"I'll Take a Corvette, Some Viagra, and a Woman 30 Years Younger"

[seoulsearch]

Hello Everyone,

As I've mentioned in other threads, I am currently a member of two online Christian dating sites (I know many are opposed to online dating but I know several other Christians who have had success using these mediums, so my purpose here is not to debate online dating.)

Rather, here is the situation I find myself in continually--it is almost always men who are 50 and older who try to contact me. Just recently, there was one who was 66 who sent me 2 emails, 3 "smiles", and tried to instant message me twice while I was online.

All of them tell me the same thing: "You're Asian, and Asian women are always more respectful and submissive." "I need a young lady in my life to keep me feeling young." "A beautiful young woman by my side makes me look good."

Notice the basic summary here: "I want these things in a woman because she'll submit to ME and make ME look good." Is it just me, or is this incredibly selfish, especially for supposed Christian men? Does the Bible not say we are to love and SERVE each other, most especially our spouse?

I see beautiful, gorgeous, wise, and incredibly attractive women in their 40's, 50's, and 60's being passed by on these sites (and talking about it in the chat rooms) because the majority of men their age all want someone my age or younger (I would actually be considered old... a lot of them want 25-year-olds.) It makes me very sad for these women because here they are, 20, 30, and however many years more beautiful than I am, but hopefully God is putting me on the path to become as pretty as they are!

It had gotten to be so bad that I always put specifically in my profile that I am only interested in my own age range (up to about 45) and that, "Because I know God has made a woman as a helpmate, I have asked Him for the one I will be happy serving for the rest of my life. This is just an opinion, but a man 20-30 years older than I am will most likely be called home much sooner and will be unable to fulfill the marriage vow he has made before God to lead, provide for, and protect his new family."

And, let's be real here. Although I realize 40 is creeping up on me in only a few more moons... I would like to think I still have a chance at several happy years of marriage... and a God-pleasing, married sex life that doesn't involve drugs or medical apparatuses, because the obvious thought on a lot of these guys' mind is: "I'm going to get me some hot action with a younger women to make me feel good and make me look good in front of others and I'll just slap the premise of my supposed Christian faith all over it to justify my own interests."

I always have to fight the urge to shout, "I am NOT part of the senior dating pool, nor am I interested in being your Asian slave girl! What are you thinking!!??"

For the record, my 92-year-old Grandpa is dating a woman who is 65, only a few years older than my Mom (his daughter), so some may see me as a hypocrite... but their relationship is more like a good friendship... she has no interest in marrying him and he knows that. And if they did get married, he would see she was provided for even after he was gone.

Perhaps I am just being too harsh?

What are your thoughts? Experiences? Observations?

 

[phil36]

your post gave me a good laugh.. put on your profile no one over the age of 'whatever' they might get the hint. well, then maybe they won't lol.

Phil

 

[seoulsearch]

your post gave me a good laugh.. put on your profile no one over the age of 'whatever' they might get the hint. well, then maybe they won't lol.

Phil

Believe me, I've tried that, but it doesn't work--they apparently don't even bother to read my profile or else think they will somehow convince me otherwise... BLECH!!! (I also can't stand men who treat all women as if they're "employees" at a strip club: "If I just offer to spend enough money on her up front, she'll be seen with me."

Oh, and another interesting point as far as them not even reading my profile... yes... it's a bit detailed and long-winded... kind of like my posts , but if a person won't take 10 minutes to read my profile, what on earth would make him think he could somehow be successful in convincing me he has any true interest in us getting to know each other, let alone dating or a marriage!!!???

UGH!!!

I often lament to my friends that the only men I attract are child molestors.

 

[Ashton]

I often lament to my friends that the only men I attract are child molestors.

Lol. I can sympathize even though I'm not a girl, because I had a gf who always flirted with a man in his late 40's. At first she remarked to me that it was creepy he was hitting on her and was really mad at him. Then she started feeling sorry for him, blah blah blah and eventually hooked up with him when I dumped her for excessive flirting. Those older men can be a pain in the butt. But she dumped him later, too. I have no idea what she was thinking. And I might even feel sorry for her, too, if I could trust anything she said.

