Marriage help

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kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
17,385
4,814
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#21
Repent. Place and maintain your Faith exclusively in Christ and the Cross and receive immediate help (Grace) from the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:1-2, Gal. 2:20-21).
Seriously!!? Someone asks for help in their marriage and you fling this nonsense at them?! If you're born again you've put your faith in Christ. She doesn't need repent unless she is not saved.
 

Locoponydirtman

Well-known member
Oct 9, 2018
2,872
1,728
113
Texas
#22
So I know you're going to be angry with me for speaking up. But hey, never stopped me before. So here goes.


" but could be that you are a drain. It happens a lot that one pushes the other way by demanding, criticism, dismissal of interests and ideas. So I always ask a person in your situation to examine yourself honestly. Are you nagging, demanding, critical, emasculating, boring, unwilling to try new things, stuck in a personal rut, unable to laugh at jokes, and or your self?"

Is it just me or are the things in red a stereotype of women? I'm sure she's not perfect, but the marriage is having some issues where they probably need to talk to a pastor or counselor. A lot of issues in marriage is because couples don't know how to communicate when things get bumpy. A counselor helps a couple solve their issues, it's not about who's fault it is unless there is an abuse issue.
I can't imagine why I would be angry at your line of questioning.
Just so you know I always assume the best from my Christian brothers and sisters.
And just answer your question, yes those would be stereotypically women's issues, but the OP is a woman. If it were a man I might use words like controlling dismissive indifferent condescending insensitive and harsh because they are stereotypical of men.

But let's not forget my purpose in responding to the post. Something that I would do concerning anyone that I sought to advise in relationship situations, and that is self-examination. This is why I say self-examination is key, because a person cannot change the way that somebody else acts. All we can do is examine ourselves and determine how we contribute to the problem. If we can understand how we contribute or exacerbate a problem and we can correct ourselves, it is very possible that it might elicit some change in the other person.
I've been married for 23 years and I am happily married and my wife is very happy to be with me, but I cannot say that it has always been this way. We went through some very tough stuff and there were things that she needed to change and there were things that I needed to change, but I could not change the things that she needed to change I could only change the things that I needed to change. When I began to change the things that needed to be changed in my life my reactions my way of handling things then she began to change as well because toxic behavior is cyclical and you can only break the cycle by breaking it from your side. she didn't begin to change because she saw something miraculous and me. She began to change because on my end I did not do the abrasive things that perpetuated the cycle. Thus she felt no need to to become defensive and retaliatory. Just like that the cycle was broken. Because by the power of the Holy Spirit I chose to self correct. Now do I do it perfectly? No. Does she do it perfectly? No. but we have broken the cycle to the point that our arguments do not spiral into chaos as they did.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
17,385
4,814
113
#23
I can't imagine why I would be angry at your line of questioning.
Just so you know I always assume the best from my Christian brothers and sisters.
And just answer your question, yes those would be stereotypically women's issues, but the OP is a woman. If it were a man I might use words like controlling dismissive indifferent condescending insensitive and harsh because they are stereotypical of men.

I suppose I do see your point there, but I think many times it's those very stereotypes that cause couples to have relationship issues. For instance, my husband was raised by his mother. So where many men would clam up and not talk, my husband talks when there is an issue. Where many men see the man as the total boss,my husband wants to know what I think and what to do about a situation. A lot of times these stereotypes we've been taught don't necessarily apply.


But let's not forget my purpose in responding to the post. Something that I would do concerning anyone that I sought to advise in relationship situations, and that is self-examination. This is why I say self-examination is key, because a person cannot change the way that somebody else acts. All we can do is examine ourselves and determine how we contribute to the problem. If we can understand how we contribute or exacerbate a problem and we can correct ourselves, it is very possible that it might elicit some change in the other person.

It may,but as another poster said, we have free will. It takes two for a marriage and often times one partner wants help and the other doesn't. You can't force someone else, as you said.




I've been married for 23 years and I am happily married and my wife is very happy to be with me, but I cannot say that it has always been this way. We went through some very tough stuff and there were things that she needed to change and there were things that I needed to change, but I could not change the things that she needed to change I could only change the things that I needed to change. When I began to change the things that needed to be changed in my life my reactions my way of handling things then she began to change as well because toxic behavior is cyclical and you can only break the cycle by breaking it from your side. she didn't begin to change because she saw something miraculous and me. She began to change because on my end I did not do the abrasive things that perpetuated the cycle. Thus she felt no need to to become defensive and retaliatory. Just like that the cycle was broken. Because by the power of the Holy Spirit I chose to self correct. Now do I do it perfectly? No. Does she do it perfectly? No. but we have broken the cycle to the point that our arguments do not spiral into chaos as they did.

