Please Help :,( please please please :,(

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

MR95

Junior Member
Oct 15, 2015
7
1
0
#1
I don’t know what to do . I just don’t I am at a loss . About three years ago I became a believer of Jesus Christ he made himself known to me by taking my fears and anxiety that was litterally crippling me . The only thing I turned to was smoking weed and drinking . I drank a lot I am a alchoholic but I am sober now from both . Two years ago I met a man , who I thought was the answer to my prayers ... you see I am a strong believer that we are in the final book of the Bible the revelation . So I prayed to God that he would at least let me have a good husband and child before he came . At the time I was doing great , the love the Holy Spirit surrounds you with is nothing of this world . My father always told me you make sure a man has a job , a car and a place . Most importantly a man that treats you with respect . Well his name is David and we met when I was working at Walmart . So we hung out at a BBQ , and I cut straight to the chase, because I wanted to make sure he new I was a Godly woman. A new Christian , working one becoming born again and that I was celebate at the time . He said he believed in God and he said he was okay with my celibacy . Things moved fast guys I mean really fast , faster then my last two relationships . But he is different he was taking me out on dates , drives , fishing , cooked me meals, gave me flowers made me things . I thought this was a prayer answered . Then he wanted me to move in I said yes . Things happened that shouldn’t until we get married but a year later came our beautiful baby girl . His drinking has gotten worse , I found out that since day one of our relationship he has been using multiple emails committing adultery , being unloyal , sending pictures of himself . I am probably being punished in some way . :,(. I don’t understand , I don’t know what to do . I need guidance . I don’t know if I should marry him and deal with it whatever it might be . For the sake of our baby girl , to become born again and commit myself to Christ and just deal with the extreme heartache I am recieving from his deceiving . It is breaking me down . I am giving it to God I am praying for him . I am praying for us because I am so in love with him . But I am so confused . I don’t know if the devil is trying to steal kill and destroy this family. Or if the devil was the one who put us together . Idk if God wants me to remain loyal or if he wants me to walk away I just don’t know . I am at a loss , I can not sleep, I cry so much, i am so angry and the fighting .... it is so bad espescially when he is drinking . He promised to quit drinking and then he started back up . He promised to quit messaging stranger sexually and he broke that 4 times . If the man can’t keep his promises then what makes me think he will honor his vows. I have remained loyal to him and only him even though he is messing around on the phone . I am so heart broken .... I need to know what to do I wish I could see God right infront of me and him just tell me exactly what to do . :,,,,(
 

Gracie_14

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2017
765
144
43
#2
i stumbled across this thread because the title got my attention. i'm really sorry for the trouble you have gone through. i don't know what to say about this. i prefer leaving this kind of stuff to the experienced and mature :)

but, what i can say is, stuff like this happens when God wasn't really in the relationship you were having with this man. you said, he said he believed in God, but was that all? anyone can believe there is a God ( the demons too believe) but that does not necessarily mean the guy has Him in his heart and is living for the Lord. you see, when David asked you to move in with him, you should of realised that it wasn't right as a Christian and you guys needed to get married before getting into the mess now you're in. i'm not judging you, i'm just simply placing if you would of prayed earnestly about it and asked God about this guy you would of known he had a drinking problem, lust problems or whatsoever.

what i would suggest you to do, is cry out to God for his forgivness and ask Him hthat you need His help desperately. I'm sure he'll hear you :)
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,860
828
113
#3
The answer is as plain as day. Ditch him. You (not Satan or God) rushed into a relationship and you made choices within that relationship. This is not punishment, it's consequences.
Now rather than admitting this is your mistake you're trying to make it a spiritual issue and place blame outside of yourself.

God did not out you here.
Satan did not out you here.
You were attracted to someone, barely knew them and rushed a relationship, and tried to use God to justify your choices, even while going against Him.
Now you're in a relationship and have a child with a man that's a drunk and a cheat. You wanted to be married so without seeking counsel or guidance you entered a relationship.
Which part of this don't you understand? You made choices. Now you have consequences.

But to even consider marrying this man and thinking it could be right only adds to show how poor your decision making skills are. Marrying this guy, or even staying with him is a horrendous consideration. One that, if you do, will ruin the rest of your life. If you don't leave him at some point he will leave you for another woman.

