If this happened to you

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ericlove

Junior Member
Jan 25, 2018
8
0
0
#1
It came to my attention that one of my own cousins (First cousin), sexually assaulted one of my wife's friends. He was drinking and he grabbed her breast.

I feel very embarrassed and severely disrespected.

When I confronted him, he denied it completely. We all know what happened. We all know he's lying.

How should I deal with this situation. I'm tired of the rage and the anger.

It's been 5 years since this has happened . . .
 
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Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,854
823
113
#2
Well, why wait five years? While it was a wrong action it was a relatively minor one, and to wait give years to decide to act seems pointless. It seems unlikely any legal action could be taken. You can't assault him. And trying to discuss a drunken incident from five years ago seems futile. He's either felt guilty and dealt with it or ignored it because he doesn't care.

Your reaction strikes me as odd, also. Feeling severley disrespected over an incident that had nothing to do with you? And "rage" five years later, but never doing a thing?
How does the Actual person who was disrespected feel about it all?
I can't help but think there's more to it not being said. Something doesn't add up.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
8,570
266
83
#3
We ARE a nation of the chronically offended.

Get over it. If it happens again break his fingers
.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,566
2,049
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Florida
#4
How was this disrespectful and embarrassing to you seeing it was this did not happen to your wife? Was your wife's friend drinking too? As this happened 5 years ago and you just found out I don't think you had any right to confront the guy. At this point there is no situation to deal with. Find something else to get mad about and let this incident go.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,566
2,049
113
63
Florida
#5
We ARE a nation of the chronically offended.

Get over it. If it happens again break his fingers
.
Since his wife was not involved I would probably just break the guy's pinky and let him off with a warning.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,485
2,185
113
#6
Yeah dude, it's been 5 years. It's over and done. Leave it in the past where it belongs..
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,485
2,185
113
#7
Also, who is "we"? YOU don't know anything. You just barely found out what happened five long years ago. If he was drunk to the point that he can't remember, or even if he was stone sober and doesn't remember, cuz let's admit it, none of us can remember what we did a week ago, much less 5 years ago. LOL

So if he doesn't remember it happening, of course he'll deny it.

You say YOU'RE embarrassed and feel disrespected. Well, what about wifey's friend and your cousin? Don't you think it will cause them embarassment if you insist on opening up this can of worms?
 

slave

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2015
6,278
875
113
#8
It came to my attention that one of my own cousins (First cousin), sexually assaulted one of my wife's friends. He was drinking and he grabbed her breast.

I feel very embarrassed and severely disrespected.

When I confronted him, he denied it completely. We all know what happened. We all know he's lying.

How should I deal with this situation. I'm tired of the rage and the anger.

It's been 5 years since this has happened . . .
God is teaching you something; God is investing in your character in Christ. This is an opportunity to grow in Him. Is this how you see it? This is an opportunity to lift Christ up in your response ... do you see it this way? God has not given our emotions a platform to speak, it is only the platform of spiritual emotions that should move us to respond spiritually by way of His emotions found in us. Remember, "Hate that which is evil, and cling to that which is good...!" This is not our evaluation it is the Spirit's call, which in turn becomes our call in time as He finishes His work in us.

"Love suffers long and is kind...." 1 Corinthians 13:4).


The wrong response to being wronged is to pay it back with wrong. "Vengeance are mine saith the Lord" .... "Never pay back evil for evil to anyone ..." "Never take your own revenge, beloved...." ... "Do not be overcome by evil" ... "See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people." (Romans; 1 Thess.).

So, have you surrendered this to God emotionally? In other words, have you died to the right to yourself? Have you taken on God's emotions to reconcile all parties in His love and power concerning the circumstances that confront you??

We cannot predetermine our thoughts and actions by saying, “Now I will never think any evil thoughts, and I will believe everything that Jesus would have me to believe.” No, the characteristic of love is spontaneity. We don’t deliberately set the statements of Jesus before us as our standard, but when His Spirit is having His way with us, we live according to His standard without even realizing it. And when we look back, we are amazed at how unconcerned we have been over our emotions, which is the very evidence that real spontaneous love was there. The nature of everything involved in the life of God in us is only discerned when we have been through it and it is in our past.

The fountains from which love flows are in God, not in us. It is absurd to think that the love of God is naturally in our hearts, as a result of our own nature. His love is there only because it “has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit…” (Romans 5:5).

