Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

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Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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In the Bible Jesus told about a wedding parable how the guests invited gave excuses they couldnt go...I can imagine this type of wedding in the middle east to be quite extravagant and it would always be the parents who pay for it, not the bride or groom, who wouldnt have even be old enough to afford to pay for it themselves.

so when people say they cant afford to get married, it usually comes down to, their parents dont approve. so they are not willing to finance a wedding. But in many of those cases bride and groom are not in a prearranged marriage and have chose one another for love, not out of obligation or in order to expand or inherit property.
 

Prycejosh1987

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Jul 19, 2020
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Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.
It seems people are afraid of commitment. Marriage requires commitment, and loyalty by not getting married, people feel more free to do what they want, financially and personally. I believe those are the reason why people do not like the idea of marriage.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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friend is getting married next week...she said her mum garden club are doing the flowers. fiance is former dj so thats side of it seems sorted. shes not having a bridal party or honeymoon. They ae having nibbles, not a traditional sit down banquet, at restaurant/bar in town.

I read this graphic memoir book about a DIY wedding by Lucy Knisley who went into great detail,about planning her own wedding, which took a year, at great expense, for a big party in.a barn...she and her partner were atheists, parents divorced, but her mum was a caterer and had connections so paid for most of it. It was rather self indulgent 'hipster wedding' I think from the looks of it, having crayons in mason jars, bunting, organic gourmet food, that kind of thing.

Not only a wedding but she had THREE engagement parties, goodie bags for guests, a team of bridesmaids, cake toppers, hired a personal wedding planner, and the barn was actually built on her mums land she tried to hand make everything for the personal touch. The groom seemingly, didnt have to really do anything. still cost over $30,000 though.

the other thing thats expensive is changing your name. On everything. drivers licence, email address, phone bills, everything. Lots of people dont bother to do this, Lucy didnt, her reasons for marrying were ostensibly to have a child, but friend is going to do it, she already has a son.

they are inviting about 80 guests and thankfully no covid restrictions, but I do think the expense and guest list are of concern (do we invite everyone and anyone? ) which is why receptions are probably the biggest expense. I think theres always, do we just sign the thing at the registry office and not tell anyone, or have everyone we know involved and taking pictures and throw confetti at us. a registry office marriage is basically as fun as lining up to vote or get fingerprinted.
 

Lanolin

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I thought about this some more after reading 'something new, tales from a makeshift bride' about Lucy Knisley's experience, basically she did want a registry wedding but her mum was like 'over my dead body' and offered the use of her backyard barn to have the wedding. She actually had one built and did all the catering. So she caved.

I asked my own mother if she would pay for a wedding if I ever had one and she was like no.
I had birthday parties when I was younger up to age 10 and I remember her saying she not doing them anymore so I never had a party after that, no 16th, 21st or anything.

I mean I had my own parties and gatherings but she wouldnt support the, by hosting or doing anything. So I wouldnt expect her to pay a cent toward a wedding. If my grandma was still alive she might have but I think many couples today dont have any support from their parents at all.
 

Infinite_Ark

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Sep 19, 2020
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I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?
I've heard that old saying too. Too expensive to get married. In America it is less expensive than living single together. Tax breaks happen when married. Not when living together. Car insurance rates drop from the higher rate as a single person.

Marriage is expensive in the sense some couples invest in a house after marriage. They have children. All are costly undertakings.

I know of only one case where the marriage was more expensive than living single. Three years ago here our manager became engaged. Because his Fiancé had lost her parents as a child his family purchased her dress. Traditionally the Fiancé's family assumes that expense.
The dress was a custom work that cost his family nearly 17000.00 marks. That's about $10,000. U.S. a very expensive wedding and reception as well. The family is very well off.

Two days later we guests were informed of their divorce. In Germany this is a tedious process and not at all like in the U.S..
This wedding cost a small fortune. But on the honeymoon the bride revealed a secret she felt she could expose now that they were wed.
She had been born a male.

Very costly wedding in many ways actually.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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what about property rights.
Isnt the title meant to be in both names not just the husband. So he cant say the home is just his.
Im not actually sure if its cheaper in nz so because there so many unmarried couples with children and a house already.
 

