How to forgive your ex/the courage to forgive

[thefightinglamb]

I have read a lot about people on here that have ex-husbands or ex-wives, or even ex-boyfriends/girlfriends...and I see that it is INCREDIBLY difficult to forgive that person that hurt you soooooooooooo much...and I am just hoping maybe some Christians who have had the strength to TRULY forgive their ex would state how they let go of the past pain, hurt, wounds, et cetera...

I really have never had an ex...but I was thinking that this could help a LOT of people so, anybody who has the courage to forgive...please write anything you might find helpful...Personally I can write generic stuff, like you have to look into the cross and actually understand what Christ did...and live in that moment to see forgiveness...but sometimes darkness seeks to blind the eyes soo much that you cannot see past the wounds...so I wanted actual witnesses to how they overcame...

Grace be with all who love the Lord Jesus.
"May God bless everyone and help us to be good" (from Little Women)

tony

 

[SamIam]

I know your supposed to forgive, but sometimes what has been done seems to overwhelming to forgive. I still havent quite worked out how to do it, or why god would ask me to forgive someone that messed up in such a way. I believe when your with someone its easy to forgive at first, but over years and years, sometimes the offenses get worse and worse, making it all that much harder, and making your heart harder in the process. Im curious as well how your supposed to forgive in that case. Some one can say the words i forgive them, all day long, but how do you know when you truly have forgiven that person?

 

[collective]

I think being judgemental on that person stops the process of forgiving and being angry at God also makes it hard to forgive

 

[carpetmanswife]

Forgiveness is a process...itll take some time and effort i believe...seriously for me ive found it makes it somewhat easier to forgive others when i remember things i have been guilty of myself and am now forgiven for.
A line in a movie that stuck out to me recently was.." you know you have forgiven someone when you have the opportunity to get revenge ...but dont"

 

[Paws4Jesus]

Forgiving is one thing, being able to forget is another altogether. Forgiveness for me came hard but in a short time I was able to, however, as others have stated, when you realize that there is a pattern beginning, and the more you forgive the more you are hit with things you have to forgive, they build up and soon forgetting is impossible. I forgave and forgave and forgave, not just because it is the Christian thing to do but because that is they way I have always been. But I also know that the Lord does NOT want me to be a doormat to be used over and over and over again or He wouldn't have given me the strength to say 'STOP'.
I do admit that I still pray that by the end of the year I will have the best testimonial to give, something that will give everyone hope. However, as you know, we can't change people, only God can, and if that person isn't changing I have to conclude that it is God showing us that we need to learn from it and move on.
God bless all,

 

[Michelle1969]

The only way is to be more christlike, the more we are full of christ and less of ourselves the more we can forgive others as he forgave us.

BUt the unfortunate truth is that we are still human and the forgetting part as others say is impossible unless you have a bit of memory loss!

 

[sandy_mumto3]

Hi All.

I myself am divorced after enduring a marraige of domestic violence for 7 years.

My forgiveness was a long road like any other. However instead of concentrating on the negatives that my ex had bought to my life i focused all my energies on my three children. The positives that came from our marraige. God blessed me with these children, and for that i am truelly thankful.

I fully forgive my husband. I pray for him every day that he may find peace in his heart. I pray every day that God will enter his life and that my ex will let him in. I pray that God will wash the sins from my ex, and that he will help any other women who have experinced what i have.

Prayer was my key to forgivness. Spending every day concentrating on the positives. Being thankful.

Sandy x

 

[Cup-of-Ruin]

This is a bible discussion forum.

 

[Cup-of-Ruin]

This is a bible discussion forum.

My apolagies, wrong forum....continue.

 

[seoulsearch]

What an awesome topic for a thread--thanks, FightingLamb...

Forgiveness has been so difficult for me, and it seems to come in steps. Every time I think I'm "past the past", if you will, something else happens (I'll run into someone at a store who says, "Did you hear that... did you know... did you see...") and it sets off the anger, sadness, feelings of betrayal, etc. all over again. I feel as if God is saying, "Kim, I love you, but there are these little cracks and roots we have to deal with in your heart, ok? Don't be afraid, we'll weed them out one root at a time."

