Marriage, divorced trying to work on it

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
T

Tmb

Guest
#1
Hello. I was married for 30 years. We had our ups and downs, just like everyone here on earth. Well, we were having troubles...to put it lightly. I had gotten saved and he followed about 2years or so later. Things were going the best than they ever had when we were following and living for our Lord and savior. After 30years of marriage he decided to start going on dating sites, talking, texting even meeting other women. I forgave him trying to keep our marriage together. He never stopped. He even went to another woman and moved in with her. He was going back and forth between her and me. I kept believing him. I knew it wasn't stopping. So I filed for a divorce. He kept having this affair. Then at court he begged not to go through with it. He came to court from the other woman's house. He had been staying with her. I did not want a divorce. I fought for my marriage for along time. A year or so. Since the divorce he has been leading me on that he wants us again. Yet he is still doing his crap. I keep falling for it not because I like it but because I am praying maybe this time it's for real. I believe I did the right thing with the divorce. I want us to work things out. I am the only one really trying. Trying with all my heart mind and soul. I keep getting pushed into a brick wall. I need advice please. I have been going through this for over a year and a half. I don't under why I am still having difficulty. I still love him, I don't like this new him. The emotional torture and mental is so hard. Any words or advice as to how to get over this and let go? I don't understand, please pray and any advice words of wisdom would greatly be appreciated and used. Just to let you know I have taken him back over 100 times. I know that sounds bad..and crazy..thank uou
 
Sep 9, 2014
97
1
0
#2
Well, he isn't a new man, he's gone back to the old man that has progressively gotten worse. That's something I've learned. That we are either growing, moving forward, and getting better, or not growing, falling backward, and getting worse.
I will pray for you, for the peace and grace of Jesus as you go through this tribulation in your life. I will pray for your husband too, that the walls of his heart are knocked down, and that his eyes and ears are opened to the truth.
 

DiscipleDave

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2012
3,095
69
48
#3
Hello. I was married for 30 years. We had our ups and downs, just like everyone here on earth. Well, we were having troubles...to put it lightly. I had gotten saved and he followed about 2years or so later. Things were going the best than they ever had when we were following and living for our Lord and savior. After 30years of marriage he decided to start going on dating sites, talking, texting even meeting other women. I forgave him trying to keep our marriage together. He never stopped. He even went to another woman and moved in with her. He was going back and forth between her and me. I kept believing him. I knew it wasn't stopping. So I filed for a divorce. He kept having this affair. Then at court he begged not to go through with it. He came to court from the other woman's house. He had been staying with her. I did not want a divorce. I fought for my marriage for along time. A year or so. Since the divorce he has been leading me on that he wants us again. Yet he is still doing his crap. I keep falling for it not because I like it but because I am praying maybe this time it's for real. I believe I did the right thing with the divorce. I want us to work things out. I am the only one really trying. Trying with all my heart mind and soul. I keep getting pushed into a brick wall. I need advice please. I have been going through this for over a year and a half. I don't under why I am still having difficulty. I still love him, I don't like this new him. The emotional torture and mental is so hard. Any words or advice as to how to get over this and let go? I don't understand, please pray and any advice words of wisdom would greatly be appreciated and used. Just to let you know I have taken him back over 100 times. I know that sounds bad..and crazy..thank uou
Divorcing him was the right thing to do. Get involved at a church, The closer you get to God, the less you will feel you need or want your exhusband. Many times we do not know what God wants. Does He want you to get back with your ex, does he want you to stay away from him? Doubt is not from God. You need to ask for a sign. Despite what people say about doing that.

i am divorced as well. i was in doubt also. i do not want her back, but what if God wanted me to have her back. What if it was the will of God for us to get back together again. All these doubts were not from God. So i prayed to Him and said Lord, i do not want her back in my life, but if you do want her back in my life, then put it into her heart to do these two things. And if she does those two things, which i think she will never do, then i will know it is from you and will take her back because it will be a sign from you.

You do likewise. You do not know if God wants you to be with him, or not be with him. So then pray to God and say to Him. Lord I want to do what you want me to do, if you want me to take him back then put it into his heart to ______________, and to _______________ Then i will know it is what you want me to do. And DO NOT take him back until he does those two things from God. And make those two things something that he is not very likely to do. such as making himself bald. Something that if he does do those two things, you will KNOW it is from God because he would not do them otherwise. After you pray this to God, you should no longer have any doubts concerning it. If God truly wants you back with him, then i assure you God will cause the signs to happen. And if he does not cause those two things to happen, i assure you He does not want you to be back with him.
There are many examples in the Bible where Godly men asked for signs and got them from God. Never ask for a sign to prove his existence, that is an evil and wicked person that does that.

