Meeting people Vs Dating

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PonyMuscle

Guest
#1
#1
During a recent marriage counseling session my wife informed me that she has gone out on a date with someone while we are going through our trial separation. I told from the beginning that if she needed to meet people (meaning talk to others going through this same process that I understand) I am I wrong for being upset that she has taken this a step to far by going on a date with someone? Any advise or insight to this situation would be helpful during this sad time for me.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#2
#2
PonyMuscle said:
During a recent marriage counseling session my wife informed me that she has gone out on a date with someone while we are going through our trial separation. I told from the beginning that if she needed to meet people (meaning talk to others going through this same process that I understand) I am I wrong for being upset that she has taken this a step to far by going on a date with someone? Any advise or insight to this situation would be helpful during this sad time for me.
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Assuming you're getting counseling from a Christian perspective, that should be your advice and insight in this. Your counselor knows the specfics. We're neither counselors nor do we know the specfics. Nor should we know the specfics. That's just gossiping.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#3
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
337
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#3
No, your not wrong for being upset.. There would be something wrong with you if you weren't upset! That's still your wife and she's dating someone else? That's just plain wrong in my book. She's gone beyond the trial separation and is shopping around for something better, which seems to be an indication that instead of trying to mend the fence, she's gone right through it. Tell your counselor that its very upsetting to you and see what they say. If you weren't separated, would you put up with that? Infidelity isn't the answer, its a game changer. She hast to know that she's kicking sand in your face by telling you that. I'd sign the divorce papers and put her out to pasture. That ship has sailed.. jmo
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#4
Jan 15, 2011
6,030
3,253
113
#4
PonyMuscle said:
During a recent marriage counseling session my wife informed me that she has gone out on a date with someone while we are going through our trial separation. I told from the beginning that if she needed to meet people (meaning talk to others going through this same process that I understand) I am I wrong for being upset that she has taken this a step to far by going on a date with someone? Any advise or insight to this situation would be helpful during this sad time for me.
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IMO the two terms are incompatible. Marriage counseling says that a couple is doing everything possible to save their marriage, trial separation says that a couple is so far gone that they are looking at other options.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that one individual pushed the idea of marriage counseling, and the other person brought up the idea of a "trial separation".

In my experience the person who brings up "trial separation" is usually emotionally finished with the relationship but is trying to soften the blow of ending it by doing it a little bit at a time.
 
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saleenman1

Guest
#5
#5
Thanks for the kind words. I sure can use them these days. It seems like if we do not talk about our problems we get along well for our children's sake. But once we start talking about us the flood gates to every bad memory seems to open up. We are trying to work on things individually as well but the scary thing is that we seem to be going in two different directions. Is there a way to get up back sailing the same way ever again?
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#6
#6
Oncefallen said:
IMO the two terms are incompatible. Marriage counseling says that a couple is doing everything possible to save their marriage, trial separation says that a couple is so far gone that they are looking at other options.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that one individual pushed the idea of marriage counseling, and the other person brought up the idea of a "trial separation".

In my experience the person who brings up "trial separation" is usually emotionally finished with the relationship but is trying to soften the blow of ending it by doing it a little bit at a time.
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Yes. I'll add. Terms and putting an idenity or title to women is a big deal.
With us.....we decided divorce. Then our kids said dudes. Go to counseling this is stupid.
There was no 'separation' because counseling meant we were 'trying'
Honestly all counseling did was drain us of money ... We already knew the right answers.
Trying also means each person has to be 100% on board. You can't try half way.
 
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GraceRevelation

Guest
#7
#7
Yea that was disrespectful what she did if she wants to go off dating other men instead of working on your marriage then you might want to call it quits. Have a serious conversation about it with her and see how that goes if she continues dating around then you would have to move on.
 
azlightsout

azlightsout

Senior Member
#8
Apr 20, 2016
2,151
57
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#8
PonyMuscle said:
During a recent marriage counseling session my wife informed me that she has gone out on a date with someone while we are going through our trial separation. I told from the beginning that if she needed to meet people (meaning talk to others going through this same process that I understand) I am I wrong for being upset that she has taken this a step to far by going on a date with someone? Any advise or insight to this situation would be helpful during this sad time for me.
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I dont see a problem with it . Might be good for both u and her . Women need to feel wanted (DAILY) . They need to feel NEEDED. This just might be the wake up call that u need . Good luck and God bless
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#9
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#9
azlightsout said:
I dont see a problem with it . Might be good for both u and her . Women need to feel wanted (DAILY) . They need to feel NEEDED. This just might be the wake up call that u need . Good luck and God bless
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No offense but are you nuts?! You don't see anything wrong with his wife dating OTHER MEN while she is STILL MARRIED? What if she's having sex with these guys? That's adultery. You cannot possibly be okay with her committing adultery.. If she feels needed or wanted by these guys, it's for one thing and one thing only: sex. :/
 
azlightsout

azlightsout

Senior Member
#10
Apr 20, 2016
2,151
57
48
#10
blue_ladybug said:
No offense but are you nuts?! You don't see anything wrong with his wife dating OTHER MEN while she is STILL MARRIED? What if she's having sex with these guys? That's adultery. You cannot possibly be okay with her committing adultery.. If she feels needed or wanted by these guys, it's for one thing and one thing only: sex. :/
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your assuming she is having sex with them ------
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#11
#11
azlightsout said:
your assuming she is having sex with them ------
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No she's not assuming. She said the outside relationship this wife was having is wrong.
Adultery doesnt necessarily mean sex. Could mean an emotional affair.
 
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chukwujohn

Guest
#13
#13
marriage is an institution that only GOD can dissolve, not man, so any man that went into it and came out without the approval of GOD is joking with his life.
 
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