I'm ready to let go

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EricJ79

Junior Member
Sep 19, 2017
20
2
0
#1
It's been nearly 7 months since my wife of 13 years left me for another man. I desperately reached out anywhere to anyone who could help. The prayers of the faithful and the faithful One Himself helped me to see and understand how damaging our years were that we had together.

I mentioned in my earlier posts how we met when we were 7 years old, we're 34 now. I mentioned the things that kept us close how we're only 2 days apart. I also mentioned how we were saved in 2004 but we were never fully committed to our walk with Christ. We held on to each other after the abuse we suffered as children. I leaned on her more as my savior from the pain of my childhood, her actions throughout her life always involved her being with different boys when she was a child and different men in her adulthood. I watched and tolerated her unfaithfulness believing her excuses that I was too mean which she states is why she kept finding other men. I also shared how I sought help with the anger issues I struggled with so I could seek the help I needed for myself. She found out about the therapy I was seeking and sent me a message saying it was too little and too late.


When she left she took our children with her. The level of devastation was unimaginable, we have 6 children together. We decided to have a large family while we were young. We grew up together and as young as we were we decided we didn't want to be a small family. We broke up while we were teenagers for a year and a half, during that time she had a baby with a different man and left him, she found me through my sister and claimed the man was mean to her and cheated on her and that she wanted to spend her life with me.

I was naive and blinded by so many different things that I could not see how harmful the upbringings were that could impact us for the rest of our lives, even worse our children's lives. My children all shared with me how my wife told them that she found another man and she wants to live her life with him now.

My 13 year old daughter, my 11 year old daughter and my 8 year old son begged her to come back to me. She refused and instead brought them back to me. My 14 year old son whom has always followed my wife everywhere stayed with her along with my 5 year old daughter and my 1 year old baby girl. My 5 year old daughter begged my wife to let her come back with me too but my wife refused and has since used her as leverage. My 14 year old tells me that my 5 year old daughter tells my wife that she wishes she would have went with daddy instead of with her. It breaks my heart everytime the thought comes to mind.

Recently my 11 year old daughter opened up to me about how my wife sat her and my other daughter down and discussed how she enjoyed being involved with other men. I let it go because I truly believed I was not good enough for her. I never beat my wife, I was never an alcoholic or a drug user. I tried my best to keep my family together and I worked as hard as humanly possible to provide for them, my last place of employment I ended up working 108 hours per week to provide for all of us.

The first 3 months after she left were tormenting. I couldn't eat and lost 18 lbs, I don't recall the duration of time I lost the weight but I was also only able to sleep for around 45 minutes a night each night. I dreamt of her every night. I poured my heart out to The Lord and pleaded with Him to bring her back to me. I didn't realize He was stepping in to save my life.

My daughters told me that when my wife first left she was showing her family and my children the new jewelry and cell phone the other man had bought her. My children who are with me never saw the other man, not until 2 weeks ago. My daughter said she opened a link my wife texted to her and it had a message from Pinterest with my wife and the other man together with his arm around my wife. My daughters were crying from what they saw. They explained that the man was bearded and had tattoos all over his arms and they could not get the images out of their minds because my wife was smiling holding him.

When my wife left I could not hold back my tears standing in her sister's lawn asking her to come back home. I won't forget the look on her face, it was the look of a stranger, she said to me that my tears were only making her feel more encouraged to be in love the other man.

Everyday since she has left I have devoted my time to prayer and buried my face in His word and gathered my children I have with me in prayer. I became close to certain people at my Church who pray with me regularly. I will honestly say that after she left I ran to The Lord hoping to save us from what was going on. The Lord has given me many words letting me know that all He really wanted from me was me. I did not honor Him in my marriage, I did not honor Him in my day, I did not train my children in Him and I did not lead my wife to Him. I was expecting for Him to jump right in after I had not included Him in the first place but brothers and sisters I say to you Our God is gracious and His mercies are renewed every morning!

My lifelong partner, my wife has told me that she now belongs to another man, the other man is claiming my wife to now be his but Our Lord has assured me He is with me wherever I go!

I had always been afraid of what it would mean to ask for The Lord's will to be done. The pain of knowing my wife has given herself over to another man was sharper than any pain I've ever felt. I am sure of what The Lord has been saying and it is that I was not meant to carry this burden alone! The Lord showed me grace even though I did not deserve it. Only He and He alone could bring me comfort. The reality of this is that the person I spent nearly my entire life with no longer wakes up with me by my side.

I don't know what the end result will be but I do know that Our Lord did not fear the cross, when Peter denied him, and the young man who was following Jesus wearing nothing but a linen garment fled from the crowd who were going to seize him, Jesus knew what He was going to endure yet He did not flee!

We are not meant to carry these burdens alone. We have a Savior, if only we would trust Him.

When Paul prayed 3 times for the thorn in his flesh which was given him by the messenger of satan to be removed, Jesus replied that His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in weakness.

