Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

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Bmerry

Junior Member
May 16, 2018
2
1
0
#1
Hello,
I having some trouble with my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years now, we live together, and recently things haven't been great, or at least as good as they once were. I thought it was just the end of the honeymoon phase and all that, but now I'm not so sure. I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend was watching porn/viewing nudes on the internet.

Now, I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say. I only come preprogrammed with sitcom knowledge and unfortunately Full house never dealt with this.

My boyfriend however was inconsolable. He started crying. I thought he was going to have a stroke the way he was going on. He said what he was doing was cheating. I, still too much in shock to be mad or really any emotion, said I wasn't sure it was the same thing. he assured me it was. I asked him how if in his mind this was cheating, how could he do that.

His answer was insufficient. He was weak, yada yada.

After a long discussion, He told me he would make a promise to me and to God, that he would never do this again. And I encouraged him to read his Bible, and view other christian websites of people who might have gone through something like this before.

Time passed, and I asked him how he was doing with temptation etc, he said He had made his promise to me, to God, and he had not failed in his endeavor. That I could even look at his phone history if I wanted.

In the back of my mind I thought, well surely if you're offering you're at the least smart enough to have deleted any evidence.

Long story short, he in fact wasn't smart enough to delete his internet history.

He looked me in the eye and lied to me. He broke his covenant with God. And now I'm wondering, What am I supposed to do about it? I don't know who else to turn to, as I find this whole thing rather embarassing. So now, armed with the anomynity of the internet, I ask you, What do I do now?

Am I over dramatizing the whole thing?
Should this be where we part ways?

I'm out of my wheelhouse here people, please and thank yous in advance!

Bmerry
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,963
791
113
#2
It's pretty simple to me. He is addicted to porn. A promise, even to God, is not going to stop that. He needs a male accountabilty partner, someone who is a strong Christian that will work with him. And it will be a journey, most likely, not a deliverance.

The other part of the equation is also simple. He is an addict who lied to you. And not just lied, but lied in a stupid way, showing that he lied. Either he wanted you to see, and he is faking his remorse, or he is just stupid. How hard is it to erase your web history? Even I can do that!

So, do you want to live with a liar and addict? If he is willing to get help, maybe you are willing to walk with him. That is something only you can decide. Although, I would be more worried about the lying, which is how he views you. That he can bald facedly lie, and somehow you will not care. If he is not willing to get outside help, you should call this relationship finished - over and done with.

Just be glad you are not married, and can walk away from this, if you need to.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,520
196
63
#3
Not to sound amoral, but idle hands are the Devil's playground. A lot of dudes I know are into porn because they have few things better to do.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,999
704
113
#4
Get a new boyfriend, and next time, don't live with someone you're not married to.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,520
196
63
#5
I'm not married to my dog or my roommate. Should I be?

My roommate is a dude.

You've put me into one heck of an ethical quandary.

Get a new boyfriend, and next time, don't live with someone you're not married to.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,843
815
113
#6
99 years old and still getting the fellas. That's pretty good.

He's an addict. Addicts lie. He's either willing to seek professional help and be an open book, or he'd not. If he's not then move on. If he is then give him a chance.

Porn addiction is very common and growing, even in the church. Among both men and women. It's not at all surprising you're dating someone with an addiction.
It's up to you to decide if you want to lay some requirements out and see if he follows through or just move on.
If you stay there's no guarantee he will overcome it. I suspect looking at his heart, not just addiction. Addiction makes good people do crazy things.
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
1,555
159
63
#7
99 years old and still getting the fellas. That's pretty good.

He's an addict. Addicts lie. He's either willing to seek professional help and be an open book, or he'd not. If he's not then move on. If he is then give him a chance.

Porn addiction is very common and growing, even in the church. Among both men and women. It's not at all surprising you're dating someone with an addiction.
It's up to you to decide if you want to lay some requirements out and see if he follows through or just move on.
If you stay there's no guarantee he will overcome it. I suspect looking at his heart, not just addiction. Addiction makes good people do crazy things.
Yeah, Ugly, that got my attention too. :D
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,520
196
63
#8
She must be an arch-cougar. 99... What is her secret?
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,999
704
113
#10
I'm not married to my dog or my roommate. Should I be?

My roommate is a dude.

You've put me into one heck of an ethical quandary.
Yes, and because of recent supreme court rulings, I fully support your right to be happy. Haha
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
7,411
541
113
#11
If you've been living with your boyfriend,
then you've BOTH been engaging in immoral sexual behaviors.

Now you're upset because he's added a new "unapproved" immoral sexual behavior to your current list of "approved' immoral sexual behaviors?

Maybe his porn-watching isn't the problem.

Maybe you need to reboot your lifestyle choices.



Sin always causes problems, and before you get upset about his sin, you need to consider your own.
Are you doing the right things?
Can you really ask God to intervene and help when you refuse to do the right things?
You need to reboot your lifestyle.



God loves you very much.
But when we sin, it has consequences.
God loves you no matter what you do,
but he still wants you to stop doing the wrong things.

Sin has consequences.
If you keep doing wrong things, you'll keep getting bad results.
No matter how much God loves you, sin will always have bad consequences.
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
1,555
159
63
#13
It's generally not polite to ask a woman her age, but I figured it was bound to come up sometime.............
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
1,555
159
63
#16
*Bump*

To the OP:

One of the best ways to get good Christian advice is to actually engage in conversation. Especially if your boyfriend's problem is as serious as you say it is.

