Newlywed Divorce

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presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,081
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blue_ladybug


If the forum comes in all loggerheads with people who post about their past sins and heartaches and start bickering with each other, we lose an opportunity to speak into their lives. You can confront and say the truth without unnecessarily driving people away.

Imagine you worked in an office and you had a co-worker who told you she was fornicating. You could calmly and in a gentle tone of voice explain to her that fornication is a sin, or you could jump up on her desk, point at her with your finger and loudly scream at her in an Appalachian preacher tone of voice and call her a fornicator and yell about fornicators going to Hell why the office watches you scuff the death. You might be telling the truth, but you'd likely repel your audience with the delivery.

If someone comes on here pouring their heart out, and they get called a liar, that may repel them as well.
 
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WarriorForChrist

Guest
blue_ladybug


If the forum comes in all loggerheads with people who post about their past sins and heartaches and start bickering with each other, we lose an opportunity to speak into their lives. You can confront and say the truth without unnecessarily driving people away.

Imagine you worked in an office and you had a co-worker who told you she was fornicating. You could calmly and in a gentle tone of voice explain to her that fornication is a sin, or you could jump up on her desk, point at her with your finger and loudly scream at her in an Appalachian preacher tone of voice and call her a fornicator and yell about fornicators going to Hell why the office watches you scuff the death. You might be telling the truth, but you'd likely repel your audience with the delivery.

If someone comes on here pouring their heart out, and they get called a liar, that may repel them as well.
No one was yelling at her. Did we use caps? She wanted people to tell her that she was in the right that is blatantly clear from her response to what people had said.
 
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ember

Guest
No one was yelling at her. Did we use caps? She wanted people to tell her that she was in the right that is blatantly clear from her response to what people had said.

why take offense if you think you are right?

I made a mistake a few pages back...I should have just ignored a post that was ridiculous and addressed to me

but like I said to that person,did someone call you out personally?

why object if it does not hit a nerve?

and now my favorite response when I think I may be talking into the wind...wait for it...

whatever :rolleyes:
 
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WarriorForChrist

Guest
why take offense if you think you are right?

I made a mistake a few pages back...I should have just ignored a post that was ridiculous and addressed to me

but like I said to that person,did someone call you out personally?

why object if it does not hit a nerve?

and now my favorite response when I think I may be talking into the wind...wait for it...

whatever :rolleyes:
Whatever :)
 
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ember

Guest
that is not the proper use of that word...

I thought it was windy...must have been prior experience



to the rest of whoever is reading

ever seen a squirrel run out into the middle of the road...run back...run out again...and then maybe dash out again just when you thought it had made up its mind which way to go?

don't be that squirrel!
 
Apr 22, 2016
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And the OP is long gone but the brethren continue to discuss who was right and who was wrong. Maybe the intent of the OP was to bring division? Idk.....it is suspicious and I dont think I am being mean in saying so.
 
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Depleted

Guest
And the OP is long gone but the brethren continue to discuss who was right and who was wrong. Maybe the intent of the OP was to bring division? Idk.....it is suspicious and I dont think I am being mean in saying so.
What is so suspicious about being told you're stupid so you leave?
 
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LozzLana

Guest
I just joined. I am seeking help too. How are you coping now? I haven't read through the chat. I have to be upstairs putting kids to bed. I am interested in how to rebuild or move if divorce is not an option?
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
I just joined. I am seeking help too. How are you coping now? I haven't read through the chat. I have to be upstairs putting kids to bed. I am interested in how to rebuild or move if divorce is not an option?
It is best to start a thread of your own.You will most likely get more responses.
 
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LozzLana

Guest
I did. I have just started this evening.
 
Feb 25, 2018
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I am the original poster of this. I wanted to respond a long time ago but deleted my old account. Since you called me a troll because my sistuation was unique, I shut down and did what I should have done in the first place. I prayed and sought God. He showed me what needed to be done and I am very proud to report that I had a very healthy baby boy and could not be happier. I also did divorce care and met some people that were going through their own marital situations and were not judgemental but caring and understanding. As someone mentioned on here, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. You all should remember that you are using Christ as the basis of your responses ( or you should be) and you should respond in love and not judgment. Since I have nothing more to say I will bow out. I just hope that when someone comes on here crying out for help in the future that you exercise what God has given you and practice love. Again, I am not a troll I was a lost pregnant soul seeking comfort in what I thought would be a loving Christian family. I thank God for his mercy and grace!
 
