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I can't sleep. This is probably not meant for me to "blog" but i'm going to do just that. Mainly to get some good advice and to possibly receive encouraging words and prayer. So there is a guy that I'm in love with. His name is jamie, and I swear he is perfect in everyway. I even Love the things I hate about him. But, he has an amazing heart and he loves the lord. He can make me laugh like no one else can or ever will. He does everything with passion even when it's a struggle for him. I honestly didn't want to love him at first. I mean I did, but the catch is that we met here on christian chat. I didn't see how it could work out. I also thought it was weird to have such strong feelings for someone I've never even met. We have known each other for over 8 months now. we went for 2 months without talking at all because he went to boot camp for the military. I honestly thought I could just move on in those two months, but I didn't. I missed him. I missed our talks and the sound of his voice and his laugh. We talked about everything. I felt very excepted by him. Now things have been hard. We both want to end up together but there are some obsticals standing in our way. One is the distance. We don't live in the same state. I'm planning on moving to where he is this coming summer. I hope that once that happens the other problem will be fixed too. We started to fight a lot. I mean both of us start fights, but I know that I start a lot of them because I over analyze EVERYTHING! This is probably the thing I hate most about myself. Mainly because it effects the relationship I care about more than anything. I know a lot of it is because we're not together. I spend most of my time missing him and wishing I could be with him and I tend to take those frustrations out on him. I nit pick at every little thing. I'll get upset about things that seem like a huge deal to me but when I bring them up they aren't a huge deal to him. I hate when I do it because I know it makes him feel bad, and I don't want to make him feel bad. I want to be a cause of happiness to him. I love everything about are relationship except for our fights and the fact that we're not together yet. Us being together will happen soon, and I hope that helps with the fighting. But what if it doesn't? I feel like a failure because the one thing I want more than anything is for us to work out, but I can't seem to be good enough. And I know that if we don't work out it's because of my problems. because I cause too much unneccessary drama in our relationship and I know it's very hard on him. Anyway, I'd like for whoever reads this to pray for strength in our relationship and let us give our problems to God. I do believe that no relationship has too many problems for god to fix. Especially when the couple wants God to be the center of their relationship, which we do. We have been through a lot in the 8 months we have been together. It has been a struggle trying to keep this going. I believe if we make it through this we'll be together and stronger than ever. But getting to that point isn't easy. I need strength for sure. I'm so broken. I don't believe there is anyone who is as broken as me. I know christ has covered my sins. I just hope Jamie sees me the way God sees me, because I know that's the way I see him. Anyway, now that I've told the entire world my love life troubles I hope you all will pray for me!! Thanks! I feel better now that I've gotten that off my chest!