What kind of father and example will he be to a child?

You clearly are not ready to be in a relationship. You also seem as if you need a lot more teaching and growth spiritually.
I don't say all this to shame you or make you feel bad. I'm just being honest. You're young, both in age as well as spiritually, and mistakes are inevitable. Mistakes can help us to grow, in fact. But only if we see the mistake, understand it and use it to make better choices in the future.
This is a string of bad choices and you're contemplating more bad choices. Now is the time to put an end to this mess and start doing things right. But only you can decide to do that. Hopefully you can also now understand why these have all been bad decisions. And take them into consideration next time you are in a similar situation.

Bear in mind God does not promise marriage. God's goal is not to grant us whatever we want. And if He does it's not always on Our timeline.
For now I encourage you to get away from this man. And start growing personally and spiritually and let that, as well as being a mother, be your main two priorities for a while. Leave dating and marriage until you're mature enough to make wiser decisions and understand things better.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,646
2,113
113
63
Florida
#4
You are not married to him and due to his infidelity should not even consider marrying him. If you do you are setting yourself up for years of heartbreak. The man lies to you, is an alcoholic, and is unfaithful. My counsel is to break it off with him and focus on taking care of your daughter. You are in quite a mess and it will only get worse if you married him. Remain as close to God as you can. I pray that God gives you clarity of thought on how to proceed in getting your life back together and on a positive spiritual track.
 
Feb 5, 2017
1,119
34
0
#5
You think he is stronger than you for many reasons, and it makes you easily convinced by him. But who is more pure in God's eyes? Who is less lost in sin? And therefore, who is closer to God?

Whoever is closer to God has all the power, but the one who is not so close to God will try to convince you, that they have all the power. If you see the truth, the truth will set you free. Such illusions that held power can be seen as nothing more than illusions.

There is nothing you cannot do, if you allow God to reside in you. Forget about the past, your past, and your mistakes, we are in the here and now.

Exactly what is right? Ask God that, and whatever answer, have faith, and stick to it.
 

MissCris

Senior Member
Aug 24, 2011
6,601
262
83
#6
Oh girl...you’re in a right mess. My heart really goes out to you over all this- it’s easy for us, on this forum, to logically pick apart your situation and say do A, B, and C and things will be better. But none of us are in your shoes...though some of us can empathize with some of what you’re going through (whether we admit it or not).

It doesn’t sound like a relationship that should be salvaged. Yes, you have a child together- but that isn’t going to fix either of you. And trying to force a relationship to work right now will only do harm to you, him, and the baby. The best thing you can do right now is to take your baby and go- you need to step back from everything to see it more clearly. I’m not saying you should keep the child from her father, so long as he is sober and safe to be around, but put some distance between the two of you and start focusing on giving your baby a stable foundation in life.

We’ve all made mistakes- and there are always consequences for them; but don’t let Your mistakes and Your consequences hold you back from sorting out your life and providing a loving, healthy home for your daughter. It can’t be about you now.

P.S.- God is a loving Father. He wants you to come to him with everything- but I cannot imagine a loving father wanting a precious daughter to marry a man who is in the state of the one you’re with...can you? Try to picture your baby girl grown up and in your situation; what would you want for her?

Also- it might be a good idea to see a doctor about postpartum depression- I don’t know how long ago your baby was born, but given everything you’re dealing with, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some postpartum wrapped up in it all.
 
