marriage question

[onfire4God]

Hello,

This is my first post. I just read the thread on the submissive wife. Here is my story.

I am a SAHM to two boys ages 4 and 2. I greatly dislike being at home, but I refuse to let anyone else raise my children. I have been married for 5 years to a good man who loves me and our children, but he is not saved. This causes a lot of strife in our marriage because I am very involved in my church and he doesn't understand why it is so important to me. He says that I am never home (and I realize it could be very easy to get out of balance in this area). I feel that I am always at home because I stay home all day long with the children. I am gone two evenings a week for bible study and then on Sunday morning for church. I am so on fire for God right now and it is a big part of my life right now. It is diffiuclt for us to find anything in common to talk about. He says, "I don't want to hear you preaching to me!". I feel like he is not fulfilling his biblical duties as a husband and a father. Our kids hear the way that he talks about church and they have developed his mentality about it being boring. I am believing God for his salvation, but I do not want to be one of the women that lives her WHOLE life in strife to have her husband saved on his death bed. Don't get me wrong, being saved at any point before death is wonderful, but I am only 30 years old and I can believe God for 70!! Oh Lord, give me grace! One of the really big problems this is causing is lack of intimacy (if you're blushing, stop here! LOL!). I have always had a larger than normal personal space bubble, but now that I am more aware of the lack of husbandly leadership in our home, I really do not want much to do with him. I love him, I love him very much, but I cringe every time he touches me. I am aware that it doesn't help that I have a very needy and clingy 2 year old hanging on me 24 hours a day. Yes, 24 hours, I have to sleep with or near him and he just weaned from the breast. I have zero minutes a day to spend without the company of another human being. I recently started fixing up a prayer room, but have had no time to get in and spend time alone with God. Not sure what is going on. I try to rationalize it in my mind. I wear a lot of hats. I am a mother, a wife, a college student, and trying to fulfill God call on my life (if only I knew what that was!). I wish I could crawl under a rock!

Just a little venting a guess

Thanks and God Bless you all!

 

[phil36]

Hi Onfire4God,

Your venting, lol, but you have to vent somewhere. I was married, but at that time none of the 2 of us where Christians, anyhow, When I got saved nearly 6 years ago, my ex didn't like my new found faith or that I did not want to live the way I had done before, anyhow she went with someone else, for a christian Adultry is the only reason. Paul does mention about the unbelieving partner not wanting to stay (thats a different debate)

Anyhow, this is not happening in your case, your husband loves you and the kids wich is great. one thing though, is even though your kids are taking sides with your husband they are all watching you in your walk with Christ, they may say things, but they are most certainly watching. As they watch you love Christ, this maybe the very thing that saves them.

I know you desparatly want your husband saved, but remember God's soveriegn timeing is always perfect, and even if you have to wait till your husband is using a walking stick, God's purposes are always correct and at the right time. It can't be easy doing all you do with young kids, I'll be praying for you and I'm sure you will get a lot of prayer support on here and advice from other Mums/wives on here.

Ask the prayer group at church to pray for your situation, anyhow, I'm praying for your family.

Soli Deo Gloria

Phil

 

[bubbablueeyes]

Wow! As Beth Moore would say, "You got lots of drama!" LOL. I'm just encouraging you to wake up every morning and choose God. The devil wants you to be confused and in dispair. Don't give in! Remember that following Christ isn't just a commitment it's a battle! Remember to set boundaries with your children. Healthy boundaries are good! And I know this might make YOU blush, but try to have a night of intimacy with your man one a week. He's feeling threatened by your fire for the Lord. Let him know how much you love him. Don't give up! I'm praying for you!

 

[halaluyah]

Do not give up hope, I am A mom of 8, I read your post, And could feel your pain. It is very hard, When the husband doers not do his part. So many do not, But think they do.

1 PETER 3v 1- 2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. KJV

1 CORINTHIANS 1 v 4- 9 I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way- in all your speaking and in all your knowledge- because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Christ Jesus our Lord, is faithful.

GOD Will change him, Be encouraged

 

[ariannaaa]

onfire4god, I'm so sorry that you're in this difficult situation! I will be praying for you throughout the week! There are basically 2 facets of advice I have for you..

A. Get a babysitter. I KNOW its hard to trust other people with you children but I'm sureee that you could find a relative or girl from your church to watch your kids at least one night a week so that you and your husband can have some alone time together- thats extremely important- and to watch them for just a few hours during the day once a week so you get some alone time.. to pray, get your nails done, watch tv, whatever. This is very important to your mental health, you're going to need to figure out how to have some alone time for yourself and your husband.

B. Halaluyah already mentioned 1 Peter 3:1-2, which is a perfect verse to quote for this situation, however I don't think the version she used does the verse justice. KJV says 'wives win your husbands through conversation' while NKJV and NIV both say 'win your husbands by your conduct' or 'behavior,' and I think thats whats truly meant. You need to win him to Christ through your unconditionally loving behavior. Of course hes not going to want to listen to what you have to say about Christ, "Christ" is the reason you're not home 3x a week that he wants you there, and "Christ" might be the reason you never want to have sex with him, why would he want anything to do with Christ?

