Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#22
$20 doesnt seem like much. Sounds like bargain to me!

I looked it up and in nz its $150 to get married using a celebrant and $240 to do it at a registry office. Am not sure why the difference in prices. This is to get the marriage licence.

Surely thats not outside of the reach of most couples, if they save up.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#24
Im thinking its deeper reasons than not being able to afford a wedding. I reckon maybe its to do with parents? Like their expectations especially brides that their dads give them away. But then many of these couples are old enough to make their own decisions yet they cant decide on marriage. Puzzle.

So if one of them say is ill or dies its like sayanora, you werent part of my family to begin with cos we just didnt get married, and the children end up being illegitimate, unable to inherit.
 

blueluna5

Active member
Jul 30, 2018
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#25
I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?
A certain type of wedding is very expensive. It also depends on family help in it. Some people don't have much family or the family can't afford it.

I don't agree with living together before marriage. However my brother in law lived with his wife first. They were just out of college and her dad was abusive. So in a certain way I understood. Also the church they went to refused to marry them bc they were living together... That was wrong! They were stuck in sin then so what sense does that make.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#26
A certain type of wedding is very expensive. It also depends on family help in it. Some people don't have much family or the family can't afford it.

I don't agree with living together before marriage. However my brother in law lived with his wife first. They were just out of college and her dad was abusive. So in a certain way I understood. Also the church they went to refused to marry them bc they were living together... That was wrong! They were stuck in sin then so what sense does that make.
Yea i dont understand either.
In the Bible the reason given for a man to leave his mother and father and shall cleave to his wife and be one flesh. By marrying you just make it offical you are together.

So when a man leaves his parents and just live together with a woman without marrying, what do they call each other oh just this girl im living with? my room mate? My 'partner'. If you one flesh whats wrong with calling her your wife, because that is what she is. What an insult to your wife, to say she isnt your wife and you arent together or married but just someone you living with. You might as well say shes yor sister. Which abraham did to sarah, he denied that she was his wife....but got in trouble when he lied about that!
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#27
Yea i dont understand either.
In the Bible the reason given for a man to leave his mother and father and shall cleave to his wife and be one flesh. By marrying you just make it offical you are together.

So when a man leaves his parents and just live together with a woman without marrying, what do they call each other oh just this girl im living with? my room mate? My 'partner'. If you one flesh whats wrong with calling her your wife, because that is what she is. What an insult to your wife, to say she isnt your wife and you arent together or married but just someone you living with. You might as well say shes yor sister. Which abraham did to sarah, he denied that she was his wife....but got in trouble when he lied about that!
I agree with you, the man should call the woman his wife and the woman should call the man her husband.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#28
Jesus spoke to the woman at the well who had five husbands, and the one she is living with, is not her husband...so am wondering who the guy could be. Her brother?

Obviously she could afford to be married, after all she did it five times.
 

Seeker17

New member
Apr 9, 2019
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#29
Unfortunately I believe many people only care about having a big party for themselves rather than actually joining in holy matrimony. I bet a lot of people regret spending so much money on a single day when they could have invested that money into their own futures, especially for people who don't have money to throw around. I think we get a bit brainwashed about weddings through movies, social media, etc. People want big church weddings who don't even attend church whereas people who actually do attend church can't afford the fees to get married there! If you aren't willing to get married without a wedding at all, you shouldn't be married. My wedding was in a small chapel with a few friends and family. I wanted to marry my wife, not have a party :)
 
G

Gracie_14

Guest
#30
There is nothing wrong with a young woman, never married to dream of her wedding. I say, yes, let her be the center of attention for one day. Traditionally, the music played is "Here comes the bride..." as she walks up the aisle in her wedding dress. It is not "Here comes the groom". That's just the way that it is. I think that it would be selfish on the groom's part to deny his future bride her big day.
Exactly. There's nothing wrong with a big wedding. I would love a glorious one :giggle: Just a thought: Weddings in early Jewish traditions had extensive weddings...lasting for a week or 2...aparently, Mary was supposed to be engaged to Joseph for a year until they actually got married by ceremony...at least that's what I heard. I think weddings should be taken seriously with the venue, the guests, the food...everything. Why not? Once you're in the will of what the Lord wants for you, I'm sure He'll love the bride to enjoy herself on her big day. Whatever makes her happy, I guess.

Just you have to make sure it's necessary for both the bride and groom...you don't want to pile up debts and pay them off later in marriage which does put on a strain. Anyway, it depends on how much you're willing to spend...it requires wisdom. Not just spending so much money for a massive celebration then end up drowning in debt.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#31
My business teacher who is a wedding planner says she charges $69,000 for a wedding package, mind you its the ceremony and the honeymoon combined, if the couple want to fly to nz. For 12 days. Shes targeting the high end, lbtq market.