 

[BellaFlor]

This is all just a lie from the devil. A man that truly loves a woman will look at her as even more beautiful after the years passes by. Or that is what my husband tries telling me everytime my fears comes up about becoming older. He says that his father still tells his(his wife)mother how beautiful she is and looks, and she is in the end of her 50'ties, and he in the start of his 60'ties, I think. That a woman will become more and more beautiful to her husband.
True Love and view of beauty will always conquer no matter what, it is only the world's view of beauty that fades.

Unfortunately the media and hollywood makes a lot too good commercials about how beauty is like or should be like, and this affects most of us, both Christians and those UnSaved. If we can just learn to be watching at others with God's eyes, then we will be seeing so many beautiful people around us. There is so many brokenhearted, hurt and low self esteemed people everywhere nowadays, just because of the world's standards of beauty and success, that if you don't reach those goals, you will be judged like useless and to be destined forever unhappy and unattracted.

We need to stand up for what God is telling us and to our hearts, and it might feel like a battle to fight in the start, but it is all worth it. And in God we will succeed at last, perhaps it might take some time or even longer, but it is all worth it. As long as we try our best trusting in and depending on God and what He is telling us in His Word. God is willing to help us, as long as we let Him in, because He also doesn't forces Himself in to us, we need to invite Him in.

 

[grace]

I feel for ya Kim.....and to be fair the criticism goes both ways. I have never done anything with online dating sites (christian or otherwise)....but did meet my b/f online (unintentionally, through this site).

I have had people tell me (often men older than me)...that I should not be trying to seek to get my *youth* back by dating younger men. I have to say that I struggle to NOT get offended by this. One, because I do not consider myself old, and two, because I was not seeking out a relationship....and the only reason I am in the relationship that I am in now is because he pursued me, and I prayerfully considered everything about the potential relationship before it even started. (for the record...this is not a *chronic* issue...this guy is the first guy I have dated since the unfortunate end of my marriage. Its not like I am in and out of relationships with only younger men...or any men for that matter.)

BUT...I get the reaction of men my age or older that I am just trying to seek out my youth by having a *boy toy*. (UGH @ that term....but that is what it has been referred to because he is 9 years younger than me.)

To me, (and this is just my personal opinion)...age is one of those things that is just not important to me. It is just a number. To me it is more about compatability, interests, and maturity (spiritual and otherwise).
It sounds to as if these men messaging you are lacking maturity as well as confidence in who they are as individuals.

I do hope for you that you find someone special that you can truly enjoy being with...no matter how that relationship materializes...and that person is very confident in who they are in Christ and content with who they are as well.

 

[zeroturbulence]

You make me look good. Lets start dating baybee!! (doing my best Austin Powers impersonation) lol

 

[seoulsearch]

You make me look good. Lets start dating baybee!! (doing my best Austin Powers impersonation) lol

Heh... the Asian Austin Powers... (maybe his name would be Austin Powers... Chang...)

 

[Pineapple]

Heh... the Asian Austin Powers... (maybe his name would be Austin Powers... Chang...)

I think he'd be called Austin Park. That starts with a P.

Oh wait! I just realised! The surnames come first! Park Austin!

 

[QuestionTime]

Believe me, I've tried that, but it doesn't work--they apparently don't even bother to read my profile or else think they will somehow convince me otherwise... BLECH!!! (I also can't stand men who treat all women as if they're "employees" at a strip club: "If I just offer to spend enough money on her up front, she'll be seen with me."

Oh, and another interesting point as far as them not even reading my profile... yes... it's a bit detailed and long-winded... kind of like my posts , but if a person won't take 10 minutes to read my profile, what on earth would make him think he could somehow be successful in convincing me he has any true interest in us getting to know each other, let alone dating or a marriage!!!???

UGH!!!

I often lament to my friends that the only men I attract are child molestors.

Greetings SeoulSearch,

Any good dating site ought to have an option where you can limit the age range of people who are able to contact you. I would search the options of your particular site to see if there is such an option.

I think that what you are mentioning is quite common in Asian culture; for older men to marry younger women. Consequently, many white men may be lured into seeking an Asian girl friend because they think they can get 'em young.

I had a 19 year old Vietnamese co-worker who really liked me. Her sister suggested maybe I should marry her. She was far too immature however for my liking - and not a Christian.

