Re: i feel like my family was a lie

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Mammers

Guest
#1
#1
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

Hi my name is Amber! I have been wandering for 17 years of my life why my dad won't be a "DAD" to me? I am his only child and he just recently told me that he didn't care where I was or who I was with! Did I do something wrong??? My dad and mom have been divorced since my first birthday! And I keep telling myself that he is going to come around. Well at the same time everyone in my family is saying that he isn't going to! What do I do??? I do want my dad in my life but it's not going my way! Please someone give me some advice???
 
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Rigo

Guest
#2
#2
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

Sometimes we don’t get what we expect from people we love; sometimes not even what we deserve. Some people even though we love them, we can’t trust them to fulfil their responsibilities. The important thing to do is to take care of your own relationship with God, and give love to those who are close to you. I am sure you have a family who loves you. Your dad shouldn’t be a burden in your life, he should be of help. If he can’t be that person, don’t try to force him into fulfilling his responsibilities; pray for him, love him, and move on with your life; don’t let this weaken your walk in life.
 
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sab

Guest
#3
#3
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

Hi Amber,

Having a dad who doesn't care has to hurt. That is his problem. He might be taking out his anger with your mum on you. You were only a baby when he left - how can that be your fault? The Lord says, "Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you".
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#4
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#4
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

From one whos Dad was abusive and abandoned. Look to God our Father to be your father. He has been my father for all of my life and is the most perfect and loving father you could ever have. He said I am the father to the fatherless. Also forgive your dad. I know this may be hard to do but it is the greatest blessing you could give and recieve. God bless, pickles
 
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CristenJ

Guest
#5
#5
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

Amber,
I really feel for you on this. My parents split when I was 7, and my biological father has chosen repeatedly not to be a part of my life since then. First and foremost, THE KIDS ARE NEVER TO BLAME WHEN A PARENT ACTS THIS WAY. So please don't beat yourself up by thinking it is somehow your fault.

I know how bad it hurts sometimes to not have a "Daddy" to be there for all the things a father SHOULD be there for...your first date, your prom, when you get a good report card, when you learn to drive...all that. My "dad" wouldn't even come to my wedding! But guess who DID see you go through all those things and was cheering for you? God. And He will be there with you through every future moment in your life.

Also, like pickles said, you need to forgive your father for abandoning you. It IS hard to do, because there will be times in your life when you can't help but feel angry that he isn't there when he should be. I'm still struggling with that myself. But through prayer and asking the Lord to help me let it go, I'm getting there, and you can too.

Don't let your bitterness and anger towards a father you don't even know rule your life. It isn't worth the pain and suffering that it will bring, and it isn't worth it to make those who are close to you suffer along with you (because they will...that kind of anger spreads and touches everyone around you). Give it up to God, and from now on, call HIM Father.

You're in my prayers :)
God bless!
 
B

Baruch

Guest
#6
#6
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

Mammers said:
Hi my name is Amber! I have been wandering for 17 years of my life why my dad won't be a "DAD" to me? I am his only child and he just recently told me that he didn't care where I was or who I was with! Did I do something wrong??? My dad and mom have been divorced since my first birthday! And I keep telling myself that he is going to come around. Well at the same time everyone in my family is saying that he isn't going to! What do I do??? I do want my dad in my life but it's not going my way! Please someone give me some advice???
Click to expand...

Ask your family members why. Sounds like they would know.

Brace yourself.

My aunt, my "Dad's" sister and my uncle "my biological father", could not have children. I was conceived in sin for the purpose of providing them with a baby of their own.

I have a memory of being picked up by my aunt as she was telling me that she was my other "mommy". I must have had a puzzled look on my face as the other aunt that was beside her stated so and that was that.

Later in tot years, I came into the living room when my mother was crying as my relatives were ripping into her of her sin. I inquired as to why she was crying as they said they were mad at her for what she had done. I said God would forgive her. They said that if I knew what she had done, that I would not forgive her either. I still repeated that God would fortgive her and so would I. They seemed to be silent and brooding so I left the living room oblivious to my being the sole subject of her sin.

