Lonliness from wife cheating

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Scott87

Junior Member
Jan 3, 2018
2
0
0
#1
I wrote an earlier post explaining how my wife cheated on me with my best friend over a period of nine months. She has cheated multiple times. I can’t live like this anymore. We have three kids and divorce is very likely. I have no one to talk too. I would normally vent to my mom but she has stage 4 liver cirrhosis and I don’t want to stress her out. I would vent to my brother but he recently has been diagnosed with a heart problem and I don’t want to put any extra stress on him either. I can’t talk to my wife or the person I thought was my best friend because they are the reason I’m so hurt. I’m lost and alone. I’ve prayed for comfort and I have talked to my pastor which did help but I just don’t know how to cope with this intense loneliness.
 
Jul 31, 2017
72
8
8
#2
Hi there Scott,
Sorry you are experiencing this situation. Not sure what i can say to help so won't give you any advice. Will pray instead:
Heavenly Father, stretch out Your hands to bring comfort to Scott in the situation he is in, give him the peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4/7)and wisdom about how to handle this situation (James 1/5), Lord we know you are faithful (Numbers 23/19)and cause all things to work for the good of those who love you (Roman8/28), Praying this in Jésus name , amen
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#3
I wrote an earlier post explaining how my wife cheated on me with my best friend over a period of nine months. She has cheated multiple times. I can’t live like this anymore. We have three kids and divorce is very likely. I have no one to talk too. I would normally vent to my mom but she has stage 4 liver cirrhosis and I don’t want to stress her out. I would vent to my brother but he recently has been diagnosed with a heart problem and I don’t want to put any extra stress on him either. I can’t talk to my wife or the person I thought was my best friend because they are the reason I’m so hurt. I’m lost and alone. I’ve prayed for comfort and I have talked to my pastor which did help but I just don’t know how to cope with this intense loneliness.
[h=1]Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.[/h]
 

AdolfHipster

Senior Member
Jan 15, 2018
221
8
0
#4
I wrote an earlier post explaining how my wife cheated on me with my best friend over a period of nine months. She has cheated multiple times. I can’t live like this anymore. We have three kids and divorce is very likely. I have no one to talk too. I would normally vent to my mom but she has stage 4 liver cirrhosis and I don’t want to stress her out. I would vent to my brother but he recently has been diagnosed with a heart problem and I don’t want to put any extra stress on him either. I can’t talk to my wife or the person I thought was my best friend because they are the reason I’m so hurt. I’m lost and alone. I’ve prayed for comfort and I have talked to my pastor which did help but I just don’t know how to cope with this intense loneliness.
When the initial shock of something negative hits me, I too am desperate for anything that will numb my emotional pain. There are two ways to cope/handle that emotional pain for me: 1.) productive and 2.) unproductive.

Unproductive: I'd be lying if I said I don't ever choose to be unproductive when feeling depressed. Video games distract my mind and allow me to feel relatively normal for a period of time. I'm not necessarily advocating for this, I'm just letting you know what I do/have done in my life when I've been heartbroken. The trouble with this is, once you stop playing, it comes back lol. Not only does it come back, but you did absolutely nothing proactive to help your situation other than take some time to take a deep breath away from your pain. I would only advise this in small doses and not as a long-term solution to coping. By the way, it doesn't have to be video games. It can be anything you enjoy doing that distracts your mind (this is mine).

Productive: As Depleted stated perfectly, focusing even more on Heavenly Father in our time of need helps to cope with that pain. Trust me, I can understand the initial disinterest in focusing on God when your heart is ripped out, but once I do it, I always feel better. The best way that helps me is through serving other people. I find that when serving other people, I do get a mental distraction from my own problems... especially serving those that are less fortunate than yourself. It brings about a gratefulness and a humility that eases that emotional pain you have. The good thing about this is you can do it as often as you want/are able to whenever you're down because it is doing what God has commanded us to do. It's not like playing video games. :p

At the end of the day, there is one specific thing you have to do: Forgive her. Maybe you have "already forgiven her", but when you have those feelings, you have to "re-forgive" her. A lot of people think you only forgive someone once per sin... unfortunately it doesn't really work that way. When we don't forgive someone, we carry with it all the baggage from that relationship. Forgiveness releases that baggage. When we feel that baggage weighing us down (the emotional heartache and pain), we have to focus on re-forgiving them even if we don't want to. We have to first have the desire to forgive, then we have to reforgive when we feel the effects of their sin. Over time, it sticks and we are free of the emotional baggage.
 