Quest

 

[nanabean]

"I'll Take a Corvette, Some Viagra, and a Woman 30 Years Younger"

hmmmmmm now Seoulsearch....how oh how on EARTH did I KNOWWW this was one of YOUR threads???????? hahahahahhahahahhaa!!!!!!!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Heh... the Asian Austin Powers... (maybe his name would be Austin Powers... Chang...)

Actually, Im not asian. Im a pacific islander

 

[seoulsearch]

Greetings SeoulSearch,

Any good dating site ought to have an option where you can limit the age range of people who are able to contact you. I would search the options of your particular site to see if there is such an option.

I think that what you are mentioning is quite common in Asian culture; for older men to marry younger women. Consequently, many white men may be lured into seeking an Asian girl friend because they think they can get 'em young.

I had a 19 year old Vietnamese co-worker who really liked me. Her sister suggested maybe I should marry her. She was far too immature however for my liking - and not a Christian.

Quest

You make a good point Quest, but to my knowledge, and I have done some searching on both sites, there is no way to block off certain age ranges, unfortunately. You can block specific users, but not entire categories of people by a certain filtering process, or else I would surely do so.

You also make an excellent point about one of the downsides of Asian culture and it's allure to older men. I once saw a very horrifying magazine article about "sex tours" in Asia that are advertised to wealthy businessmen here, and the lure, of course, is child prostitution (and I do mean children... such as, around the age of 8 or younger... basically, if you have the money, whatever you're interested in is available.) And because many of these areas are poor and struggling, it doesn't take all that much money to find someone who is willing to sell a child.

I have encountered the attitude a few times in my life that a woman is simply an object to be purchased, and if she says no, all that means to them is that she thinks she's worth a higher price.


Just a few other notes:

GRACE: Thank you so much for the encouragement!! I'm rather shocked that people are telling you to date a younger man to recapture your youth... seeing as you and I are about the same age... No one has told me that yet but I AM very flattered in that I once had a guy tell me that if I went out with him (he was 28), he could tell everyone that HE was dating a younger woman because he said I could easily pass for being a few years younger than him! What a line, huh?

NANA: HA HA HA, you made me laugh out loud. I've had a few people tell me that before... "Oh boy... there goes Seoulsearch... again..." What can I say... I don't try to hide! When I was in high school, I once got bonus points on a paper from a very tough science teacher because he liked my creative titles (such as "Watt a Switch", when we were studying electrons, etc.) and it kind of stuck with me ever since.

ZERO: I'm sorry for the assumption and hope I haven't offended you! So... you'd be the P.I. Austin Powers, then?

I love reading everyone's feedback--thanks for taking the time to post and please continue with any other thoughts.

 

[Pineapple]

I once had a guy tell me that if I went out with him (he was 28), he could tell everyone that HE was dating a younger woman because he said I could easily pass for being a few years younger than him! What a line, huh?

Oh my days! That is so cheesy! So cheesy that you could give like 3/4's of the cheese away and it would still be extremely cheesy. This man must be tracked down and shamed publicly.

 

[Mal316]

It seems that those men are lacking something in their life that gives them self-worth so they seek to build up their self-esteem by attempting to date much younger women. Look at me, I'm still macho enough to attract younger ladies. I'm man enough to have younger women want to go out with me. I'm not over the hill.

Every passing year, month, week, day, hour, minute, second, brings us closer to death. The older we get, the faster we sense it approaching. If I can still feel young-by dating a younger woman-then it's not so scary. I can believe that I still have more good years ahead of me than behind me.

Age ought to be respected. As it says, "Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD." Lev 19:32 (NIV)

But in a society that values youth more than age, where companies promote age-defying products, where people get cosmetic surgery to look younger, and dye their hair and the message heard loud and clear is look and feel young, it is little wonder that age is viewed with fear. While we can't do anything about getting older, we do all sorts of things to deceive ourselves of that fact.

 

[seoulsearch]

Pineapple--You always crack me up!

I was also hoping to open the floor here for people to talk about their own experiences with dating someone much older or younger or if they've known people who have and gotten married, etc.

I have a close friend who is the exact opposite of me--she's always been attracted to men who were 20-30 years older because she'd been through a lot in life and was always drawn to the assumed higher level of maturity (this was not always so, as she found herself in some very abusive relationships because the men treated her like a piece of property.) Ironically, she married a guy two years younger than she is...

