Marriage

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renewed_hope

Guest
#21
Yeah once he lied, I can't trust him any longer. He should of been honest with me in the first place. We are trying to save money to buy a house and yet he is sending someone else our money.
Ask him if he is willing to block her from ever contacting him again and that includes sending money?! I know he has to rebuild trust, but at least see what he is willing to do. It sounds like this woman is set on destroying your marriage and you can't let her
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#23
My husband works out of town all the time. There is no way of me knowing what he is doing. He can have a separate account for all I know. I don't even know if she was the only one he was talking to.
 
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#24
It's going to take a lot for him to regain my trust. I just want to know what kind of man will give a woman money for no reason at all. He said that she needed money for something to eat and gas money.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#25
Baloney. If she can afford a computer and/or cellphone, she doesn't need money for food..

It's going to take a lot for him to regain my trust. I just want to know what kind of man will give a woman money for no reason at all. He said that she needed money for something to eat and gas money.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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#26
If you don't want a divorce, then I think you really have only two choices...

1. Somehow get him to change his ways and never go back to whatever he was doing

2. Accept the fact that he is doing something behind your back and cannot be trusted


Number one may or may not even be possible... and I imagine that number two would be about the same..

Think about down the road when you have a baby to take care of... Do you really want a hubby that you can't trust while you are going through the stress and struggles of being a new parent? Its certainly something to think about..

 
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#27
Exactly, that's how I know he is lying. It's not his responsibility to take care of another woman. If anything, she could go to her family for that.
 
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#28
I know and I'm so glad we don't have a child together. The only thing I can do is just pray on it and see if he would change.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#29
Can't say that I have ever been in that situation. You might want to reconsider the divorce option as he apparently has strayed from day one. No trust is possible from a cheating husband who wastes the household income giving it to some strange woman. If I were you I would cut my losses at 5 months and put him out by the curb with the trash. There are others here in similar situations so please know that you're not alone. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support, and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
 
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renewed_hope

Guest
#31
I don't necessarily agree with everyone here. Yes, it looks and sounds suspicious, but I believe EVERY marriage is worth fighting for. I would go to your pastor for counseling rather than receive it here. He would give you Godly advice and biblical references and pray for you. All everyone should do for you is pray for your marriage that you allow God to be head of the marriage.
 

AdolfHipster

Senior Member
Jan 15, 2018
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#32
*I just recently got married 5 months ago and I found out my husband has been talking to another woman and giving her money on the side for months. This lady texted me through Facebook messenger and when I confronted him about it, he lied about the whole thing. She even sent me screenshots of all the transactions and other naughty messages that were sent to her. He even said that they were all photoshopped, which I don't believe at all. As a Christian, I don't believe in getting a divorce. It's just hard to be with someone that has been hiding things behind your back while you're doing everything to be a great spouse. All trust is lost at this point. Has anyone ever experienced something similar to my situation??
Because you are already married, I think it's your duty to find undeniable proof that he hasn't had an affair. I'm not sure what type of messages he was sending her... I don't want to assume... but there is such a thing as a non-physical affair (aka emotional affair/infidelity). While lying about sending money to a woman only to later admit he was in fact sending her money is ABSOLUTELY shady, it's not quite "adultery"... which is the only acceptable reason for a divorce according to the bible.

Seek counseling with a credible pastor (or multiple ones). Take preventative measures from making additions to the family unless/until this matter gets resolved. You're completely justified in not trusting him at this time. He lied... and while he later admitted to it, he needs to understand trust can't be regained overnight.

As for people pushing you to consider divorce... they aren't the ones married to him. Continue to pray as you mention, and if he has been unfaithful, that skeleton will come out of the closet eventually.
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#33
Yes I'm going to try to find out more information because I know something else had to go on between the two. He will just have to work hard to regain my trust. It's not going to be a overnight process.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#34
No he admitted to sending money to her. And these messages are recent like last week. And when I confronted him about it he lied and then confessed later. The lady wouldn't go through all that trouble to do this. At least I don't think so.
Do you mean you actually know her? If you do, then okay, maybe she wouldn't, but if you don't, what leads you to believe she wouldn't?