I won't charge for this post. :D
 

kaijo

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2017
276
7
18
#17
If you still really want this relationship to work out, then you could try to be a Detective about whats going on in his mind/heart.
And deduce what the Real cause for this is.

I imagine that deep down he enjoys intimacy.
Do you also enjoy intimacy?
How often do you engage in intimacy with him?
Enough to keep his mind on You, and not porn?

Or perhaps he is secretly depressed.
Did you know that the chemical/s released in the brain during orgasm are probably the most effective, and cheapest (i.e Free) anti-depressant drug available?

Or maybe, he is depressed because he doesn't experience the level of intimacy that he seeks (combination of both).
I know ppl wont like my post, but i'm just trying to be realistic.
It takes real answers to get real results.

Its up to you how deep you want to dig in order to solve this issue.
The blame game doesn't really reveal the Truth, from my experience.
 

Bmerry

Junior Member
May 16, 2018
2
1
0
#18
To the OP:

One of the best ways to get good Christian advice is to actually engage in conversation. Especially if your boyfriend's problem is as serious as you say it is
I honestly just don't know what to say. To you guys, to him, to anyone. I don't know how I feel about this whole thing.
 
Aug 4, 2017
45
9
8
#19
The reason God gives us rules and guidelines to live by is because He loves us. If we follow God's design, we are protected from situations like the one you are living in now. God wants the best for us. In a relationship between and man and woman, God has designed the framework of marriage (commitment) and faithfulness. He can only bless a relationship that adheres to His design. Your boyfriend is not being faithful. You both are living outside of His plan for marriage and family. How can He bless this situation? All of the Bible reading in the world will not make a difference to those who don't believe it or follow it.

The only way out of this mess is to change your mind about your lifestyle. This is called repentance. You need a real relationship with the God who loves you. Do you know God? Do you love Him? Jesus said if we love Him, we will obey His commandments. This is the place to start. Examine your heart before Him and ask Him to draw you close to Him and help you to love Him. I will be praying for you. I know He has better plans for you.
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#20
Hello,
I having some trouble with my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years now, we live together, and recently things haven't been great, or at least as good as they once were. I thought it was just the end of the honeymoon phase and all that, but now I'm not so sure. I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend was watching porn/viewing nudes on the internet.

Now, I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say. I only come preprogrammed with sitcom knowledge and unfortunately Full house never dealt with this.

My boyfriend however was inconsolable. He started crying. I thought he was going to have a stroke the way he was going on. He said what he was doing was cheating. I, still too much in shock to be mad or really any emotion, said I wasn't sure it was the same thing. he assured me it was. I asked him how if in his mind this was cheating, how could he do that.

His answer was insufficient. He was weak, yada yada.

After a long discussion, He told me he would make a promise to me and to God, that he would never do this again. And I encouraged him to read his Bible, and view other christian websites of people who might have gone through something like this before.

Time passed, and I asked him how he was doing with temptation etc, he said He had made his promise to me, to God, and he had not failed in his endeavor. That I could even look at his phone history if I wanted.

In the back of my mind I thought, well surely if you're offering you're at the least smart enough to have deleted any evidence.

Long story short, he in fact wasn't smart enough to delete his internet history.

He looked me in the eye and lied to me. He broke his covenant with God. And now I'm wondering, What am I supposed to do about it? I don't know who else to turn to, as I find this whole thing rather embarassing. So now, armed with the anomynity of the internet, I ask you, What do I do now?

Am I over dramatizing the whole thing?
Should this be where we part ways?

I'm out of my wheelhouse here people, please and thank yous in advance!

Bmerry
Seems like I'm destined to keep responding to porn threads,if not for a crazy kid named stevie and a guy named joe(not me a son of my uncle's boy friend) and comedy central(ads of ggw) I wouldn't know about porn but well everything happens for a reason I suppose...
A few things I've learned about this junk I'll share how to help him overcome this if you can get him to be "truthful" that is...(no relationship works without honesty and quite frankly you are "adults" so talking about something as trivial as porn shouldn't be like talking to a kid with a hand in the cookie jar)
1.Try to focus his interest else where or find a substitute like anime(what I strive to do and successfully keep to if I get the urge in place of porn,seriously it's a lot "healthier" mind wise)
2.Try to talk to him even if he gets ticked off and express that you care for him.
3.Don't make a big commotion about his foolish habit as best you can but try to talk it over if for some reason the subject comes up.(deflection can result from getting wound up)
4.Get him involved with something like church or something to do around the house,or encourage him to go out somewhere or stay in and watch something.(try to clear his head of that garbage with waking up his brain and getting him to focus less on "habit" and get him to stop "thinking alot" on the same old filth,the more he thinks on it the more he'll pursue it)
5.Use a password block app for the internet if you can for whatever devices,if you feel it's necessary or if he admits he needs the support.
6.Switch up viewing habits,for example if you watch soaps or shows with sexual tendencies to things like "clean shows" like PBS kids(it might sound silly but kid like stuff helps the mind remember "innocence") or shows that detail how the world "actually is" like maybe documentaries(boring but hey you gotta fill his mind with something)tv preachers,(not all preach what you might believe but him "hearing" God's word and Gospel songs can certainly "get his mind thinking" and "view sin differently" and "boost his spirit"