For myself, I could see it if the ages were, say, 25 and 45 if that's what worked for the people involved... I guess it's just a lot harder for me to picture, say, a marriage between someone 35 and 55. But again, it's just my own opinion--I know that the Bible does not have any specific commands regarding age ranges when it comes to marriage, at least, not that I'm aware of (feel free to correct me if you know of any.)

Mal--You made some excellent points as well, and I like the way you stated in saying that in our culture, "youth is valued more than age."

Of course... I have met some people younger than me who are far wiser than I am... and I have met some older than me who... seem to be a bit lacking.

One general trait I find to be pretty disturbing on the Christian dating sites especially is that large volume of profiles that say things like, "I want... in someone... I need... in a partner... I expect, must have, demand, etc."

I have seen very few profiles that ever talk about SERVING their spouse, which are the ones I tend to be more attracted to, as well as including in my own profile that I see marriage as finding the person whom I can happily (and mutually) serve for the rest of my life.

 

[Pineapple]

Pineapple--You always crack me up!

I was also hoping to open the floor here for people to talk about their own experiences with dating someone much older or younger or if they've known people who have and gotten married, etc.

I have a close friend who is the exact opposite of me--she's always been attracted to men who were 20-30 years older because she'd been through a lot in life and was always drawn to the assumed higher level of maturity (this was not always so, as she found herself in some very abusive relationships because the men treated her like a piece of property.) Ironically, she married a guy two years younger than she is...

For myself, I could see it if the ages were, say, 25 and 45 if that's what worked for the people involved... I guess it's just a lot harder for me to picture, say, a marriage between someone 35 and 55. But again, it's just my own opinion--I know that the Bible does not have any specific commands regarding age ranges when it comes to marriage, at least, not that I'm aware of (feel free to correct me if you know of any.)

Mal--You made some excellent points as well, and I like the way you stated in saying that in our culture, "youth is valued more than age."

Of course... I have met some people younger than me who are far wiser than I am... and I have met some older than me who... seem to be a bit lacking.

One general trait I find to be pretty disturbing on the Christian dating sites especially is that large volume of profiles that say things like, "I want... in someone... I need... in a partner... I expect, must have, demand, etc."

I have seen very few profiles that ever talk about SERVING their spouse, which are the ones I tend to be more attracted to, as well as including in my own profile that I see marriage as finding the person whom I can happily (and mutually) serve for the rest of my life.

I love it when people list all the things they want in a partner! ''I want someone who is this and that!'' ''Oh i'd love it if this person had that and that.'' I always think to myself ''If someone was all of that, why exactly would they ever be interested in you? We should def be looking at what we can provide rather than trying to squeeze everything out of the other person!

 

[Mal316]

Wisdom should be valued. And wisdom can be found in anybody, young or old. The young should not be dismissed as having no wisdom simply because they are young. The old should not be venerated as having wisdom simply because they are old. We have to look beyond outward appearances and evaluate each person fairly based on his or her own merits.

All that being said, I believe that with age comes experience and a certain amount of wisdom. Yes, people can refuse to learn from their experiences, but most people do learn and their experiences bring wisdom. The older one is, the more experience he or she has. Much can be learned from the wisdom of our elders. Even what not to do.

There should be a balance between saying what you want in a partner and looking at what you can provide. I have never done the online dating but I would imagine that people who frequent those sites often look to see what other people are looking for in a partner to see if they meet those requirements. It would make sense to me for a person to tell a little about themselves and also a little about what they want in a partner. Too much of the former and you're egotistical. Too much of the latter and, as Pineapple said, "why exactly would they ever be interested in you?"

 

[zeroturbulence]

I dated a 25 yr old when I was 36. We looked the same age and well it was really "working out" well (I wasn't a christian then). There werent any problems except she nearly lost a scholarship to graduate school because she was spending so much time with me that she forgot to apply for it. Am I bragging here? Maybe a little. In the end we decided to stay friends because she told me she was falling in love with me and said she COULD NOT get seriously involved with such an older man because her family (who is korean) would basically disown her. I understood and so we kept in touch for awhile over the phone and through emails. I sometimes asked her to go out with me but she would say "well my friends say I shouldn't" and that was that. We eventually lost touch.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hehe this pic's for you, Seoulsearch