Last edited:

Huckleberry

Senior Member
Aug 25, 2013
1,636
54
48
#5
I wrote an earlier post explaining how my wife cheated on me with my best friend over a period of nine months. She has cheated multiple times. I can’t live like this anymore. We have three kids and divorce is very likely. I have no one to talk too. I would normally vent to my mom but she has stage 4 liver cirrhosis and I don’t want to stress her out. I would vent to my brother but he recently has been diagnosed with a heart problem and I don’t want to put any extra stress on him either. I can’t talk to my wife or the person I thought was my best friend because they are the reason I’m so hurt. I’m lost and alone. I’ve prayed for comfort and I have talked to my pastor which did help but I just don’t know how to cope with this intense loneliness.
You need to lawyer up yesterday, and get a
lawyer so mean that you're scared of him/her.
Don't skimp on price.
You get what you pay for.
One you've rid yourself of your adulteress wife, you can focus
on finding someone worthy so you won't be lonely anymore.
 

Mary46

Junior Member
Jan 25, 2018
8
0
0
#6
Scott:
I came too CC looking to talk of the same thing. Just looking for a place on the net were I can vent all I can't tell my family because I don't want to worry them so maybe I am not the best person to give you advice but here it goes. There is this place name healmybrokenheart.com That place give you some advice and exercise you can do to heal. Praying helps a lot but sometimes you need an hump!!!! And that site really help. Make a journal. Write it down. Make a letter and vent everything but don't send it. Have faith!! This too shall pass!! It hurts lake fire now. But it will pass!! Bless you.
 

Theresamary

Junior Member
Jan 29, 2018
17
0
0
#7
Hi Scott!!

Please know that I feel for your hurt; your loss and the pain of emotional betrayal. Not to make this about me, but I understand because my husband also betrayed me. I state this only to let you know I understand your emotional pain.
At times like this the only solace I can offers is to retreat to the holy spirit for comfort, peace and healing. I pray to God for you and all your family. Remember that God will get you through the storm because he loves you.
 
Sep 3, 2016
1,573
57
48
#8
Turn your wife and enemy's over to the Lord! The joy of the Lord will become your strength. The scripture says:

[SUP]4 [/SUP]Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. [SUP]5 [/SUP]Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. [SUP]6 [/SUP]Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. [SUP]7 [/SUP]And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

Remember enter with praise and thanksgiving.
 
Jul 20, 2017
116
5
0
#9
Why would you be upset over losing a woman that is like that?
 
Feb 7, 2018
82
4
0
#10
Loneliness is difficult to deal with. Give yourself time to heal. The hurt and pain is not going away overnight. Finding people to talk to will help. I write in a journal when I have deep feelings to express. Don't stop believing in the Lord. Most of all give yourself time to heal. 9 months is a long time.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,028
734
113
#11
You need to lawyer up yesterday, and get a
lawyer so mean that you're scared of him/her.
Don't skimp on price.
You get what you pay for.
One you've rid yourself of your adulteress wife, you can focus
on finding someone worthy so you won't be lonely anymore.
Yep, what Huckleberry said.

I got really screwed in my divorce. I didn't want it, I didn't have it coming, but I got really poor hoping and praying for my cheating wife to come back.
 

Socreta93

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2015
1,819
58
48
#12
Well clearly she doesn't love you, you mean nothing to her and doesn't respect you if she's done this for 9 months. I say divorce her manipulative behind and try to find someone else. How old are your children? Try to spend as much time with them as possible for your sake.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,824
121
63
#13
I’m lost and alone. I’ve prayed for comfort and I have talked to my pastor which did help but I just don’t know how to cope with this intense loneliness.
Don't let loneliness become your Achilles heel, many people stay in bad marriages and suffer abuse because they're more afraid of being alone. There's worse things than being alone, and being married to your wife is one of them.
 

jameen

Senior Member
Feb 5, 2018
421
75
28
31
Manila
#14
Since you are a single again, why don't you devote yourself in Biblical studies and worship services.

