Need Relationship Advice, Please!

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Oct 24, 2019
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#1
Received this text. It upset me. Please see attached pic. Please reply with advice!
Table1.jpg
 

Deuteronomy

Well-known member
Jun 11, 2018
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#2
Hello @HollisGentry, first off, welcome to CChat :)

As for the pictures from your "sweetheart" (wife?) and whether or not you are owed an apology because of them, you haven't given us enough information to be able to give you an answer. That looks like a pretty typical kid mess (depending on their ages, of course), but what kind of arrangement did you have with her concerning your kids while you were "on duty"? For instance, was it her understanding that she would not have to clean up after your kids when she got home?

Please give us more details about the overall situation.

Thanks!

~Deut
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
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#4
But to pass on her text to us. Thats kind of betrayal . None of our business. To seek support from strangers on the net against your partner. Come on !!
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
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#6
It seems pretty logical that your sweetheart was not pleased with the untidiness? If you are ok with it, then I think you all have a problem that needs to be solved!! One thing for certain leaving the choc milk out of the refrigerator will shorten its shelf life, and who wants to be greeted with that mess?
 
Oct 24, 2019
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#8
We both agreed to post this. We want to know your thoughts. Thanks!
 
Oct 24, 2019
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#9
Opinions on the text? I felt that it was harsh/critical/demeaning. I was upset.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
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#10
We both agreed to post this. We want to know your thoughts. Thanks!
so she is reading our responses too?
if you are both seeking a 3rd party response, that is different.
I hate the style of photographic evidence. Some people love playing the Sherlock Holmes detective. So a photo is like the "gotcha" moment. Like leaving notes "you forgot to clean the sink". Come on. This communication is for face to face. If a partner continues to communicate faults in a partner like this, they are only causing further damage to the relationship. Human beings talk face to face calmly and in the light of the good they do.
 
Oct 24, 2019
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#11
Yes, we are both reading the forum. The text was sent to me “to show the condition of the kitchen when the kids left”. Kids are 12, 9, 7, and 5. The question is about the text being harsh/critical/demeaning. We both agree that the kitchen is a mess.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#13
Yes, we are both reading the forum. The text was sent to me “to show the condition of the kitchen when the kids left”. Kids are 12, 9, 7, and 5. The question is about the text being harsh/critical/demeaning. We both agree that the kitchen is a mess.

Not to be rude... Why have neither of you taught your children more responsibility that this? You both are the ones leading them. Why were they allowed to go without cleaning their mess? You're teaching them some things that will be hard to break the older they get.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
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#16
I am assuming that the "demeaning" text is the one that says, "Really?!?!?!".

Based on that assumption, I think it's worth a laugh. I don't think anyone "owes" anyone anything, except perhaps your kids owe you a thorough kitchen cleanup.

There are far worse things over which to lose your marbles. Teach the kids. Monitor their progress. Model forgiveness and humility.

I'll stop there, lest I type another sermon. ;)
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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#17
I am assuming that the "demeaning" text is the one that says, "Really?!?!?!".

Based on that assumption, I think it's worth a laugh. I don't think anyone "owes" anyone anything, except perhaps your kids owe you a thorough kitchen cleanup.

There are far worse things over which to lose your marbles. Teach the kids. Monitor their progress. Model forgiveness and humility.

I'll stop there, lest I type another sermon. ;)

Nah, preach on! We have too many here that don't know what they're preaching. Let's hear from someone saying something right for once.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
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#18
No, your sweetheart doesn't owe you an apology. This is just a not so subtle way of telling you your a slob ;). I think they were probably expecting an apology from you? You could have at least put the milk back in the refrigerator so it wouldn't spoil.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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#20
Ok since it is both of you and you are asking for input.. I would firstly suggest face to face discussions on things like this.. That way the receiver of the message can understand more clearly the ""Attitude""/ Intentions associated with the message and avoid any misunderstandings and resultant offense..

I can understand why a sensitive person would get upset with a one word message ""Really?!?!?!"" with all those ? and ! at the end,, a person would be forgiven in thinking that they where being screamed at with anger.. Also the time between finding the place in this state and meeting face to face would act to soften ones emotions and make for a more considered and level headed reply to the situation..

It's like on these forums.. People often respond too quickly to a post that has them offended or upset and they over react or do not react in the Way our LORD Jesus would want it done.. :( Many in BDF would know what i am talking about..

Anyway i hope you two forgive each other and try your best to have the best communication quality between you.. All good relationships need two forgiving souls to be focused on always having good/ clear communication between them..(y)