I think its really important that you stay home as much as possible when he wants you to- its apart of being submissive. I know you're on fire for God, and are enjoying your bible studies, but if you could just be submissive and stay home those 2 nights.. and maybe only go on Sunday mornings.. I think it would speak volumes to him knowing that you respect him enough to stop something you love for him. And like bubba said, you need to be intimate with him, although that may be hard.. the bible says we are not to deny our husbands if they want to lay with us.. and i think hiring the babysitter and having that alone time with yourself, and then with him, will help with your ability to BE intimate greatly!

When your husband sees the Christ that wants his wife to be home with him, respecting his wishes and being submissive... and the Christ who supports and intimate marraige, I think Christ will look much more attractive to him. And it will probably take a little while, but if your patient.. and you do find that time to pray, I think your husband is likely to come around.


Good luck with everything, you and your family are in my prayers. <3

 

[MercyinTruth]

Hello onFire. The scripture that comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 13. We may be able to quote scripture forwards and backwards, but I am nothing without Love and Charity. Somehow, I believe that the Lord will never abandon those who love him and follow him. As long as you put Christ and his commandments first and allow his precepts to be the joy of your heart, I am lead to think all things will fall into place. Do not worry, as our Lord says, and try to take comfort in the tribulations assigned to you for a those who suffer for Christ will by no means lose their reward.
May the Lord always be with you my sister in Christ.

 

[princessdeb4111962]

Hello,

This is my first post. I just read the thread on the submissive wife. Here is my story.

I am a SAHM to two boys ages 4 and 2. I greatly dislike being at home, but I refuse to let anyone else raise my children. I have been married for 5 years to a good man who loves me and our children, but he is not saved. This causes a lot of strife in our marriage because I am very involved in my church and he doesn't understand why it is so important to me. He says that I am never home (and I realize it could be very easy to get out of balance in this area). I feel that I am always at home because I stay home all day long with the children. I am gone two evenings a week for bible study and then on Sunday morning for church. I am so on fire for God right now and it is a big part of my life right now. It is diffiuclt for us to find anything in common to talk about. He says, "I don't want to hear you preaching to me!". I feel like he is not fulfilling his biblical duties as a husband and a father. Our kids hear the way that he talks about church and they have developed his mentality about it being boring. I am believing God for his salvation, but I do not want to be one of the women that lives her WHOLE life in strife to have her husband saved on his death bed. Don't get me wrong, being saved at any point before death is wonderful, but I am only 30 years old and I can believe God for 70!! Oh Lord, give me grace! One of the really big problems this is causing is lack of intimacy (if you're blushing, stop here! LOL!). I have always had a larger than normal personal space bubble, but now that I am more aware of the lack of husbandly leadership in our home, I really do not want much to do with him. I love him, I love him very much, but I cringe every time he touches me. I am aware that it doesn't help that I have a very needy and clingy 2 year old hanging on me 24 hours a day. Yes, 24 hours, I have to sleep with or near him and he just weaned from the breast. I have zero minutes a day to spend without the company of another human being. I recently started fixing up a prayer room, but have had no time to get in and spend time alone with God. Not sure what is going on. I try to rationalize it in my mind. I wear a lot of hats. I am a mother, a wife, a college student, and trying to fulfill God call on my life (if only I knew what that was!). I wish I could crawl under a rock!

Just a little venting a guess

Thanks and God Bless you all!

Hello on fire for God,
wow I was reading ur thread,n I saw myself 15 yrs ago,the same thing,unsaved husband,he is married living a single life thou,I felt so left out,I didn't realize I allowed satan to come into my marriage,I committed adultery on him,since then I have repented n changed by life for God,I am reading a book called "The excellent Wife",we have to treat ur husband like,we would treat Christ.Pray that God would show u how to sexually love ur husband more or better,I did n he started to change,but than satan pulled him back,its been such a struggle,I want to tell him everything that happened in church,or what God's has shown me in scripture or a christian book,but he just acts bored.thank God he doesn't stop me from going to church or praying,because I have read books on so many wifes that have to hide n some won't go to church just to keep the peace in their marriage,so thank God for that blessing n thank ur husband for allowing u to go to church,because the husband is the head of the household,we have to listen n obey them.as long as its not a sin.my husband believes Jesus died for his sins but he said he has to see Jesus in front of him to believe he rose from the dead,to him seeing is believein but i try to tell him its all about Faith Bob,we must have faith that Jesus rose again n the third day n is seated at the right hand of His father.
God Bless u
Ur sister in Christ
DJ
if u need a friend to chat with my email is [email protected] please email me anyone

 

[princessdeb4111962]

Hello,

This is my first post. I just read the thread on the submissive wife. Here is my story.