I dont agree with it, but, thats what she does as her business.

Traditionally isnt it the parents pay for the wedding. . Either the bride or grooms parents, In some cultures its the bride, others its the grooms.

I dont think its really up to the groom at all. Ive been to many weddings where the parents were in charge and paid for it all. They wanted it, not the couple.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#32
Exactly. There's nothing wrong with a big wedding. I would love a glorious one :giggle: Just a thought: Weddings in early Jewish traditions had extensive weddings...lasting for a week or 2...aparently, Mary was supposed to be engaged to Joseph for a year until they actually got married by ceremony...at least that's what I heard. I think weddings should be taken seriously with the venue, the guests, the food...everything. Why not? Once you're in the will of what the Lord wants for you, I'm sure He'll love the bride to enjoy herself on her big day. Whatever makes her happy, I guess.

Just you have to make sure it's necessary for both the bride and groom...you don't want to pile up debts and pay them off later in marriage which does put on a strain. Anyway, it depends on how much you're willing to spend...it requires wisdom. Not just spending so much money for a massive celebration then end up drowning in debt.
Just invite Jesus to your wedding and he can turn the water into wine.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
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#33
I've always wanted a big event...mostly for the people that have rooted for me.

I see it as an event for others not really for myself or my bride. I see it kind of like baptism. Something to be celebrated and shared in.


The image I have in mind though doesn't really have to cost much. I've recently been apart of a fly by night wedding and it cost maybe $100 (just for the food) and it was a mini church service and very touching.

A friend of mine just did the legal route and we had a party afterward with maybe $40 of food and an intimate meal.

They don't have to cost much. Mostly for me it would just be the testimony and letting others share in a little bit of our oneness and not being "too" selfish about it ;)


If people want to share in the day with you...it doesn't seem unreasonable to ask them to bring a dish and have a potluck of sorts. It's a weird concept but what if it was their day and not our day.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#34
I've always wanted a big event...mostly for the people that have rooted for me.

I see it as an event for others not really for myself or my bride. I see it kind of like baptism. Something to be celebrated and shared in.


The image I have in mind though doesn't really have to cost much. I've recently been apart of a fly by night wedding and it cost maybe $100 (just for the food) and it was a mini church service and very touching.

A friend of mine just did the legal route and we had a party afterward with maybe $40 of food and an intimate meal.

They don't have to cost much. Mostly for me it would just be the testimony and letting others share in a little bit of our oneness and not being "too" selfish about it ;)


If people want to share in the day with you...it doesn't seem unreasonable to ask them to bring a dish and have a potluck of sorts. It's a weird concept but what if it was their day and not our day.
Are you getting married? When?
Are we invited?
How many guests and whos paying for it all? Your parents or yourselves.
 

Mii

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2019
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#35
Are you getting married? When?
Are we invited?
How many guests and whos paying for it all? Your parents or yourselves.

Well no...I'm not getting married quite yet. I have to find another participant that's the main hang up ;)

but yes, having the idea in mind it'd be me paying for things unless people want to donate also. It'd be really up to them. My parents don't really have anything to give for stuff like that.


And randoms would be welcome ofc, within reason.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#36
Well no...I'm not getting married quite yet. I have to find another participant that's the main hang up ;)

but yes, having the idea in mind it'd be me paying for things unless people want to donate also. It'd be really up to them. My parents don't really have anything to give for stuff like that.


And randoms would be welcome ofc, within reason.
I dont recall ever having to pay to attend a wedding.
Of course, it might cost something to dress up and give a wedding gift, but have never ever had to pay for food as a guest.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#37
Although I have been to some birthday parties where you paid for your own meal.
I think hospitality in some cultures is lacking. That would never happen in mine it would be rude.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#38
Some weddings you can have a bigger ceremony to invite everyone and then decide you just want a small reception for the family.
I remember being invited to some weddings but not going to their reception.

Party planning often depends on the goodwill of your guests too. They might not want to come as they can alway decline the invite. Its always a privelige to be invited to a wedding...ive been to some where I hadnt even met the bride or groom before. And often you might not know either the bride or the groom depending on which side invited you.

I understand the pressure though its can be like putting on christmas. Yet christmas need not be expensive.
 

Frank777

New member
Jul 28, 2018
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#39
A lot of churches work with couples getting married to keep costs down.
 

Mii

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Mar 23, 2019
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#40
I dont recall ever having to pay to attend a wedding.
Of course, it might cost something to dress up and give a wedding gift, but have never ever had to pay for food as a guest.
I wouldn't expect people to pay for anything. Even transportation/lodging is something I've considered for close friends/family but if people want to bring food I'm not opposed to that :p