Needless to say, there were a few times in the past, my mother had stated that she had wished I was never borned.

Then came a time when they thought I was old enough to be let go. My dad informed me or tried to, that I was to stay at Uncle Jim's house whom had lived in Pennsylvania from where we were living in Iowa at the time. Even my uncle tried to prepare me for the idea of staying with him when we got there, but I just could not fathom why they were doing it. So I just glossed over the idea, and not really thought much about it. When it was time to go, I went to the car as my folks were telling me to stay. My two older brothers could not fathom why I was being told to stay as a horrible feeling of rejection was coming over me as my gut felt like it was collapsing as I was getting really hot. My chest was tight and my whole body was tensed, I started crying as I saw my uncle and my aunt waiting for me to get out of the car. I busted out in tears and crying as my oldest brother rose to my defense to have me stay with them. Eventually, my Dad caved in and yelled angrily for me to stop crying. As he drove off, waving the others away, I was reeling from the trauma, thinking that I was too much of a burden and not wanted... and no longer loved, thus rejected. I kept pinching myself to wake up from this nightmare but it wasn't happening.

Time went on... eventually I picked up other clues and memories resurfaced to connect my origin and why my relatives were aloof towards me. When my biological father died, a cousin looked back from the pew ahead of me and had asked if I was okay. Me personally. No other member of the family I was sitting with. I had that puzzled look, but answered by nodding my head to the affirmative.

I loved my dad and my mother. He raised me as his own as my mother came to accept me when we moved here to Pennsylvania in the summer July of 1974.

The one thing I am grateful for is knowing God and Jesus earlier in my tot years. I had nightmares when I was little as God was showing me the future, but I knew it not till I moved here.

The night I moved here, I had a dream of going out to the mailbox to get the mail and once I got to the mailbox, I was seeing the next door neighbor, the son and the daughter walk across the lot between our houses (which the lot was also their property) as they went into our backyard behind the house. I thought maybe someone from my family was there but no. The garage door was open as well as the back door in the garage as I saw them walk past the back door to the right side of the house I was looking at now from the road and they came around to the front as I was thinking they were going for the front door, but no. They went into the garage and knocked at the door leading to the kitchen. Then I woke up.

It happened exactly like that the very next morning!! I asked God what that was all about as I got the asnwer that the stage was set, the players were in placed, and the die was cast. That was the :Lord telling me that He is Lord and there should be no doubt as to this si where He wants me to be.

I even had a thought to meet the son of a businessman but I shrugged it off, but he was one of the people prophesied in my dreams before I moved here to meet in the future.. even the girl he would marry was trying to tell me her name so I would know her when I met her in the future... which was after I had graduated from high school and began working for that business a short time afterwards. That is a considerable amount of time between my moving here for the fifth grade and then. I do not think she was born yet when I had those dreams of her as a tot for the girl representing her died in my dreams when I was seven after a terrible war of the deads.... which was symbolic of what is happening now.. the falling away of the faith.

Anyway.. I digress... brace yourself, but know that God is Our Father in Heaven now thanks to Jesus. What will be passing away down here is nothing to the eternal family above as He is Lord, no matter our origin.... or our background... He has redeemed us as His own.

So love your "father" in spite of whatever for His name's sake.

Matthew 10:34Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. 35For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 36And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

Matthew 5:11Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you... 43Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. 46For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? 48Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Matthew 19: 28And Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That ye which have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, ye also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

I am looking forward to my eternal family where no one will feel alienated again.
 