Nov 23, 2016
510
37
0
#7
Even in the worst of situations our God will not abandon us .. or you. So get that worry behind you first. His love for you hasn't changed or stopped and God always finds a way for us even when we think there isn't one. Sometimes we ourselves dig a pretty deep hole to climb out of but God's arm of mercy and forgiveness reaches further yet. You are loved MR95 ... and so is your precious baby girl ... always. My advice would be to leave this situation for the time being. Give your baby's dad an ultimatum ... and mean it. He either cleans up his life and proves himself worthy to be your husband and a good father or he is out of your life. If he proves himself changed down the road, you will know it. If not, you really don't have a choice in the matter. Unfortunately, this isn't something that you yourself can control. But you can set boundaries for yourself ... and for your lil' baby girl. It must start here. Without doing this, you send the message that he can do whatever he chooses. He needs to know that there are consequences for his own actions too. I pray you receive the strength to do what you know you must. And then leave it in God's hands. He knows what is best for you.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#8
I don’t know what to do . I just don’t I am at a loss . About three years ago I became a believer of Jesus Christ he made himself known to me by taking my fears and anxiety that was litterally crippling me . The only thing I turned to was smoking weed and drinking . I drank a lot I am a alchoholic but I am sober now from both . Two years ago I met a man , who I thought was the answer to my prayers ... you see I am a strong believer that we are in the final book of the Bible the revelation . So I prayed to God that he would at least let me have a good husband and child before he came . At the time I was doing great , the love the Holy Spirit surrounds you with is nothing of this world . My father always told me you make sure a man has a job , a car and a place . Most importantly a man that treats you with respect . Well his name is David and we met when I was working at Walmart . So we hung out at a BBQ , and I cut straight to the chase, because I wanted to make sure he new I was a Godly woman. A new Christian , working one becoming born again and that I was celebate at the time . He said he believed in God and he said he was okay with my celibacy . Things moved fast guys I mean really fast , faster then my last two relationships . But he is different he was taking me out on dates , drives , fishing , cooked me meals, gave me flowers made me things . I thought this was a prayer answered . Then he wanted me to move in I said yes . Things happened that shouldn’t until we get married but a year later came our beautiful baby girl . His drinking has gotten worse , I found out that since day one of our relationship he has been using multiple emails committing adultery , being unloyal , sending pictures of himself . I am probably being punished in some way . :,(. I don’t understand , I don’t know what to do . I need guidance . I don’t know if I should marry him and deal with it whatever it might be . For the sake of our baby girl , to become born again and commit myself to Christ and just deal with the extreme heartache I am recieving from his deceiving . It is breaking me down . I am giving it to God I am praying for him . I am praying for us because I am so in love with him . But I am so confused . I don’t know if the devil is trying to steal kill and destroy this family. Or if the devil was the one who put us together . Idk if God wants me to remain loyal or if he wants me to walk away I just don’t know . I am at a loss , I can not sleep, I cry so much, i am so angry and the fighting .... it is so bad espescially when he is drinking . He promised to quit drinking and then he started back up . He promised to quit messaging stranger sexually and he broke that 4 times . If the man can’t keep his promises then what makes me think he will honor his vows. I have remained loyal to him and only him even though he is messing around on the phone . I am so heart broken .... I need to know what to do I wish I could see God right infront of me and him just tell me exactly what to do . :,,,,(
Can I ask the obvious question? Who are you loving? He's been deceiving you for quite some time. And, apparently, you fell for it for a while. I don't know how you can love someone who hasn't even been honest with you. Who is it you love -- the guy you thought he was or the guy he is?

Because the guy you thought he was isn't, and you're not liking who he is, so who are you loving? It seems to me you're living with a stranger and can't figure out what what wrong. You're living with a stranger. That's what went wrong.
 

MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
833
144
43
#9
Prayer and faith in Jesus Christ fixes all things......You have to do what is right by your daughter, and by Christ first and foremost. Just because you have a child by this man, doesn't mean you are destined by the Lord to be with him. He may have other plans for you. The best thing you can do at this juncture is to not even entertain the marriage to a man like that, but instead stay close to Christ, and study His word. A REAL man loves Jesus Christ, and is not afraid to stand on Him or His teachings and is not ashamed or afraid to be associated with Him. It sounds to me he doesn't know Christ personally, otherwise, none of this other stuff would be happening. God does not want us as his children to live in misery....he doesn't want that for you or your child. Focus on Christ, and let that young man see you focused on Jesus and putting Him first, and maybe, just maybe, the Lord will knock on his heart and that's when the change will happen.

But until then, focus on Christ, put Him first and your daughter and move on with your life. I know it's hard, but God is with you every step of the way, and he will never forsake. Listen to these folks, they've been there, they know what it's like. I've been there. And I'm praying for you and your situation.
 
