he committed adultery, and 2corinthians 6:14 do not be yoked together with unbelievers. so i should just let go, but then God changed my mind, He hates divorces and He told us to forgive adulter. I did, not only that, i confessed my sins. i'm lost and i don't know what to do.

He messages me daily to tell me how bad an idea it is for us to get back together, even though he loves our children dearly. He trusts that i can manage. and he wants a new life without us. i'm just... i can't even gather words for how i feel now.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#2
A man that loves his wife does not cheat on her. A man that loves is family does not abandon them. My advice is to follow through on the divorce, take care of your kids the best that you can and ask God for strength, wisdom and guidance in moving forward with your life. Other members here are in the same situation so please know that you are not alone. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding on this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,961
1,812
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#3
Not to be mean, but as a Christian who should have known better to marry an unbeliever, then WHY on earth did you do exactly that?? You have to own your part in this sham of a marriage, but hubby IS a philandering adulterer. He obviously doesn't love you, himself OR God. HE left YOU and your kids. HE is still married, yet living with/ having sex with another woman. I agree with Tourist 100%.. Get the divorce.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
5,798
550
113
#4
i pray to God that if He hates my divorce He shall be in control of our marriage. i know that even if i apologise i might not be forgiven. but it hurts so much that he is trying to convince me to give him up. i keep praying but i'm getting nowhere. what should i do?
There's no question that this is a tragic mess. You say you married an unbeliever, so that was the beginning of the mess. But when he started cheating on you, that should have been the end of the mess. Instead you held on to the mess and this guy thought he would continue to manipulate you.

Now that the divorce is almost a fact, and there are good grounds for divorce, there is no need to disturb yourself about the fact that God hates divorce. He also hates believers marrying unbelievers, as well as husband's cheating on wives.

The best thing you can do for yourself now is admit to God that you have made some serious mistakes in the past, put all this behind you, and try to establish a proper Christian marriage with a Christian man who is also mature and has character. You can't fix this unbeliever who is unrepentant.
 
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Apr 26, 2017
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#5
The first commandment...fear God.. if your fear for God does not allow you to go through with the divorce, then don't.
The reason divorce is acceptable is because "men" have hardened their hard. Meaning we lack forgiveness. If you are willing to forgive and forget, so be it.
Marrying an unbeliever is not a sin, because if you are a true Christian, your husband shall follow on your Christian steps.
Live in prayer, read your Bible, and all the questions and answers you need you shall find. No human can assist you in this situation, only He, your Creator, can.
 
Apr 26, 2017
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#6
I meant to say men have hardened their hearts
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
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#7
learn, accept, follow Jesus' rules' - if your mature enough, evidently you are in 'some' areas,
else you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be seeking Spiritual counseling for your
heart-aches from brethren...walk forward sister, don't look-back, look to your Saviour,
with all of your heart, He will never let you down...we just have to do our best part of
the path we are on and He will step-in to help us...
 
Aug 1, 2017
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#8
The first commandment...fear God.. if your fear for God does not allow you to go through with the divorce, then don't.
The reason divorce is acceptable is because "men" have hardened their hard. Meaning we lack forgiveness. If you are willing to forgive and forget, so be it.
Marrying an unbeliever is not a sin, because if you are a true Christian, your husband shall follow on your Christian steps.
Live in prayer, read your Bible, and all the questions and answers you need you shall find. No human can assist you in this situation, only He, your Creator, can.


  • my husband is in pain, his sin is eroding him, unless he repents and goes through Jesus he can't be free. I kept the image of Jesus washing disciples' feet in my head, that we are reborn to serve. I understand that my husband has little to no love for me and that he thinks by divorcing me and seeking a new life with his adulterer he will be free. True happiness comes from reconciliation with God.​





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Aug 1, 2017
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#9
A man that loves his wife does not cheat on her. A man that loves is family does not abandon them. My advice is to follow through on the divorce, take care of your kids the best that you can and ask God for strength, wisdom and guidance in moving forward with your life. Other members here are in the same situation so please know that you are not alone. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding on this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
i totally agree with you, but i also wonder, a man without God knows no love. He doesn't know better and thus he keeps sinning. i sin on a daily basis as well, that's why i need God, to repent and i know i'm forgiven. yet he has no channel for such important thing.

that's why i keep thinking, is divorce the last and only resort? is that what God has planned for us?
 