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Angelwilliams06302007

Guest
#7
#7
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

Hi my name is Angel and I am 22 years old and I can count on my fingers how many times I remember seeing my father. My father has been down here four times in the last two months. The funny part about it is that he has been picking up my grandmother who leaves right around the corner when I say around the corner I mean that we live in the same apartment complex. I have two sons He saw my 4 year old once and never saw my year old child. I still love my father and want the best for him but I have gotten to the point where I just block it out. What really hurt me about my father is that I ask him to walk me down the aisle for my wedding and he said okay and ask me to let him know how much my wedding dress was I told him and the price was okay then he went on saying he was going to send mesome money every week to help out. he backed out the next few days and didn't show up for that special day. Another thing was one day when me and my twin brother was 14 years old we called him because my mother wasn't working and we needed personal things my daddy lied like he was in the money center right then while we were on the phone with him wiring us the money and had us going up their for nothing. He started paying child support for us when we were 17 years old and he tried to brain wash me and promised me something I always wanted to lie and say he was sending us money to keep from giving us anything and it is hard for me to forget this. But I know he might not turn around but I will always be there for him if he ever needs help. Someone always told me to kill them with kindness and look over the hurt they bring you and lovethem anyway.

I hope I could help
 
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imoss

Banned
#8
Feb 27, 2007
3,179
19
0
#8
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

we are all just a bunch of kids. some of us are bad kids. doesnt matter if we are 8 or 88. Sometimes we place our folks on a pedistal and almost hero worship them as the idividuals who determine our connection and our worth on this earth. As you grow older you will be able to see your parents for the messed up kids that they are. Your dad is a bad kid. That has absolutely nothing to do with you & your worth as a person. Your Heavenly Father loves you and you'll be surprised, If you truly seek a father figure the Lord will send you someone to connect with in that way...or perhaps he already has you just didnt realize it. I wouldnt worry about seeking dads approval, you have your Heavenly Fathers approval and I pray he wraps his arms around you and holds you tight.
 
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luv4God

Guest
#9
#9
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

I DIDN'T HAVE MY MOM IN MY LIFE, TO MANY YRS WERE SPENT IN ANGER. GET INVOLVED IN YOUR CHURCH. GOD WILL BLESS YOU WITH SO MANY DAD'S YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM ALL. GOD BLESSED ME WITH A CHURCH FULL OF MOM'S AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED EVER SINCE. IF IT'S MEANT TO BE GOD WILL PUT YOUR FATHER IN YOUR LIFE, BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, GOD KNOWS WHATS BEST FOR US, AND IN GOD'S EYES MAYBE DAD ISN'T WHATS BEST FOR YOU AT THIS TIME. I KNOW IT HURTS BUT GOD WILL REPLACE THAT WITH LOVE FROM OTHER DAD'S WHO HAVE MORETHAN ENOUGH ROOM FOR YOU.
 
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sweetie36

Guest
#10
#10
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

:DThats all right.................
Amber I dont know all you feeling but my dad was around for me and my sister but he wasnt.
he may have been there but the Tv,Sleeping thats all he wanted to do. so we would hang out with our mom all the time whitch was
nice.
My husband and his real dad and brother all live in the same town they dont talk to their dad or call.
God is our father, He's always here for us never leaves us.
Everyone that posted something on here is right about everything.
 
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Hummingbird61

Guest
#11
#11
Re: i feel like my family was a lie

Amber, don't spend the rest of your life trying to figure it out because you never will. I know it hurts but unfortunately we cannot choose our families. My earthly father left when I was about 5 years old and I never saw him again. Although I knew where he was and tried to contact him, he didn't want to see me. I am 47 now and I just found out a few weeks ago that he passed away three years ago. I have no idea if he was a Christian so do not know where he is. His "new family" didn't even have the courtesy to let his other children know. Only his new wife and their son were mentioned in the obituary and he had 6 other children. It is heartbreaking but you are not responsible for other people's choices. You did absolutely nothing wrong and should not take on that guilt. Just remember, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you very much and had more to do with your being here than your earthly father did. Your Heavenly Father has a purpose for your life and knew you before the creation of the world and you are very precious to Him. He has numbered every hair on your head and your name is engraved in the palm of his hand. He is constantly thinking about you and only wants the best for you. The best thing for you to do is to leave the past in the past, forgive your earthly father, and move ahead with your Heavenly Father in your life. He will never let you down. I think the biggest problem we have is not that our Heavenly Father leaves us, but that we leave our Heavenly Father. Believe me, the world has nothing worth leaving your Heavenly Father for.
 
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