Then pray always to God that He will give you the right woman as replacement if you still want to marry.

What are the qualities of a Godly woman according in the Bible? read Proverbs 31:10-31.

If you found it on a woman, it means she is the right one for you.

but as long as you're single, devote yourself to Biblical studies and worship. like Jesus said Seek ye first God's Kingdom and all these things shall be added unto you.

when asking God, I advise you to pray frequently (Romans 12:12) and never doubt that it will happen (Mark 11:24)

Always pray when you feel afflicted (James 5:13)
 
F

finaldesire

Guest
#15
I wrote an earlier post explaining how my wife cheated on me with my best friend over a period of nine months. She has cheated multiple times. I can’t live like this anymore. We have three kids and divorce is very likely. I have no one to talk too. I would normally vent to my mom but she has stage 4 liver cirrhosis and I don’t want to stress her out. I would vent to my brother but he recently has been diagnosed with a heart problem and I don’t want to put any extra stress on him either. I can’t talk to my wife or the person I thought was my best friend because they are the reason I’m so hurt. I’m lost and alone. I’ve prayed for comfort and I have talked to my pastor which did help but I just don’t know how to cope with this intense loneliness.
Scott, do you think you a feeling lonely because you let the created things take up your heart, and now they are gone you feel empty?
 

freddiejames

Junior Member
Feb 21, 2018
1
0
0
#16
Loneliness and isolation will continue to magnify the pain. If there are no trusted friends or family to talk to, find a Christian counselor that you can talk to.
I'd guess there is also anger there too.

Has she ever shown any repentance or remorse?

Talk to her. Pray for composure and tell her how you feel.

Prayers to you, friend. You are hurting and I hope you find healing and peace.
 
Dec 4, 2017
906
14
0
#17
Why would you be upset over losing a woman that is like that?
it is the same as severing a bond with a family member.
it can be very painful.

separating the pain from anger and Seeking the Lord who gives an abundance of Loving guidance and provides more than one can explain will lend a person the focus on everything that needs to be cared for.
 
Apr 25, 2015
98
0
6
#18
I wrote an earlier post explaining how my wife cheated on me with my best friend over a period of nine months. She has cheated multiple times. I can’t live like this anymore. We have three kids and divorce is very likely. I have no one to talk too. I would normally vent to my mom but she has stage 4 liver cirrhosis and I don’t want to stress her out. I would vent to my brother but he recently has been diagnosed with a heart problem and I don’t want to put any extra stress on him either. I can’t talk to my wife or the person I thought was my best friend because they are the reason I’m so hurt. I’m lost and alone. I’ve prayed for comfort and I have talked to my pastor which did help but I just don’t know how to cope with this intense loneliness.
Hey dude,

Sorry to hear about what you are going through now... but I will chip in my 2 cents:

Your wife has no respect for you, nor does she seem to hold any value on you + the 3 kids you had with her. Very sad.

Please note that you are NOT the only one in the world currently going through that phase of loneliness and/or hurt.

You can look up on Google and visit various infidelity forums, it is a real mess. New cases of infidelity every single day, hearts broken very very badly.

Since you have grounds for divorce now, you seriously seriously need to kneel down & to pray to God to help you BREAK the soul-tie that you have with your unfaithful wife. That is what is causing the pain I think. Once it is broken, you will be free. Thoughts of her won't torture you anymore. Just make sure you are in good standing with your kids. And yes once they are all grown up, you need to tell them what happened. Even they deserve to know the truth.
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
16,931
438
83
#19
You said talking to your pastor helped? Maybe ask him to recommend a counselor to help you deal with loneliness and someone to talk to weekly.

Your family would want to know because they love you. You aren't alone.

You may not want to but I would pray about getting a lawyer and custody of your kids.

Will keep you in prayer