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Ariel82

Guest
Congrats on your baby boy! I haven't read the thread, just the last post. Praise God you were able to go to divorce care and meet people who encouraged you.

It's a tough thing to learn to lean only on God because other humans often disappoint and God wants us to trust in Him. He never fails.
 
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Depleted

Guest
I am the original poster of this. I wanted to respond a long time ago but deleted my old account. Since you called me a troll because my sistuation was unique, I shut down and did what I should have done in the first place. I prayed and sought God. He showed me what needed to be done and I am very proud to report that I had a very healthy baby boy and could not be happier. I also did divorce care and met some people that were going through their own marital situations and were not judgemental but caring and understanding. As someone mentioned on here, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. You all should remember that you are using Christ as the basis of your responses ( or you should be) and you should respond in love and not judgment. Since I have nothing more to say I will bow out. I just hope that when someone comes on here crying out for help in the future that you exercise what God has given you and practice love. Again, I am not a troll I was a lost pregnant soul seeking comfort in what I thought would be a loving Christian family. I thank God for his mercy and grace!
I'm so glad to hear back from you. Congrats on the new man in your life. (Your son.)

If you have the heart for it, scroll back on this thread. (I did, and it was hard. It was hard for me, and I'm not even you.) If for no other reason than to revisit the names of those who responded. So many left since then. Good people who left because this is what happens. So many were banned, because that is what they do to people. And some who left have returned in new user names too.

We really do have a lot of people ready to pounce on new people. But, if you scroll back, now that you're away from all that yikes-now-what-should-I-do freak-out you were having, (and deserved to have),you might also notice good comfort you were given back then, because you thought everyone was judging you.

You know what this forum could use? Someone like you. Someone who remembers the catastrophe that hit like it was just yesterday. (I'm 61, so it was yesterday in my mind. Oh wait! I just turned 60 when you wrote that first post, so I just stopped being not-old back then. lol) How about sticking around so new folks with their own forms of holy-crap! can see a friendly face in the mob?

And it would do us some good too. You might end up being the reminder to us that not all new people are trolls just because they didn't tell everything exactly right in the first post.

Yeah, we're never going to rid ourselves of scoffers, however it would be nice to have a good share of compassionate, loving people, like Jesus asked us to be all along. We have a descent share now. If you joined in, it only improves the share.

Just an idea if you're up to it after the whipping you received by many. (And do notice, it wasn't all. Just many.)
 
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Ariel82

Guest
I just read a few pages and then got sad because I felt no one was listening but just crying out in their own need for validation. (i admit to reading a couple posts that I found uplifting)

" I did not come here for condemnation but rather "true" Christian prayer."

What many Christians don't know how to do is listen and not try and fix others problems.

I know I have fallen in that trap also. I could say I was following the examples of my elders, but I also learned that people hurting and in pain don't want others to "fix it" for them.

Often we just need someone to listen and pray with us as we wait for God's answers to our problems.

Most people don't need to be judged or told what they did was wrong, because the Holy Spirit shows us what we did wrong.

What we need is reassuring FAITH that GOD will help fix it and show us a better way.

What we need is hope, love and comfort.

It's hard to convey silently over the internet, but if I could I would give you a hug and steal cuddles from your son. I love babies.

Have a blessed day.
 
Feb 25, 2018
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Thanks for your responses. I was thankful for the ones that did show compassion but I was really sad that so many were so quick to condemn. God did have a reason for everything and he definitely showed me that I was not where I needed to be in my life to be a good wife to anyone. I thought I was perfect but being married to someone like my husband I realized that I was so far gone and the Lord needed to reign me back in.

Believe ot it or not, I’m still going through a rather nasty divorce with him and it’s been two years and a little blessing later and nothing seems to have changed. I can only continue to pray for him, my sons, and myself. God is now directing my steps and I’m trying to be in a bad place. I could not be happier about my sons arrival. I did not know that I needed him until I got him.