We're living in a time and place where there are sleeper cells of terrorist. What do you think they do when they're not terrorizing? They get jobs, have families and friends. They seem completely normal.

A thought. Your husband sent X amount of money to her every month. Any chance that X amount would pay a PI? Because the out-go of your income wouldn't change for the month or two the PI takes to investigate. And that outcome would let you know which way to go from here.

True. Can't say it will help the trust levels of your marriage, but can it really go down any further than it has? The only thing investigating would do is let you know if this is worth rebuilding. This marriage has been gutted already. All your doing is figuring out if it's worth reconstructing from scratch or get out.

Considering a scammer is the one giving you information, even if some of it is true, don't you want to know how much is?
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#35
I just want to know if he had sexual intercourse and/or any kind of sexual contact with her. I have never known of a man giving another woman money without getting anything in return.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#36
Because you are already married, I think it's your duty to find undeniable proof that he hasn't had an affair. I'm not sure what type of messages he was sending her... I don't want to assume... but there is such a thing as a non-physical affair (aka emotional affair/infidelity). While lying about sending money to a woman only to later admit he was in fact sending her money is ABSOLUTELY shady, it's not quite "adultery"... which is the only acceptable reason for a divorce according to the bible.

Seek counseling with a credible pastor (or multiple ones). Take preventative measures from making additions to the family unless/until this matter gets resolved. You're completely justified in not trusting him at this time. He lied... and while he later admitted to it, he needs to understand trust can't be regained overnight.

As for people pushing you to consider divorce... they aren't the ones married to him. Continue to pray as you mention, and if he has been unfaithful, that skeleton will come out of the closet eventually.
Non-physical affair, giving money that should be used for his own wife, texting (sexting), yeah, that's marital infidelity. She already has proof of these things. Basically, the guy's a leech. I asked her to consider divorce because otherwise she is setting herself up for years of terrible heartbreak, anxiety and stress. Being married only 5 months, who needs that drama. Cut him loose.

A man who loves his wife does not do these things. Yeah, he could change, probably for the worse. The intimate marital trust that he betrayed can never be restored.

The only duty that she has at this point is to take care of herself because this guy sure ain't.
 
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renewed_hope

Guest
#37
I just want to know if he had sexual intercourse and/or any kind of sexual contact with her. I have never known of a man giving another woman money without getting anything in return.
Just stop!!! I mean it's hard not to allow your mind to wonder and think the worst, but when you search for something hard enough you will find it and in your case it's not a good thing. I know this sounds a bit off since you don't trust him right now, but I wouldn't believe this "woman" because she strikes me as someone who would do anything to end up with your husband even if it meant to destroy everything in her path. Yes, there is no doubt your husband knows her, but that doesn't mean he wants to know her. It could have been at some point they went out on a few dates or what not and something happened that could have been sexual or witnessed something illegal and shes blackmailing him by telling him to send money to keep her mouth shut. I wouldnt think too much of it. Just tell your husband, that you love and support him and that he can trust you with anything good or bad. He's not going to open up to you if he believes you will leave and judge him. It's going to take time, but counseling with a pastor is your best bet and stop playing the what if game, it does more harm than good. The only reason why I mentioned my story is so that you can see if the possibility of him being set up. Just trust your husband more than this "woman".
 
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#38
I don't think she wants my husband. She even told me she likes taking our money. She seemed to be straightforward. She even went as far as to ask if I wanted to sleep with her to get revenge.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#39
What a whack job...

I don't think she wants my husband. She even told me she likes taking our money. She seemed to be straightforward. She even went as far as to ask if I wanted to sleep with her to get revenge.
 
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renewed_hope

Guest
#40
I don't think she wants my husband. She even told me she likes taking our money. She seemed to be straightforward. She even went as far as to ask if I wanted to sleep with her to get revenge.
This just confirms not to trust her and she is demon possessed. Break any and all contact with her. If you want to work on your marriage and love your husband, block her. It seems like your husband may be a little scared of her and from your recent post he should be she sounds scary