Porn and the deceitful heart

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MyAll4Love

Junior Member
Sep 8, 2015
24
1
0
#1
I'm in the end stages of losing my marriage to my husbands porn use and him soliciting sex online. I can assure you my husbands porn addiction had nothing to do with me. He already had this problem. I even had a pastor ask me how my love life was and suggested I tried to please him more. I left his office confused that my pastor just suggested it was my fault. Since then I've been just baffled that so many people share that view. God has opened my eyes to the very clever ways the devil has tried to twist this issue around so the problem is not actually addressed. Some people just refuse to change. Porn is so toxic and damaging. Unfortunately there's this really big problem that hinders some from the truth. It's the deceitful heart that is constantly making deals with our conscience. Like it's not hurting anyone if they don't know or everyone does it. There is no cure for the deceitful heart but we can expose every little lie and walk in truth one thought at a time when we surrender our lives to Jesus. I praise God though because through the storm I have fallen back in love with my first and only true love. The lover of my soul. My Lord Jesus Christ.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#2
I'm in the end stages of losing my marriage to my husbands porn use and him soliciting sex online. I can assure you my husbands porn addiction had nothing to do with me. He already had this problem. I even had a pastor ask me how my love life was and suggested I tried to please him more. I left his office confused that my pastor just suggested it was my fault. Since then I've been just baffled that so many people share that view. God has opened my eyes to the very clever ways the devil has tried to twist this issue around so the problem is not actually addressed. Some people just refuse to change. Porn is so toxic and damaging. Unfortunately there's this really big problem that hinders some from the truth. It's the deceitful heart that is constantly making deals with our conscience. Like it's not hurting anyone if they don't know or everyone does it. There is no cure for the deceitful heart but we can expose every little lie and walk in truth one thought at a time when we surrender our lives to Jesus. I praise God though because through the storm I have fallen back in love with my first and only true love. The lover of my soul. My Lord Jesus Christ.
Actually, there is a cure for the deceitful heart. The guy who talked about the deceitful heart (Jeremiah) took great pains to tell what the cure was. God.
 

MyAll4Love

Junior Member
Sep 8, 2015
24
1
0
#3
yes that is what I was talking about when I said walking in truth...there is victory in overcoming it with God helping us but I still find myself dealing with my deceitful heart. Don't you? don't we all have to catch ourselves still with every day decisions and whether or not we should do something? He walks with us, He talks with us and teaches us. He is the cure that we apply everyday. I guess my interpretation is different than yours maybe...I don't know but thank you for replying to my post. I appreciate your input.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,963
791
113
#4
I'm sorry to hear you are losing your marriage because of porn. And worse that your pastor suggested it was YOUR fault?

I would probably change churches. How unbiblical? Like a man isn't supposed to be responsible for his own lust? It's his wife's fault? Deliver me from these kind of lies.

Glad you are clinging to Jesus. We all need to to this, regardless of our circumstances or relationships.
 

MyAll4Love

Junior Member
Sep 8, 2015
24
1
0
#5
I'm sorry to hear you are losing your marriage because of porn. And worse that your pastor suggested it was YOUR fault?

I would probably change churches. How unbiblical? Like a man isn't supposed to be responsible for his own lust? It's his wife's fault? Deliver me from these kind of lies.

Glad you are clinging to Jesus. We all need to to this, regardless of our circumstances or relationships.
Thank you Angela for your support, it's brought me so much closer to our Lord and He's used it and still is using it to mold me into being a better person. I changed churches shortly after that talk with the pastor. Just didn't sit right with me. I can't believe he didn't offer prayer or verses to help me but thats another post :) again thanks for your kindness.
 

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
May 18, 2015
755
9
18
#6
So sorry to know this, sister. :( Porn is really bad! I´m praying for you marriage!

God bless you and your husband!
 

shotgunner

Senior Member
Aug 4, 2015
1,077
30
0
#7
No it's not your fault. At the same time Paul did tell married couples not to abstain for too long lest they be tempted. Possibly that's what your pastor was trying to ask.
 

MyAll4Love

Junior Member
Sep 8, 2015
24
1
0
#8
When I first went online to find support it was still so hidden, and mostly defended but now it's getting out there how damaging it is. I'm learning so much and got past the anger part and now I'm really waiting and trusting God. He knows all the details. Speaking of details, if any other woman going through this reads this, careful how much you take in as you look into what your husband has been looking at. look away as much as possible and once you know what's up there's no need to pollute your mind.
 

ServantStrike

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2013
3,461
55
0
#9
Your husband was soliciting sex online and your pastor suggested that you try harder to please him?

It sounds like you need a new pastor. That's horrendous advice.


But yeah, this is a common and terrible problem that a lot of men struggle with. Many will enter a marriage thinking it will solve the problem, but it won't.