Anyhow, I pray for all of those out these suffering, that God may show up in their lives and give them the love and compassion that they seek.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
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Tennessee
I am the original poster of this. I wanted to respond a long time ago but deleted my old account. Since you called me a troll because my sistuation was unique, I shut down and did what I should have done in the first place. I prayed and sought God. He showed me what needed to be done and I am very proud to report that I had a very healthy baby boy and could not be happier. I also did divorce care and met some people that were going through their own marital situations and were not judgemental but caring and understanding. As someone mentioned on here, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. You all should remember that you are using Christ as the basis of your responses ( or you should be) and you should respond in love and not judgment. Since I have nothing more to say I will bow out. I just hope that when someone comes on here crying out for help in the future that you exercise what God has given you and practice love. Again, I am not a troll I was a lost pregnant soul seeking comfort in what I thought would be a loving Christian family. I thank God for his mercy and grace!
It's pretty sad that you were only married a week and the guy decided to bale out even though you were pregnant with his child. I'm glad that there were some caring people in the divorce care. Hopefully, this time around you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you back into the fold. Welcome to CC.
 
Feb 25, 2018
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It's pretty sad that you were only married a week and the guy decided to bale out even though you were pregnant with his child. I'm glad that there were some caring people in the divorce care. Hopefully, this time around you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you back into the fold. Welcome to CC.
I found out that there was a lot more to the story. His married mistress of over 6 years was his reason for marrying me and for the baby. Apparently she refused to leave her husband ( still has not) and refused to have children with him. Well in order to get back at or get her back, he went on a mission. Well he did not get the reaction he wanted and took it out on me (she convinced him to divorce me and even found his attorney). Well she left him and he came running back to me after abandoning me and our unborn child. Well that was short lived because as soon as I gave up everything and moved 6.5 hours away from my family, the mistress that I did not know about came out and revealed everything. Well she and another woman that he was with that I did not know about either. The secrets have been many.

Well the mistress stated that that she was never going to leave him and he basically stood there and said nothing. She said she wanted to marry him but she has to wait for her husband to die so she could inherit his money. ( forgive me for saying this but she is a mail order bride from Thailand). Anyhow the situation was far more than I ever bargained for and I told them that very day that they can have each other. Well my boys and I have been battling with him for this divorce ever since. He has been making my life hell and asking the judge for me to pay him thousands of dollars due to the fact that I had to reveal my finances and he saw how much money I had. It’s really sick but I am surrendering it all to God. Only He can help this move in the right direction.

Oh oh and he told me he has never been married before but God revealed that to be a lie as well ( apparently he did to his first wife the very thing he did to me except she never had a child). Sadly he has been heavily supported and protected because me is in the military in a military town that is afraid to do anything to upset the military. Only God can at this point. I’m just waiting for God to show up and show out. Married for a week and divorcing now going on two years. He recently asked the judge for a continuance on the divorce on the day of trial and the judge granted it indefinitely. Very unfair but again, I surrender everything to God now.
 
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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
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Tennessee
God did you a favor by getting you out of that horrible situation. The guy you married is a real loser and you're better off without him. Poorer but wiser. Live and learn. You could file yourself on the grounds of adultery. Sorry he is putting you through such a hassle. What a jerk!
 
Feb 25, 2018
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No, the divorce has been filed since I wrote the original post years ago. It’s just been drawn out and very nasty. He has demanded a lot and done a lot. The judge is military biased so he gives my husband anything he requests because “he is in the military”. I am still waiting. He has been very abusing and I moved with my children to another state so they can have a sense of normalcy and safety. Well I will be going to court in a few weeks for contempt that he filed against me for moving out of state. Not sure what will happen but this guy is trying to destroy me and my children at every step. He even went on a viscous attack against me and both of my kids. Nothing is happening though because he is military and is getting free passes left and right.

Only God can save my kids and I. If he chooses not to, we will be meeting Him sooner than later because my someday ex will make sure that we do and nothing will be done. He is using our son as leverage to control me and the state is allowing it to happen.