^i^
 
Dec 22, 2014
72
1
0
#4
Hello. I was married for 30 years. We had our ups and downs, just like everyone here on earth. Well, we were having troubles...to put it lightly. I had gotten saved and he followed about 2years or so later. Things were going the best than they ever had when we were following and living for our Lord and savior. After 30years of marriage he decided to start going on dating sites, talking, texting even meeting other women. I forgave him trying to keep our marriage together. He never stopped. He even went to another woman and moved in with her. He was going back and forth between her and me. I kept believing him. I knew it wasn't stopping. So I filed for a divorce. He kept having this affair. Then at court he begged not to go through with it. He came to court from the other woman's house. He had been staying with her. I did not want a divorce. I fought for my marriage for along time. A year or so. Since the divorce he has been leading me on that he wants us again. Yet he is still doing his crap. I keep falling for it not because I like it but because I am praying maybe this time it's for real. I believe I did the right thing with the divorce. I want us to work things out. I am the only one really trying. Trying with all my heart mind and soul. I keep getting pushed into a brick wall. I need advice please. I have been going through this for over a year and a half. I don't under why I am still having difficulty. I still love him, I don't like this new him. The emotional torture and mental is so hard. Any words or advice as to how to get over this and let go? I don't understand, please pray and any advice words of wisdom would greatly be appreciated and used. Just to let you know I have taken him back over 100 times. I know that sounds bad..and crazy..thank uou
It doesn't sound bad and/or crazy... not to me at least.

If your heart is adamant on taking him back, then take him for the 101 time. And if he does it again, and your heart is still asking for him back in the house; take him back for a 102 time. Do it for a thousands times if necessary, until he either changes, or your heart decides on its own that it's had enough of the winding road.

In the affairs of the heart, there's always no one to blame (except when we decide to come up with our own scapegoats, and I wouldn't wanna turn you into one. Never. Nor should you ever do that; try to turn yourself in some kind of scapegoat.)
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,940
113
#5
Of course you still love and care for him after 30 years of marriage! But let me ask you a question, do you love the man he really is, or the one you imagine you want him to be?

He had betrayed you over and over! He has cheated, lied, and constantly been unfaithful to you and your vows. Do you really want a man like that?

I've been through some hard times in my marriage. But the one thing we both knew is that we could totally trust each other to be faithful to each other, because we were faithful to God! That is a marriage worth saving, and my husband and I just keep growing in love and commitment to each other and God.

You may be codependent to put up with this terrible behaviour. Just think about all the STDs out there, some of them fatal, and then ask yourself if you really want to take back a man who could potentially kill you with a sexually transmitted disease.

God does not expect you to go back to an adulterer who seems to care more about "pleasure for a season" than sin and the evil he had done.

Please seek counselling, and find a divorce support group to help you. And stay close to Jesus! He will love you when things are lonely and hard. Praying for you.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
337
83
#6
I want us to work things out. I am the only one really trying. Trying with all my heart mind and soul. I keep getting pushed into a brick wall. I need advice please. I have been going through this for over a year and a half. I don't under why I am still having difficulty. I still love him, I don't like this new him. The emotional torture and mental is so hard. Any words or advice as to how to get over this and let go? I don't understand, please pray and any advice words of wisdom would greatly be appreciated and used. Just to let you know I have taken him back over 100 times. I know that sounds bad..and crazy..thank uou

Your right, taking him back 100 times is bad and crazy. If you want to stop your emotional torture, stop taking him back. Your divorced, so why are you still trying to work things out? It doesn't matter if you still love him, let go and move on. Your essentially engaging in polygamy every time you take him back, and so is the other woman. Your problem is that you legally ended it, but your still refusing to end your emotional attachment with this two-timer. The problem is no longer him, its getting your own priorities and emotions in check. Why in the world would he ever give up the other women when you've taken him back a hundred times? He couldn't commit to marriage and you can't commit to divorce. jmo
 

Mo0448

Senior Member
Jun 10, 2013
1,209
15
38
#7
Ultimately though...Jesus taught us to forgive 70 times 7...I am not implying that forgiving means accepting him back by all means! I try to look at situations like this through the eyes of Jesus...how often are we "rebellious" and "adulterous" towards our Savior and yet he always accepts us back. Sure we aren't Jesus, but in the process of sanctification we should be moving to be more like him every day! I do suggest you have a sit down with him and set an ultimatum either he begins to honor his commitment with you in the marriage and SHOW he wants to change, or you are given full right within scriptures to divorce and that's what it is! I will keep you in my prayers; it takes a lot of grace and wisdom to handle matters of the heart.
 
S

sunburn

Guest
#8
In circumstances like these, Only God who can see the heart of men, know what is best for you according to what is going on with your husband and you. we can only give our own views of things…Personally I would be worried of catching AIDS or Herpes or any other sorts where my life will be in danger. There is NO AMOUNT of spiritual reasonings that can justify you loosing your life so unfairly.
God can restore any marriage, it will take wisdom and prayer for you to make the right decision according to the direction God give you. No one can make that decision for you.May God help you. Sorry for this situation.
In my opinion, you are NOT helping your husband by taking him back and back again. Divorcing him might be harsh since you yourself are finding it difficult, but you could separate and put your feet down that you are just waiting for him. Giving him time to clean his acts without the pressure of divorce and you should stop having him back regardless of whatever he is doing.
Anyway…I pray you are strong.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#9
My words of wisdom is to move forward in your life without that anchor around your heart trying to rip it out. This is absolutely no excuse to ever cheat on your spouse once, yet alone as a matter of routine. I would not have taken him back after the first time, forget about the other 99 times.
 