S

Society

Guest
#10
I don’t know what to do . I just don’t I am at a loss . About three years ago I became a believer of Jesus Christ he made himself known to me by taking my fears and anxiety that was litterally crippling me . The only thing I turned to was smoking weed and drinking . I drank a lot I am a alchoholic but I am sober now from both . Two years ago I met a man , who I thought was the answer to my prayers ... you see I am a strong believer that we are in the final book of the Bible the revelation . So I prayed to God that he would at least let me have a good husband and child before he came . At the time I was doing great , the love the Holy Spirit surrounds you with is nothing of this world . My father always told me you make sure a man has a job , a car and a place . Most importantly a man that treats you with respect . Well his name is David and we met when I was working at Walmart . So we hung out at a BBQ , and I cut straight to the chase, because I wanted to make sure he new I was a Godly woman. A new Christian , working one becoming born again and that I was celebate at the time . He said he believed in God and he said he was okay with my celibacy . Things moved fast guys I mean really fast , faster then my last two relationships . But he is different he was taking me out on dates , drives , fishing , cooked me meals, gave me flowers made me things . I thought this was a prayer answered . Then he wanted me to move in I said yes . Things happened that shouldn’t until we get married but a year later came our beautiful baby girl . His drinking has gotten worse , I found out that since day one of our relationship he has been using multiple emails committing adultery , being unloyal , sending pictures of himself . I am probably being punished in some way . :,(. I don’t understand , I don’t know what to do . I need guidance . I don’t know if I should marry him and deal with it whatever it might be . For the sake of our baby girl , to become born again and commit myself to Christ and just deal with the extreme heartache I am recieving from his deceiving . It is breaking me down . I am giving it to God I am praying for him . I am praying for us because I am so in love with him . But I am so confused . I don’t know if the devil is trying to steal kill and destroy this family. Or if the devil was the one who put us together . Idk if God wants me to remain loyal or if he wants me to walk away I just don’t know . I am at a loss , I can not sleep, I cry so much, i am so angry and the fighting .... it is so bad espescially when he is drinking . He promised to quit drinking and then he started back up . He promised to quit messaging stranger sexually and he broke that 4 times . If the man can’t keep his promises then what makes me think he will honor his vows. I have remained loyal to him and only him even though he is messing around on the phone . I am so heart broken .... I need to know what to do I wish I could see God right infront of me and him just tell me exactly what to do . :,,,,(

You need to decide if this is the man you want to be an example of manhood to your daughter growing up.

Never forget that you deserve to be treated with respect, loyalty and love. Do not allow yourself to settle for less due to misguided love or loyalty. I do not like seeing families broken up, but your daughter is much better off with one sober, happy and devoted parent than two miserable ones.
 
Feb 7, 2018
82
4
0
#11
You definitely need professional counseling. You might want to talk to your regular doctor first. Not seeking professional help when I was in a similar situation is a regret of mine. As a woman I say never accept abuse. You and your child deserve better. If you still want to get married you need to be clear & let the other person know that & that you want him to be clean for himself and the family & hopefully you remain clean too.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
3,108
331
83
#12
My father always told me you make sure a man has a job , a car and a place . Most importantly a man that treats you with respect . Well his name is David and we met when I was working at Walmart . So we hung out at a BBQ , and I cut straight to the chase, because I wanted to make sure he new I was a Godly woman. A new Christian , working one becoming born again and that I was celebate at the time . He said he believed in God and he said he was okay with my celibacy . (
So for some reason you then decided to live with this man and fornicate with him outside the bounds of matrimony....

When you knew the will of God was for single people to remain celibate until they are married....

And now you are a single mother and David who committed fornication with you is now running around after other woman seeking more woman to fornicate with....

So now you have to face the consequences in your future life of going against the will of God...

Do not marry David.. David is the kind of man who see's woman as objects of sexual conquest.. Men like David will say and do what ever it takes to get a woman in bed with him.. If you marry him then he will just use you as a door mat.. a glorified household servant to keep his house while he goes out seeking more conquests...

Repent to God for your sin of engaging in pre-marital sex... He is forgiving..

Pray that God gives you strength to face the long term consequences of your actions.. It will be harder for you now to find a Godly man.. Because most men of wisdom will avoid a single mother as a wife prospect.. But having said that maybe God will move a noble Christian man pursue you.. God can overcome much of the consequences of our sins in our lives if He wills to do so.. But what ever is the long term outcome for you and your child ( who is an innocent victim in all this ) believe Jesus and trust in the Atonement He secured for you upon the Cross and the earthly consequences of your actions will have no eternal consequences upon you..