Men and Jobs (or rather, the lack of one)

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EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,199
34
48
#1
Okay, I think we all know that most men like to have the security of having a good job, being "providers", etc... But it seems like I am always dealing with men who are jobless or who are looking for a better job, and are not succeeding for some reason out of their control yet still revolving around them.

So basically I was just wondering exactly what sort of things regarding this situation go through a man's head, what psychological and emotional effects it has on them, and what the most effective way to bring cheer and encouragement to them is. I know praying, but what else?

Thanks everybody!
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
7,724
318
83
#2
Where are you finding all of these men?
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#4
People blaming things outside their control is a typical no go.
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,250
2,242
113
UK age 51
#5
Okay, I think we all know that most men like to have the security of having a good job, being "providers", etc... But it seems like I am always dealing with men who are jobless or who are looking for a better job, and are not succeeding for some reason out of their control yet still revolving around them.

So basically I was just wondering exactly what sort of things regarding this situation go through a man's head, what psychological and emotional effects it has on them, and what the most effective way to bring cheer and encouragement to them is. I know praying, but what else?

Thanks everybody!

Pssst, if the men you are referring to are around your own age, the chances are most are
still little boys at heart. They might not yet have realised the importance of getting a job
or even what they want to do. Some may still be under the illusion that they can become
over night millionaires by entering Americas Got Talent, or that they can fly around the
planet like superman. :)

It takes some people longer to grow up than others.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,199
34
48
#6
Where are you finding all of these men?
Lol I didn't mean it like I have a bunch of men going through this. Now I feel really weird. One was dad, another was a close friend.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,199
34
48
#7
Pssst, if the men you are referring to are around your own age, the chances are most are
still little boys at heart. They might not yet have realised the importance of getting a job
or even what they want to do. Some may still be under the illusion that they can become
over night millionaires by entering Americas Got Talent, or that they can fly around the
planet like superman. :)

It takes some people longer to grow up than others.
^.^ If they were trying to make a living by becoming overnight sensations,I would personally be the one to set them straight.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#8
Well, it can be difficult to get a job. Sometimes it is because people don't try (Half the people I've met lately apply for like one job a month... so I don't really feel sorry for them :p ) ... but then there are those who do try, and try and try, but there are so many people applying for the jobs they are qualified for that they are unlikely to get them anyway.

If they have a job and are looking for "something better", ask them if they have a clear idea what "better" means.

Something they enjoy more?
Something that pays more?
A different work environment?
A different location?

and are these desires worth the potential drawbacks?
(Lower salary? Having a long way to work? Routine work (no variation)? Being expected to "always" do overtime?

I ran away from my support because I genuinely feared I would loose my temper at work and get fired, so I left before that happened. I've never felt that way in any other workplace, so I know it was the job and not me that was the problem :p
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,144
113
#9
If you're good at what you do, then you should have no problem finding work.

If I had to blame something for men's lack of jobs, I'd blame women. Yep, I'm going to blame everything on feminism. Probably half of everything wrong is feminism. That sounds good.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#10
My dad at 65 doesn't want to retire. Since when is retirement biblical? :D However, it is not "socially acceptable" to work much after the retirement age of 62. So...last year the company that Dad had served well for over 25 years dumped him. Literally. They weren't downsizing, they weren't getting rid of the newest workers or the workers who were being a load, they dropped him like a hot brick because he was getting "old". I've seen the guy that they got to do that job, he's not the most dependable and if they think that is somehow an upgrade from their old worker, I can't see how. ANYWHO...

Dad spent months hopping from one temporary job to the next, trying to find a job with insurance that could pay for the insulin prescriptions of my 3 diabetic brothers.

During that time he felt like a failure. Some of the thoughts I heard him voice were: "The one area that I've always been good at [providing for his family] and I can't do that." "I lost the only good job around."

Because the jobs he took were temporary while he looked for better work, he was constantly working himself out of a job and being released, which did not help with the feeling of failure.

Those months were some of the hardest our family has ever been through. It caused a lot of us to really evaluate where our trust was and just HOW content we are in the Lord. I know my dad discovered that a lot of his security and fulfillment was coming from his job, instead of the Lord.

The result? The Lord gave Dad a job in His perfect timing. He also gave him the strength he needs to do it. It isn't as good of a job as the last one my dad, so we still are exercising our "trust muscles"! The Lord is very good!
 
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
120
0
66
#11
Okay, I think we all know that most men like to have the security of having a good job, being "providers", etc... But it seems like I am always dealing with men who are jobless or who are looking for a better job, and are not succeeding for some reason out of their control yet still revolving around them.

So basically I was just wondering exactly what sort of things regarding this situation go through a man's head, what psychological and emotional effects it has on them, and what the most effective way to bring cheer and encouragement to them is. I know praying, but what else?

Thanks everybody!
I've never married so I've never dealt with the "provider" thing. I think my concern would like anybody else's, man or woman: the need to have money to support myself. That is all I would ask.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#12
I can, and will only speak for myself, but as someone who has been unemployed for years now, I think my experience can lend some insight. Not because I have the pulse on the situation, but because I cannot be the only guy out of 3.5 billion that feels the way I do. So with that out of the way:

My career field (occupational safety and health/workplace safety/human factors engineering) is one that is extremely competitive. According to what I read on the website of the professional society that oversees the profession, entry level positions typically had over 300 applications, and it could be well over a hundred for mid-level management positions. Standing out from the crowd is difficult with that much competition, and in order to stand out, a person in my field MUST pursue professional certifications that are worth nothing but the privilege of having letters behind your name, AND, the "norm" for someone in my field is to change jobs every couple of years - staying longer is seen as stagnation and stagnation = BAD.