I admit it has not been easy because these things have happened unexpectedly. At times no one was around to comfort me but The Lord wanted for me to rely on Him alone. His Word and His Word alone has sustained me, it really wasn't enough for people to be around me when people were around, I could not be comforted, the pain was unbearable. My prayer is for everyone here who has read this or is going through something devastating to seek The Lord, surrender all to Him, return to Him, fill yourself with His Word. I know everyone is given their own measure but surely Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever!

For anyone who has strayed away from Him, I share with you that after I had returned to my Church where I was once saved 13 years ago, I had a deep regret for ever leaving in the first place. My mistake was that I did not put God first and honor Him in my life. I made my wife my savior and put everything before God. She was all I've ever really known, my childhood friend, my first crush and my first love. I lived life knowing that God was calling me back but I was afraid to surrender to Him and I wasn't willing to live my life with Him. I don't say this to try to save marriages or any other situation other than ourselves who may already be asking themselves or wondering where they are going when our time has run out. Our Father sent His only son Jesus who suffered and died on the cross for our sins, our selfishness, our wrongs, a debt He did not owe, He paid it for us. He loved us that much.

He loved me that much!

I hope this brings encouragement to someone going through a difficult situation. You are not alone!

The Lord bless you and keep you!
 

mariapho

Junior Member
Feb 21, 2018
17
0
0
#2
Brother, Jesus is enough, always enough!
 

EricJ79

Junior Member
Sep 19, 2017
20
2
0
#3
Yes indeed mariapho, that is the message here!
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
16,931
428
83
#5
Will keep you and your kids in prayer.
 
Feb 22, 2018
51
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#6
A lot of men and women are losing their spouses in this ungodly climate of gender mixing it's the devils melting pot /// and all not most but all people tat move around in that environment are effected as the ole devil is very clever ...
 

EricJ79

Junior Member
Sep 19, 2017
20
2
0
#7
An ungodly mix, yes. The one thing I do not regret throughout our years of marriage is my loyalty to my family. I never made buddies or hung out with anyone other than my wife and children.

When we decided to have a large family I knew I would devote all my time to them aside from work. I never wanted to divide or make time for myself or with friends. I never went to hang out places or snuck away from them. When she left me my only friend was gone. I never tried to "look on the bright side of things" knowing that my only friend was gone, instead this was made known to me while I was in prayer and it was how a true blessing it was for me to be alone without any company in order to have been able to receive the fullness of God's grace. I don't know how it would have been for me if I had friends to turn to for comfort. A few men from Church certainly offered prayer but we had not known each other very long at all. I firmly believe in The Body of Christ and that we as brothers and sisters in-Christ must lift each other up and encourage each other especially in such times as this but before I turned back to The Church I leaned entirely on His faithfulness and His words were very clear to me as He had me all to Himself.

I must now say how important it is to surround ourselves with The Body of Christ to overcome the darkness of this world.
 

EricJ79

Junior Member
Sep 19, 2017
20
2
0
#8
[video=youtube;-l70C3ePyIQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-l70C3ePyIQ&app=desktop[/video]
 

Wonderland

Senior Member
May 6, 2010
231
6
0
#9
EricJ79,
You have experienced some terrible injustices. I rejoice that through it all you have found the cross of Christ and have humbled yourself before it! Glory to God!!

But the Devil owes you--big time! This is the year of God's justice! Go before the courts of heaven and make a claim--explain how you have been wronged, and how the devil has unjustly sought to steal, kill and destroy your life and the lives of your children and wife. This is unjust because ALL iniquity has been covered by the blood of Christ, therefore you are no longer under the curse and you demand justice! Point out God's promises of abundant life and blessings, and appeal to Him how the judgement against the devil, resulting in your restoration and blessing, will be a testimony to God's power! And that you will use every blessing he gives you to build the kingdom and further his Good Purposes. If you come before the courts of heaven in prayer, God will hear you and release the curses upon you (including the generational curses and childhood curses of abuse and all terrible things that have come upon you). He will restore justice and pay you back seven times for all you have lost. The judge is, after all, your Father.

To learn more about how to approach the courts of heaven, check out Doug Addison at DougAddison.com.

Glory to God for your salvation and for the testimony of your life! Glory to God for the good things he has done and all that he WILL do! Posture yourself in hopeful expectation, and he will surely deliver immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine.

Be blessed EricJ.
 

LPT

Senior Member
Dec 24, 2017
581
40
28
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#10
[video=youtube;T5rqGjc7Y2k]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5rqGjc7Y2k[/video]
 

Lucy68

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
20
0
#11
God has taken you through a very deep valley and you have come out very well on the other side. I'm so sorry for the pain you've gone through and that your wife has made some bad choices. Thank you for sharing your testimony and I pray that you and your children will maintain close relationships as you teach them how to be Christlike :).

We can't control other people...only ourselves. But it's still very disappointing when the person you thought you knew, you really didn't. That's been my experience as well. Only God is really dependable...the rest of us are fallible. Not to say that all relationships end badly....we just need to be careful who we give our heart to :).
 
Feb 7, 2018
82
0
0
#12
Sorry to hear about what you went through. Stay strong the Lord will never leave you.
 
Feb 7, 2018
82
0
0
#13
Sometimes letting go is the best thing to do.