I have forgive..we are together and I am not divorcing him because there are benefits and I want to honor God for my commitment ..yet...sex is just not a beautiful thing anymore. I really would rather not. I oblige out of duty and this just makes-him pull away even more. We are nice and friendly with each other and sleep in the same room..talk about what needs to be done...bills etc...trash....clean up.... day to day things...that is about it. If I am alone it is okay. If he is there it is okay... I would rather much be celibate and and get a foot massage, full body massage or a back rub and prayer every night. That to me is what I call being intimate with this man and what I need the most . Is there hope? I really have forgivien..but I am working through this other stuff. HElp.
Sex after infidelity
- Thread starter salty227
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Wow, that's a tough one. On the one hand, I can certainly see why it would be hard to have sex after something like that. There'd be the 'ick' factor that someone else had been with your spouse, and maybe even a reminder of the betrayal whenever sex occurs.
On the other hand, infidelity aside, for a lot of men, a foot rub doesn't satisfy the urge at all. Sex with the wife is perceived as a deep emotional and even physical need. And sex without any love and affection doesn't satisfy the emotional hunger.
As far as marital 'duty' goes, the Bible says for each spouse to offer 'due benevolence'. One little lesson to remember from that is that the way the sex is supposed to be given is supposed to be 'benevolent' an expression of love and kindness, and not 'let's get it over with.' Proverbs 5 talks about a man always being intoxicated with his wife's love. That's a passage talking about sex with one's wife as opposed to adultery, so it is sexual in nature. So in a healthy marriage, the love that goes along with sex should be 'intoxicating'. Dry duty sex doesn't usually do that.
Forgiving is one thing. Healing up is another. If you've taken him back, you'll have to be a wife with him. All I can advise is to pray for healing and also to pray with your husband. Of course, people on the forum like myself can pray for you and your husband as well.
R
It may sound harsh but tourist is speaking the truth. Infidelity is something that once it's done, it's always there. It's in your mind, heart, bed......it's just there. Getting past that sort of thing is very difficult which is why I think God allows divorce in that area. It kills the trust and the intimacy like nothing else can. I think it changes the marriage so much it's not fit to be in after that. Just my opinion anyway.
Thank you... for that advice... please continue to pray... It is so hard....Her name is Faith and I just cannot get away from it even in church!!! She is always there. I have forgiven her...but the hurt is there and I am so sad most of the time.
Our marriage has had problems for 7 years of of our 37 and this was his way of disrespecting me since he says I have put the children before him( I did). They are grown now and the relationship is strained still.
I can just keep being benevolent... give something he really does not deserve..... my body still responds as long as he keeps the lube on hand .......and it is really not all that...... It is not like I am trying to make a baby.he will never know because he gets so intoxicated and looses control...says I am the best...thank you ......I love you and off to seep. In that .. I feel I have done what I am suppose to do as a wife. I am not expecting anything but acts kindness...service and gifts.
That is love for me.......
Our marriage has had problems for 7 years of of our 37 and this was his way of disrespecting me since he says I have put the children before him( I did). They are grown now and the relationship is strained still.
I can just keep being benevolent... give something he really does not deserve..... my body still responds as long as he keeps the lube on hand .......and it is really not all that...... It is not like I am trying to make a baby.he will never know because he gets so intoxicated and looses control...says I am the best...thank you ......I love you and off to seep. In that .. I feel I have done what I am suppose to do as a wife. I am not expecting anything but acts kindness...service and gifts.
That is love for me.......
We will try a separation. I need to get with God ... He has become a distraction. He praying for Sex with me... I am praying for healing and a better relationship with God. For God to send angels to heal me ...For God to set me apart for his glory... For God to reveal his purpose. Divorce is an option for me.......And If I do.... I cannot marry again..nor can he....
I am good with that...regardless...we will still have to bury one another whom ever goes first. We are doomed...till death do us part for sure. We are not happy...but God did not put me in this marriage to be happy. Form a unit...have some babies, to keep the gene pool going and produce moral productive workers for the Government until the good Lord comes back.
I am good with that...regardless...we will still have to bury one another whom ever goes first. We are doomed...till death do us part for sure. We are not happy...but God did not put me in this marriage to be happy. Form a unit...have some babies, to keep the gene pool going and produce moral productive workers for the Government until the good Lord comes back.