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
 

MyAll4Love

Junior Member
Sep 8, 2015
24
1
0
#10
Oh that's what the vomit is lol....totally fitting
 

BarlyGurl

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2012
2,541
22
0
#11
When I first went online to find support it was still so hidden, and mostly defended but now it's getting out there how damaging it is. I'm learning so much and got past the anger part and now I'm really waiting and trusting God. He knows all the details. Speaking of details, if any other woman going through this reads this, careful how much you take in as you look into what your husband has been looking at. look away as much as possible and once you know what's up there's no need to pollute your mind.
That is a WISE observation and very GOOD advice.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#12
When I first went online to find support it was still so hidden, and mostly defended but now it's getting out there how damaging it is. I'm learning so much and got past the anger part and now I'm really waiting and trusting God. He knows all the details. Speaking of details, if any other woman going through this reads this, careful how much you take in as you look into what your husband has been looking at. look away as much as possible and once you know what's up there's no need to pollute your mind.
Actually, hubby and I are quite open about this. He does look at porn. Doesn't bother me. Probably helps that all he ever does is think he's got the best package already (and that he has trouble noticing my package is drooping. lol)

I get it bothers many women. It simply doesn't bother me.

As for polluting my mind? I don't look at porn. Grosses me out.
 

minart_youn

Junior Member
May 21, 2013
4
0
1
#13
lust is the problem, porn never is the problem altho it soliciates lust. but that its cause
knowing how to deal withit iswhat he must learn aside of lusting over things that r not real. but how... this is the hard part of either one of the concluded... keeping both eyes shut he progressivly starts to Not via sexual discourse itself persay,.. more rather in terms of intimate spouse couple affection with both thumbs held up.

The viewpoint of being thankful that you drew closer to God in due to this event is not an active positive manner or viewpoint.. it welcomes one lack to ones ambition which does not help either one if you be trueful or not.. a fallen marriage is no good for no ones record. so you need to see his problem as your ownif you were to get out of it clean and cut...elsewise u let it go without the cause and fight that should be established in the first place... , where he can reunderstand what lust porn brought him to... subsaties it for somethrom watching porn towards watching what to say, models twirling or competitions as such...turn him fromfrom what he looks at to something less harsher in the lust of the flesh and lust of the eye... and hope he learns and realizes the viewpoint he was looking through... permit him this until he gets off completly, so if you say ur marriage is already at its end.. give this a try...permit him this.. but explicitly forbid him elsewise... make sure he understands this is not of a debate... and hope he learns to see what the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eye is in the first place... be affectionate to him for making the switch if he so do until he can withdraw himself completly from it... think over it,.. this is just my though about it.. tc
 

oldthennew

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
2,633
109
0
#14
porn is one of satan's ways of corrupting and separating minds, hearts, spirits from Jesus Christ...
and also is a great separater/divider of those closest to them...
 

ServantStrike

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2013
3,461
55
0
#15
Actually, hubby and I are quite open about this. He does look at porn. Doesn't bother me. Probably helps that all he ever does is think he's got the best package already (and that he has trouble noticing my package is drooping. lol)

I get it bothers many women. It simply doesn't bother me.

As for polluting my mind? I don't look at porn. Grosses me out.
Just curious - why doesn't it bother you?
 
May 29, 2014
72
2
0
#16
I'm in the end stages of losing my marriage to my husbands porn use and him soliciting sex online. I can assure you my husbands porn addiction had nothing to do with me. He already had this problem. I even had a pastor ask me how my love life was and suggested I tried to please him more. I left his office confused that my pastor just suggested it was my fault. Since then I've been just baffled that so many people share that view. God has opened my eyes to the very clever ways the devil has tried to twist this issue around so the problem is not actually addressed. Some people just refuse to change. Porn is so toxic and damaging. Unfortunately there's this really big problem that hinders some from the truth. It's the deceitful heart that is constantly making deals with our conscience. Like it's not hurting anyone if they don't know or everyone does it. There is no cure for the deceitful heart but we can expose every little lie and walk in truth one thought at a time when we surrender our lives to Jesus. I praise God though because through the storm I have fallen back in love with my first and only true love. The lover of my soul. My Lord Jesus Christ.

I'm so very very sorry this is happening to you, to your marriage. Though yes, through hurts and pain the Lord draws us nearer to Him thank Him so much.

In the meantime, here are a couple links (if your husband will receive them? or if you want to give them to him if you haven't done so already) through Focus on the Family website. Sadly it's a major major problem with the internet and even married Christian couples. Satan want to divide and destroy the family unit and the temptations are out there, especially on the internet. Perhaps even if you email him these links.. Can only pray.

PS, I pray your pastor also is given wisdom to this matter. It's a HUGE problem and your hurts are VALID and you are not to blame. I know you know that but I'm also just giving some other alternatives because through Jesus Christ our Lord, THERE IS HOPE. This is between God and your husband and you first and foremost. If your husband goes to Jesus first and foremost, the Lord can DO ALL THINGS for His Glory.

I pray the our Lord gives you so much comfort and love in healing your hurts from this and also gives your husband the self control and new mindset to stay away from it and focus on Jesus Christ our Lord first and always. For the Glory of God and love in all things in the Name of Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

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