My husband is cheating&he’s a leader in church

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Marj10690

Junior Member
Jan 10, 2018
7
0
0
#1
Im writing this from a place of brokenness. My husband is a serial cheater and he always says he’ll stop. I’ve seen various pictures of various ladies in his phone. Chats he’s had with them to meet up in different hotels. The most devastating is the one I saw of him chatting with one of the church girls I see every single Sunday. I love this man and leaving him is not my first option. I’m a devoted Christian and forgiveness is top of my list when it comes to him but the problem is I keep forgiving and he keeps doing it. Please somebody out there be the word I’m waiting to hear!!
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,864
1,751
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#2
I'm not into telling people what they want to hear. I tell people what they NEED to hear. Hubby is a serial cheater, he's an adulterer. He's a serial liar and he has no regard for you, your marriage or God.

Since he's cheated so many times, I hope you've gotten checked out for any STD's he may have given you. Adultery is a valid reason for divorce, although you say that's not your first option. However, how many more times are you willing to be lied to, used and cheated on by this guy? Why torture yourself any further? There is only so many times you can forgive something like this. IMO, you've turned the other cheek too many times as it is.

Here is a cold hard fact: cheaters rarely stop cheating. They always say they're sorry and they'll stop but they never do. The ONLY thing hubby is sorry for, is the fact that you keep catching him red-handed.. :/

The biggest problem here is, that you're willing to be made a fool of time and again, not only by hubby but also by people that you thought were friends. Enough is enough already. Stop letting him make you being a laughing stock..
 
P

pckts

Guest
#3
It's time to enter the next phase of your life without this man you love. Reveal his activity to the church leader (the main one), and let him deal with that side of it.

You will be lonely and probably miss him because you seem very insecure and dependent on this person. You want his love more than anything, so you will allow yourself to be degraded and abused hoping that if you "remain positive" and "good" he will change or feel sorry for you. And he knows this too and will continue to hurt you, because he enjoys doing it.

Have you been forgiving him over and over for your marriage and him, or are you doing it for yourself? I think at this point you are doing it for yourself, because you don't want to leave and still have a fantasy things will become great between the two of you and he will repent his evil.

A man that is a serial cheater and has the nerve to be a "church leader" is a disgusting, slimy, two-faced, every name in the book piece of garbage. Think about that because you need a perspective shift on who you love. He has no shame, guilt, or conscience. Whatever is inside of him that allows him to do this to you, has replaced whatever could love you.

The divorce and living alone will not be easy, but it's a life with a possible future.
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
1,526
155
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#4
Im writing this from a place of brokenness. My husband is a serial cheater and he always says he’ll stop. I’ve seen various pictures of various ladies in his phone. Chats he’s had with them to meet up in different hotels. The most devastating is the one I saw of him chatting with one of the church girls I see every single Sunday. I love this man and leaving him is not my first option. I’m a devoted Christian and forgiveness is top of my list when it comes to him but the problem is I keep forgiving and he keeps doing it. Please somebody out there be the word I’m waiting to hear!!
I agree with Blue up there as far telling it like it is. I am honestly amazed by your patients, love, and dedication to this man, it is truly a gift that can only be of God, in my opinion. The real problem here is he is still in the flesh, and the ONLY way he can change is through Jesus. He is just as helpless to change his own nature as any of us are outside of Christ. You may be the one God sent to draw him to Himself, and you're exactly where you need to be.

That said you also can't just let him do these things to you with no consequence at all, the only way through this kind of thing is in truth. He shouldn't be any kind of leader in church doing these things, ESPECIALLY with women in the church, no ma'am not okay. This is such a hard situation you find yourself in sister and I am so sorry for you. This is something you have to work out with God within yourself, in truth is the ONLY way. I would like to offer at least a little encouragement though, my wife and I have been together 21 years now (married 12) and although "cheating" was never something I struggled with I was still in the flesh for many years while she was saved. She prayed for me the whole time and you know what? God blessed her by saving me right in front of her eyes. She got to see how powerful our God is when after 2 years of severe depression (like wanting to die everyday) following a motorcycle accident that took all function from my right (and dominate) arm. He took me and changed me overnight right in front of her and saved me forever changing the path of our family, and I praise Him name for it.