Benadam

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Aug 14, 2019
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The whole idea of marriage is about community. If you live in a community, and who doesn't, it's the authority you live under, It has the right to regulate who makes new citizens. Hence the marriage license. God expects us to obey the laws of the land unless they force us to sin.
 

Benadam

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Aug 14, 2019
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what about property rights.
Isnt the title meant to be in both names not just the husband. So he cant say the home is just his.
Im not actually sure if its cheaper in nz so because there so many unmarried couples with children and a house already.
Where I am if a couple is together for certain amount of years all that belong to them is 'community property'. Belongs to both and must be divided in court.
 

Lanolin

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Where I am if a couple is together for certain amount of years all that belong to them is 'community property'. Belongs to both and must be divided in court.
I think its 2 years here.
But if your name isnt on the title then its not yours techncially, say if your partner bought it before you moved in.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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wedding was lovely and simple with no fuss as expected and the bride was late (no surprises there! )

They made their own vows and had prayers and I was a bit teary. It was live streamed to his family in south africa, as obviously they couldnt make it. Her uncle gave the bride away and their son offered up the rings

I picked flowers so we could throw them as confetti outside the church door. I was a bit late though as I had the basket and by the time I came out the door everyone had thrown the flowers. She threw the bouquet but luckily I was not catching it..someone else did!

The interesting thing was because she was about half an hour late the ushers at the church wanted to get us out the door for the next wedding booked that day...! Bride quickly changed from her wedding gown to normal clothes to hang out for refreshments, they had organised a tab at the restaurant/bar so we ordered what we wanted and it was good food.

in nz loads of people marry visitors who want to live here and then dont go back home my own parents was the case. But I dont know if marriage gives you rights to citizenship automatically there is a separate ceremony for that. I think its because its seen as a good place to raise children, probably a huge factor in marrying. I dont know anyone wealthy enough to have two homes in two different countries.
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
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what about property rights.
Isnt the title meant to be in both names not just the husband. So he cant say the home is just his.
Im not actually sure if its cheaper in nz so because there so many unmarried couples with children and a house already.
our house was bought in my name, because at the time my wife's credit score wasn't as high as mine. the mortgage loan rate was better that way; there wasn't anything else behind it.
 

posthuman

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Jul 31, 2013
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It seems people are afraid of commitment. Marriage requires commitment, and loyalty by not getting married, people feel more free to do what they want, financially and personally. I believe those are the reason why people do not like the idea of marriage.
two of my close friends have been in a completely committed relationship for 15 years, living together and have two children together.
the woman recently was pressing to get married -- only recently -- and the man was freaking out about it.
i told him, my friend, i don't know why you're making such a big deal out of doing this. you are practically married already, for 15 years, i really don't understand what is keeping you from going down to the courthouse??


he didn't answer.

but to make the point -- in this case it isn't a fear of commitment, tho without him being forthcoming i don't know what it is that he is afraid of. he's certainly not interested in seeing anyone else and they hold everything mutually. :unsure:

they aren't the only couple i've been acquainted with in the same situation - years, even decades, of completely committed relationship, but hesitant to *officially* marry. one man told me he thought his taxes would go up ((i don't think that's true -- only in very limited cases where both partners make a good deal of money, certainly not in their case)). another just say they distrust the government and not getting married is their way of 'sticking it to the man' -- whatever that means. don't think 'the man' cares. they'll say 'we don't need a piece of paper' so they refuse to get one. doesn't make sense to me.
doesn't make sense to me, because there are situations where you won't be able to have a say unless you're married. you won't be able to make medical decisions or legal decisions if the other partner is incapacitated unless you're married. if one tragically dies you won't have any rights over a lot of things that happen afterwards. maybe no one will even tell you, because you aren't listed anywhere as being related to them at all.

for sure sometimes @Prycejosh1987 it is being wishy-washy, and being afraid to let go of some kind of freedom to easily dump the other person for whatever reason. maybe it makes them feel old. maybe it's just never being sure if something better will appear the next day. maybe it's just so scary.
but in my experience that's not always the case. we shouldn't just accuse people of being scared without really knowing.
 