I am following him too church now. I was not going to go... but I am really trying. Separate cars.
I just hate being a loser... I hate this has happened and I really was caught off guard. Not like me at all. I am usually on top of things. Everything else in my life is good except for this which I value the most. Well used too.
I just hate being a loser... I hate this has happened and I really was caught off guard. Not like me at all. I am usually on top of things. Everything else in my life is good except for this which I value the most. Well used too.
cheating (sexual/adultery) is a deal-breaker for me. even one time, it's over. after what i went through already, with the back and forth in my mind, no way. some women can get past it, but i'd never even consider it (staying with the guy) again. cheat = over.
some of my friends stayed with cheating husbands. they're never normal or happy again. not that i can tell.
some of my friends stayed with cheating husbands. they're never normal or happy again. not that i can tell.
If God put you in that marriage he definitely wants you to be happy. We place ourselves in marriage - with prayer God can and will join the two together. This does not seem to be the case in your situation. Please dear, get out of that loveless and depressing relationship. Yes, you indeed can marry again, but please pray to God for him to provide the man of your innermost desires.
I respectfully would say, for the sake of any gender who had undergone cheating or those who have felt its pain: That is not a deadly crime. Some of us were "forced", like Joseph (Gen) and, this "secularized" culture has pressed -on demand- to do SUCH A SIN.
What have we got? Pain, losses...
That is a MISTAKE, another sin, but i can forgive, because I am forgiven (and compelled to forgive others).
Though I have a good memory and few scars to look at...
What have we got? Pain, losses...
That is a MISTAKE, another sin, but i can forgive, because I am forgiven (and compelled to forgive others).
Though I have a good memory and few scars to look at...
hi there secularhermit.
nobody is forced to cheat. and no, it's not a mistake.
a mistake is when you send flowers to the wrong address. not when you repeatedly take a taxi there every friday night.
yes, of course it can be forgiven - by the Lord. i don't have to forgive in the sense that i have to stay with the guy.
i've forgiven it all because i made a conscious choice to put it behind me. i don't feel any resentment or bitterness because i decided not to. i'm happy it's over and i made the right decision.
others may not feel that way.
nobody is forced to cheat. and no, it's not a mistake.
a mistake is when you send flowers to the wrong address. not when you repeatedly take a taxi there every friday night.
yes, of course it can be forgiven - by the Lord. i don't have to forgive in the sense that i have to stay with the guy.
i've forgiven it all because i made a conscious choice to put it behind me. i don't feel any resentment or bitterness because i decided not to. i'm happy it's over and i made the right decision.
others may not feel that way.
Oh! May I say?
Joseph was "emotionally forced" but he ran and hide (Gen 39:10-12) I´m happy for that.
Dave did the same with Bathsheba (a loner, since she felt emotionally and physically abandoned) and here are some consequences for us, who have sinned that way: 2Sa 12:11
Both failed the TARGET: >>>>> GOD´s will.
Sin is a mistake, no matter it be called "sin".
Sin can also be viewed as anything that violates the ideal relationship between an individual and God; or as any diversion from the ideal order for human living. To sin has been defined as "to miss the mark".[SUP][5] (Wikipedia)[/SUP]
Seven deadly sins - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Joseph was "emotionally forced" but he ran and hide (Gen 39:10-12) I´m happy for that.
Dave did the same with Bathsheba (a loner, since she felt emotionally and physically abandoned) and here are some consequences for us, who have sinned that way: 2Sa 12:11
Both failed the TARGET: >>>>> GOD´s will.
Sin is a mistake, no matter it be called "sin".
Sin can also be viewed as anything that violates the ideal relationship between an individual and God; or as any diversion from the ideal order for human living. To sin has been defined as "to miss the mark".[SUP][5] (Wikipedia)[/SUP]
Seven deadly sins - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
oh sorry. i didn't know the part about Joseph. that's okay with me if you prefer to call it a mistake. i don't mind. so husbands and wives who cheat make mistakes. but for some it costs them their families. others are forgiven and taken back. adultery is sickening and ruins everything. it did for me. but that was then and this is now