Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,315
1,677
113
#1
I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
4,417
1,633
113
#2
I've been poor all my life, yet I could afford to get married.
 

KD

Member
Nov 20, 2018
74
57
18
#3
I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?


Weddings have a became big business. It is very expensive to find a venue, feed guests and pay for other expenses.

I would suggest to anyone on a tight budget to save the money go to the JOP sign the paper work. But your house, build financial security and have a 5 year celebration in lieu of a wedding ceremony to start

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?
Weddings have a became big business. It is very expensive to find a venue, feed guests and pay for other expenses.

I would suggest to anyone on a tight budget to save the money go to the JOP sign the paper work. But your house, build financial security and have a 5 year celebration in lieu of a wedding ceremony to start
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
4,417
1,633
113
#4
Weddings have a became big business. It is very expensive to find a venue, feed guests and pay for other expenses.

I would suggest to anyone on a tight budget to save the money go to the JOP sign the paper work. But your house, build financial security and have a 5 year celebration in lieu of a wedding ceremony to start
That's how we did it.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,970
302
83
#5
I would suggest to anyone on a tight budget to save the money go to the JOP sign the paper work
I'd agree with this, going to a Justice of the Peace won't break your budget.. Its the wedding gown, rings, bridesmaid dresses, open bar, food, music, reception hall rental, and all that stuff that's expensive. You can save money by eloping to Vegas for a weekend and having an Elvis impersonator pronounce you man & wife, plus you get the honeymoon all in one shot.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,315
1,677
113
#6
What about just get married at church? After the sunday service. Or is that not allowed.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,962
547
113
#7
Joining of the flesh to become one is God’s plan. Even to state your vows in front of an audience of close friends and family, for accountability sake, is good. Today it has become such an event it’s lost the meaning, like Christmas. People use it as a popularity production, and businesses know this. That’s why they can jack up their prices and bridzilla will cut the cheque.
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#8
I used to be one of those girls that wanted the huge wedding. I missed prom and homecoming because no one ever asked me to go with them lol. So I figured I could make up for it by having a very nice wedding.

Now that I'm older I have realized there was a reason I didn't go dancing as a teen. I am way too embarrassed! I am too shy in person. A wedding is a socially anxious person's nightmare. All eyes are on you and you are expected to mingle with everyone there.
So I have decided that if I do get married (which at this point, doesn't seem likely) I just want a small wedding at a church and some cake afterwards.
No food, no dancing, no venue...none of that. It will be super cheap and stress free :LOL:
I think people ought to just let go of the idea of this fancy perfect day and tie the knot if they are ready for it. It's silly to avoid God's plan to untie 2 people into one flesh by making the excuse that there is no money. All you need is to be ready. All the extras are just that...extras.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,485
1,251
113
#9
It seems for many, mostly women from what i've witnessed, that the wedding is more important than the marriage. It sometimes feels like some marry just so they can have "'their' big day". Such things reveal the selfishness of a bride (or groom) to spend so much time and effort and money to ensure they are the center of attention for one day.
I would not marry someone like that. If their joy is in a big wedding, and not the act of marriage, then see ya.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,081
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Florida
#10
There is nothing wrong with a young woman, never married to dream of her wedding. I say, yes, let her be the center of attention for one day. Traditionally, the music played is "Here comes the bride..." as she walks up the aisle in her wedding dress. It is not "Here comes the groom". That's just the way that it is. I think that it would be selfish on the groom's part to deny his future bride her big day.
 
Jan 6, 2019
76
86
18
#11
There is nothing wrong with a young woman, never married to dream of her wedding. I say, yes, let her be the center of attention for one day. Traditionally, the music played is "Here comes the bride..." as she walks up the aisle in her wedding dress. It is not "Here comes the groom". That's just the way that it is. I think that it would be selfish on the groom's part to deny his future bride her big day.
I once attended a wedding that was VERY moving. Instead of the bride marching down the aisle, she stood at the front. And her groom came to her, from behind the stage.
If you think about it, that's what we're all waiting for, right? For our groom (Jesus) to return? We're his bride and we're waiting for HIM. I have never seen such a closer biblical picture of Christ coming for his bride than when I attended that wedding. It was amazing.
 
R

Rasputin_OZ

Guest
#12
WEdding ceremony doesn't need to be huge, I have been to a few where they could afford nothing and we did the ceremony at church, everyone at church invited, no charge for the venue or for the pastor. and food was potluck brough by church members... persoanly they were the best weddings.

my self I been married 3 times and paid for them all on my own as I had good job. but I wish I could have married a chrisitans girl who just accepted the simple things in church , we could have gone on an amazing honeymoon
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,315
1,677
113
#13
Yea why not just have at church, why the huge deal.
Youve got the rest of your lives to spend together anyway. Save the money for the honeymoon.
If the parents cant afford to pay then the witnesses surely could chip in and throw a party.

I dont understand the extravanagance that would bankrupt a couple, esp a young couple starting out, who may not even have proper employment yet.

Why arent churches having a minsitry for this just like funerals.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,315
1,677
113
#14
i was thinking costs involved.

Wedding dress does not need to be expensive, you can even just hire for the day.
Venue could be free...have at church.
Cake, not an essential but others can offer to make one for you.
Flowers, you can pick your own.
Rings might be only major expense.
Party afterwards...could have a picnic or pot luck.
Youd only need one bridesmaid and one groomsmen and they could just wear their best clothes, or again, hire them.

Feeding guests, well we serve a God who turned water into wine. So surely he can still do miracles at our weddings.
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
24,993
6,534
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#15
it was around $20 at the courthouse.

i got married on my lunch break.

overall it's less the sum of what the two of us would have to pay, living each alone.

in the US, if you both make around the same amount of money yearly, you might pay more in taxes if you marry than if you don't - because a certain credit is calculated from combined wages if you're married and separate if you're not, no matter whether you live together. when you add the two of your salaries together you may not get the deduction where each of you would get it otherwise.

personally we pay less than we would as unmarried
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,315
1,677
113
#20
Do you have to wear expensive rings or can it be ...not so expensive. I dont know I dont wear jewellery myself cos Im not bound to anyone. But couldnt you just tie a knot to symbolise you are married. And maybe have his and her matching keyrings or something.