Lanolin

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isnt it identity? For women most of us have to CHANGE OUR NAMES. Men dont even have to do this and are never required to. So whats stopping men?
 

Lanolin

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In the end children lose out if parents are not married to each other.

I dont know about credit scores. wouldnt your scores be combined if you are married, or does it only go to the highest earner, if so thats not equal at all. Your property in marriage meant to be shared and owned together, not someone who paid the most gets the lions share and their partner gets the dog kennel....and no say in the matter.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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so stupid that a marriage certificate/licence is just seen as a piece of paper. Your drivers licence is a piece of paper (actually, now plastic) and you can get fined if you drive without one. But it also means you passed a test and know how to drive, and if you DO have an accident it will say whether you want your organs donated or whatever.

So this man, does he not bother to get his drivers licence either? Or a degree. Or a first aid certificate.
another thing is not everyone can just get this marriage certificate, otherwise everyone would be coupling up to get one wouldnt they. Or would you just be treating your other half as a guest you can kick out at anytime?
 

throughfaith

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Aug 4, 2020
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The 'celebrity ' wedding has put pressure on even Christians to conform to the expensive, elaborate ideas of a wedding . Some weddings during the pandemic have actually highlighted whats important about marriage 💑
 

presidente

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May 29, 2013
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It's a cheap time to get married. Just ask a couple of hundred guests to Sype in. You don't have to rent a big facility or feed them. They'll probably understand.
 

Lanolin

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what celebrity wedding.
Or you mean the royals?
They are the only weddings everyone's invited to watch in person on the streets or on tv. Which the taxpayers actually pay for.
 
Mar 21, 2009
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I don't agree with the opinion that born again believers who Love Jesus will live together without being married. They will have to resist the voice of the Holy Spirit and make up their own rules to deny the scriptures and this is not something people who want to please God and live for Jesus are going to be comfortable doing. Those that are that hardened as to think "I am saved even thought I am commiting fornication with my girlfriend because we are married in the eyes of the Lord are not believers. They might be in a state of rebellion, hard hearted, backslidden, but they are currently not being believers in the Jesus and what He says. Therefore their end is shame and everlasting destruction and their only solution is to repent, and either get marred or separate. If they decide to marry they can go to the Justice of the Peace for probably $250 or less. If that is too much then they must separate and save that much.

If they think that the big fancy wedding is what they want to do, and not the justice of the peace then they must save or find the money but until then they must not compromise their sexual purity or it is the same as saying "I choose to NOT follow Jesus" There is no such thing as being saved and being a fornicator at the same time.

This is so obvious it is painful to have to explain it. How did such insane teaching ever get accepted by modern "air headed" so called Christians as to think they could live in fornication and still be saved? Oh I have heard all the reasons but all of them are air headed and empty of reason and none are correct interpretation of scriptures.

However, (and I know this is harsh for many to hear) if you think about it, they are probably not the one you should marry. 1) You are not marriageable material, you need much spiritual growth. Why? because you have been willing to live in fornication. 2) They are not the one for you and they are not marriageable material. Why? Because they have been willing to deny Christ to fornicate with you.

You want to marry someone who is a mature and a no compromising holy man or woman of God who would rather DIE before you fornicate and grieve your Jesus whom you love with your whole heart, soul, BODY, and strength. And you want to find someone who would NEVER EVER fornicate with you and would not sin against their Lord in that way.

When you are living like that then you are ready to marry. But not before.
 

Lanolin

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Ive never met any born again believers couples who would just live together.
Its always one is born again and the other isnt, rarely do both encounter Jesus at the same time. those who are already would get engaged, but it would take a while to get married if they really wanted a church wedding. Ive known couples that did separate, but if they already had a child thats more difficult, and got back together for the sake of their child.

I think its easy for someone to judge someone else and not take into account a childs feelings about it and where THEY are going to live.

I dont think a believer is really going to settle for a fifteen minute justice of the peace wedding if they can marry in church with their minister and their congregation praying for them, and are willing to wait and be engaged for how ever long it takes to save up enough money to walk down the aisle.