If we try to prove to God how much we love Him, it is a sure sign that we really don’t love Him. The evidence of our love for Him is the absolute spontaneity of our love, which flows naturally from His nature within us. And when we look back, we will not be able to determine why we did certain things, but we can know that we did them according to the spontaneous nature of His love in us. The life of God exhibits itself in this spontaneous way because the fountains of His love are in the Holy Spirit.

I would love to pray about this, if that's ok? For it is there in Him that both the answers exist and His peace. Don't look for the answers look for Jesus and God in this to show you Himself more....and the answers will be given.

"Father thank you for taking on all our emotional concerns by placing us in Christ who has conquered all things. Father, ericlove has been honest with us about his concerns and burdens and we know that if we cast all our burdens on You, You will establish our steps in love spontaneously thru the Holy Spirit . Father give a clear message to ericlove, and help him see the other persons perspective to help reconcile them to You Father. Give ericlove Your peace and as he lays this at Your feet give him Your will and purpose and work it out so that Your glory is seen in his behavior...in Jesus Name I pray - AMEN!"



 
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notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
12,157
782
113
#9
Send a letter to Hollywood complete with details. Go with the flow of public opinion and secular morality. Focus intently on this transgression and forsake any inclination to share with this despicable offender his need of redemption in Christ.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Aug 8, 2017
315
4
0
#10
It came to my attention that one of my own cousins (First cousin), sexually assaulted one of my wife's friends. He was drinking and he grabbed her breast.

I feel very embarrassed and severely disrespected.

When I confronted him, he denied it completely. We all know what happened. We all know he's lying.

How should I deal with this situation. I'm tired of the rage and the anger.

It's been 5 years since this has happened . . .
Its not like she is in danger right now so there's really nothing you can do.

Chalk it up to experience and from now on don't invite him around
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,756
593
113
#11
it has happened to me: dig deeper sweetheart, it would seem that this is about a personal hurt
that needs investigating and resolved...
 
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Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,824
121
63
#12
If it happened 5 years ago, put it to bed and forget about it. Its not your situation to deal with, your wife's friend should have just slapped your cousin upside the head if he grabbed her breast and she didn't like it. That's what my first girlfriend did to me, and after the seventh slap, it dawned on me that she didn't like it.. Problem solved :)
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#13
It came to my attention that one of my own cousins (First cousin), sexually assaulted one of my wife's friends. He was drinking and he grabbed her breast.

I feel very embarrassed and severely disrespected.

When I confronted him, he denied it completely. We all know what happened. We all know he's lying.

How should I deal with this situation. I'm tired of the rage and the anger.

It's been 5 years since this has happened . . .
What if the shoe was on the other foot and five or so years ago you got drunk and did something inappropriate. Would you want someone to hold it over your head or do you want them to forgive and forget it? Forgive your friend and move on, we've all done stupid things in our past.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,007
719
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#14
Seems like your wife's friend's problem to deal with. I really don't understand your indignant outrage over something 5 years ago, that doesn't involve you. The lady that was on the receiving end of the boob grab, I'm sure, handled it what ever way she chose 5 years ago.
Personally, how I deal with this.... when someone grabs an intimate part of my body in an inappropriate manner, I give them a firm warning that they have 20 minutes to stop it.
Now you know how to deal with this..... don't concern yourself with it.

The original post is so bizzar, I would think it's some kind of #metoo plant.
 
Jul 20, 2017
116
5
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#15
If a mans wife was assaulted and he did not kill that man, I would not respect him as a man.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
8,570
266
83
#16
Send a letter to Hollywood complete with details. Go with the flow of public opinion and secular morality. Focus intently on this transgression and forsake any inclination to share with this despicable offender his need of redemption in Christ.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
Wow Roger, how wonderfully sarcastic of you! I must be rubbing off on you... lol
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,824
121
63
#17
Personally, how I deal with this.... when someone grabs an intimate part of my body in an inappropriate manner, I give them a firm warning that they have 20 minutes to stop it.

If a woman grabs me inappropriately, I do the same thing, but I give them a lot more than 20 minutes to stop. Guess I'm just more patient than you, and I don't believe in time limits :)


If a mans wife was assaulted and he did not kill that man, I would not respect him as a man.
That's a tad radical.. It was just a friend of his wife, not his wife.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
8,570
266
83
#18
What do you call it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment. What do you cal it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $5.95 a minute!
 

MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
829
137
43
#19
What do you call it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment. What do you cal it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $5.95 a minute!
This one made me chuckle.......why am I chuckling at a true statement? :eek:
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
8,570
266
83
#20
Because nothing is as funny as the truth!