Help with a GF

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Jtjohnson

Junior Member
Nov 12, 2017
2
0
0
#1
Hey all, I am new and joined to get some helpful advice. So as of recently I have became a believer too the point were my baptism is set for a week from today. But I️ was struggling with an issue. My girlfriend and I had some loving issues that cause her to move out of an apartment with her sister. So she needed a roommate and couldn’t find one so I, living with my parents out of college at the time, decided to move out and we got a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment together. Well everything was fine until my best friend had his father pass and he needed a place to stay so I opened my door for him. That then pushed my gf and I to the same bedroom and bed. We have talked to one another and idk what to do since it is very open about not laying with someone as a wife that is not.
 
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
403
0
#2
Who needs TV when ya have CC?
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
23,391
1,335
113
#3
Make your friend sleep on the couch, and reclaim your bedroom. You
and your gf and are asking for trouble living together in the first place
if you wish to remain celibate until you are officially married.
 

Tinuviel

Senior Member
Jun 6, 2015
4,760
257
83
#4
Hey all, I am new and joined to get some helpful advice. So as of recently I have became a believer too the point were my baptism is set for a week from today. But I️ was struggling with an issue. My girlfriend and I had some loving issues that cause her to move out of an apartment with her sister. So she needed a roommate and couldn’t find one so I, living with my parents out of college at the time, decided to move out and we got a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment together. Well everything was fine until my best friend had his father pass and he needed a place to stay so I opened my door for him. That then pushed my gf and I to the same bedroom and bed. We have talked to one another and idk what to do since it is very open about not laying with someone as a wife that is not.
Simple. Explain the situation to your friend and sleep in his room, or sack out with a sleeping bag on the floor. Honestly, even living in the same apartment as your GF is asking for trouble if you ask me.
 

Daylilies

Senior Member
Apr 11, 2017
110
3
0
#5
Well everything was fine until my best friend had his father pass and he needed a place to stay so I opened my door for him.
It sounds like you have been a really supportive friend to your best guy friend, so think of this as a chance for him to return the favor by being supportive of you. :)

I would talk to him and explain that you want him to feel comfortable staying with you, but need to change the sleeping arrangements to better align with your faith beliefs. Suggest that you sleep on the couch, or bring an air mattress into the room he is staying in and sleep there.
You will also want to have an honest conversation about how long he will be staying with you and create a game-plan that will work from all three of you from there. It is important that all three of you have the same thoughts about how long this living arrangement will be.
Best of luck!
 
P

pckts

Guest
#6
You can buy a cheap mattress on amazon for $70 or less, if you have student prime it's free shipping. Air mattress is even cheaper or a thrift store mattress.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
4,870
395
83
#7
You can buy a cheap mattress on amazon for $70 or less, if you have student prime it's free shipping. Air mattress is even cheaper or a thrift store mattress.
Generally good advice... but I couldn't recommend a thrift store mattress... unless it's fumigated, powerfully vacuumed, and steam-cleaned first. Seriously. You don't want to know why. :)
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,800
92
48
#8
There's two quick remedies; 1, Get single beds, you don't need to share the same bed, temptation may win out in that situation. 2, With two bedrooms and 3 people, the girl shouldn't need to share her bedroom because you wanted to do your friend a favor. If you want to keep the relationship platonic, split the bedroom you previously occupied with 2 single beds.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,426
1,414
113
#9
With 2 guys and 1 girl living in the same place, something bad is sure to happen. Make the friend sleep on the couch or floor, or better yet, ask him to stay somewhere else..
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
22,518
1,149
113
63
#11
With 2 guys and 1 girl living in the same place, something bad is sure to happen. Make the friend sleep on the couch or floor, or better yet, ask him to stay somewhere else..
I agree. It is not his responsibility to take care of the father of his friend. This is sure to cause undue stress on the relationship. These kind of situations often turn into a semi-permanent arrangement. I know this from previous experience but never again.
 
P

pckts

Guest
#12
Generally good advice... but I couldn't recommend a thrift store mattress... unless it's fumigated, powerfully vacuumed, and steam-cleaned first. Seriously. You don't want to know why. :)
 

Huckleberry

Senior Member
Aug 25, 2013
1,632
53
48
#13
Hey all, I am new and joined to get some helpful advice. So as of recently I have became a believer too the point were my baptism is set for a week from today. But I️ was struggling with an issue. My girlfriend and I had some loving issues that cause her to move out of an apartment with her sister. So she needed a roommate and couldn’t find one so I, living with my parents out of college at the time, decided to move out and we got a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment together. Well everything was fine until my best friend had his father pass and he needed a place to stay so I opened my door for him. That then pushed my gf and I to the same bedroom and bed. We have talked to one another and idk what to do since it is very open about not laying with someone as a wife that is not.
I would suggest get married as soon as possible.
If she's not open to that, one of you should move out.
If she is open to that, your friend should move out.
 
P

pckts

Guest
#14
I would suggest get married as soon as possible.
If she's not open to that, one of you should move out.
If she is open to that, your friend should move out.
Yeah helping someone out is good, but at a certain point you begin enabling them not to help themselves and start to take their problems on yourself.
 

Prov910

Senior Member
Jan 10, 2017
880
41
0
#15
Your best friend needs a place to crash for a while? Say, there's an empty bed at your parents' house. Just sayin... :)
 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
480
83
Philly, PA, USA
#16
Stop being a jack donkey.. :/
Honestly, kind of agreeing with Willie this time. How does one become a new believer without first getting some idea of the basics -- the Ten Commandments -- to figure out why he needs to repent and be born again? And yet, getting an apartment together with GF and then "accidentally" ending up sleeping in the same bed with GF doesn't ring any bells that something might be amidst?

If you're old enough to get an apartment, you ought to be old enough to figure out 2 + 2 will lead to 4. He could have bunked with best friend, and yet... never even thought of that.

Seems to me this is either yet another person thinking he's saved because he walked to an altar and prayed, or another chain yanker.
 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
480
83
Philly, PA, USA
#17
I agree. It is not his responsibility to take care of the father of his friend. This is sure to cause undue stress on the relationship. These kind of situations often turn into a semi-permanent arrangement. I know this from previous experience but never again.
It wasn't his "responsibility" either to just-happen to go in on a two-bedroom apartment with his GF either. Common sense might have suggested helping her out with a single apartment until she could afford it, but GF/BF just-happens to go with a apartment together.

I was born in the day time, but not yesterday.

BTW, the third roommate is his best friend, not his best friend's Dad. Somehow best friend just-happened to need a place because his dad died. Getting more far fetched yet? Granted, I can see some of these things happening in succession, but not all of them. Not after just-getting this apartment with just-happens-to-be-GF. And considering he just-happened not to return to this urgent question, sincerity and need flew out the window.
 

MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
737
41
0
#18
Well let's see, first off, the temptation is going to be real if you and your girlfriend are living together, which the best thing to do would be wait til you are married to truly move in together, but if you must, you did say you are getting a two bed two bathroom apartment. Barring nobody else is staying there, then i say get a bunk bed or yes, two single beds and keep them separate. That would be the best thing you could do, and continue to pray on it that the Holy Spirit will lead you in the right direction
 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
1,857
127
63
#20
Elijah lived with a single woman and her son. It is not wrong to even sleep in the same bed when there’s no sex. But what is wrong is that you have a romantic relationship- which now makes the situation an appearance of evil. Fornication is evil, but so is the appearance of fornication. Because the Bible says that if something appears a certain way and bothers your brother’s conscience, not to do it for his sake. So you either have to go down to the courthouse and get married, or move out.