Born_Again

Senior Member
Nov 15, 2014
1,581
127
63
#10
I am just starting that process. We have been married 9 years and now we are separated. She left me. It has been very difficult because she is not who she was and I don't know If I should hold onto her and keep trying or let her go. I still lover her very much and this hurts more than a punch to the nose. I have let Christ take this one, so He will do what is in His will. But it's a rough and painful road. But, He has reminded me on numerous occasions that He is still here with me. I hear a voice sometimes tell me to let her go but I don't always trust that voice because it may very well be the enemy telling me that. God has told me to handle it with love. Be slow to anger and do not say anything bad about or to her. The HS has told me there is something coming up in the next week or so. Not sure if I will like it or not but we'll see. Trust in Christ my friend. He will always do what's best for you. Always!!
 
Dec 22, 2014
72
1
0
#11
I am just starting that process. We have been married 9 years and now we are separated. She left me. It has been very difficult because she is not who she was and I don't know If I should hold onto her and keep trying or let her go. I still lover her very much and this hurts more than a punch to the nose. I have let Christ take this one, so He will do what is in His will. But it's a rough and painful road. But, He has reminded me on numerous occasions that He is still here with me. I hear a voice sometimes tell me to let her go but I don't always trust that voice because it may very well be the enemy telling me that. God has told me to handle it with love. Be slow to anger and do not say anything bad about or to her. The HS has told me there is something coming up in the next week or so. Not sure if I will like it or not but we'll see. Trust in Christ my friend. He will always do what's best for you. Always!!
What I always say in moments like these is: There is no better time for a Protagonist of a story to show us (the audience) who he really is or what he's really capable of, than when a GAP breaks open between EXPECTATIONS and RESULTS.

Say a story begins and we sit down in the theater, bags of popcorn in our laps, expecting to see something "awesome" about this person, and hopefully an opportunity to see ourselves inside him, and hence, a revelation of the true powers that are hidden within ourselves... the things we actually are capable of, but which we thought we couldn't possibly do.

And so the story begins, a guy gets married at the beginning, a woman who gives him her word that she will never leave him no matter what... The story goes on, then 9 minutes later, the girl decides to leave. And obviously our guy didn't expect this; from what he had been promised 9 years ago, he was expecting to celebrate his 90th birthday with his loving wife besides him. Now look what just happens!

What do we do? (We the audience) What do we say? "Holly cow! This is gonna be a great one. Not like the nonsense comedy we came to see last Saturday. I have a great feeling for this one. What's he gonna do now! What's he gonna do! Oh my God, I feel so excited!"

And you being on "stage" before us, there goes your cue. Now is the time to reveal us your true colors. So what are you gonna be? A looser? A quitter? A hero?

Paul reminds us that we are surrounded by a crowd of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1). They seek a testimony from us, and they are definitely entitled to one hell of a testimony, if they are to believe in what we're saying to them (that "The Spirit of the Lord is upon us" and that they should therefore speak as we speak and act as we act).

Repentance Part 2: Life As A Movie
 

Born_Again

Senior Member
Nov 15, 2014
1,581
127
63
#12
What I always say in moments like these is: There is no better time for a Protagonist of a story to show us (the audience) who he really is or what he's really capable of, than when a GAP breaks open between EXPECTATIONS and RESULTS.

Say a story begins and we sit down in the theater, bags of popcorn in our laps, expecting to see something "awesome" about this person, and hopefully an opportunity to see ourselves inside him, and hence, a revelation of the true powers that are hidden within ourselves... the things we actually are capable of, but which we thought we couldn't possibly do.

And so the story begins, a guy gets married at the beginning, a woman who gives him her word that she will never leave him no matter what... The story goes on, then 9 minutes later, the girl decides to leave. And obviously our guy didn't expect this; from what he had been promised 9 years ago, he was expecting to celebrate his 90th birthday with his loving wife besides him. Now look what just happens!

What do we do? (We the audience) What do we say? "Holly cow! This is gonna be a great one. Not like the nonsense comedy we came to see last Saturday. I have a great feeling for this one. What's he gonna do now! What's he gonna do! Oh my God, I feel so excited!"

And you being on "stage" before us, there goes your cue. Now is the time to reveal us your true colors. So what are you gonna be? A looser? A quitter? A hero?

Paul reminds us that we are surrounded by a crowd of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1). They seek a testimony from us, and they are definitely entitled to one hell of a testimony, if they are to believe in what we're saying to them (that "The Spirit of the Lord is upon us" and that they should therefore speak as we speak and act as we act).

Repentance Part 2: Life As A Movie
Wow!! That was awesome!!! Thank you!!! Well, I guess the show must go on!! That was really good. I'm a writer and that was a good example.