We are here for you, and I pray that God bring you some direction and eventually peace in this matter, and no matter which way it goes may it glorify His name.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
4,963
514
113
#5
Im writing this from a place of brokenness. My husband is a serial cheater and he always says he’ll stop. I’ve seen various pictures of various ladies in his phone. Chats he’s had with them to meet up in different hotels. The most devastating is the one I saw of him chatting with one of the church girls I see every single Sunday. I love this man and leaving him is not my first option. I’m a devoted Christian and forgiveness is top of my list when it comes to him but the problem is I keep forgiving and he keeps doing it. Please somebody out there be the word I’m waiting to hear!!
First, let me say welcome sister!

I'm so terribly sorry for your pain and brokenness.

Your Heavenly Father sees His little girl's hurting heart and wants to heal it. He sees your devotion to Him and to your husband.
I don't know if the right course of action is to leave him or not. I know it is God's Will to keep marriages together, and your willingness to forgive him is the sure sign of a beautiful Christian heart.
Sometimes tbough, the Lord needs to heavily chastise people to get them to be humble and seek Him. Maybe this is what your husband needs. Heavy chastisement.
Only God can tell you that. I will pray for you though.

Dear Holy Father, please comfort your daughter. Let her feel Your Presence in unmistakable ways. Give her peAce and joy in the knowledge of You.
Give her husband NO REST until he confesses his sin and asks forgiveness from You and his loving wife. In Jesus Name I pray.
 

SuZQ154

Junior Member
May 12, 2017
24
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#6
I am sorry you are dealing with betrayal. As Christians, we are called to forgive, yet we are not called to be doormats. Leslie Vernick's books such as "An Emotionally Destructive Marriage" and "How to Act Right When a Spouse Acts Wrong" give Biblical and practical advice and wisdom in regards to situations like yours. You might want to check them out.

I understand your situation because I had an unfaithful first husband, whom I continued to forgive, and he continued to cheat. I believed that marriage should be "forever" and yet I am now divorced. I am happily remarried. I am not encouraging divorce, but am encouraging you to continue to seek wise, Godly counsel. Hope this helps and I am praying for you today.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,006
1,528
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Florida
#7
Leaving may not be your first option but it is an option that is worth considering. I guess it's a matter of how much heartbreak and sorrow that you are able to tolerate. That girl he's currently chatting with may go to church but she's definitely not a church girl. I would use a much different term to describe her. There are others on this site who are in the same situation so please know that you're not alone. It's good of you to forgive him but that doesn't mean to have to endure more endless years of extreme martial abuse. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,571
373
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Germany
#8
He broke the marriage not once, but many times. You are completely free to leave him. And I completely agree with blue, u need to get STD checked and he will most likely not stop. He makes no effort to stop already over all this time. Its an addiction. I hope all will work out to the best for you
 

Marj10690

Junior Member
Jan 10, 2018
7
0
0
#9
I’m still hurting and the pain is unbearable. We also have 3 amazing kids who will be so devastated if I were to leave my husband. I wish walking away was that easy for me. There’s so much at stake especially my kids. I know for a fact my husband is a serial liar and adulterer and I simply have no fight left in me. I even told myself If God accepted concubines maybe it’s ok for him to have them too. That way I can cope with it all. I really appreciate all your advise and thank you for taking time out to be there for me. I know you guys have no clue who I am but I do feel your love. Keep praying for my family
 

Marj10690

Junior Member
Jan 10, 2018
7
0
0
#10
Thank you I’ll check out those books right now
 

Marj10690

Junior Member
Jan 10, 2018
7
0
0
#11
Thank you for this. I had never thought myself to be insecure or very dependant but this hit Home.
 

Marj10690

Junior Member
Jan 10, 2018
7
0
0
#12
Amen!! To that prayer thank you!! I receive what you’ve spoken over my life. Thanks for taking time for me
 

Marj10690

Junior Member
Jan 10, 2018
7
0
0
#13
Wow thanks for sharing your amazing story. You sound like a good man and that’s my prayer for my own husband.
 