What I discovered through learning all of this really distilled down to one fact - the job I had to do on the jobsite is NOTHING like what I was asked to study in school. I found this to be completely unacceptable and felt as though I had been duped to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars in student loans to get through school. However, the reasons for my being unemployed long term have very little to do with what I just typed although they do contribute. The real reasons are:

1. I have a very bad attitude. I find trying to get along with other people to be much more trouble than it is worth.
2. I am not driven to succeed. Mediocrity is perfectly acceptable to me. I never sought a management position, and now with 10 years of experience under my belt, I am not looked at for entry-level positions.
3. Schooling focused on "hard skills" like my being able to take air samples or perform a time and motion study, rather than what is REALLY needed to succeed at work - soft skills like being able to get along with other people, workplace decorum, etc.

So in my typical long-winded way, I am saying that there are a lot of factors that come into play for why a man might be consistently unemployed. Sometimes it's that they have unrealistic expectations of what they should be doing; sometimes they just have the wrong attitude and personality to fit in with potential co-workers; sometimes they are being too picky about what constitutes "acceptable" work and won't take something beneath them; sometimes they have been turned down so many times that they just give up and go back to menial jobs and harbor resentment; sometimes men are just lazy and with the current state of the world, being lazy isn't looked down upon like it used to be.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,144
113
#13
I can, and will only speak for myself, but as someone who has been unemployed for years now, I think my experience can lend some insight. Not because I have the pulse on the situation, but because I cannot be the only guy out of 3.5 billion that feels the way I do. So with that out of the way:

My career field (occupational safety and health/workplace safety/human factors engineering) is one that is extremely competitive. According to what I read on the website of the professional society that oversees the profession, entry level positions typically had over 300 applications, and it could be well over a hundred for mid-level management positions. Standing out from the crowd is difficult with that much competition, and in order to stand out, a person in my field MUST pursue professional certifications that are worth nothing but the privilege of having letters behind your name, AND, the "norm" for someone in my field is to change jobs every couple of years - staying longer is seen as stagnation and stagnation = BAD.

What I discovered through learning all of this really distilled down to one fact - the job I had to do on the jobsite is NOTHING like what I was asked to study in school. I found this to be completely unacceptable and felt as though I had been duped to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars in student loans to get through school. However, the reasons for my being unemployed long term have very little to do with what I just typed although they do contribute. The real reasons are:

1. I have a very bad attitude. I find trying to get along with other people to be much more trouble than it is worth.
2. I am not driven to succeed. Mediocrity is perfectly acceptable to me. I never sought a management position, and now with 10 years of experience under my belt, I am not looked at for entry-level positions.
3. Schooling focused on "hard skills" like my being able to take air samples or perform a time and motion study, rather than what is REALLY needed to succeed at work - soft skills like being able to get along with other people, workplace decorum, etc.

So in my typical long-winded way, I am saying that there are a lot of factors that come into play for why a man might be consistently unemployed. Sometimes it's that they have unrealistic expectations of what they should be doing; sometimes they just have the wrong attitude and personality to fit in with potential co-workers; sometimes they are being too picky about what constitutes "acceptable" work and won't take something beneath them; sometimes they have been turned down so many times that they just give up and go back to menial jobs and harbor resentment; sometimes men are just lazy and with the current state of the world, being lazy isn't looked down upon like it used to be.
I've noticed that society has turned into one that values the smile on your face more than the quality of your work.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,144
113
#14
I've noticed that society has turned into one that values the smile on your face more than the quality of your work.
I guess this is because we have moved from manufacturing to services.
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
3,638
686
113
Philippines Age 40
#15
The greatest fear of men is failure and the feeling of inadequacy. Some men project their frustrations and self loathing by being abusive. They resort to drugs, alcohol and anything to cope with the pressure. What can we do to help aside from prayer? There is not much we can do because it's a phase men have to go through in their life. But they need support and compassion. Growth and comfort don't ride the same horse.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#16
Okay, I think we all know that most men like to have the security of having a good job, being "providers", etc... But it seems like I am always dealing with men who are jobless or who are looking for a better job, and are not succeeding for some reason out of their control yet still revolving around them.

So basically I was just wondering exactly what sort of things regarding this situation go through a man's head, what psychological and emotional effects it has on them, and what the most effective way to bring cheer and encouragement to them is. I know praying, but what else?

Thanks everybody!
Ummm, may I assume you're dating guys roughly your age? I'm thinking back to all the guys I knew of when they were 16-24ish...

Thinking...

Thinking...

Hmmm, ...

Yeah.

No.

Really? Even the ones who had plans didn't end up doing what they planned. The only guys I remember who had the job situation established by the time they were 22 tended to already be engaged, or married with a kid on the way, so had to pick something and go with it.

I hereby absolve you of thinking you need to only date guys who are already providers. After all, aren't you already trying to figure out what you will do yourself to provide for you? It's like that at your age. (Even older than your age.) Honest. When the need arises that "provider" becomes imperative, provisions will come. It's nothing different going on in their heads that isn't also going on in your head.

Now, if you're dating guys in their 30's and 40's, THAT's a different story.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,144
113
#18
The greatest fear of men is failure and the feeling of inadequacy. Some men project their frustrations and self loathing by being abusive. They resort to drugs, alcohol and anything to cope with the pressure. What can we do to help aside from prayer? There is not much we can do because it's a phase men have to go through in their life. But they need support and compassion. Growth and comfort don't ride the same horse.
I wish my wife understood that.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#19
^.^ If they were trying to make a living by becoming overnight sensations,I would personally be the one to set them straight.
Then all is right in your world. lol
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#20
If you're good at what you do, then you should have no problem finding work.

If I had to blame something for men's lack of jobs, I'd blame women. Yep, I'm going to blame everything on feminism. Probably half of everything wrong is feminism. That sounds good.
:p :p :p :p