brotherfred

Junior Member
Aug 3, 2017
3
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#10
please if you believe in your heart that is your husband so shall it be. you have prayed yes.Have take time to listen to what God is saying about that marriage.good u realised u your past as fake.now u asked for forgiveness .forgiveness meansyour past is over.if what u said is true , i will ask you to trust in God trust in his love .look up to him and ask now in sincerity .God is still saying something about your marriage. pray and take 1day fast .if i be a man of GOD will anwer you .in a week the man will call you or u wiil meet a man who will be a new husban to u. But what is true is that this man is not with any woman that he hopes to married.hold on for that divorce. u may contact me later [email protected].
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#11
i married an unbeliever, he started cheating on me, he left me and our children, and for the longest time i thought i was the victim and i needed to forgive him. i was cruel and cold to him during our separation, he asked to come home a couple of times and i always answered him, "my mind is set, if you want it changed, pray that God changes my mind cos i won't if it was up to me." until one day, he agreed to sign the divorce paper. after signing it, everywhere i went i got the message that "God hates divorces" and i read and reread hosea.

our divorce will be finalised in less than 2 months, one night last week, i had an epiphany, it was like the Holy Spirit was speaking to me directly, and then i saw my sins, my wickedness during our marriage, how i was demanding, and that i had no compassion for my husband, i was a fake christian, no wonder he hated me... i begged for forgiveness, and he tries to convince me that we have no other ending than a divorce.

i repented, i apologised, i tried to seek his forgiveness and asked him to come home. we started to chat and the past stirred up. he resented me, and he is now with someone else he believed could be his destiny. that was a woman he dated before i met him, she waited for him during our marriage, cheated with him and now she is waiting for him to divorce me so they can be married. i didn't know her existent until after we got married and imagine how shocked i was when i knew she was the one my husband was having an affair with. i was so mad cos she should have tried harder to keep her relationship with my husband before we were husband and wife, not to break our marriage when my husband and i were in a bad place in our marriage.

i pray to God that if He hates my divorce He shall be in control of our marriage. i know that even if i apologise i might not be forgiven. but it hurts so much that he is trying to convince me to give him up. i keep praying but i'm getting nowhere.

what should i do? i know i have grounds for divorce, he committed adultery, and 2corinthians 6:14 do not be yoked together with unbelievers. so i should just let go, but then God changed my mind, He hates divorces and He told us to forgive adulter. I did, not only that, i confessed my sins. i'm lost and i don't know what to do.

He messages me daily to tell me how bad an idea it is for us to get back together, even though he loves our children dearly. He trusts that i can manage. and he wants a new life without us. i'm just... i can't even gather words for how i feel now.
I bolded the only part of this where you got some understanding from God. So how is it that what God showed you was a minor footnote in this story?

You went from "him" to "me" to God for the briefest of moments, (although even that was all about you), and back to "him" and "me."

So God showed you who you are. What are you going to do about it? Seems to me God showed you and it went right back to all about you again. Usually when God shows us something, it's about God.
 
Apr 26, 2017
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#12
It's clear that you care deeply about your husband. And you too, you are in pain, of the thought of loosing him to another woman. Love conquers all.

  • I would advice you and your husband to go for marriage counseling, at church of course. So that both of you may be guided according to the word of God.
    As I said before, we may try to advice and comfort you, and we may not succeed.
    At the end the choice is yours, but alone, I fear you may make the wrong one.
    Put God first in everything, ask Him to be your guidance. Spend time alone with Him, fast, pray, exclude outside forces, including this chat room.
    Only He can resolve your situation. Believe me when I say, am speaking from experience.
    Be blessed my Sister and may God grant you the peace and happiness that you are yearning for..........................................................................







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Mydelight

Junior Member
Jul 7, 2017
2
0
0
#13
It's great that you have reached the level of wisdom through study of the Word, to repent and seek resolution (Mt 6:15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.) . Since in this case, your husband does not want to go in that direction, you can pray and try to resolve it through counseling, if he agrees. The ideal situation would be that he has a change of heart, repents and you get back together. Some people commit adultery once and truly repent and never do it again. Some people never commit physical adultery but their thoughts are full of it. I think you saw something good in your husband and the fact that he was not a believer did not bother you at the time, because of those qualities and perhaps the hope that he would believe in God one day. If you are able to meet with him, I suggest you show him scriptures that could move his heart to change. He could even become a believer through this. Sometimes when things seem at their worst it is actually an opportunity to make things much better, but the devil doesn't want us to see this potential and wants us to see only despair and to be unforgiving. If God and Jesus are able to forgive his sins, then so should you. If God and Jesus are able to forgive your sins, then so should he. Best of luck!
 
Aug 1, 2017
4
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#14
while we are discussing his return to the family, he said he needed to go to the shaman fortune teller and ask about this. cos he can't decide. he calls me superstitious yet what he does is science. i'm in complete awe. i rather him not coming back than going to the fortune teller who is only detrimental.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,619
428
83
#15
you need some serious HELP, seek your Saviour's advice and Word, if it is a priority
for your own peace of mind...else, it looks like you are willing to just go along with
his 'un-holy' game for the both of your futures...