I am a SAHM to two boys ages 4 and 2. I greatly dislike being at home, but I refuse to let anyone else raise my children. I have been married for 5 years to a good man who loves me and our children, but he is not saved. This causes a lot of strife in our marriage because I am very involved in my church and he doesn't understand why it is so important to me. He says that I am never home (and I realize it could be very easy to get out of balance in this area). I feel that I am always at home because I stay home all day long with the children. I am gone two evenings a week for bible study and then on Sunday morning for church. I am so on fire for God right now and it is a big part of my life right now. It is diffiuclt for us to find anything in common to talk about. He says, "I don't want to hear you preaching to me!". I feel like he is not fulfilling his biblical duties as a husband and a father. Our kids hear the way that he talks about church and they have developed his mentality about it being boring. I am believing God for his salvation, but I do not want to be one of the women that lives her WHOLE life in strife to have her husband saved on his death bed. Don't get me wrong, being saved at any point before death is wonderful, but I am only 30 years old and I can believe God for 70!! Oh Lord, give me grace! One of the really big problems this is causing is lack of intimacy (if you're blushing, stop here! LOL!). I have always had a larger than normal personal space bubble, but now that I am more aware of the lack of husbandly leadership in our home, I really do not want much to do with him. I love him, I love him very much, but I cringe every time he touches me. I am aware that it doesn't help that I have a very needy and clingy 2 year old hanging on me 24 hours a day. Yes, 24 hours, I have to sleep with or near him and he just weaned from the breast. I have zero minutes a day to spend without the company of another human being. I recently started fixing up a prayer room, but have had no time to get in and spend time alone with God. Not sure what is going on. I try to rationalize it in my mind. I wear a lot of hats. I am a mother, a wife, a college student, and trying to fulfill God call on my life (if only I knew what that was!). I wish I could crawl under a rock!

Just a little venting a guess

Thanks and God Bless you all!

Also what helps me when i'm very upset with my husband,n don't feel like doing anything for him or with him,my flesh is weak,I do it for God,when u do good things to other people ,God is smiling,so when ur husband whats to touch u,or anything else,say to urself I'm doing this for u God.try that it could help u ok God bless

 

[princessdeb4111962]

onfire4god, I'm so sorry that you're in this difficult situation! I will be praying for you throughout the week! There are basically 2 facets of advice I have for you..

A. Get a babysitter. I KNOW its hard to trust other people with you children but I'm sureee that you could find a relative or girl from your church to watch your kids at least one night a week so that you and your husband can have some alone time together- thats extremely important- and to watch them for just a few hours during the day once a week so you get some alone time.. to pray, get your nails done, watch tv, whatever. This is very important to your mental health, you're going to need to figure out how to have some alone time for yourself and your husband.

B. Halaluyah already mentioned 1 Peter 3:1-2, which is a perfect verse to quote for this situation, however I don't think the version she used does the verse justice. KJV says 'wives win your husbands through conversation' while NKJV and NIV both say 'win your husbands by your conduct' or 'behavior,' and I think thats whats truly meant. You need to win him to Christ through your unconditionally loving behavior. Of course hes not going to want to listen to what you have to say about Christ, "Christ" is the reason you're not home 3x a week that he wants you there, and "Christ" might be the reason you never want to have sex with him, why would he want anything to do with Christ?

I think its really important that you stay home as much as possible when he wants you to- its apart of being submissive. I know you're on fire for God, and are enjoying your bible studies, but if you could just be submissive and stay home those 2 nights.. and maybe only go on Sunday mornings.. I think it would speak volumes to him knowing that you respect him enough to stop something you love for him. And like bubba said, you need to be intimate with him, although that may be hard.. the bible says we are not to deny our husbands if they want to lay with us.. and i think hiring the babysitter and having that alone time with yourself, and then with him, will help with your ability to BE intimate greatly!

When your husband sees the Christ that wants his wife to be home with him, respecting his wishes and being submissive... and the Christ who supports and intimate marraige, I think Christ will look much more attractive to him. And it will probably take a little while, but if your patient.. and you do find that time to pray, I think your husband is likely to come around.


Good luck with everything, you and your family are in my prayers. <3

Just thinking on fire 4 God,
try to have a morning bible class at ur house,when ur husband is working n u won't need a babysitter or have ur husband watch the kids.yes i agree with the women with the beautiful smile,it starts with a A lol.u have to show ur husband affection its so important,it is commended in the Bible,so ur husband will not flee from u,n look for another women to have sexual relationship with,if ur not giving it to him.think about it,men have needs.plus I bet u he will b more open to letting u go to bible study n church.let him see the Jesus in U.show him Jesus's love

 

[MercyinTruth]

Pray that God would show u how to sexually love ur husband more or better,I did n he started to change,but than satan pulled him back

There are 2 subjects that scandalize me in a religious setting and they are money and sex. I don't mean to step on anybodies toes but I feel I really can't justify advocating such a prayer in my mind. I don't think these are the kind of things Christians should pray about, or concern themselves with in a religious setting. Marriage is important but the Lord comes first and it is my belief that the ability to commit sexual sin does not end once you are in marriage. I believe we must always keep our minds pure whether in marriage or not, especially when we are before the Lord and speak with him.

 

[ariannaaa]

lol thanks princess

 

[Graybeard]

I recently started fixing up a prayer room, but have had no time to get in and spend time alone with God. Not sure what is going on.

Just think for a while on this part of your statement......maybe that is the source to your solution