P

pckts

Guest
#14
Thank you for this. I had never thought myself to be insecure or very dependant but this hit Home.
I didn't know you had three kids. You are staying with him for better reasons than simply not having the strength to leave. But know the pain he causes you effects your children.
 
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Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
23,391
1,344
113
#15
I’m still hurting and the pain is unbearable. We also have 3 amazing kids who will be so devastated if I were to leave my husband. I wish walking away was that easy for me. There’s so much at stake especially my kids. I know for a fact my husband is a serial liar and adulterer and I simply have no fight left in me. I even told myself If God accepted concubines maybe it’s ok for him to have them too. That way I can cope with it all. I really appreciate all your advise and thank you for taking time out to be there for me. I know you guys have no clue who I am but I do feel your love. Keep praying for my family
Your husband abandoned your marriage the very first time he cheated on you. He is living a lie. Accepting continual unrepented adultery and lying is not being a good role model to your children. Prayers for God's healing presence, peace, and joy in your life despite your tribulations, and blessings to your children.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
23,391
1,344
113
#16
I even told myself If God accepted concubines maybe it’s ok for him to have them too.
God blessed Solomon's request and granted him wisdom, yet even all his great and renowned wisdom did not prevent him from allowing his many wives and concubines to turn him from worshiping God to worshiping false idols. God had given him commands about this. Solomon did what the Lord considered evil. Also consider the case of Abram and Sarai, who took matters into their own hands, by allowing Abe to have Hagar as a concubine to bring a child into the world. That child was Ishmael, "a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers." Ishmael is the forefather of Mohammed, the progenitor of Islam, an adulterous war mongering pedophile whom Muslims idealize. God's commandment is THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.
 
Jan 6, 2018
106
10
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#17
Im writing this from a place of brokenness. My husband is a serial cheater and he always says he’ll stop. I’ve seen various pictures of various ladies in his phone. Chats he’s had with them to meet up in different hotels. The most devastating is the one I saw of him chatting with one of the church girls I see every single Sunday. I love this man and leaving him is not my first option. I’m a devoted Christian and forgiveness is top of my list when it comes to him but the problem is I keep forgiving and he keeps doing it. Please somebody out there be the word I’m waiting to hear!!

This is really horrible. I pray that God will give you strength.
 

justjess

Junior Member
Jan 8, 2018
10
0
0
#18
I am so sorry for your pain, and what you are going through. I agree with the others, that since he shows no remorse it may be time to leave. Though I understand how hard that is. I am going through something similar in a way, and its hard to tell what the best way to advance is. Though I am lucky that we did not have children. Sometimes it feels like a catch 22. But God did not want marriages to be like that. It is shocking that your husband is a leader of the church and yet feels no remorse.
Remember that your children look up to you and as they grow they will catch on to what their father is doing, and that may influence them in a negative manner.

I always want to believe that people can change, but if they do not want to change, there is nothing we can do. I hope God will direct you, and that your husband will wake up and recognize how awful he is being.

Chin up, remember you are wonderful, and you are loved.
 
Jan 8, 2018
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#19
you love him so its hard your heart is good you want to forgive him but his behaviour is not the behaviour of a christian i am wondering if he is a christian? being a leader in church is maybe more about him and his status than anything to do with christ let others know what he is doing dont cover up anything bring everything into the light and see what his reaction is
 
Dec 8, 2017
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#20
hello Marj I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family have been going through i know it's tough ....I want to start by saying I myself cheated on my wife and beated up on her and much worst but I want to prove everyone wrong by saying I no longer cheat or beat on her and it's been that way for a while now so don't listen to people that say once a cheater always a cheater and blessed are you for having a forgiving heart I want to encourage you to read the new testament and I will be very very surprised if you don't know what to do next you would not believe what Jesus has to say....and take it easy on her husband people I'm sure if some of you were in his shoes some of you would do much worst so humble yourselves he is a human just like the rest of us...but marj you do have to make a change once you read the new testament trust me God will guide you and I admire you for your strength I wish I was half as strong and forgiving as you remember being a Christian is never supposed to be easy that's why only the strong like you can follow Christ...hope I was at some help but please read the new testament... much love and stay strong and faithful and never do Jesus wrong just because someone did you wrong