It seems you were both mature about it and made the needed changes. It's too bad everyone couldn't see that and do the same. I have an uncle who was married and they ran into trouble. He wanted to go for help but she worked in a high position in the church district and didn't want people finding out they had issues. Things got worse and when he was ready to walk away she said she was willing to go for help. He said he was no longer in love with her and it was over. They divorced not long after. Pity that people can't get on the same page.
 
Sep 3, 2016
6,335
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#24
Seriously!!? Someone asks for help in their marriage and you fling this nonsense at them?! If you're born again you've put your faith in Christ. She doesn't need repent unless she is not saved.
Woe unto them that draw iniquity with cords of vanity, and sin as it were with a cart rope: Isa. 5:18
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
17,385
4,814
113
#25
Woe unto them that draw iniquity with cords of vanity, and sin as it were with a cart rope: Isa. 5:18

You are spreading a false doctrine. To every question you post this nonsense that apparently came from Swaggart. Like I've said before, if this is what Jimmy is now preaching he's gone a lot further from the truth than I realized. It's not the gospel according to Jimmy. This message of the cross is not found in the Word.
 
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7seasrekeyed

Guest
#26
You are spreading a false doctrine. To every question you post this nonsense that apparently came from Swaggart. Like I've said before, if this is what Jimmy is now preaching he's gone a lot further from the truth than I realized. It's not the gospel according to Jimmy. This message of the cross is not found in the Word.
better yet

why does anyone still give credence to what swaggart preaches?

he never actually repented
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
17,385
4,814
113
#27
better yet

why does anyone still give credence to what swaggart preaches?

he never actually repented
Ya, I agree. I was in high school when Swaggart fell. My family had liked him, even went to see him when he was in Canada once. Once that happened and his attitude, they stopped watching him. I remember a history teacher I had that made jokes about it all the time. Had he repented, taken the discipline I think he would have been reinstated. But he felt he was too big to fail I guess. smh
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#28
Ya, I agree. I was in high school when Swaggart fell. My family had liked him, even went to see him when he was in Canada once. Once that happened and his attitude, they stopped watching him. I remember a history teacher I had that made jokes about it all the time. Had he repented, taken the discipline I think he would have been reinstated. But he felt he was too big to fail I guess. smh

what makes it worse,IMO, is now he answers to no one

before he had someone even though he thought he was above it

kind of thing that turns off people
 
Jul 27, 2019
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#29
I’ve been married 15 yrs and it’s turned awful. I can’t talk to my husband anymore. He gets angry. He doesn’t want to help me do things but helps others. What do you do? He doesn’t listen to me. I don’t want a divorce but I feel shut out . Any advise welcome.
Hi,

I appreciate that you still want to stay married.

My sister gave me two round rocks lying on top of a moss in a small box as an wedding gift.

In her speech at the wedding evening, she gave me a hope that our marriage would look like the two stones. She said that these stones were in beginning very sharp and they have been polished round for years.

She had place the moss under the stones for me to remember that life hurts and we sometimes need softness to leak our wounds.

I hope you too have the strength to follow this path of your choice which God has blessed.
 
Jul 27, 2019
12
6
3
#30
I’ve been married 15 yrs and it’s turned awful. I can’t talk to my husband anymore. He gets angry. He doesn’t want to help me do things but helps others. What do you do? He doesn’t listen to me. I don’t want a divorce but I feel shut out . Any advise welcome.
We have had similar traits in our marriage at times, we have just decided to do something about it together.

Now we have been married for 23 years, time has included both ups and downs.

In marriage, both parties must work to make the relationship work and at least one must be flexible. In most cases, a little work is needed for every marriage.

At the beginning of the marriage both are in love and we people feel we are similar to each other, like the stones we by the time start to hit to each other and by time hopefully we start to be little round so we no more hurt each other so much.

We should work on each other gradually like two stones rubbing each other for thousands of years.

If we start demanding changes that are too fast for each other, then we may not be able to meet each other's demands.

Marriage between two people needs cooperation to succeed in exactly the same way as we do with God.

God bless You