It's taken me many years to forgive (I hope everyone else is a lot smarter and less stubborn than I was) but I thank God that even though it's taken time (along with, literally, hundreds of hours of Bible study, classes, prayer, work, and volunteer projects over the years), He is faithful in seeing me through.

I heard on a teaching CD recently that God helps us grow through and out of our wounds (like a small seed growing a seedling that eventually becomes a plant and breaks through even the thickest layer of concrete), and forgiveness is a part of the outcome from our growth. (Of course, we have to CHOOSE to obey God's direction in how, where and when to grow.)

And I want to encourage everyone, don't give up!! And don't get discouraged if it takes time--it comes step by step. Just never stop growing as God leads you to do...

I was at a conference about two years ago and was part of a prayer team--I struck up a conversation with a woman there and found myself saying, "I'm so glad you're here, I don't know why, but I really feel we need someone with red hair on our team..."

God can sneak up on you!! Only an hour or so later, it dawned on me as to why having a woman there with red hair was so important.

My husband left me for a redhead... and God was prompting me... so I asked this woman (because I have no idea what had happened to this other girl) to please stand in the gap for her and to please accept my repentance and apologies for hating this other woman and wishing she were dead at the time everything was happening. I was an emotional wreck...

But this woman prayed with me and after I had left the conference, I finally felt "clean" inside.

It still hasn't ended--I found out my ex is now living his dream life with someone else and I feel as if God rewarded him for leaving me... but... it's another step I'm working through, and I know God is there through every part.

Blessings and love to you all during this very tough process!

 

[loveschild]

If we don't forgive it makes hate live inside of us and it destroys us. It's something you decide you are going to do and you do it. There's nothing easy about it until you truley understand God and want to obey him. He says forgive. So you say I want to obey God. When you really, really want to obey God and you are trying to obey him then he helps you. God say's to forgive. It doesn't matter if you feel like, it doesn't matter if you want to.....he said forgive. Doesn't mean well I'm going to forgive next week after I've had the mad time I think I deserve about it. He said forgive. It wasn't a wishy washy thing it is a command by God. Once you are determined you are going to do as God said and forgive he helps you and it becomes easier and easier and then it is a part of you. And the wounds heal and they don't hurt like they used to. Try it the way God says and you will be so happy.

 

[silversprings]

How to forgive your ex....

If it was easy as 1, 2, 3 we'd all be walking in the Spirit, lifting up praises & worshipping God wholeheartedly!

Unfortunately, our flesh gets in the way, so we go through a self death, God revelation & new creature experience.

Getting from A to B depends on how much of your flesh you want to surrender to God. The quicker the better!

The rewards are peace & freedom in Christ.

The courage to forgive....

The word says to forgive....... so by faith you forgive & keep forgiving until you no longer have any tormenting thoughts about that person.

You will know you no longer have any unforgiveness towards them when you can see Gods heart for that person. His mercy, His grace, His forgiveness, His salvation........

 

[beloved]

My husband left me for another woman when I had a 15 month old and a new born baby.We had only been married for 4 years and he was my pastor's son. The way I forgave was to get a real revelation of how God forgave me. He showed me that my husband may have committed physical adultry but I had committed spriritual adultry by putting my husband before God. I had made an idol of my marriage and my husband. When I realized that I was just as guilty as my husband and that God loved me and forgave me, how could I condem my ex. As I spent time with God, He worked in my heart and I was even able to see how much hate I had for the other woman and He brought me to the point where I was able to ask her for her forgiveness for having called her all kinds of names and for judging her. It was the hardest thing I had to do. That kind of forgiveness can only be done by spending time with Jesus and letting Him pour His healing oil on your wounds. It takes time, a lot of tears and patience. The thing that helped me was to be totally honest with God, showing Him the good, the bad and the really ugly parts of my heart. However the rewards are worth it! Today, I am thankful for what I went through because it allowed me to know Jesus as my Heavenly Bridegroom and I have grown in the Lord in a way that would not have been possible without going through the garden of suffering. He has become my best friend and I am never alone because He is always there to talk to. He has become my greatest treasure and for that...it was all worth it!