Seeking Advice

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Jenny87

New member
Aug 20, 2021
2
0
1
#1
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
5,847
2,461
113
#2
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
Absolutely not.
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,511
1,095
113
#3
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
No, you should not. This is an issue between you and God. What is your reasoning for asking for that man's forgiveness?
 

Jenny87

New member
Aug 20, 2021
2
0
1
#4
What is your reasoning for asking for that man's forgiveness?
Because I've sinned against him?

I get it... this was a dumb question and I shouldn't have asked it.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,675
13,833
113
66
Tennessee
#5
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
Perhaps, over a cup of coffee. I would not mention about the lusting though.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,861
2,334
113
#7
Because I've sinned against him?

I get it... this was a dumb question and I shouldn't have asked it.
Don't tell him. Nothing you did caused him to sin, so what is there to discuss? However telling him what happened may in return cause him to have the same type of thoughts about you. Then you may be responsible.

When we're in the middle of things it can be harder to see things clearer. The rest of us are on the outside looking in and that makes it easier for us to see what's best to do. You're in the middle and that can make it harder to see so clearly.

Better to ask a question you're unsure of than not ask and make a wrong decision. It was not a dumb question, it was an important one.
Nor do I see how anyone suggested it was a dumb question. Tourist didn't understand your logic and simply asked you to explain.
 

Icedaisey

Well-known member
Jul 19, 2021
1,398
467
83
#8
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
You're a 33 year old virgin.
Why not ask him out?
 

BenFTW

Senior Member
Oct 7, 2012
4,834
971
113
31
#9
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
No, you should not tell him you have been lusting after him, nor do you require his forgiveness. If you thought to steal a candy from a store, do you owe the store restitution? No, for nothing was truly stolen.

It is illegal desire, and for that you sin against yourself and God. Lusting is wrong because that man very well may be someone else’s husband one day and not your own.

It is okay to have sexual desire, or if you look upon someone and find yourself aroused, this is natural (I don’t mean to stare and reach arousal). But God made us to desire the opposite sex. This is healthy. Where we err is if we fantasize about them in a sexual manner or as your vivid imagination experienced, you play out scenarios in your mind. You in essence fornicate in your mind (the act of having sex outside of marriage) with someone you are not wed to.

Intimacy is a beautiful thing God made for a man and woman within the marriage covenant. It is something to look forward to, and it is natural to desire it. There is no shame in it. The opposite sex is attractive.

As best as you can, and depending upon the grace of God by laying your temptations before Him by approaching the throne of grace in the time of need, let the Lord provide the grace and mercy you need to practice self control and escape temptation.

And remember, the Lord forgives you. He doesn’t condemn you. He loves you. You are a daughter of God, cherished and loved. You are of value. Lay your desires for a husband before God, and ask that He would provide in that area of your life.

God bless and may the Lord strengthen you with righteous convictions.
 

Icedaisey

Well-known member
Jul 19, 2021
1,398
467
83
#10
Because I've sinned against him?

I get it... this was a dumb question and I shouldn't have asked it.
Don't berate yourself like that. It isn't a dumb question if you're truly conflicted and want advice on an anonymous basis in order to find some degree of peace with what upsets you.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
1,440
808
113
#11
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
Of course the others telling you not to is correct.

If a male acquaintance of yours came up to you saying that about you (whom you never even considered as a person that you would date) how would you take that?
(Not well if you are normal)

But lust is an objectifying activity...making others become less than human. Something other than a person with feelings and wants.

And if you want to get married you gotta stop that and begin to do the exact opposite. Begin faking it until you make it. Take an interest in people's lives... what they like, don't like, want to do, want to be...goals and aspirations. That sort of thing. Have some compassion...
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
16,150
7,955
113
#12
Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
That would be most unwise and inappropriate. On the other hand if you both are single you should see if either one should be a life partner through marriage, which is honorable, and the bed undefiled.
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
1,691
1,157
113
#13
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
Absolutely not. All that is likely to achieve is to get him thinking inappropriate thoughts. Lust is no basis for a relationship. If he is a potential husband, and interested in you, there are ways of letting him know without discussing the physical. Some men (including me) find it hard to work out if a woman is interested. Ask the Lord to show be your wisdom.

As a principle, if sin is secret, it's up to God to bring it into the open, if He chooses. If you confess your sin, God has no reason to expose it. If someone else is affected and nothing is done, then God will cause the truth to come out. For example, pastors who cover up a church member's adultery (or their own) are likely to regret what they've done.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
38,758
15,493
113
#14
Of course the others telling you not to is correct.

If a male acquaintance of yours came up to you saying that about you (whom you
never even considered as a person that you would date) how would you take that?
(Not well if you are normal)


But lust is an objectifying activity...making others become less than human. Something other than a person with feelings and wants.

And if you want to get married you gotta stop that and begin to do the exact opposite. Begin faking it until you make it. Take an interest in people's lives... what they like, don't like, want to do, want to be...goals and aspirations. That sort of thing. Have some compassion...
Or it could go another direction, as it is a well known fact that people use others for their own gratification, and we do not know whether the man in question is a Christian. Telling someone you are lusting after them is also somewhat gauche, to say the least. If there are other reasons present that someone is drawn to another, there are much better ways to go about exploring the feasibility of such a connection, as you have indicated :)
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
38,758
15,493
113
#15
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
















Welcome! :)
 
Feb 16, 2017
1,037
283
83
#16
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
You should ask God to send you the right mate.
 

Pureness

Active member
Oct 10, 2021
178
100
43
#17
I am single, female, 33y.o. virgin and have recently found myself having very vivid inappropriate thoughts about my older brother's (unmarried) best friend. Should I tell him that I have been lusting after him and ask for his forgiveness?
If your're attractive to him, maybe you should tell him. He'll never know how you feel if you dont. As for your inappropriate thoughts, I think it maybe pretty normal for a person your age to have those thoughts. We human hun, not perfect. God Bless, and I hope this advice helps